Keeping baby name a secret? Why?

sroddy12 · November 2011

I'm not bashing anyone that is keeping their babies name a secret until delivery, but I am just curious as to why? I've heard of so many couples doing this but never understood why. Probably because no one has ever given a reason. I guess a reason isn't need. Just interested to know/understand why some choose to do this. I give props to those who do, because I couldn't keep the secret haha

SheenaNash1 · November 2011

I'm not but I'm guessing the biggest reason is not wanting other peoples opinions on the name choice and not wanting to deal with negative reactions to the name.

IteachPK · November 2011

I don't honestly know, I think its kind of fun to not share. We also have not picked. I don't want peoples opinions once we know and have the perfect name. Cause if they are not so nice, then I would second guess the name.

I also think it will be fun to have a onsie made for him to wear at the hospital that has his name on it. I can't wait to see everyones reaction

kiarstin · November 2011

I think its fun to share and weird not to but I understand how they feel. My husband's grandmother tried guilting me into a name, and I dont fake nice when people get on my nerves after about the the 5th text I sent her one saying " You have 3 sons all with a first and middle name, if that name meant so much to you, you could have used it and of those 6 time, if it didnt mean that much to you how the heck do you think you are going to convince me. and since this is my child we are picking a name we like and a name that means a lot to us" She shut up, so we have been able to share the name enjoy it and any problem that would arise was easily solved. Keeping sex a secret is the one I feel is weird its not like anyone is going to argue or have bad thing to say b/c you have a bad sex and should change it.

sroddy12 · November 2011

Those are great reasons. I can understand not wanting to deal with other peoples reactions. Some people are so rude and quick say mean things or give weird looks when you say the name you've chosen. The onsie idea is super cute!

sroddy12 · November 2011

kiarstin:
I think its fun to share and weird not to but I understand how they feel. My husband's grandmother tried guilting me into a name, and I dont fake nice when people get on my nerves after about the the 5th text I sent her one saying " You have 3 sons all with a first and middle name, if that name meant so much to you, you could have used it and of those 6 time, if it didnt mean that much to you how the heck do you think you are going to convince me. and since this is my child we are picking a name we like and a name that means a lot to us" She shut up, so we have been able to share the name enjoy it and any problem that would arise was easily solved. Keeping sex a secret is the one I feel is weird its not like anyone is going to argue or have bad thing to say b/c you have a bad sex and should change it.

OMG I would have been so mad if we had this issue! There is no way that someone else would be naming my child other than my husband and I.

niknak7 · November 2011

Last time I kept it a secret from everyone, only DH and I knew it. The main reason being is I have found people are so quick to share a negative story of someone that shares that name or a similar name. Like "my old roomate was named that and she stole $600 from me and was a horrible person". However when people are looking at a tiny newborn with that name, all they can say is how beautiful she is and don't even think of sharing negative stories they associate with that name. Basically I didn't want anyone trying to change my mind or spoiling my future daughters name for me.

I'm not sure what we will do this time around as we find out gender tomorrow hopefully.

jayleigh68 · November 2011

We are keeping it a secret because we have (me mostly) received so many opinions and "advice" that it's the one thing we have control over. I am about to snap on the next person who passes judgement so I do not need anything else to hear. I'm also very tempted to not share my nursery idea with anyone else because those who I have, have wrinkled their nose or fake liked it. I'm absolutely sick of all of it.

kiarstin · November 2011

sroddy12:
kiarstin:
I think its fun to share and weird not to but I understand how they feel. My husband's grandmother tried guilting me into a name, and I dont fake nice when people get on my nerves after about the the 5th text I sent her one saying " You have 3 sons all with a first and middle name, if that name meant so much to you, you could have used it and of those 6 time, if it didnt mean that much to you how the heck do you think you are going to convince me. and since this is my child we are picking a name we like and a name that means a lot to us" She shut up, so we have been able to share the name enjoy it and any problem that would arise was easily solved. Keeping sex a secret is the one I feel is weird its not like anyone is going to argue or have bad thing to say b/c you have a bad sex and should change it.

OMG I would have been so mad if we had this issue! There is no way that someone else would be naming my child other than my husband and I.

we chose lloyd as middle name (oddly everyone loves our weird name, well everyone not on the bump ;-) lloyd was after my dhs great great gramps and is his middle name, his gram thinks we should have went with her dads name since he was nicer and went on the blab about how lloyd was a horrid drunk and its a bad name, well guess what we mainly picked it b/c its my husbands middle name and ray sounds stupid with the name we picked so either A change your dads name that doesnt sound shittty with our name or B shut up.

kiarstin · November 2011

jayleigh68:
We are keeping it a secret because we have (me mostly) received so many opinions and "advice" that it's the one thing we have control over. I am about to snap on the next person who passes judgement so I do not need anything else to hear. I'm also very tempted to not share my nursery idea with anyone else because those who I have, have wrinkled their nose or fake liked it. I'm absolutely sick of all of it.

I tell people my nursery theme and they have no idea what the hell I am talking about, so that just say " Oh Nice" in this I have no idea what you are talking about tone of voice.

nah82 · November 2011

We kept our first son's name a secret and will again with this one. Besides the not hearing other people's opinions thing, I like to reserve the right to change my mind, right up until the end when the name goes on the birth certificate. We loved the name we picked last time, but my husband second guessed it when we were getting down to the wire. We ended up using that name, but I wouldn't have wanted the pressure of people knowing the name and giving us personalized things before the baby was here, and then us deciding maybe it wasn't the right name but feeling guilty to change our minds if grandma had made a special quilt with the original name choice stitched onto it or something. I can't commit ahead of time like that.

amor_eterno · November 2011

We're not really sharing because we don't want anyone's opinion and/or weird reactions, and since we're Team Green, we really haven't decided yet. I've only shared with one person, and that's because she has great taste AND wouldn't hesitate to tell me if they were horrible names. So far, so good!

lizzymo19 · November 2011

All the same reasons PPs have mentioned, plus the fact that since we shared baby's sex it is like one surprise left over for people! Although it is definitely getting hard to not tell my parents...we told them our girl name options but never really got to our boy names, so now they're really curious! They only asked once about it but you can tell they want to know and I don't think they'd blab. It will be hard to keep my mouth shut until he comes! (And I realize I have the name badge...I don't consider having that to be sharing the name since I don't know anyone here in real life!)

megs81 · November 2011

We're not finding out the sex of our baby so we'll prepare names for both options. Definitely not sharing them with anybody, even family. We mentioned to MIL that we had been discussing names and she said "yes...???" as though we were going to share. She then proceeded to tell us what she'd name her children if they were born today. That's nice... but not for us.

Aside from the negative opinions/reactions (both sets of parents are teachers and have been for over 30 years each so I figure the chances are pretty high that they'll have a "I taught a (name) and they were a horrible little (insert obscenity here)" story to tell), I know too many people who are pregnant at the same time as me and I don't want anyone to "steal" the name!!

I also agree with PP - we want to reserve the right to change our minds if we want to.

BitsKD13 · November 2011

I don't get the keeping the name a secret thing either. Then again the view I have on the reason of "we don't want to hear negative opinions/stories because it might make us change our mind" makes me give these parents the side-eye. Seriously if you are going to let someone's opinion make you second guess your name choice than you really need to find a backbone.

DH and I picked out our baby names long before we got pregnant and have openly shared them with everyone. No one has tried to tell us any horror stories about the names and seem to really like them. Then again most people who know us are aware that we don't really give a rat's a*s what you think about such a personal decision so don't even bother trying to change our mind.

satama · November 2011

I find that everyone asks the name, and will give you unwanted suggestions and opinions. I just don't feel like hearing them. It has nothing to do with me thinking they will change my mind.

GoldenGibson · November 2011

BitsKD13:

I don't get the keeping the name a secret thing either. Then again the view I have on the reason of "we don't want to hear negative opinions/stories because it might make us change our mind" makes me give these parents the side-eye. Seriously if you are going to let someone's opinion make you second guess your name choice than you really need to find a backbone.

I don't know that most people would want to change their name if someone shares a negative opinion on it. But, if you know your friends and family, and expect some negative responses why bother sharing the name? Why would anyone want to hear that about a name they love?? Pregnant couples get enough unsolicited advice and this is one area that can be controlled by the parents.

Our reasons for not telling:

We KNOW people will have negative opinions about our name, DH's grandparents have already "warned" us not to pick an uncommon name (which we did) and I don't really want to hear what they have to say.I agree with a PP who said that when people are looking at a sweet little baby they will be less likely to say negative things.

I want to reserve the right to change the name at the hospital if we look at him and think the name doesn't fit for whatever reason. I don't want any personalized items because I want to be able to pass along/donate baby items when I'm done with them. MIL already pressured us to tell so people could personalize things, but I just don't want anything like that.

sunnyday016 · November 2011

Our plan is to not share this time. Not because we're afraid of opinons and reactions (it's a very common, classic name), but because we announced DD's name before she was born and we just want to do it differently this time. Also, we'd like to not set his name 100% in stone before he is born- we kind of like the idea of going to the hospital with a couple names and then naming him once we see him.

designer_wifey · November 2011

Couple of reasons - I don't want people's opinions and I want some element of surprise at the birth.

We were team green for my DS and we told the girl and boy name we had chosen and I got lots of comments on our boys choice. I wasn't a fan of that.

This time around, we are team blue and everyone knows, but I want some element of surprise when the baby is born.

salt78 · November 2011

BitsKD13:
I don't get the keeping the name a secret thing either. Then again the view I have on the reason of "we don't want to hear negative opinions/stories because it might make us change our mind" makes me give these parents the side-eye. Seriously if you are going to let someone's opinion make you second guess your name choice than you really need to find a backbone.
DH and I picked out our baby names long before we got pregnant and have openly shared them with everyone. No one has tried to tell us any horror stories about the names and seem to really like them. Then again most people who know us are aware that we don't really give a rat's a*s what you think about such a personal decision so don't even bother trying to change our mind.

Haha I could have written this.

We told right away. Her name was very set in stone before I even got pregnant and people have only been really positive about it.

BitsKD13 · November 2011

GoldenGibson:
BitsKD13:

I don't get the keeping the name a secret thing either. Then again the view I have on the reason of "we don't want to hear negative opinions/stories because it might make us change our mind" makes me give these parents the side-eye. Seriously if you are going to let someone's opinion make you second guess your name choice than you really need to find a backbone.

I don't know that most people would want to change their name if someone shares a negative opinion on it. But, if you know your friends and family, and expect some negative responses why bother sharing the name? Why would anyone want to hear that about a name they love?? Pregnant couples get enough unsolicited advice and this is one area that can be controlled by the parents.

Our reasons for not telling:

We KNOW people will have negative opinions about our name, DH's grandparents have already "warned" us not to pick an uncommon name (which we did) and I don't really want to hear what they have to say.I agree with a PP who said that when people are looking at a sweet little baby they will be less likely to say negative things.

I want to reserve the right to change the name at the hospital if we look at him and think the name doesn't fit for whatever reason. I don't want any personalized items because I want to be able to pass along/donate baby items when I'm done with them. MIL already pressured us to tell so people could personalize things, but I just don't want anything like that.

I do understand not wanting to get negative feedback. But I have seen the "it might make us change our mind" reason too and that's the one I side-eye.

And maybe I'm just lucky that the people we know may not like our name choice but wouldn't be rude enough to try and give us other suggestions. The only time we've gotten our friends opinions on names was when we still didn't know the sex and wanted help picking a middle name for a girl. And even in that situation DH posted on FB asking for what they thought.

In general we haven't gotten a lot of unsolicited advice from people. Which has been nice. Our friends do ask about some things and we share willingly . And since several of them have young kids there will be discussions in the group after someone has asked about "X" baby thing- what they did/didn't like. But never has anyone tried to force that we "have to" do something.

aeh72 · November 2011

The main reason we're keeping our name a secret is because we are considering naming the baby after our fathers. In addition to wanting that to be a surprise for people, there is always the chance that we might pick another name and I would not want anyone to get attached to the family name and then be hurt or disappointed if we changed our minds.

MelBell829 · November 2011

I get why people don't share. At first, I wanted to keep the element of surprise and not share, but now I'm not so sure I'll have the will power to do that.

One thing we decided not to do, however, is share our possible choices. We haven't decided yet, and I don't want anyone trying to persuade us one way or another. I want the name to be 100% our choice.

designer_wifey · November 2011

BitsKD13:
I don't get the keeping the name a secret thing either. Then again the view I have on the reason of "we don't want to hear negative opinions/stories because it might make us change our mind" makes me give these parents the side-eye. Seriously if you are going to let someone's opinion make you second guess your name choice than you really need to find a backbone.
DH and I picked out our baby names long before we got pregnant and have openly shared them with everyone. No one has tried to tell us any horror stories about the names and seem to really like them. Then again most people who know us are aware that we don't really give a rat's a*s what you think about such a personal decision so don't even bother trying to change our mind.

For me, someone's opinion wouldn't change my mind, but not telling, I don't have to listen to their opinion about our choice.

pattymctatty · November 2011

We're not sharing. I don't want other people's opinions. And I have very opinionated families so the less they can complain about something, the better.

futuresebss · November 2011

I don't mind sharing, but my husband wants to keep it a secret. Though, since everyone already knows it's a boy, it will be a sort of surprise for family members that I think will be fun.

xoladiebug · November 2011

My husband wants to keep it a secret and at first I was really bummed. That said, I'm now okay with it. Its the only part of this pregnancy that we'll have kept a secret, and I kind of like that. Plus as someone said, I don't really want to hear other people's opinions on the name we choose.

danlexi04 · November 2011

salt78:
BitsKD13:
I don't get the keeping the name a secret thing either. Then again the view I have on the reason of "we don't want to hear negative opinions/stories because it might make us change our mind" makes me give these parents the side-eye. Seriously if you are going to let someone's opinion make you second guess your name choice than you really need to find a backbone.
DH and I picked out our baby names long before we got pregnant and have openly shared them with everyone. No one has tried to tell us any horror stories about the names and seem to really like them. Then again most people who know us are aware that we don't really give a rat's a*s what you think about such a personal decision so don't even bother trying to change our mind.
Haha I could have written this. We told right away. Her name was very set in stone before I even got pregnant and people have only been really positive about it.

Yep. I couldn't care less what people thought once we had made up our minds. And I'm sure this is a UO but I think leaving it as a surprise for family when the baby is born is a bit AW. You're having a baby, how much more surprise and attention could you possibly want? Nobody cares about the name as much as you and your H do.

starswinger · November 2011

I am also keeping our boy's name a secret. Everyone knows the middle name because of a family tradition to use the father's first name as the son's middle name.

Hubby and I do not want anyone's opinions or advice regarding our son's name and I would be the type to second guess if people did not like it. I also want to meet our baby boy to make sure his name will fit him before it is revealed

Casperdy · November 2011

We aren't sharing and it certainly has nothing to do with me not having a backbone (I probably have too much of one, actually). It's mostly because I don't want to spend the next however many months listening to my MIL complain about our name choices. Instead, she will love the baby when it arrives and just have to deal with the name we choose. We aren't changing it for anyone, but we also see her A LOT and already get nagged enough, i.e. "Am I ever going to even get to keep this baby?" "Aren't you too busy to have a baby?" etc etc.

In order to maintain some of my own sanity, I just closed the door on the subject entirely and left it at that.

We have told some friends who we trust (and don't run in our local circle), so it's not entirely a secret. Plus, we don't even have a girl name picked out yet, and DH is really leaning toward deciding in the hospital once we see the baby, which means there is no name to share until then!

mrschristinalou · November 2011

I attempted to run some names by my mom or sister, and they both had their own opinions...they were very strong. DH and I decided after that to keep our names quiet. To make us feel even better about our decision, I was shopping with my family when my Mom looked at a name and said "who would name their child that? That's what you name a dog." Luckily it wasn't one of our names, but I think ppl are likely to be less judgmental when the name is actually attached to a little cutie that they can see and hold.

Zilly13 · November 2011

We have a name picked out, but are not sharing it publicly with anyone as of right now - it's nice to have something to keep to ourselves when you end up sharing so many details of your pregnancy with other people. Some of my closest girlfriends know our name as we used to discuss baby names while we were all TTC, but we are not sharing with most friends and family or anyone random that asks.

Our name is a standard, classic name which DH and I love and agreed upon right away, but I don't want to hear any negative reactions or comments about it. And I'll admit somewhat selfishly, I don't really like monogramed items and fear that we'd get a zillion monogramed baby items. Embarrassed

raceyrae · November 2011

We narrow down our kids names to the top 3 we like (which we do tell our family) and then pick the one we think most fits when she (and now he) arrived so we don't make our final decision until then. We keep the middle name a secret because it's a family name and we want them to be surprised and to not get push back from others for not picking their name, etc.

Alliebooberz · November 2011

I have had to use the line "You got to name your children, and I'm going to name mine." a few times already.... so... anyone who side eyes when people keep a name a secret because they don't want to deal with backlash should count their blessings that they don't have people like that in their life.

mrs.gee · November 2011

We won't share because (a) we haven't picked a name yet, (b) I don't want everyone's opinions on the name, when we do pick it (as has been well covered by other posters) and (c) I frankly think it's weird and creepy to refer to the baby by their name before they are born. We knew DS's name ahead of time and never called him it until he was born, nor did I think of him as "X". I know it's superstitious, but it just creeps me right out.

salt78 · November 2011

mrs.gee:
We won't share because (a) we haven't picked a name yet, (b) I don't want everyone's opinions on the name, when we do pick it (as has been well covered by other posters) and (c) I frankly think it's weird and creepy to refer to the baby by their name before they are born. We knew DS's name ahead of time and never called him it until he was born, nor did I think of him as "X". I know it's superstitious, but it just creeps me right out.

I think it's very weird that you feel this way.

Personally I love being able to think of her by her name. It makes me feel more connected to her.

mrs.gee · November 2011

salt78:
mrs.gee:
We won't share because (a) we haven't picked a name yet, (b) I don't want everyone's opinions on the name, when we do pick it (as has been well covered by other posters) and (c) I frankly think it's weird and creepy to refer to the baby by their name before they are born. We knew DS's name ahead of time and never called him it until he was born, nor did I think of him as "X". I know it's superstitious, but it just creeps me right out.
I think it's very weird that you feel this way.

To each her own. I am clearly in the minority on this one (at least on this board; IRL none of my friends shared their baby names before their kids were born).

med380 · November 2011

Ditto what most others have said - we don't care for anyone else's opinion and I don't want to be second guessing my name choice because of a comment someone makes about it. We didn't tell anyone DS's name (and it drove our families crazy!), and we won't tell this one either.

GoldenGibson · November 2011

salt78:

mrs.gee:
We won't share because (a) we haven't picked a name yet, (b) I don't want everyone's opinions on the name, when we do pick it (as has been well covered by other posters) and (c) I frankly think it's weird and creepy to refer to the baby by their name before they are born. We knew DS's name ahead of time and never called him it until he was born, nor did I think of him as "X". I know it's superstitious, but it just creeps me right out.
I think it's very weird that you feel this way.
Personally I love being able to think of her by her name. It makes me feel more connected to her.

I agree with this as well. I initially thought I would try not to get attached to a name before he was born, but as soon as we knew the sex we started calling him "baby D" since his name starts with a D and it has stuck. I definitely feel more connected to him because I can use his name and sex.

lulling · November 2011

I don't want to hear any comments. We have told a very few people the three to five names that we have it narrowed down to. We then had to have an hour long conversation about the names and then we had to sit patiently while that person then gave us all of his/her name suggestions and why those choices would be much better. After doing that one or two times we decided we are not telling anyone because we don't have that much time in our lives to waste with other people's opinions.

punkymama · November 2011

We are keeping the names a secret for a variety of reasons

First, we are Team Green and since no one knows the sex there is no need to share potential names as the names may change and I don't want to explain why we changed a name.

Second, DH & I wanted to make sure that we choose the names without others influence. I know everyone can say they will do that but honestly I get so much advice/crap about small things at this point; I just refuse to give people something else to critique us on at this point.

Third, we have a few names for if we have a girl. I want to be able to choose that name with my DH based on what we feel is right as parents.

I have actually told one person who I trust for an opinion and I know they won't sway me and just give me what I asked for, the truth.

Keeping baby name a secret? Why?

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