Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
how often does your LO see the grandparents (vent)
My MIL keeps complaining that she only gets to see DD once a week. And its not like she is being nice about it either. She keeps saying dumb stuff like "if you dont want me to be close with her then fine, dont bring her around"
Its not that at all. But we have our own lives. And I work a changing schedule every week. Plus she is at such a fun age we want to spend a lot of time with her.
I feel like she is lucky to see her once a week considering both DH and I work full time and he is going to school full time.
So how often does your LO see grandparents on either side?
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Re: how often does your LO see the grandparents (vent)
My in-laws seem him once a week or so for short bits of time. I don't really know since I'm at work and they can stop at our house when the nanny is there to say hello.
My parents only get to see him when I go home (10 hours away).
Love the comment, that is just mil treasure trove of fun. My mil says things like, "I can't believe you are staying for such a short time!" at the begining of a 10 day trip. Obviously, you live somewhere close to your ils, my parents and my ils live on opposite sides of the country and we are in the middle. We see my parents a couple times a year, and my ils slightly less (my parents are willing to travel more to see us.)
Once a week is great, imo. You may want to say to her that you hope they will be very close, and love that you see her so regularly, but if she wants to see her more she can and arrange a beneficial way for her to do that. Like she could babysit while you are dh get some quality time
I think once a week is very fair. She's being obnoxious by saying that to you. Our parents live 1,000 miles away, so we see each other about three times a year.
We don't live near either set, so not that often. He hasn't seen my parents since early May. He sees my ILs a little more frequently - my MIL more so. I'd say maybe 4x a year with my family and 7x a year for H's.
Once a week is plenty. Even if my mom lived down the street, I can't imagine her seeing DS more than that!
Both sets of DH's parents live about an hour away. My parents live almost two hours away.
We see DH's parents, on average, once a month per set. Depending on what's going on w/my family, we see my parents twice a month. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
My parents see DD once a week as they care for her W-F. DH's mom lives two states away (we in WA, she in CA) so she has seen DD three times total in her life: two weeks after she was born, last Christmas, and this summer. We send pictures and email updates pretty regularly, but she doesn't expect us to come down too often nor can she afford to come up too often. When it is affordable, the travel happens, but we don't worry about it, nor does she.
DH's mom will miss all the holidays this year as we just can't afford to make the trip and she was very understanding, which is one of the things I love about her. She is no nonsense.
Grandparents on either side see DD about once a month. They live 1 hour away.
I'd just be blunt with your MIL and say something like "Look, we are adults leading busy lives, we don't have time to stop every other day." If she's being insulting and trying to send you on a guilt trip, she needs some tough love.
On average, my parents see DD twice a week - they take care of her on Fridays and we see them in church on Sunday.
ILs have never met their grandchild. Their choice.
My side about 2 sometimes 3 times a week. DH's side 1 maybe 2 times a week. I am very close to my parents and they watch DS twice a week so I can go to the gym, clean house, run errands (when I need to do a lot quickly).
Both sets of grandparents are 20 minutes away, but my DS is the only grandchild on my side (and both of my parents are retired) and he is one of 6 on DH's side (MIL is retired, but FIL still works). My MIL does a lot of babysitting for her other grandkids and she is 20 minutes out of the way of everything I do, so we end up having to do more planning for her to see DS. With #2 on the way, that may change slightly. It may be twice a week for both sides.
DS has a great relationship with both sets.
FWIW - I grew up with both sets of grandparents on opposite sides of the country, saw each 2 -3 times a year and had a fantastic relationship with both sides. It is about QUALITY time not QUANTITY of time.
My ILs live down the street and see DS more than I prefer. They like to just drop in, specifically right at dinner, before dinner, or when we are trying to start the bedtime routine. It's frustrating that we both work and only get a few hours a day with him and they feel like they can just drop by whenever. Because they see him so frequently, they are less inclined to offer to babysit or agree to babysit when we ask. At most it was 4/wk but when I start to compain it drops to 1/wk which is ok, I just wish it was scheduled or at least at a convenient time.
My parents who live 3 states away see him every 3 months... they have no clue how lucky they are.
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Well, my mom is in the Congo, and my dad lives in BC (I'm in Ontario) and DH's parents living in BC as well. So, DD sees her grandparents about once or twice a year.
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IL's- 10 minutes away- probably once a week or every other week. They both work and are pretty busy outside of work. It's a good relationship.
My parents- 12 hours away- My mom tries not go go more than 3 months between visits, although sometimes it is more frequent. Sinch the 1st of the year we have seen them in March, May, August and will see then in October and December. They probably come down about 2x as much as we go see them because they have more vacation time.
A few times a year. My parents are willing to travel out to see us so they probably see her one more time then my ILs. My ILs apparently think we have a money tree in our backyard and keep saying "when you come out at Thanksgiving" or "when you come out at Christmas". They don't put in effort to come see us.
It's frustrating and since DH is military most of the time I travel with her alone and its exhausting. Ugh!
EDIT: We live in Washington and they all live in California.
He sees my parents a few times a month (2-4) depending on what's going on. They live about 30 minutes away.
He sees my IL's about once or twice a year because they live 10 hours away.
Both parties would love to see him more often (especially my IL's) but neither one has ever complained about it.
We live with my IL and my LO loves it. Saddly I don't. However, my mother is so far up her new boyfriend's butt that if I take LO over to her house to try and see her, LO throws a fit because she's not there. See both sets of grandparents is good for everyone and it's good that your MIL is trying (even though it ain't very nice).
My family is an 8+ hour drive away and DH's family is a 4 hour flight away.
The kids see my parents around 3 times a year and the others 1-2 times a year.
They are very close despite the distance.
My MIL does the same. I remind her that she knows where we live and she's welcome any time (with advanced warning). It's not my responsibility to cultivate a relationship between her and G. It's her responsibility.
Typically ILs see him 1-2 every 2 weeks. My mom sees him weekly because my sister is our DCP and mom stops in there to help out on Thursday afternoons. My father lives in a state 1500 miles away from us. He's seen G once since he was born and that's because we took a road trip to see him.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. How far away do your ILs live?
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Not often. My parents are about 6 hours away by car - so it is just holidays when I have an extra day off from work and can drive out or they can drive to me.
However, if I lived closer, you bet my mom would try to spend as much time with DD as possible.
DH's father is much further away and has only seen DD once since she was born.
heh. my inlaws live 20 minutes away and she sees them ... a couple times a YEAR (they don't ever ask to see her and my husband doesn't invite them over, etc). my dad lives about 45 mins away and we see him about once a month and he does nothing but complain that he never sees her. and i get it but it's HARD getting out there when our only time together is the weekend (we both work FT). my mom and grandmother live about 90 mins away and we see them about once a month too. they don't complain as much as my dad (he's old and alone though), but i know they want to see her more, too.
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As a working parent I have to say that I'm pretty stingy with my baby time. During the week it's all I can do to get home, get him fed, play for a little while we try to get our dinner cooked and eaten and then it's off to bed. That equals 2-3 hours of time per day spent with my child. Some people watch more TV than that. There is zero visitation opportunities during that time.
On the weekends I get even more possessive of my time since that's our only un-interrupted family time. I try to be as accommodating as possible, but we're pretty busy people and 1/2 the time one of us is out of town and when we are in town it an endless string of errands. I am loath to give up a min, I happily bring him everywhere I can take him.
I know it greatly depends on the family, their time, and their relationship with the grandparents. Before my mom moved an hour away, we used to see her about once a week (sometimes only every 2-3 weeks). We see my dad every 1-3 weeks. Neither of them put pressure on us (to see them more often or to spend more time when we do), and are both very low maintenance grandparents!
The ILs are a different story. They live 25 minutes away (everyone does from where we live), and we used to see them every other week. MIL is hard to get along with, and recently really upset DH, so we're seeing them less now...maybe every 3-4 weeks. It is a real chore to visit with them, and it is hard to leave their house, even after 3 hours.
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This for my parents and DH's Mom. We only see the other grandparents once, maybe twice a year.
DH's parents see her every 2-3 weeks for a few hours on the weekends I know they would like to see her more but I'm sorry I want some time as just a family and dont want to spend every weekend with them. We like about 45 minutes away I work full time DH works in another state 5 days a week and she goes to bed within an hour of us getting home at night so I dont know how we would see them more honestly. Plus they refuse to actually do stuff they just want to sit in the house and hang out and sorry after I have been tethered to my house every evening after work while she is asleeep the last thing I want to do is be stuck in it more unless I can at least do something productive like clean.
My mom sees her about every 4-5 weeks because she lives 6 hours away and cant afford to drive up or take the train up all the time to see us, but usually she stays for 3 or 4 days when she does come to kind of make up for lost time. My dad has seen her all of 3 times her whole life so not exactly a big part of her life, but that's the same way he was with me so I dont expect much from him.
my mom about once a week, my dad not yet (he lives in OH, we're in CA) and she see's h's stepdad a couple times a year.
DH's parents and mine both live in the same town, about 2.5 hours away from where we live. DD sees my parents 2 times a month, at the least, and it's typically been closer to 3 times a month. My parents are completely IN LOVE with my child and go through withdrawals when they don't see her for 2-3 weeks, lol!
My in-laws probably see DD once a month or so and it's rarely for more than 24 hours. Occasionally, they'll see her more frequently, but they just don't hang around for very long. It makes me a little sad because I know it hurts my MIL's feelings that DD doesn't seem to know or like her, but the honest truth is that MIL just hasn't spent enough time around DD and doesn't play with her enough to have DD like her and want to spend time with her.
DS sees my parents 1-2 times a week (separately, they are divorced). He sees my FIL 2x a month and MIL (who lives 3,000 miles away...thank goodness!) 3x a year.
I think once a week is more than fair. My Dad is retired and my Mom lives 2 miles away. If that wasn't the situation, I'm sure they'd see him less often.
My mom sees DS 3 times a week since she takes care of him while I'm at work (DS goes to an in-home daycare the other 2 days a week), plus we usually see my parents at some point during the weekend, so my mom ends up seeing him 4x/week and my dad sees him 1x/week (he works FT and I usually pick up DS before he gets home).
My ILs usually see DS every other week, or every 3 weeks. They drive me nuts most of the time, so our time with them is limited to what I can handle without losing my mind...lol.
Both sides - about every other week or so. All grandparents live within 40 minutes of us. Once a week is PLENTY.
If she wants to see DD more, tell her she can come over and watch her while you get stuff done. Turn it around on her.
On my DH's side, about four times a year - they live out of state.
On my side, once. Ever. And it probably won't ever happen again.
DS has seen ILs 4 times since he was born. They live 2 hours away and that's too close. I'm not a fan of them and can't stand them. She's done a lot of bad things and I'm done with her. She said EBFing was poisonious and claimed I was getting my jollies from it. She's obssessed with his weight and says he looks sickly. She watched him once and thought the counter was the safest place for him at 6 weeks old (not in any seat just him laying). She's about 50 cards short of a full deck and she's just getting worse. FIL is just as horrible. He yelled at me at DS's Christening in front of 30 people because I didn't give him DS's SS#. Needless to say that he's not welcome at my house anymore. He can't respect me, my family or my house.
My own mother saw DS 3 times and she lives an hour away. She doesn't bother with him unless it suits her. She wasn't at the hospital (because she wanted to be there for the birth ---after being MIA the previous 7 months and said a lot of hurtful things to me prior to that), she didn't go to his Christening, she didn't go to his birthday party (she told me 3 weeks prior that she was going to be "sick"), she went over a year without seeing him. Her birthday was this past weekend and DS was sick with a 104.4 fever and it ruined her birthday because we didn't go. Really?? REALLY?? Oh and she also stated that it ruined her Christmas that we didn't visit. DS had the stomach bug and we didn't know what it was and were advised by the on-call pedi to go to the ER since he wasn't keeping anything down and getting worse. Remember Christmas holiday no pedi's open...she said that was stupid for us to go and we would wait until Monday because no one was going to be there to take care of him. She didn't talk to me for a few months, well until I called her to see if she was coming to DS's birthday. I feel she didn't come as a grudge. So I believe in her mind that she thinks that I make DS sick so she can't see him. She has told my sister that I withhold DS from her. Oh and those few times she saw him for about 20 minutes because she gets pissed and storms out.
With DS's grandparents the way they are, he's better off without them.
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