Kick To My Gut (Pg Announcement) Turned Into A Good Thing...I Think...
My cousin (who I am very close to) told me she was pregnant. I know it was somewhat a surprise because they were waiting until June to try for a Spring baby (weird concept
).
She told me by phone while she was on her way over to hang out. She was afraid I would be able to tell because of bloat. Anyway, I'm glad she told me on the phone because I teared up but was able to talk and say the right things! I actually felt bad for her because she was so worried about telling me. She knows how long we have been wanting #2 and she know we just got back DHs zero count SA.
Anyway, I cried about it several times yesterday. It felt so weird. I have teared up a time or two over announcements but I have never been like this. I guess because I will always look at her wanting to be in her shoes. I also used to want to tell family at Christmas and now she's getting to do it. She is now having baby number 2 and I'm still not! I have the oldest grand kid and now I'm watching my cousins fly by me. I want to be clear that I am very, very happy for her, her dh and dd (who is a year to the day younger than mine).
So, the good that came from this. After several conversation with dh last night and sleeping in my self pity I have come to realize I really just want to be a mom again. I feel like I am 100% in a place to start thinking about donor sperm. We still want to get DH one more SA but, if it is zero again I am okay with moving onto donor sperm. I originally wanted dh to have a urologist "cut his balls" (dhs words) to try to find sperm (dh reluctantly agreed) but, I don't have that strong feeling anymore.
So, that was way longer than it should have been
The hardest pg announcement I received has turned into a reality check for me in a good way. I just wanted to share!
Re: Kick To My Gut (Pg Announcement) Turned Into A Good Thing...I Think...
While my situation is completely different, the same thing happened to me to provide clarity. I craved and wanted more babies so bad after losing Quincy. And then my friend came over with her newborn last fall and I just realized I didn't want to go through that again. I didn't want to spend anymore time "baby-chasing". It was just what I needed to realize my girls are "enough" and I wanted to devote my life to them.
It is a nice feeling when that moment of clarity comes. Enjoy it!
I think we can all relate to being happy for someone but sad for ourselves.
I am excited you are getting more open to DS! You could be pregnant again soon : ) : )
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) Our first love and loss 7/2/07
3 cycles clomid TI = BFNs
3 cycles clomid Ovidrel IUI = BFNs
6/27/08 Surprise BFP = chemical pg
IVF#1 July 08 BFP @7dp3dt
TTC #3 since February 2010
FET Sept. and Oct. 2010=BFN's
IVF#2 June 2011=BFP
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