If you were told by your mother in law (while still pregnant) that she "doesn't do babies, so don't dream of asking for babysitting help" and now that he's 3 months old, she complains "I only get to see him every two weeks" What would you do with that?
I am 34 years old. My bar hanging days have been far behind husband and I for at least 5-6 years, so if I do need a babysitter for an hour or two, it's to do legitimate errands or maybe a couples dinner. So, it's not like I would abuse it. but it pisses me off to no end that she's like this. Especially when she takes in 4 foster kids yet does NOTHING for her grandson.
I really just want to tell her that if she "doesn't do babies" then she doesn't need to see him at all.
Opinions??
Re: Venting..need some opinions
I would remind her that she told you that "She doesn't do babies..." And then ask what she would like to do to see her grandson more.
and see what she says.
I hate MIL's...
I agree... The only time I need a babysitter is when I am doing a bunch of busy errands for a few hours and hopefully for a "mom and dad" night out... Which hasn't happened yet.
It's disappointing when women who 'don't do babies' have kids. It makes you wonder what kind of childhood your husband had. : (
I think you should do what everyone else says... When she complains, just remind her that since LO is still a baby, she can't 'do' time with him. Tell her you'll call her on his 10th birthday.
There's no confusion. My point is that if she isn't going to be an active member in his life (living 5 minutes away) then she is not entitled to ANY time with him. She hasn't earned it, obviously isn't too pressed about it if she won't even watch him for an hour and at this point for me to take time out to nice and bring him for visits is far more courteous than what she's shown me. I can't stand the sight of her at this point and I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit there(spending my time) and have her pull the "ahh...my baby" bullshit.She's a disgrace of a grandmother to openly take in and care for all these foster kids and has done literally NOTHING for her only biological grandchild. I mean, who does that????
Think I will go with the advice given "call him on his 10th birthday since you don't "do" babies. "
I'm assuming there is more to this then her one comment about not doing babies. Some people are just not comfortable with babies. I have several family members who told me they would not hold DD until she was 6 months. They enjoyed looking at her and talking about her, but babies are very delicate and alot of people are just scared to hold a baby that isn't their own. You bring up the foster kids a few times, are they newborns? As long as she is taking care of them and not doing it for money, you can't really fault her for that.
i agree with you- mil sounds like a jerk...
This right here makes you sound completely selfish and childish. You are actually complaining about her taking in children who need help and have families that are unable to care for them. Are you f'ucking kidding me?
NO. Not *** kidding you when she collects kids to collect checks. Takes care of other grand kids because SIL is a complete ghetto ** up but my LO get nothing. I don't think that to be childish at all. She has no rights to see my son if she can't show/display she gives a *** about him!
so, are you *** kidding me????
My MIL wants to watch him so bad yet when we are together won't change a diaper. And even if I just fed him and he starts to suck on something she insists I feed him again. Babies like to suck! I don't know that I could trust her to not feed him every 10 minutes! I also hate in laws. I just wish I could not deal with her at all.
Agreed. In laws suck!
First and foremost, you seem like a really angry person and I hope you are getting help with that. Second, first you say he's the only grandchild and then you refer to 6 other grandchildren. Third, I'm having a hard time buying that your MIL is such a bad person when she's taken care of her six other grandchildren and has foster kids. She's probably tired herself. She doesn't owe you babysitting for crying out loud. She's obviously raised your H, his sister, her children and now foster children, if she's offering advice you don't agree with, nod your head and smile.
I really think you need to get over yourself.
Yeah, I'm with you. OP, you sound very immature and petty. You keep going back to your MIL watching your son for you. She is in no way obligated to babysit. And to call her a disgrace for being kind and generous enough to take in children who need homes...you sound very Klassy.
So you're upset because you think your child should be more important to her than the adopted and foster ones. Uhhhhmmmmkaaaay.
Why YES. Yes I do! He should at least be on her radar. She didn't even buy him a stitch of clothing...NOTHING!!!!!
Because it isn't her job to clothe your child. That is your responsbility. And why is your husband and his child more important than his sister and her kids, because they're adopted? Just because she didn't push your SIL out of her vag doesn't make her any less important. Grow up and get over yourself.
What makes all these other children so much more important? shouldn't it be equal. OH, she has a big heart, but not big enough for all her grandchildren...bullshit! It's not about BUYING clothing, I am pretty well off without my husbands salary, I think his family resents that. ITS THE PRINCIPAL. SHE HAS DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!
I was in the hospital for 1 month before having him . NOT ONE VISIT! She takes all the other kids to the park, NOT MY SON! It's the principal . She's garbage!
And you just sound like the queen of compassion and dignity.
How dare she take those sub-par children to the park??? Here's a suggestion, why not meet up with her there?
Oh, and I'm going to reiterate my previous statement, I REALLY think you need some counseling or professional help. You are way, way, way too angry.
If you didn't pick up on the hint before ( you seem pretty slow on the uptake) your opinion is no longer desired nor required. WTF? Is she your MIL, is she your friend?Kindred spirit? You are the one taking offense to this post in a most personal way (talk about needing help and way too angry at a situtation that's not even yours!) Take a mop, clean up that bleeding heart yo have for a lady milking the system for checks rather than doing a good deed and deal. THIS POST IS MY OPINION AND EVEN THE HEADING states this is a vent. So, my little mental midget, explore WHY this post makes YOU so mad. Seriously, WTF? psycho!
Your kid is 3 months old or younger (I'm assuming, since you're posting it here). What on earth is he going to do at a park? Maybe your MIL realizes that watching your baby plus all the other kids running around the playground is too much. Maybe once he's old enough to be out playing with the other kids, she'll invite him along.
It sounds like you're still looking for free babysitting and are irritated that MIL (who is already taking care of several children) said it wasn't her thing. She's not obligated to provide babysitting for your child and to require that for her to spend any time with him sounds incredibly childish and unfair. There are plenty of babysitters out there. If you need one, pay one to do the job. Maybe there's a lot more back story than you're posting here, but it sounds like you're the problem in this situation a lot more than your MIL is.
Andplusalso, adopted and/or foster children should get no less love than biological children.
The heading also states you "need some opinions." That's what you got. Agree with them or not, but don't pretend to want to hear what other people think when all you want is for them to tell you what a bi*ch your MIL is.
And they shouldn't get more than my child! Oh please with this bleeding heart bullshit!!! It's not about FREE babysitting. Its her complaining she gets no time with him...THEN MAKE TIME! WATCH HIM! If even for an hour. HELLO! it's about quality time. But she doesn't get a check from the state for that...soo...
I do take him. Once every 2 weeks, when my schedule allows. That's all I'm willing to bend. SHE doesn't work, lives 5 minutes away, she can come take him nor pick him up while me or DH are working. I don't want her in my home.
There you go AGAIN with the babysitting, while still claiming that's not what it's about. Just stop.
Mental midget. That's a good one. However, I'm not the genius posting on a PUBLIC FORUM asking for OPINIONS and then bitching about it when someone says something I don't like. So, twatwaffle, it seems like the thing you're most pissed about is that your MIL isn't babysitting for you for free, which is her perogative. Hire a babysitter.
II'm going to take a stab in the dark and suggest that she's probably picking up all the a$$hole vibes you're giving off and isn't very fond of spending time with you. I can't say I blame her.
Oh. Well, in that case, you seem totally justified. I can't imagine WHY your MIL doesn't do more for your child when you refuse to let her in your home.
I'm sensing a DD coming on...
I may be a ***, but I'm right. I don't like her, she doesn't like me( again, because I have $) but that's no excuse to single out her grandchild from all others. You are ridiculous. Opinions are welcomed, but you seem to have a personal vendetta... EVEN MY DH thinks she's wrong, so who the ** are you to judge. He was raised by her and is pissed by this. So, get off your high horse, stop sniffing glue. Catch a clue..which I'm sure is difficult for you!!
Well, all your money can't buy you brains or class, and that's very evident in your attitude.
it can buy more than you can possibly imagine...hater!
Except you're still a miserable, bitter, douchecanoe, so, yeah.
Bitter? You are the one getting worked up over a situation that doesn't touch your own life in ANY fashion, to the point of repeated name calling and asking questions like "are you *** serious?" so yeah, that's class wanna know what else is classy
Stealing your sons check book and writing checks all over town. MIL did that t the tune of $8,000.00 . That was the last time she was allowed in our home.
But enough of that. Obviously, I am dealing with people (YOU) that doesn't know the concept of right or wrong, fair and unfair, principals or ethics. I'll pray for you and your children that your everlasting, fowl mouthed judgement isn't a characteristic passed on to your children because obviously, they are going to have to learn those lessons from somewhere else other than you. Maybe a sitter? Depends, do you have enough $ to pay for a good sitter or education so that they may learn that?
Sad, your brain shuts off them minute you hear Foster or adopted. Sometimes, and I know this is a tough concept to get, but life situations and relationships and be more complex than what you deem them to be.
My situation is simply about a MIL bitching she wants more time with LO, but doesn't "do" babies( which is an ignorant thing to say in the first place for a grandmother) If you cannot see that or FAIL EPICALLY rto understand that time with a child is not a RIGHT if that child is not receiving the same level of love and respect as other children in her life, then I really pity you. Insult me ALL THAT YOU LIKE, but I am right on this point. AND I know it, DH knows it. so take this and choke on it!
You just described my situation. When I was pregnant with my first LO, my MIL told me (in front of a bunch of people) that she wouldn't babysit if I gave her $2000. She also complains that she sees her grandchildren only once a week (she wants to see them more). My DD is over 2 years old now, and she still has never offered to feed her, change her diapers, or anything else (far from babysitting). She only watches me while I feed or change her. She basically wants to have us visit (they don't like coming to our house) more than 1X a week. I told my DH I will only go once a week. With my 2nd LO now though, it is difficult for me to be able to handle both a toddler running around a house that isn't childproofed (they also don't watch her when she is running around; either my DH or I have to watch her) and a 2 month old. So, I told them for the first few months, you need to come to our house. They just need to deal with it.
Personally, I never intended to nor will I ever ask her to babysit. For one thing, they wanted to give my 2nd LO (at the time he was 1 month old) some cake. I would prefer that they just see my kids for a couple hours every week with my supervision. You might be better off with her just visiting. Good luck.