I'm ready to accept it...gender dissapointment
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Ever since I was little I had an idea of what my family would be. I would have 4 kids, 3 boys first...then a little girl as the baby of the family.
So I was excited when my first 3 kids were boys. Everyone would always ask if I wanted the third one to be a girl- but I definitely didn't...it was part of my plan.
So here I am...pregnant with my 4th- which according to my plan would be a girl. Before I even knew I bought outfits, got paint samples, made a baby girl registry, saved an 'its gonna be a girl' profile picture for facebook and planned how we would tell our friends- heck- I even ordered the "pink inside" cake.
Of course you know what's going to happen...the ultrasound tech told me it was a boy. I wasn't upset at first but got in my car and bawled for the next 2 days and didn't tell anyone...not even my husband (although he figured it out). Then I started telling people that the U/S tech said it 'might' be a boy- ok- technically that's not a lie as he said there's a 99% chance that it's a boy- but I was in denial...something that I have never experienced before.
So I read up on it and apparently this happens to a lot of people?
I'm having a 4th boy. Definitely not as exciting as having a girl would have been- but I'm extremely excited to meet him and see what he looks like, learn what kind of personality he has and just cuddle with him. I will still love my little boy just as much as I would a little girl. I still can't stand when people give me that puppy dog look and say "oh no..." when I tell them.
Tell me- did you feel anything like this when finding out the gender was different from what you wanted/expected?
And yes, I know some people try hard and can't have a baby- let alone getting the gender they wanted. I'm also aware that this post is petty. So no need to post all about it because I already know 
Re: I'm ready to accept it...gender dissapointment
With DS I wanted a girl and almost bought one girl outfit the week before our a/s. When we found out he was a boy, I was initially really excited (like for the first 5 minutes), then I was grumpily disappointed for about 24 hours (not because he was a boy, but because I wasn't having a girl yet...if that even makes sense). Anyway, after that, I got over it and was really excited again. Now, of course, I can't imagine not having had a boy first.
I think it just takes a bit of getting used to if you've built up an idea in your head and the reality turns out differently. And I'm sure it would have taken me longer if we'd had three boys already lol.
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No you are NOT alone I see my self with 3 boys even though I am only on #2 and have no idea what this one is yet. But I already have this "feeling" SO I did some research on it and found a great article:
Sorry not clicky (Mac)-- https://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/fetal_development/genetics_gender/article/overcoming-gender-disappointment-pg4
Yes it is from Babyzone, but is hit some really great points in it.
My friend has 2 boys, and she is expecting her 3rd. Before she found out the sex, she said it didn't matter if it was a boy or a girl, but as soon as she found out it's a girl, she admitted that she is more excited now:) I knew it...! lol!
I would definitely feel the same way as you do if I had 4 boys. I never dreamed of having 3 boys first and then a girl, but I do want to experience raising a daughter.
Maybe consider having #5???
Proud mother of two breech babies:)
I admit I had some gender disappointment finding out ours is a boy, but the idea has grown on me of having a little boy in the house. It's a challenge and a miracle either way, just in different ways.
Yeah. I don't really get it. I know some of us have an idea of what we want our families to look like, but we really don't get to pick the sex of our children. I'm sure you'll come around. And, the suggestion for 5 is certainly a thought...
I have 4 boys, so I totally get how you feel. My last pregnancy was twin boys. I actually let an expletive slip when the ultrasound tech gave us the news. I was like - "Really? Both of them??? But there's two dammit!"
I'm prepared this time around for another boy even though I would love to finally bring home a little girl. I've been refering to the baby as "him" in conversation and told people that I'm assuming it's a boy until proven otherwise.
I think your situation is a little different. Most people don't have 3 of one sex, and then hope for the opposite and get the same.
Sounds like you'll be fine.
I haven't experienced it, but I also only have one child with one on the way.
We had the same dream! But mine ended a lot sooner than yours.
I always wanted a house full of boys and then a little girl. Either 2 boys and a girl or 3 boys and a girl. I'd prefer 4 kids but SO prefers 3.
We're on baby #1 and it's a girl. We were both disappointed at first but we got over it fairly quickly. We're excited for our little girl. But honestly, I get jealous when I hear that people are having boys.
My SO and I just found out we were having a little girl which with my family history im not surprised (we have a big history of having girls), my SO however was a bit disappointed so was I to be honest. I always envsioned having my boy first then a girl but I defintely want both sexes eventually. My whole family was banking on a boy too. I know sometimes techs can be wrong but now I dont want them to be wrong I want my little girl! I was over the disappointment the same day, the most important thing is that the baby is healthy not what sex they are.
This! I can see being disappointed because you have three boys and wanted a little girl. But ordering a pink cake before you found out the gender of your baby because your "plan" was to have a girl?? That's... weird.
Right?
Not to mention how selfish and narrow-minded it is to be upset about your baby's genitals.
Right! I would not buy anything gender specific until I knew. I just think this situation was preventable and crazy. Why get your hopes up so much when you knew there was a 50/50 chance?!?!
See everyone is saying this to me and I'm not getting my hopes up. If its a boy I'll be happy, if its a girl I'll be happy. Everyone needs to realize that its not always what we want. There is that 50/50 chance!
I don't think there is anything wrong with hoping for one sex or the other before you find out, but REALLY?
Oh, hugs for you. I won't say anything you already know (about your last paragraph) but feelings are feelings. I have been trying what feels like forever and years less than some couples and am still torn with finding out, or not, and if we even know what we 'want'. I was scared of boys and wanted a girl, then would be excitd to have an oldest boy- hoped we had one... I don't even know what to tell our tech on Tuesday (finally, our a/s)! I am hoping that we're ready and know (assume) we'll be able to change our minds but totally get the worry of dissapointment
(and isn't it great when people smile & shake their heads?! So helpful).
TTC since 3-2008: v/c repair 2009; BFP: 7-2010, m/c 8-2010, c/p 4-2011, BFP: 6-2011 EDD: 2-12-2012?
"Lovebugs2012"
Today I am pregnant & I love my baby!
Growing up I always said I would want a boy first and a girl second, but when I found out I was pregnant I wanted a girl. I had a terrible 1st trimester so I figured I only wanted one child and that would be a girl. Of course I'm having a boy. I am a little sad because I wanted to pass down my wedding gown and watch my daughter pledge my sorority, but I am happy about having a boy and can't wait to see him. I call him my little prince already. I am also thinking about having another child now, I just hope it's a girl (I know it will be a boy).
Whew, I'm so glad you, greeneyed, and Salt showed up to this post. Guess I'm just another one of the "no-lifers"... OP, going so far as to not just hope, but expect, and buy things for, a girl, is just weird.
I agree with you 100%. I am sure this happens to so many people and I think she is brave to put it out there.
Yep. But some people have so little going for them that they actually get satisfaction out of being hurtful. I can only imagine what they are like in person. Sad...
After wanting a baby girl since I was barely out of diapers myself I was dissapointed after finding out I was having a boy on Christmas 6 years ago. I did truly want a girl, and my most important priority was a healthy baby, but... I wanted the gender to be a surprise at delivery. My mom broke the news at the Christmas eve service because everyone was dying to know what the baby was and my due date was only a scant month and a half away. I went out Christmas morning to deliver homemade cookies to some of the older church members and was in tears after the first house after hearing her congratulations.
We don't get to pick the gender and while I'm still crossing my fingers and thinking pink for this pregnancy, a happy healthy baby is what I'm wanting most. I only hope that if I do have twins at least one is a boy I'm so picky about finding the right girls name I'd probably be calling them baby A and baby B for weeks til I found just the names I wanted.
This was me three weeks ago. We were having the a/s and the tech was trying to get a look. She said "girl" and my hubby asked her if she was sure. I saw and knew and fought back the tears. We left the appt and while Hubby started calling people I teared up in the car. Hubby asked what was wrong and I told him that I didn't realize how much I was hoping for a boy until I found out it was a girl.
We had planned to go over to Target to start our registery and I ended up even more upset than before. Everything for girls was pink and I HATE pink. We registered for a few basics and left because I just couldn't get into it.
I had wanted to wait to post on FB what the scan had shown but I kept getting texts from friends wanting to find out so I just posted to get it over with. Everyone kept offering congratulations and were so excited that it made me feel even worse that I wasn't. That night I cried myself to sleep-partly because I was disappointed that I was having a girl and partly because I felt guilty for not being excited.
I woke up the next morning still upset but determined to hide my diappointment because I was going to be around friends all day. I ran into a friend at Starbucks and she congratulated me and I began tearing up. I admitted to her what I was going through and immediately felt better. A few days later we went to BRU to register and I finally got excited about having a girl while there and saw that not everything is pink.
Now that I've had 3 weeks to get used to the idea I'm excited that we're having a daughter. I'm hoping she'll be fiesty and independant like I am. I think that it will be easier for my husband to parent a girl first because he'll be easier on her than he would be on a boy (lots of issues w/ the way he was treated by his dad). I deeply believe God gives us the children we're meant to have and that's helped me get over my intial feelings.
We spend the first half of our pregnancies dreaming of what the sex will be and how our child will look. I think it's ok to be disappointed if reality doesn't match with that vision as long as you're able to come to terms with it and get over it. It's when you allow the disappointment turn into resentment and bitterness that it becomes harmful.
If you're having a hard time coming to terms with the disappointment then talking with a therapist or counselor may be helpful.
We are pregnant with our 1st. and both of us are REALLY wanting it to be a boy! I'm kind of freaking out about the feelings of "gender dissapointment." We are going in at almost 23 weeks for our U/S and will find out the sex then. My sister and I bought 2 fleece sleepers on sale for $5 a few weeks ago to stake our claim even,lol:) Keep in mind, that we didn't brake the bank on this purcahse and it was more of a silly action rather then a serious one. I came home and showed my husband, laughing and giggling the entire time. I will definitely have a moment of dissapointment if its a girl but I think it will be very fleeting because a healthy baby is more important. My husband on the other hand..... I'm going to hate to see the disspaointment in his eyes if it's a girl, but then he did determine the sex right?!? I think we all feel this to some degree; some are worse then others. But I also think once our healthy babies arrive, we'll forget we ever acted or felt the way we did:)
I don't think it's anything to feel bad about.
I always wanted two children, a boy first, then a little girl. BUT I'm having my first, and it's a girl. I think every mom wants a little girl, and every dad, wants their own son. It's just the facts of life. And when you have a child of one gender, you automatically want one of another, I THINK for the majority anyway.
There are a lot of families that I know that tried for one or the other and ended up with 4 of the same gender! lol. It's just a 50/50 shot!
I honestly feel sad for people who actually get disappointed about the sex of their baby. I guess when you go through infertility and all the serious disappointment associated with that, the sex of your child is completely and totally irrelevant. You're just happy that your baby is healthy and pray that when he/she is born that they will have a happy and normal life.
We are pregnant with our second and so many people asked us if we wanted a boy or a girl. Personally, I didn't care there were benefits and disadvantages to both but being disappointed was never even a concern. In fact the u/s tech was sly and told us "Oh boys are always so chill when I do these" and I completely missed that she said boy because I was more interested in "are the parts there and working"- so go on and be disappointed that you didn't get your girl or your boy but be grateful that you don't have to experience the real disappointment of never being pregnant or having a baby. You want to see what that's like just spend some time on the IF boards or the Child Free: Not by Choice board.