OMG Let me tell you...
apiffanynow
member
Ladies I had the most baffiling experience with my Aunt last night.
First a little back ground- My two sisters live with my aunt. My youngest sister has two kids and her youngest is 9 months. I currently live in an apartment and my vehicle is in the shop. DH got in an accident with his car so we are without a vehicle at the moment.
So to help me out with things right now I asked my sister if she did not mind washing the newborn clothes for my LO (since they have a washer/dryer at home) I am not comfortable with washing LO clothes in my apartments laundry mat. My sister came and got the clothes from my house and took them back to her house. Well from what my sister told me my aunt completely lost it when she saw my sis walk in with a plastic storage tub full of clothes. Saying stuff like well is she (ME) going to help me pay the water bill and why can't she wash clothes where she lives at? Next my aunt calls my MOM and says that she is completely PISSED OFF at me and she doesn't understand why I can't wash LO clothes at my apartments and that her water bill has gone up. Then my mom calls me saying she is just relaying a message to me from my aunt because my aunt is on her way to her birthday dinner. (At this point...I was completely floored!)
Well birthday dinner or not I politely called my aunt and told her that I apologized about any inconvenience I may have caused her and that I was not trying to upset her. I also reminded her that I had asked to come over and wash some of LO clothes the previous week and she was ok with it but my uncle was currently fixing something on it because water had been leaking all over the floor. therefore I could not do any washing at that time. And then I told her that instead of calling my mom she should have just called and talked to me herself instead of passing messages through my mom.
She then replies, "well since the clothes are already there they can go ahead and get washed." I replied no thanks I do not feel comfortable with that and I will be by tomorrow to pick them up. I love my aunt dearly but this makes me not want to go over her house or ask her for anything no matter how small this may be. I have to wonder if this blow up is really about a bigger issue than just some clothes.
Sorry for the long rant but I am still stunned.
Re: OMG Let me tell you...
I am stunned that you won't wash your LO's clothes at your apartment. How many loads of laundry are you going to schlep to someone's home? Seriously, you will be doing more laundry than you ever knew was possible once the LO is here: laundry is the dirty little secret of parenthood that nobody talks about.
I didn't know until halfway through the story that your aunt had already given her go-ahead. I think, as long as your tone/attitude was in check during the phone call, that you did the right thing and handled it the right way. I'd make another attempt to talk to the aunt, not necessarily a long involved thing...just something along the lines of, "Again, just want to touch base with you, I had no idea that this was so upsetting to you, it was the furtherest of my intentions." I only advise you to do that so that it doesn't stay awkward between the two of you when it's not necessary.
I also think you are right, that her temporary freak out was likely more about something else than it was about your laundry. And, whatever that something else might be, it likely had little to nothing to do with you at all...it just popped up when she was least capable of dealing with something else and so there went her aggression.
The laundry mat at my apartments are just not the greatest and do not get our clothes as clean as I would like. I wanted to get a jump start on washing LO clothes this week. Because it may be another week before I get my truck back and we're still waiting on DH insurance company for an update on his car. Just thought aunt's place was the best place for now until I get a chance to go to our regular laundry mat.
^^^
Without exaggeration I did nearly a load of laundry a day after my first was born. Their clothes, my clothes, receiving blankets, sheets, random towels, anything that got spit up or messed on. Getting behind on laundry is a nightmare once you've got kids. I'd rethink your strategy.
As a mother of 2 little ones - soon to be 3- I am so familiar with this situation. Both my mother and my MIL have insisted on helping us to do certain things from time to time and then when it's all said and done I wished that I had never agreed to let them help us. I totally see your point of view, but out of fairness I can see her point of view as well. Times are hard right now and even if a few loads of laundry only cost a small amount of money, the idea of it can be very straining on some one who already feels the pressure of financial insecurity.
After DS was born, my aunt offered me the use of her beach condo. I was so excited to accept and MIL wanted to go with us to meet up with her friend who happened to be at the same beach that week. Because I was able to secure a place for free she volunteered to pay for meals. I assumed we would be cooking in the condo, but she wanted to eat out for each meal. By the end of the trip she bemoaned the entire time that she'd "spent a fortune on the trip" even though I could sense her frustration and picked up the tab for half of all the meals. Sometimes as a parent it is best to say thanks but no thanks and choose very carefully what favors you will accept from loved ones. It is such a hard lesson, but luckily it sounds like you are finding this out early! Don't stress over it too much. Just to 2nd was pper said- you and DH may want to consider finding a good laundromat/saving for a closet combo you can keep in the apt. I wash at least 3 loads of laundry per week between my two little men. GL!!
Wow, I'm sorry your aunt totally spazzed out on you for a load of laundry, which she had previously agreed to and clearly forgot about. Maybe she was having a bad day. I doubt it's about the money per say, and most likely has nothing to do w/you personally. I might be reading too much into it, but maybe your aunt just might be feeling burdened w/your younger sisters and their kids in her house and in that moment, could have felt you were taking advantage of her, even though she agreed to it before. At this point, I agree w/you, I wouldn't wash LO's clothes there now and it really wasn't cool that she didn't address this to you directly instead of calling your mom.
I won't be washing LO's clothes here at my apartment, either; DH & I don't use the facilities now for our own clothes and that isn't going to change. We usually take our week's worth of laundry to my dad's place or SIL's. Gives us a chance to catch up. Plus, we don't have to pay $2 a load to use nasty washers/dryers. And once DD is born, my dad will look forward to our laundry day even more so he can see the baby! LOL. So I totally understand where you're coming from on this one, OP. I'm the same way.
Sorry you're having family drama, especially so close to the holidays.
I don't think you completely read her post. She said that she'd talked to her aunt a week or so before and her aunt said she could wash the clothes there but her uncle was fixing something with the water and she couldn't do it that day.
OP, I can't believe your aunt spazzed like that. Totally uncalled for.
" I also reminded her that I had asked to come over and wash some of LO clothes the previous week and she was ok with it but my uncle was currently fixing something on it because water had been leaking all over the floor. therefore I could not do any washing at that time. And then I told her that instead of calling my mom she should have just called and talked to me herself instead of passing messages through my mom".
She did ask her aunt, and her aunt forgot that why she does not understand why her aunt would have a problem.
It sounds like your aunt is feeling overwhelmed with helping your little sisters, so your load of laundry that she forgot about probably just tipped the scale for her. I wouldn't take it personally. Just make sure she knows that you aren't taking advantage of her and that you had gotten permission from her previously for it.
And FWIW, yes there is a lot of laundry with having kids, but I think you'll be able to manage it. One way to help is to make sure you have plenty of onesies and sleepers for your LO. Layer clothes to help prevent diaper blowouts and leaks from reaching the bedding. I'd also have a bucket to soak and store rinsed clothing to prevent staining. You might find that you'll need to do a small mid-week trip for baby clothes alone, but you'll figure out it!