So frustrated. Don't know how to deal with being a military family anymore.

emmasue18 · December 2011

My husband is getting orders six weeks after the baby is born (Air Force). I am already having to accept the fact that we're moving our family (again) but this time across the country. We've moved four times in our short three and a half year marriage. But, this time is different because I've never lived more than an hour and a half away from my family.

The only upside to the move was this big, beautiful, brand new house we were supposed to get. Two stories, officer grade home. Welp. SURPRISE! We're no longer getting that. No, instead they're telling us our ONLY option is a 1000sqft apartment. Our bedroom (the master) will be 12x12. WTH!!!!!!!! Our living area will be 15x15 including the dining room and no one can tell me if there is a washer/dryer hookup.

We live in a 1300sqft townhouse now that we are dying to get out of because we already can't figure out how we're going to fit another person in here. And the best part you ask? My husband said to suck it up because the other wives haven't b!tched about it and I need to just deal with it. Awesome, hubby. Aren't you just husband of the year!?

Oh and more surprises, I just called this place to set up an apartment for March. HA! She said that they don't have any three bedrooms and actually have a waitlist. She can only guarantee us a two bedroom ONE bath apartment. I am not trying to sound like a b!tch but I have ZERO idea how one bathroom would working seeing as we have three now. Maybe I am spoiled, idk. Thanks for letting me vent, it helps me not say mean things to DH. lol

panicked228 · December 2011

Simple- Live off post. Use your BAH to find a place that works for you. Military housing isn't for everyone. We have a two bed, one bath house. It's 1100 sq ft. It's not huge, but it works for us. If what you're offered doesn't work, find a place off post.

emmasue18 · December 2011

panicked228:
Simple- Live off post. Use your BAH to find a place that works for you. Military housing isn't for everyone. We have a two bed, one bath house. It's 1100 sq ft. It's not huge, but it works for us. If what you're offered doesn't work, find a place off post.

We've tried everywhere in a 40 mile radius. There is no other place off post. This place has a waitlist because it is the only place off base. Base housing isn't currently available. We'll def. keep looking though!!

panicked228 · December 2011

Try ahrn.com. It's a rental website that only deals with military. You may be able to find a place on there.

BLT20051 · December 2011

What base are you going to? I know a few people trying to rent homes that they left behind when they PCSed.

kyrgyzstan · December 2011

What does officer grade home mean? And I would have to be whining a lot for my H to tell me to stop. Maybe cut him a break too? It's not his fault.

Smudges*Mom · December 2011

I don't mean to be rude, but did you not anticipate or understand that this is, typically, part of military life?

If moving with your DH is going to be *that* difficult, talk with him about having a long distance/commenting marriage/family. Really, what are your other options?

erbarmywife · December 2011

I can commiserate...when I had DD, we were living in a 2 bedroom, 1 bath "house" My hubs and I slept on the couches..no kidding, for about 8 months. DS couldnt share a room with his sister, since he kept trying to throw her out of her crib. When I found out we were pregnant with twins, I flipped...and it still took from March until Sept to get a bigger house. And, by then, one of our twins had already passed. But, I would say go off post if you dont want to deal with that again.

emmasue18 · December 2011

Smudges*Mom:
I don't mean to be rude, but did you not anticipate or understand that this is, typically, part of military life?

If moving with your DH is going to be *that* difficult, talk with him about having a long distance/commenting marriage/family. Really, what are your other options?

Well....while I do understand where you're coming from, no I didn't anticipate this. When I married DH, he is in the Air National Guard and told me no moves, no deployments. This PCS is volunteer, as was his deployment last year. I didn't sign up for this. I am a home town girl. I've already moved four times. I'm done and he knows it. This will be the last time. I respect the women that do this all of the time. But, this is not me.

F15Wife · December 2011

What base are you moving to?

Aside from the housing issue moving away from family can be a good thing. It can bring you and your husband closer beings that you will only really have eachother.

NSL · December 2011

emmasue18:
Smudges*Mom:
I don't mean to be rude, but did you not anticipate or understand that this is, typically, part of military life?

If moving with your DH is going to be *that* difficult, talk with him about having a long distance/commenting marriage/family. Really, what are your other options?

Well....while I do understand where you're coming from, no I didn't anticipate this. When I married DH, he is in the Air National Guard and told me no moves, no deployments. This PCS is volunteer, as was his deployment last year. I didn't sign up for this. I am a home town girl. I've already moved four times. I'm done and he knows it. This will be the last time. I respect the women that do this all of the time. But, this is not me.

The hell no I wouldn't be on board with this kind of moving schedule if my H was in the Guard. What the effing eff is the logic behind all of your relocations? And frankly, if housing in your new area is that difficult to find (please do share where you're moving to if you can--there are women all over the place on this board, and someone may be able to help you find something ASAP) then I think Smudge's advice about having a long-distance marriage for awhile is right on the money.

Oh, and I would absolutely be throwing down the divorce card if my H was pulling this kind of crap. He wants to move all over the country on a voluntary basis, fine, but no way no how would I put myself or my children through those kinds of rapid moves.

Smudges*Mom · December 2011

NSL:
emmasue18:
Smudges*Mom:
I don't mean to be rude, but did you not anticipate or understand that this is, typically, part of military life?

If moving with your DH is going to be *that* difficult, talk with him about having a long distance/commenting marriage/family. Really, what are your other options?

Well....while I do understand where you're coming from, no I didn't anticipate this. When I married DH, he is in the Air National Guard and told me no moves, no deployments. This PCS is volunteer, as was his deployment last year. I didn't sign up for this. I am a home town girl. I've already moved four times. I'm done and he knows it. This will be the last time. I respect the women that do this all of the time. But, this is not me.
The hell no I wouldn't be on board with this kind of moving schedule if my H was in the Guard. What the effing eff is the logic behind all of your relocations? And frankly, if housing in your new area is that difficult to find (please do share where you're moving to if you can--there are women all over the place on this board, and someone may be able to help you find something ASAP) then I think Smudge's advice about having a long-distance marriage for awhile is right on the money.
Oh, and I would absolutely be throwing down the divorce card if my H was pulling this kind of crap. He wants to move all over the country on a voluntary basis, fine, but no way no how would I put myself or my children through those kinds of rapid moves.

The Air National Guard/voluntary PCS is an important piece of information. BIG difference. Yah, I'd be pissed, and then some. You did not sign-up for this. (I, on the other hand, feel like I did--DH had ten years in when I met him. I knew, as best as a newbie civilian can, what I was marrying into.). Wow. Honestly, this might be a deal breaker for me. He's expecting you to get good with something you did not agree to. I'm impressed that you didn't knock his block off when he told you to suck it up. In fact, I feel badly for asking my question.

IMO, there are pros and cons to being Air/National Guard (versus active duty). (A con is being removed from big military supports, especially during deployments.). A pro is not having to move frequently. OP, it sounds like your DH is taking advantage of your support.

Good luck. I hope you are able to work things out. I also hope that your DH recognizes that y'all are a team and decisions need to be made as such. Keep us posted.

Smudges*Mom · December 2011

Bump burp, sorry! Duplicate post.

emmasue18 · December 2011

NSL:
emmasue18:

Smudges*Mom:
I don't mean to be rude, but did you not anticipate or understand that this is, typically, part of military life?

If moving with your DH is going to be *that* difficult, talk with him about having a long distance/commenting marriage/family. Really, what are your other options?

Well....while I do understand where you're coming from, no I didn't anticipate this. When I married DH, he is in the Air National Guard and told me no moves, no deployments. This PCS is volunteer, as was his deployment last year. I didn't sign up for this. I am a home town girl. I've already moved four times. I'm done and he knows it. This will be the last time. I respect the women that do this all of the time. But, this is not me.

The hell no I wouldn't be on board with this kind of moving schedule if my H was in the Guard. What the effing eff is the logic behind all of your relocations? And frankly, if housing in your new area is that difficult to find (please do share where you're moving to if you can--there are women all over the place on this board, and someone may be able to help you find something ASAP) then I think Smudge's advice about having a long-distance marriage for awhile is right on the money.

Oh, and I would absolutely be throwing down the divorce card if my H was pulling this kind of crap. He wants to move all over the country on a voluntary basis, fine, but no way no how would I put myself or my children through those kinds of rapid moves.

Thank you, I was starting to think maybe I'm an awful wife for feeling so crappy about this. We're headed to Goodfellow AFB. If I understood the logic behind any of this, I would tell you. He is supposed to be one weekend a month, two weeks over the summer. He was supposed to let them pay for school (graduated in 10') and then get out this coming January. The plans change all of the freaking time and I am so over it. He's done nothing with his degree. He was raised that the man makes all of the decisions, and he throws it in my face that I am a stay-at-home mom and I have no say. I love my husband, but he never considers what is best for me or the kids.

emmasue18 · December 2011

Smudges*Mom:
NSL:
emmasue18:

Smudges*Mom:
I don't mean to be rude, but did you not anticipate or understand that this is, typically, part of military life?

If moving with your DH is going to be *that* difficult, talk with him about having a long distance/commenting marriage/family. Really, what are your other options?

Well....while I do understand where you're coming from, no I didn't anticipate this. When I married DH, he is in the Air National Guard and told me no moves, no deployments. This PCS is volunteer, as was his deployment last year. I didn't sign up for this. I am a home town girl. I've already moved four times. I'm done and he knows it. This will be the last time. I respect the women that do this all of the time. But, this is not me.

The hell no I wouldn't be on board with this kind of moving schedule if my H was in the Guard. What the effing eff is the logic behind all of your relocations? And frankly, if housing in your new area is that difficult to find (please do share where you're moving to if you can--there are women all over the place on this board, and someone may be able to help you find something ASAP) then I think Smudge's advice about having a long-distance marriage for awhile is right on the money.

Oh, and I would absolutely be throwing down the divorce card if my H was pulling this kind of crap. He wants to move all over the country on a voluntary basis, fine, but no way no how would I put myself or my children through those kinds of rapid moves.

The Air National Guard/voluntary PCS is an important piece of information. BIG difference. Yah, I'd be pissed, and then some. You did not sign-up for this. (I, on the other hand, feel like I did--DH had ten years in when I met him. I knew, as best as a newbie civilian can, what I was marrying into.). Wow. Honestly, this might be a deal breaker for me. He's expecting you to get good with something you did not agree to. I'm impressed that you didn't knock his block off when he told you to suck it up. In fact, I feel badly for asking my question.

IMO, there are pros and cons to being Air/National Guard (versus active duty). (A con is being removed from big military supports, especially during deployments.). A pro is not having to move frequently. OP, it sounds like your DH is taking advantage of your support.

Good luck. I hope you are able to work things out. I also hope that your DH recognizes that y'all are a team and decisions need to be made as such. Keep us posted.

Thank you very much, and you were completely justified in asking your question. I would think the same thing. I really hope we can figure this out!

Ilumine · December 2011

Before we kick him to the curb, WHY has he been moving so much and WHY has he taken the voluntary PCS?

The reality is, the ANG, like the Reserves DON'T make you move. That is the nature of the beast, specifically the guard...UNLESS there are specific reasons, such as Promotions without a slot to move into or the shut down / reorg of the particular base or he is cross-training.

I am just really curious why he has had to move around so much in a Service that, even for the Title 10s, rarely move around within the State (our Title 10 ANG neighbors have been in the same base for 8 years now).

NSL · December 2011

emmasue18:
NSL:
emmasue18:

Smudges*Mom:
I don't mean to be rude, but did you not anticipate or understand that this is, typically, part of military life?

If moving with your DH is going to be *that* difficult, talk with him about having a long distance/commenting marriage/family. Really, what are your other options?

Well....while I do understand where you're coming from, no I didn't anticipate this. When I married DH, he is in the Air National Guard and told me no moves, no deployments. This PCS is volunteer, as was his deployment last year. I didn't sign up for this. I am a home town girl. I've already moved four times. I'm done and he knows it. This will be the last time. I respect the women that do this all of the time. But, this is not me.

The hell no I wouldn't be on board with this kind of moving schedule if my H was in the Guard. What the effing eff is the logic behind all of your relocations? And frankly, if housing in your new area is that difficult to find (please do share where you're moving to if you can--there are women all over the place on this board, and someone may be able to help you find something ASAP) then I think Smudge's advice about having a long-distance marriage for awhile is right on the money.

Oh, and I would absolutely be throwing down the divorce card if my H was pulling this kind of crap. He wants to move all over the country on a voluntary basis, fine, but no way no how would I put myself or my children through those kinds of rapid moves.

Thank you, I was starting to think maybe I'm an awful wife for feeling so crappy about this. We're headed to Goodfellow AFB. If I understood the logic behind any of this, I would tell you. He is supposed to be one weekend a month, two weeks over the summer. He was supposed to let them pay for school (graduated in 10') and then get out this coming January. The plans change all of the freaking time and I am so over it. He's done nothing with his degree. He was raised that the man makes all of the decisions, and he throws it in my face that I am a stay-at-home mom and I have no say. I love my husband, but he never considers what is best for me or the kids.

Okay, if he's belittling you for being a SAHM (exactly how you'd go about working outside the home given these moves is a mystery to me, but moving on) and not considering the fact that his decisions have dramatic consequences for his family I'm going to go ahead and say that this isn't likely going to be your final move/change of plans as you indicated upthread. Why would he suddenly start caring about your feelings if he hasn't before now?

No one has mentioned counseling yet, so I will. No respectable husband and father behaves the way you've described, and you and your kids deserve more love and courtesy than you're getting.

crogers19 · December 2011

Seriously check out AHRN.COM its only for military. I took the liberty of checking out goodfellow afb myself and there are several homes and duplex homes for rent within an o1 bah.

when i know we are about to pcs i get on ahrn and make a list of ones i like and contact the rental agent for more info. that way i have a quick and easy way to check out all the ones i like as soon as we get there and sign a lease agreement. we have pcsd three times now since our marriage and i have been able to find and move into a home within less than a week. we stay in tlf until then.

F15Wife · December 2011

We are not reserves or guard so I'm not of much help in that area. However, with the housing situation in addition to AHRN.com there is also Militarybyowner.com which has the option of buying or renting.

Good luck

iluvmytxrgr · December 2011

1. I would be annoyed with that much moving. Why have y'all been moving so much and why is he taking on assignments with out talking to you first?

2. There are 6 of us living in a 1300 sq ft house with 1 bathroom. It is possible.

emmasue18 · December 2011

While I appreciate all of the advice, no one is kicking anyone to the curb. I love my husband and I stand by him no matter how little he considers my feelings when it comes to decisions regarding the military. Thanks gals! We will find a way to work this out!!

Lissa832 · December 2011

emmasue18:
While I appreciate all of the advice, no one is kicking anyone to the curb. I love my husband and I stand by him no matter how little he considers my feelings when it comes to decisions regarding the military. Thanks gals! We will find a way to work this out!!

Have you ever considered that the reason he belittles you is because you "stand by him no matter how little he considers my feelings". Don't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself. If you sit idly by knowing that it is wrong, I feel like you are kind of asking for what you get.

GreenFlamingo7 · December 2011

He's going to continue to treat you like a doormat as long as you let him.

Ilumine · December 2011

I am not saying that his "stone-age" attitude regarding head of the household duties is ok...but again, WHY has he done the things he has done? Are you honestly telling us that he has never once gave an explanation to his decisions for any of his moves? EVER?

I keep coming back to the fact that the ANG rarely requires moves within state and that moving out of state for one part time job (becuase the G&R is just that) is so terribly slim.

There just has to be more to this story.

And YOUR reactions, just seem to be so complacent. I would never ever make a move out of state without having some idea as to why I have to go. I would never let my husband belittle me for being a SAHM (he joked about it once and was firmly put in his place). And I would never allow myself to be put in such a dependent position, that I would HAVE to blindly go along.

You know you DO have recourse, right. If you don't want to move, then dont. Get a job.

And before you say "It's hard"...maybe that is the reason why your DH hasn't found one with the degree he has and is making these decisions about moving to another ANG squadron.

Again, if he really is being a douche and not talking to you about his decisions, then ficken him. No one should be treated as a third class citizen on their own home. But I really want to know why he is doing things that are so out of the ordinary.

LuluP82 · December 2011

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but frankly, I agree with the other ladies-- you have a husband issue, not a military issue. It's insane that he won't compromise with you at all or discuss major life decisions with you. You're married, you're supposed to be a team and reach decisions together; it's not normal to have one person dictate the entire relationship like this.

I know you love your husband. I love mine too, and he's far from perfect. But I hope you realize how strange and abnormal it is to be in this type of marriage.

SweetRoseMarie · December 2011

I didnt read all the responses so I dont know if this was suggested yet or not, but if you cant find an appartment off base and the on base housing isnt going to work for you, trying looking for small homes for rent instead of appartments and the like. They may be a little more then an appartment but if you get lucky you could find something really nice. Try calling some real estate agents in the area and tell them the situation and they can probably help you find places for rent and such or give you some other possible ideas.

Joie80 · December 2011

emmasue18:
While I appreciate all of the advice, no one is kicking anyone to the curb. I love my husband and I stand by him no matter how little he considers my feelings when it comes to decisions regarding the military. Thanks gals! We will find a way to work this out!!

Hmmm...that's an interesting comment. I don't think you have a husband or military issue, I think you have some self-worth/esteem issues. A marriage is a partnership and each party deserves to be treated fairly. If you are OK with being treated like a doormat, why on earth are you complaining about your husband's behavior? You are an active agent in your happiness and your destiny. If you are willing to allow your husband to continue to behave this way then you're consenting to the lifestyle he's subjecting you to. Either do something different for different results, or suck it up and continue as you have been at your husband's whim- leaving all family and household decisions in his hands.

pesci12 · December 2011

That stinks, especially of he is Guard and this is not mandatory. Did he get any incentive to transfer to Goodfellow AFB? San Angelo, TX is not exactly one of the top travel destinations in the U.S. Good luck.

gabmow1218 · December 2011

It is hard! We got married and they had no houses on base for 30-60 days. So we lived in an outrageously expensive apt of base for 2 months..only to get the oldest/worst housing on base! I am thankful for having a home. So thankful, but I understand the disappointment!

dcunningham2 · December 2011

OP - DH went to Tech School at Goodfellow, so we were stationed there for about 5 months. (just left in May) Have you contacted the housing office for a list of apartments? It is a smaller city, so I know I had trouble finding housing online. Hubby physically got a packet from the housing office with a ton of options. Considering you're making officer pay, you shouldn't find a problem getting a place within BAH that has sufficient square footage for your family. Cost of living is so cheap there (and Texas in general)

If you have more specific questions, feel free to PM me.

daniannharper · December 2011

I know how you feel, i am currently 21 weeks along.. my husband is a newly commissioned 2nd Lieutenant in the Army, who already served as enlisted 3 years prior to us meeting... after 5 yrs together, my man and i were married Nov. 4th, 2011, we moved from Sacramento, Ca. the following tuesday to Fort Sill, Ok... we used the AHRN.com website, which was AWESOME to find off post housing (so next time, use this tool well in advance but first go to the housing office to get it all squared away) but the property management assigned to our home SUCKS! (we didn't go to the housing dept. first, they would have made sure everything was perfect) we arrived after 3 days of driving on veterans day to our new home that was not cleaned to my standards and the water was not on, and would not be on till the following monday, our moving truck didn't arrive till one week later, so i had to sleep on an air mattress in the mean time and take a shower with one of those camping bladders that i had to poor hot water into.. all the while my husband and i are only here for 5 months for his BOLC school and he is gone 12 hours a day 5 days a week and sometimes he has to go to the field for a week at a time... i am due 4 weeks after he graduates and we don't know our next duty station till jan. 17th... not to mention so far our dish washer and central heating has broken and took a little time to fix... this life is tough, and the hardest job in the military is said to be the military wife.... i'm scared to death, i don't know where i'm having this baby, or how i'm gona move 4 weeks before i'm due... but i will tell you, it gets better, and like you, i have lived in the same town all my 25 years of life so far, and leaving my family and friends who will not be around to support me through my first pregnancy is hands down the toughest thing i have ever had to do... really, hang in there, because what you are experiencing is not always typical, and the more you learn about how it all works the more hands on you can be in making sure things get done in advance, esp. when you network with other wives with higher ranking husbands that have been through it and can tell you the best way to do things.... my uncle is in the air force and now air force national guard and his deployments are at max about 6 months, and as their children got older, it was easier to move around and more exciting too... it sound like your husband has a passion for what he does and though it will be hard sometimes it will not always be like this... and he really needs support, you're not the only one away from your family, he is too... i know he is volunteering for these moves that you are not happy about, but truly, the older your children get and the more hands on you are the easier and more fun it will be... you have the chance to see the world and for your kids to do the same... all though i don't know you, i would just encourage you to hang in there.. he deserves the support for being so passionate as long as he's passionate about you and the family too

IT WILL GET BETTER

emolm · January 2012

WishIcouldbeinthe'stan:
What does officer grade home mean? And I would have to be whining a lot for my H to tell me to stop. Maybe cut him a break too? It's not his fault.

No joke. The AF doesn't assign housing based on rank. It's based on the size of your family so nope you prob wouldn't be getting 3 bathrooms unlesss you were going to a super empty base. Hahaha you could have ended up at Cannon a few years back and had your house with 3 bathrooms...

Lissa832:
emmasue18:
While I appreciate all of the advice, no one is kicking anyone to the curb. I love my husband and I stand by him no matter how little he considers my feelings when it comes to decisions regarding the military. Thanks gals! We will find a way to work this out!!
Have you ever considered that the reason he belittles you is because you "stand by him no matter how little he considers my feelings". Don't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself. If you sit idly by knowing that it is wrong, I feel like you are kind of asking for what you get.

Yes.

Also consider that he might be volunteering for these moves bc he loves his family and feels obligated to care for y'all and he may be just trying to make more money so he can provide you with all the bathrooms you deserve.

emolm · January 2012

anastasiacarmen:
If they send us some place we hate we just wait 2 years and get to go some place else!

Exactly! I'm getting so itchy because I've lived in one place for almost 5 years.

daniannharper-- I have a friend who rocked a move from overseas back to the States four weeks before her due date. You can totally do it, too!

ourlove122 · January 2012

I have to say, I respect your dedication to your husband and your family. My SO is a Marine, and no matter what I would follow him to the end of the earth. No matter how much he moved me and our family. Him telling me to suck it up, would however, end up one heck of an arguement. I would beyond for sure be pissed. But, in the end. I would certainly follow him no matter what!!!

ModestMousette · January 2012

I'm from San Angelo Texas which is where GAFB is located and while it is a very small town there are a lot of apartment, town houses, and home available for rent. The BAH might not be as much as your used to because the cost of loving in San Angelo is so low. I would suggest contacting a real estate agent for a town house or house available for rent if you want something larger than an apartment. There are a ton of places around the base plus the town is so small even if you live on the other side of it getting to base should never take more than 10 minutes!

I'm sorry to hear that your going through the military life style when it's not what you signed up for. My husband is currently stationed at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah Georgia so I'm very far from home and pregnant with my first child. All I want is tons of family around but in reality the only one I have is my husband. It's definitely hard and I can't imagine being roped into it unwillingly.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions about GAFB or San Angelo. Texas is a great place to live and SA is very slow paced and laid back it also has some great new schools (Lamar Elementary). Also if you have the time Austin and other great cities are within reasonable driving areas.

So frustrated. Don't know how to deal with being a military family anymore.

Re: So frustrated. Don't know how to deal with being a military family anymore.

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