Anyone used a Doula before? 1st timer here =/
I live in the south with my fiancee and he is in the military. The two sides of my family live in New York and Utah so needless to say they wont be able to get down here for the birth of the baby. I don't have very many close girlfriends down here and I can see my future MIL driving me up a wall to the point of me throwing something at her during labor. My plan is to deliver as naturally as possible. My Biological and Adoptive mothers both passed away within the last 12 months so I'm kind of without any female support for the birth. I have heard amazing things about a Doula that practices locally and she has a spot open for the month that I'm set to deliver. The problem is my fiancee is extremely hard headed and will definitely not want to shell out the extra expense for a Doula. I'm trying to figure out a way to present the idea to him so I can easily persuade him to give in. He will fight me tooth and nail because thats just how he is. He's the typical "I'm always right" man, but I just choose my battles wisely and ignore him the rest of the time. But this is something I really would feel better having with my birth experience than not. Does anyone have any advice on convincing a know it all, stubborn and cheap man to shell out an extra few hundred bucks? Any advice or stuff I can use to back up my case would be greatly appreciated!
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Re: Anyone used a Doula before? 1st timer here =/
There is a book called "Mothering the Mother" that is full of studies about the effects of doulas. If I were you, I would try pitching it to him as "Look, it reduces the chances of a C-Section by x%, and the rate of epidural use goes down y%"...all those interventions cost money, and if you can improve your odds of avoiding them, all the better...you save in the long run.
I would also mention to him the fact that this is very very important to you. I would hope that with that in mind, and some facts to back up the benefit, you would be able to talk him into it.
(Disclaimer: I not only use a doula, I am one!)
There are some doula topics linked in the FAQ (in my siggy).
Here's the thing about giving birth: it's the ultimate trump card. You get to say "because I'm pushing a baby out of my vagina", and there really isn't any way to one-up that. If you want a doula, you should have one - especially since you'll be without your moms. My DH was so glad we had a doula - it took the pressure off him to be the perfect support person. He just had to be my husband, and he's already pretty good at that.
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I agree with what everyone else said and sort of went through this with my husband. When I first brought up the idea it was in kind of a "hmm that really might be nice to support the birth we want..." sort of a way. So in response to that he was reluctant; one because he thought he could do her job, and two because of the extra cost.
Then the more I thought about it, researched it, and watched my sister's natural delivery... the more I knew it was a must have. I just told him that I love you, I know you will be an amazing support during this... but I also know this is really important to me and I want you to be behind me on the decision to get one. Now that we've actually met with a few and he's read more about it he's completely in favor of it and it's a great bonding experience for us to plan our birth on the same page. G/L!
Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!
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