Egg Donation Question

Woodi · April 2012

Hi Everyone,

Over the last few months I have been taking a break, or at least have tried to.

After my last failed IVF in December, my DH and I tried to seek a second opinion. So far, we have had no luck finding someone that will accept my insurance. My current RE wrote me a letter to give to anyone I seek a second opinion from and gave these recommendations for the next step in my IF treatment:

1.) further reproductive immunology testing

2.) repeat IVF

3.) egg donation

To be honest, I don't have a lot of hope that the first two will make any difference and have recently started investigating egg donation. I don't have any female relatives on my side of the family that are of childbearing age. I also don't have a sister.

I thought that I would not want to ask any of my friends and put them on the spot, but egg donation starts around $5,000 for just the compensation paid to the egg donor and my DH and I don't have a ton of money after all of these procedures.

What do you think? Do I ask my best friend of 20+ years? She has already had 2 healthy children and is not planning to have more. Do I look for an anonymous donor?

What would you do in my shoes?

delino · April 2012

Personally, I think I would go with an anonymous person. I would feel awkward knowing that my child is my friends biological child. But I can also see many positives about using a friends eggs. It would certainly give you a permanent connection.

AngnShaun · April 2012

I think there are lots of pros and cons to ED from a friend. I think that it would be beneficial to you to write the pros and cons down. If i were you, i would at least talk to your friend about it. She may not even be ok with it.

My RE is actually an RI, Reproductive Immunologist. I know he sees people from out of state to treat them for immune issues.

sekura · April 2012

We needed to go with DE, and my preference is to use an anonymous donor. I wouldn't want to have the difficulty of having someone close to me have difficulty with the donation, or there being confusion as to relationships. (We will tell our child about being from a donor, which influenced this decision--we don't want the child to feel confused either.)

lynn0926 · April 2012

It is a very personal decision which direction to go. I debated asking my much younger cousin, but decided against it. We have chosen to go the anonymous route. My best friend even offered but the cons list is way to big. Does your friend even know you want her to do this? The intense work, testing, and medical procedures involved? Time off of work for numerous doctor appointments? How old is she? Some clinics will not let you donate beyond a certain age because fertility starts to decline at a certain age. She has to pass a psych test, and the medical screening. You will still have to pay for her medical screening, psych eval, short term insurance, etc. There is a lot that goes into this.

lkmiss · April 2012

If you are set on egg donation, you might look overseas.

Another IVFer had a sister go to S. Africa and subsequently a friend of her sister's (based on her sister's recommendation) and both ended up pregnant with donor eggs and frozen embryos to spare for future siblings.

The whole thing cost $10K, including air travel (from Australia for them) and lodging. You have to be there for 12 days or so though.

Apparently, lots of Australians go to S. Africa for donor egg because in Australia, their laws don't allow donors to be compensated, they can't be anonymous and as a result, there are waiting lists. Typically, couples end up using family or friends there.

I guess the only downside is if you end up with a BFN, but then you would still have frozen embryos and would only have to pay for airfare and lodging again. Still, much much less expensive than in the U.S and you could still end up with a BFN in the U.S. too. The price differences are crazy. You could view it as a nice vacation, as you would not be stimming and would just be prepping for a transfer, so you would likely have time on your hands to sight see.

I found this link that addresses S. Africa and even Greece as donor egg options.

https://www.news.com.au/national/australian-mums-head-overseas-to-find-egg-donors/story-e6frfkvr-1225908353524

Good luck in whatever route you choose.

Woodi · April 2012

Thanks ladies,

I really appreciate your input! I've made a pros/cons list and am really considering going the anonymous route. My friend lives in a different state and it would be hard for her to travel for all the tests. I also think that it would be awkward for our children to be half-siblings (yikes!).

Thanks so much for all the great info and for helping me figure it out!

JM1977 · April 2012

We have a DE check-in on this board each Tuesday. You are more than welcome to join us and get more information about DE. Most of us used/are using anonymous donors. Many of the larger DE programs have in-house donor pools and other options (shared risk, split cycle, etc.) that make it more affordable than going through an agency. That worked well for us. I wish you the best moving forward!

JanineO · April 2012

I've had a lot of friends I've made through infertility chat use donor eggs successfully. If you decide to look abroad, you have the choice of both known donors - you can choose from photographs and have her details plus family history and view the donors on-line. They charge 8500 USD in total for an ED IVF Cycle- or unknown donors where her age and physical description are given but no other details- Mexico, Argentina, Greece, Spain, Cyprus etc from 6000 USD.

If you don't necessarily need a caucasian egg donor, India would be the least expensive. They let you choose from photos and costs start at around 4000 USD.

South Africa will let you choose from the donors picture of when she was a baby, not as an adult, but it gives you a good idea of characteristics.

I would avoid most clinics in Ukraine- a lot of people are seduced by the attractive donors and costs, but my experience has been of dreadful success rates , extra cash payments requested and dated med protocols. One or two clinics only there are proven worthwhile in my opinion.

The best of these clinics have 60-70% success rates with donor eggs- which is great. They'll also let you be monitored at home so that you need only travel for app 8 days abroad.

Remember to calculate in the cost of airfares and Hotel to see if it's viable for you. Most of the clinics have an airport pick-up service and discounted Hotel rates to help you with planning.

I hope that helps. If you have questions I can help with just ask/PM me.

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