RCS and hospital vistors?
cs1007
member
I posted about this on 3rd tri too, but thougt I may try here too...
I am having a RCS, and I am wondering what to do about scheduling in-laws to come visit. They get out of work in the afternoon, which is the same time I was planning on having my mom bring DS#1 to see us. I really want to have special time alone for us and DS#1 and #2. Not to mention that I SAH with DS #1 and we are inseparable...I already know that I am going to be a blubbering mess when he has to leave me (literally crying now, just thinking of it...)
I don't want ILs to feel left out/upset, but I am not sure how I feel about having everyone coming all at once! I forget how long visiting hours are, but I am thinking that I am not going to want a load of people in and out from 5-8 or whatever...it is a LONG day! I certainly do not want to rush my time with DS#1 because my MIL is on her way. (The hospital rooms are TINY, and will not handle more than a few people at once.)
WWYD? Is it awful to tell them to come the next day? I hate that I have to consider other people getting angry/upset with me/us at a time like this when I feel like my feelings should be first for once..
Re: RCS and hospital vistors?
No, it is not awful. Just tell them you want everyone to have a relaxed and pleasant visit. If they put their needs above that of your DS, then I'd be even less concerned about their feelings.
I had an unplanned c/s and made everyone wait until the next day. I just lied and told them the hospital had a very strict visiting policy. Made me not the bad guy.
I replied to you on 3T, but I just noticed that DS1 is 3. A few hours in the hospital is a *long* time for a 3 year old. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks when DD was 3 1/2 and she really only had the patience for 30-45 minutes at best. You should factor that in as well.
Is it possible to get your ILs to help with DS1 too? You could explain that you're worried about him feeling special and ask them to pay special attention to him when they visit too. And a trip to the gift shop or cafeteria works wonders for 3yo fidgets.
Wait. Are you going to allow YOUR parents to visit, but not ILs? If so, then yes, I think you're being a bit awful, no matter what your ILs are like. Put yourself in their shoes (and you will be, since you have a son) - your DIL allows her parents to see the baby right away and take part in the excitement of the birth day .... but not you? Ouch.
My ILs, my parents, and my sister were all at the hospital caring for DS during my c/s. They all came to see me at once, then left. DS was too little to spend much time at the hospital, anyway, so they spent an hour meeting DD and took off so we could rest.
If you were to say no visitors at all that day, I wouldn't judge. NMS, exactly, but your call. But I don't think you can seriously say only 1/2 the grandparents are allowed to visit because you might be emotional.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
This is what we will be doing the next time.
DD was born at 934 and my son came that afternoon. Well I was heavily medicated, stuck in bed with the IV, the catheter, etc. My son was upset seeing me like that and on top of that I was puking from the medication I was given during my c-section so I was in pain and fighting back tears while he was there. Totally unpleasant experience for me and him. He didnt come near his sister at all.
The visit the next day was much better. I was out of bed, not sick, moving around. We both did a whole lot better.
I would play the day by ear. There's no shame in asking people to wait until the next day to visit. I do think it's unfair to say yes to your parents but no to ILs though.
I dont think it is unreasonable at all. A pp said its not fair for half the grandparents to visit but i disagree. Your parents are watching your kids so obviously they will need to be up. My rcs. My parents were up there for the actual surgery bc I am my moms baby and she wanted to be there while I had surgery. She then went and got dd from daycare to see me.
Mt rcs was at 1:00, my dd came up after dinner, around 6. She stayed for about an hour and that was good. We gave her a big sister goody bag that had crayons and stuff to keep her occupied. I felt ok by then. Obviously still hooked to everything, sore but it was ok. I could not have waited to see her until the next day.
We told ILs no visiting until next day bc we wanted dd to come up and have our attention. I should add we are not that close to dh's family tho. Then after that we told them they could visit but not during 5-6 to allow our dd to visit. Hth
2
With my first I asked my IL's to come the next day. They live 3 hours away and I was not sure how I was going to be feeling etc. from surgery and I did not want them to make the trip and not be up to visitors. They were perfectly fine with it.
DH and I have discussed what we will do with #2 and our plan is for DS to be with my parents at our house during surgery then when I get moved to postpartum they will bring DS to the hospital where DH will meet DS and bring him in to see me, then we will have nurse bring LO2 in to join us. DS is a super mommy's boy and I really like the idea of him being with me and having new LO join us rather than him walking in and seeing me holding new baby etc. After DS gets time with us my parents/IL's can visit if they would like, however I doubt my IL's will come until the next day again, when they know I will be feeling better
I really don't have this problem because my IL's are unreliable. Even when they tell DH they are coming to see the baby, in reality, they have not seen our other 2 kids until they were each 2 months old and that was because WE had brought them around - they chose not to drive and make the visit. The hospital was a 25 min drive for them and we live about 30 mins from them and it's still too much apparently!
But if I were in your shoes I would just let them know that you all will call them that afternoon and see if you are up to visitors at that time. You don't really know just yet how you will be feeling - like others have said you may feel like crap or be having some reaction to the surgery meds. I can understand seeing your older LO for a little while but I would just let them know you are going to play it by ear and you will definetly keep them posted along the way!