Parenting
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Are you really close with your siblings? if not...
Does it bother you?
(I'm the youngest of my siblings. Age range is: 58, 57, 55, 51, 48 and me 42. I used to think we were close but I've grown apart from 3 of them. Mostly due to the fact that I'm the only one calling/attempting to contact. They always have something going and are too busy, etc...)
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Re: Are you really close with your siblings? if not...
No. I only have one...my sister, who is only 3 years older than me. We are just very different people. We fought for years and there were times that we didn't talk. We're finally at a place where we get along well enough. But I don't think of us as "friends."
It does bother me a lot. My friends who have sisters all have that ideal "my sister is my best friend" kind of relationship and I tend to get sad when I see how they are.
But at the same time, I have a few incredibly awesome friends who are like sisters to me (which my sister doesn't have), so I know that I am lucky that I have them.
I am the youngest of four ages 41,39,36, and me 31. No we are not close. Yes it kind of bothers me, because of the reasons why we are not close. Mostly it is because of stupid BS, competition (I have more money, better house, closer relationship to our parents) type crap. It is so annoying. My eldest sister tends to think that her opinion is the only one that matter - her opinion of the rest of us is all truth - some of which can be unfair and judgemental. I have learned to deal that this is how she is and I have accepted it - we have a nice relationship, but we are not as close as I would like. My brother is manic depressive, doesn't take his meds has struggled with addiction... he is married and doing well, but he can be a handful to keep up with - esp when him and my oldest sister clash - again, I just accept him and stay away when he is being crazy. Then my other sister is 36 and I never know if she likes me or if she doesn't. I have heard her talk horribly about others, talk that would make the worst talk you ever heard sound perfectly fine... so I don't trust her.
I have learned to keep my distance and not get myself involved in any drama, let them think what they want of my life, but to me it doesn't matter what they think - they are hardly in it, so I am not going to let their negative thoughts have any impact in my life.
I like where I am at in my relationships with them, but I big part of me wishes that we could just get along and not push buttons and just accept one another, but that is just never going to happen...
black.kat - a lot of what you're describing is what I've been through. My eldest sister doesn't ever reach out to any of us - if it doesn't involve with her children then it doesn't matter. She is sooo competitive about her kids and now is trying to compete with her grand daughter and my kids.
My other sister is sort of depressed and always wants to know what's going on with your life, but she never shares about her own. My third sister's opinions are the only ones that matter.
It make me a little sad, but I try not to let it get to me either.
We're not close. He has a bunch of mental illness issues that makes it very hard to be around him at times. When he's taking his meds and they're working, we get along all right. But when he's not, it can be difficult. He's also kind of a crappy uncle to my boys (has almost zero interest in them), and I admit that it hurts my feelings. He's getting a bit better -- he actually played with DS1 last time he was here, whereas he usually just ignores him or says he doesn't want to. I don't think he acknowledged DS2's presence at all.
No I'm not close to either one. I have a brother 4 years older who is pretty much a recluse. If we are all together you would not even know he was in the room because he never talks.
My sister is 2 years older & her & I used to be best friends. Then she started doing drugs & smuggling (mule) them for her boyfriend & things went down hill fast. She used my name when she got pulled over & I had to go to court to clear my name. There is a bunch of stuff but that is the gist of it. I haven't talked to her in 15+ years.
I wish things were different but it is what it is. I'm now a few states away from them so that adds to it.
This exactly except I'm the older one by 5 yrs.
Medium. They aren't my best friends who I call and hang out with all the time but we get along and enjoy each others company when we are together. My siblings are a lot older than me (56, 53 and 51). My oldest sister got married and moved out when I was 6 (I was her flower girl) and next sister left when I was 10 and brother at 15. So I grew up with them but I didn't, if that makes any sense.
My middle sister lives in Italy and I only see her once a year when she stays with me for about three weeks. My brother is off doing his own thing so we see him on the holidays. I got close to my oldest sister when my father was dying so it is her that I am closest too. In fact, she was the one that came and stayed with me after I had my babies (Mom has advanced Alzheimer's and has been in a home for several years so she wasn't available).
It doesn't bother me. It just is what it is. I choose my friends that are closest and like it that way.
I have one sister and we aren't terribly close but we have a 9 year age difference so just in different places in our lives. She is great and loves my son and we do spend a good amount of time together. I'm sad that we aren't super close but as she has gotten older, we have definitely have been closer.
My husband has a twin and they have fought their whole lives because their father always had a competition with them. His brother was born first (vaginally) and my husband through a C-section and their father has always treated the first born son better. It is sad because they live the closest to us and he only takes interest in Owen if it is convenient for him. He also has a younger sister who says she is scared of "babies" so she takes very little interest in him even though he really isn't babyish anymore and doesn't make any time for us or him. It does bother me because I grew up with lots of cousins and great aunts and uncles and so far Owen is the only child and there is really only one family member that truly likes to spend time with us as a family. Everyone else wants us to get a sitter and go out to the bar.
I'm hoping this too.
My only sibling is my brother who is 3 years younger. He lives across the country and we are not close at all. His wife is very possessive and does not want him to have much contact with us and she makes his life pretty difficult I think. He is estranged from our mother due to some stupid drama from their wedding. He takes horrible financial advantage of our dad (although my dad enables it).
It makes me incredibly sad. We have never been close but our dad has terminal cancer and I know it is going to be devastating to all of us when he passes and it would help I think if we were closer. We don't have a big family & I wish it could be closer while my dad is still here. But he has put so much physical & emotional distance between all of us that it is almost impossible at this point.
DH has an older brother that he hardly has any contact with either. I hope my girls are much closer.
So I have a million siblings... I'm 22.
I'm closest to ages: 15, 17, 18, 32 (all girls)
And least: 19, 21, 24, 32 (all boys)
My relationships with my sisters has changed over the years. Sometimes I have been closer than others. Right now, I feel closer to one, but I think that's mainly because others are just so wrapped up in their lives.
DH is really close to one of his sibs, used to be really close to 2, and never close to another.
IME I see sibling relationships as something that evolve over time based on what's going on with other family dynamics.
No. And it does bother me. I am 43 and my brother is 40.
He moved to NYC and bought the whole "I am a superior human being because I live in Manhattan" thing hook, line and sinker. He's embarassed that he was born in Ohio and raised by a single mom with no money. He does a duty visit of 36 hours or less once a year and that's it.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
I have two older half siblings but we didn't grow up always together. We are reasonably close. My half brother and his family live several states away but we talk on the phone every few months and spend holidays with each other. My half sister lives locally and we talk every week or two and spend time together a few times a month. We have become closer since we are both moms but she is definitely not a best friend.
However, I have one full sister and she is four years younger. We didn't play a ton as kids because of the age difference, we fought a lot in high school but as soon as I left for college, our relationship blossomed and she is my best friend. We have lived in different cities before but we'd still be on the phone most days. She now lives locally and we see each other at least once a week, she's a wonderful aunt to my children and I am so happy to have her support. Besides DH, she's the one person I feel closest too.
I agree with the posters who said parents can only do so much, if you had told me at 10 (or told my parents) that my sister would be my best friend, I'd have not believed it.
It's really funny you mention this, because at 25 that's the norm around here that you're still living it up. Most people here don't marry until their 30s, so all my friends in their late 20s are still doing this and it really isn't seen as immature. I'm the one who's the oddball for being married/having kids. Funny how different things can be in different parts of the country.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
Yes, I get along pretty well with my sisters (one is 2 yrs older, one is 2yrs younger). I talk with them every week and see my little sister at least once a month and all major holidays. We have 2 boys and my sisters have multiple children, so having the cousins love spending time together helps a lot also.
However, in the past year or so, I've grown further from my older sister bc her husband is strange and hard to get along with. I really wish I could talk with her more directly, but I think her life is just tough right now.
...baby #3 is here...
We are very close. I have a half-sister (although IRL just sister) who is 11 years older than I am. I have been very involved in my two nieces' lives. They live about 15 minutes away and I probably see them at least once a week, more in the summer since I'm off work.
I have a brother who is 3 years younger. We talk frequently via facebook and I see him quite a bit at my dad's (dad owns a business that brother helps at).
I guess as a family we are pretty close, my siblings work for my father's business. We all live within 20 minutes of each other and take a pretty active role in each others' lives.
My sister is one of my best friends. She's a year younger than me (31). We were close as kids and fairly close during high school and college. She now lives about 10 minutes away, and we see her often.
My brother is 4 years younger (28), and we are not close. We get along fine, but neither of us really puts in the effort. He's notorious for not returning phone calls or texts, so eventually I stop bothering. We see each other at family holidays.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13