3rd Trimester
mteston
member
For some reason this really annoys me.
mteston
member
I get that it's the mother's choice on whether or not to BF. I also get that for some they have legit reason's for not.. You know, like, their milk never came in, LO was in ICU, etc.. I don't really know ALL the reasons because NOT BFing was never an option for me.
It just upsets me when mothers choose not to BF. I just don't feel like "because I don't want to" isn't a good enough reason. A girl once told me it didn't seem "natural". UM, are you kidding? If it wasn't natural, your body wouldn't produce it.. idiot.
Not looking to get flamed or anything but it's annoying to me.
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Re: For some reason this really annoys me.
This.
I mean this in the least flame-oriented way as possible.
I really think that BF is a very personal choice. Some choose to keep their options open (much like medicated vs. non-medicated birth) with how they choose to do things in that regard.
There are untold numbers of reasons that someone would choose not to do it. I don't know, I think "just not choosing to" is as valid a reason as any medical one. It is a woman's choice how she chooses to nourish the kid, and as long as the baby is being fed then that is all that matters IMHO.
I am going to try to BF. I have no idea if it will work out for me or not (many of my friends tried & could not for various reasons). If it works out then I will continue. If it doesn't I don't think there is anything wrong with FF.
Happy baby = happy mama. I would just let it be, honestly.
I agree with everything above.
Maybe there is a good reason (breast issues, medication) but its just none of your business so the easier answer is they arent interested?
There are millions of people out there that are doing much worse things to their children than formula feeding- perhaps focus your judgment there instead?
I think it's a totally personal decision and I try not to judge, but I do have a hard time not being critical of the women who just say they don't want to do it because it'll stretch out their boobs or won't give them freedom to go out. It's usually the really young, single, party-girl types I get the most annoyed with.
Aside from that I try to avoid the topic altogether unless someone else brings it up or I have specific questions about experience.
BF (I'm pro BF) is one of those land mine topics, like circumcision (pro), CIO (on the fence), and cloth diapering (great but not for me).
DS: 11/8/11 | 9 lb 7 oz, 22 in
DD: 5/22/14 | 9 lb 9 oz, 21.5 in
This!
From someone who wanted to breast feed but can't because of a medical condition. I don't judge you for choosing to BF so what makes it okay to judge those who chose not to for whatever reason. It's their choice why make them feel bad.
I have a friend that was totally against BFing. She talked to me about it and I had a hard time not telling her to at least try it out. I eventually talked to her about it and she loves it. I think SOME moms that choose not to breast feed haven't heard enough GOOD things about it. I know when I was pregnant with DD #1 I was on the fence about BFing. I decided to try it and it didn't bother me so I kept at it. I plan to BF DD #2 for a longer time because I have learned more about it and it doesn't bother me at all anymore.
I will say, one of the biggest reasons I have personally seen moms say "there's no way" to BFing is because breasts to them are strictly a sexual thing. I have talked to MANY friends that feel this way. (not saying evey FFing mom feels this way)
I try not to let it bother me, but it always makes me happy when people say they at least tried it out!
ITA with OP
But it is not the biggest parenting issue (kids left unattended in cars, neglected, abused, molested, etc). I would much rather a child be ff and well cared for anyday.
While I personally intend on BFing, what other people decide to do is not my business. I have enough to worry about with my new baby, DH, etc., I don't have time to concern myself with others' decisions. All I know is that I wouldn't want someone to criticize my choice to BF, so it isn't my place to judge/criticize someone for choosing to not BF.
I did not enjoy BF. I think it really made me not enjoy my DS first few months as much as I should have. I would have loved for someone to tell me to use formula, but no one ever did. I can totally understand why people don't do it.
FWIW, I BF/EP for 9 months and I plan on doing the same with this kiddo. I am not excited about it.
Go Phils!!
Who are YOU to say what is or is not a legit reason?!?!?
Honestly, this holier than thou attitude about looking down on mother's who don't BF, for WHATEVER reason, puts undue pressure on women. Breastfeeding is hard, yo. For some women it's just not the right choice. And the guilt that a new mom can face when BFing doesn't work out is tremendous -- and is being built up because of judgmental asshattery like this.
If a woman has issues with her breasts, that's a pretty damn personal thing. Psychological reasons for not BFing are not less valid than physical barriers. Having a short list of reasona acceptable to YOU is just ignorant.
We all get to make our own decisions for our children. Barring decisions that will harm children, we need to keep our own judgmental noses out of other parents' decisions.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Some people have been sexually abused, something they may not want to share with you, and the idea of putting a baby on a typically *private* area is just psycologically damaging to them.
Or maybe they had their LOs one right after another, have been breastfeeding and/or pregnant for 6 years, and just need to not BF the last one because having their body back is crucial for their sanity.
Or maybe they are on prescription drugs for any number of conditions, and it wouldn't be safe to BF their LO.
It's your right to be annoyed, but there's really no point in being irritated when someone makes a different parenting decision than you. Otherwise you are going to find yourself annoyed a LOT.
Aint' (is that even how you spell it...haha) that the truth.
Go Phils!!
Usually it doesn't bug me too much, a majority of women I know who didnt BF was legitimate or they were just having a really hard go at it and couldn't handle the stress (which is apparently really common).
The only time it REALLY bugged me, was with my MIL. She refused to breastfeed because it was "inconvenient" for her... even though she was a stay at home mom. She said she didn't want to always be the one taking care of my DH and she wanted to be able to pass him off whenever she felt like it...
But it was her selfish attitude that really bothered me, not so much the BFing.
Dude, I don't think that's selfish at all. My sanity means a freaking lot to me and to maintain that sanity I need a lot of time alone.
This post makes me sad. I don't know. Moms know how hard it is to be a mom and it stinks that some people would judge another mom on something like this. Is the baby fed? Is the baby happy? Healthy? Is the mom happy? Healthy? If the answer is yes to these questions, then what does it matter what newborn baby eats?
We put so much pressure on ourselves as moms, esp. FTM. We question EVERYTHING we do. Then someone has to post that they are annoyed by the way someone feeds their baby. Good Lord. Be annoyed by someone who puts their LO in the carseat wrong. Be annoyed by people who swear in front of their kids or who smoke around children or feed them all sugar, etc. I know we all have our feelings and opinions, but a lot of the women in this thread do not know how hard physically and MENTALLY breast-feeding can be. Like I said in my pp, I think I would have enjoyed my little guy's first few months a lot more if someone had just said to me that it's okay if I don't want to BF. I also think it's perfectly okay if I would have chosen being happier over BF my baby. He would have eaten.
Go Phils!!
Seriously?! For some reason it really annoys me when someone without a medical degree is telling me that feeding my baby formula from a bottle is wrong. If formula is SO bad for babies, why does it exist? Who cares what their reason is? It's not your decision on how others feed their child. Like PP said, there are way worse things parents do to their children than FF. Get over yourself!
In the grand scheme of parenting choices, whether or not a baby is breastfed or formula fed is pretty minor.
Of course, it's your right to be annoyed, but I really don't see the point. But, carry on with your judgments.
I don't judge anyone for FF- I don't know the story behind why they are, and frankly, it's none of my business. I think all women should at least try to BF, but it's not up to me, and I don't stress over other people's babies eating formula. I think breast is best, but I also don't think formula is the devil. I do, however, think many people are mislead or misinformed about why women don't BF, or how awesome formula is.
BF is the most natural thing in the world, and throughout history women have had tons of other women to help them through pregnancy, labor, delivery, PP, and breastfeeding. In areas of the world where formula is not readily available or an option period, there is almost zero occurrences of women who cannot BF. Our bodies were made to do this, and while there are some who physically cannot BF, that only accounts for less than 1% of women.
Many women, like myself, lacked that support system that taught you how to BF and encouraged it. We are told that formula is just as good as breast milk, and that it's okay not to BF, and so when we encounter trouble we turn to formula. I did- I regret it, but at the same time my son is healthy, happy, and thriving. But, as I've grown as a mother and a person, I see things in a different light.
Formula isn't necessarily bad, but it isn't natural... it's like any other man-made item, and it is still relatively new. Formula as we know it has only been around for a few generations, and if you look into the reasons why it became so popular, it's really sad. Ask your grandmas- they probably had a formula salesperson come to the hospital and tell them that formula was far superior to breast milk, and that breast milk was only for poor women. The formula they were pedaling as superior was, in actuality, severely lacking in key nutrients. Women at the time didn't know better... they were told it was good, and they accepted that, much like women today. Thankfully they have made drastic improvements to formula today, and it is, according to the WHO, and "acceptable substitute" for those who cannot/will not breastfeed. BUT- it is still a man-made product, and you have to keep in mind it is not perfect, and in 10/20 years, we may look back and realize how far off the mark it is. Not to mention, that there is room for human error in making it (as evidenced by the recalls that happen more frequently than we would all like).
If I am unable to BF this LO, am I going to feel guilty that I give him formula? No. The important thing is that the baby is fed and healthy- I'd prefer him to be fed with breast milk, but if not, okay. But I won't pretend that formula is amazing and is equal to breast milk, or that there are no concerns with giving a baby formula.
I plan on BFing, but I literally knew 2 women who did before I met my DH's family. Now I know a grand total of 5. You've got to remember, there for the longest time FFing was considered better. It wasn't until--what, the 90's?--that the "breast is best" campaign really took hold. Maybe it's just the area I grew up in, but there was almost no support for BFing. It was just assumed that you'd FF.
I think it's easier for women to say they just don't want to than pull out their real reasons. There are some benefits to FF, like SO's and other family members can feed LO just as easily as Mom, and it may be psychologically easier for some women to deal with. Barring an allergy, there's really no road blocks to FF. You don't have to worry about sore nipples, low supply, etc. You just heat up the bottle and you're good to go. There is also more freedom with FF than BF. You don't have to cart along a pump if you're out for more than a few hours, and you get your body 'back' sooner--no engorgement to worry about past a few weeks, etc.
I think you need to consider that maybe she does have good reasons, but just isn't sharing them with you. Like a PP said, as long as baby is healthy and well cared for, can you really judge? It's not like you can look at someone and say, "Well, you OBVIOUSLY weren't breast fed, were you?"
"Because I don't want to" is a perfectly good reason because what business is it of yours?
Careful not to fall off that horse.
David "BD" 2/8/07 Spencer 9/12/11My mom had 3 kids after me, at an age where i remember that she most certainly did not breast feed any of them. She didn't with me either. My aunt who married into the family did, and honestly I thought it was the weirdest thing since I had not been exposed to it before.
I understand that it is "natural", but in some situations (like not being exposed to it before), it doesn't seem natural.
As I read about it more and more, it scared me. Your nipples hurt, you leak milk, your in pain...i'm sorry but none of that sounds like it will enhance bonding time. It sounds like it will lead to extra stress for me which will translate to the baby.
My husband convinced me to give it a shot though, he brought to me valid reasons for trying to BF. I thank him for that support because if it was just me, I would be scared to death to try it. Unfortunately, he will still be deployed for the first month LO is here so that moral support isn't going to be there. My mom will be here, but its hard to give advice on something you haven't done yourself.
No, not being exposed to the idea of breastfeeding is not a medical reason to not do it, but it sure as heck is just one of many reasons why women choose not to. Whether you agree with it or not is no reason to judge someone. Like others have said, if the baby is healthy, why should you care?
I completely understand that formula is man made and not natural, but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it or it shouldn't exist. While you are BF will you be eating only foods that you grew in your own garden? Probably not, so essentially your LO will be getting that "man made" food anyways. I understand all the pro's of BF, but I also know a lot of con's and for me BF is not something I will be doing. I feel very educated in the matter considering I have a Bachelor's degree in Health, and this topic has been covered 10 millions times throughout my education. I don't feel like I am going to be a horrible mother for this decision, and I don't appreciate people like OP trying to make all of us FF mothers feel like we are the scum of the earth. I was FF, along with both of my sisters and we have always been healthy and smart just like all the BF babies. Some people just need to get off their high horse and stop preaching to the world about what is best for other people.
You're right... I will be eating man-made foods while BFing. But the difference is there is no chance of glass being in my breast milk, or deadly quantities of melamine (both of which have been the reason for recent formula recalls). Since you studied nutrition, you obviously are aware that your body will use the nutrients in breast milk first, so even if you eat a crummy diet, your child is still receiving the nutrients they need, just like during pregnancy. Again, if you want to FF, great. If you feel like it's fine, than no one would be able to make you feel like scum about it. I don't feel like scum about giving my son formula, it is what it is. OP was a little sanctimonious, but you are too, and if you're going to get your feelings hurt over an internet stranger telling you she is annoyed that you want to BF, you're going to be getting your feelings hurt a lot more because once you become a mom EVERYONE has an opinion about how you raise your kid.
For someone who claimed to be non-judgmental about other peoples' choices, you sure do post some negative stuff that *sounds* like you are getting judgy! (also, just a note, but your claim that less than 1% of women have physical barriers to breastfeeding is inaccurate. I'll save you a Google search and here's an article that has some other stats in it for convenience https://www.babble.com/baby/baby-feeding-nutrition/breastfeeding-problems-low-breast-milk-supply-lactation-consultant/)
I hope that every woman who wishes to breastfeed is able to do so without issues. I hope that every woman who formula feeds is able to do so without judgment and guilt. But the REALITY is, neither of the options are easy. Breastfeeding can be very challenging (I know this firsthand) and facing assclownery judgments and personal guilt is also challenging (I also know that firsthand). What NONE of us need is judgment for our methoid of feeding our children, guilt for how we do so, or misinformation from either side about what we are doing. Go forth and feed your babies - and feel good about however the hell you are doing it.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
My feelings are not hurt at all about what OP said. It is just becoming a weekly thing on here to flame the women who plan to FF and it annoys me just as much as she is annoyed that I'm not going to BF. You don't see us FF posting all over the boards about how BF is so horrible, that people should try to FF, or that simply not wanting to is not a good enough reason.
>.>
why do you care what someones choices are?
do you care when people get epidurals too? your body can do it without pain medications, so do you shame people who get the epi?
Thanks for the article, it's interesting. A difference of 3% isn't really that big of a difference (and when you take into account a reasonable margin of error, that 3% is pretty much a moot point), in fact it cements the fact that it is extremely rare that a woman will be unable to BF right off the bat. My reason for pointing that out is that most women are misinformed about BFing, because in general, we are not a BFing culture (and the formula industry is a big, if not the biggest, reason). And PP saying, "if formula is SO bad, why does it exist?", well, frankly, so formula companies can make money. Yes, formula saves lives and many a mother's sanity, but bottom line is, they're in it to make money. I've used it, but I don't think it's best, yet I would still use it again if I needed to. Like I said, it is what it is.
I'm not judging- sorry if it came across that way. I'm being realistic. Formula isn't evil; sometimes it is necessary, sometimes it is just a more appealing option for some women. Understand that, with anything else, there are pros, cons, and risks to FFing, and make your own decision. Inform yourself. And if you chose to FF your baby, great- go ahead, it's your decision. People are going to judge you no matter how you feed your baby, whether breast or bottle. People are going to judge you for how long or short you BF or bottle feed for. If you aren't secure in your decision, yeah, it can make you feel bad, but if you feel like you're doing the right thing for your child, those judgments, while annoying, will roll off your back.
I know what you mean, I am 100% on board with breastfeeding, and I feel a little sad when people just don't want to, but at the same time, if that's how they feel, then it is best that they not even bother trying, IMO. Breastfeeding is not easy, it takes a lot of commitment, and if the mother is not on board at least at first, it's going to be really rough. If I hadn't wanted to BF so badly, I'd have never made it through the first 3 weeks.
To me, it kind of makes sense. There are varying degrees of commitment to BF'ing, and if someone knows they're not into it, then it's kind of wise of them to not even try, because it's just going to cause grief later on.
This is going to probably sound snarky but I honestly don't intend it to sound that way.
I find the judgment of FF vs. BF very annoying and belittling. Just because there isn't a "medical" reason such as lack of supply, etc, doesn't meant that there isn't a VALID reason.
I am not going to tell you all of my reasons why. I already avoid the conversation in real life because it's just stupid and rude to berate someone over their personal decision of how they feed their child, but I have decided to 100% FF. Some of my reasons consist of some of your "non-medical" reasons. I want my LO's father to be able to enjoy feeding her and bond with her (Something he hasn't been able to do bc his ex BF) I also don't feel comfortable with it at all. It's not that it doesn't seem natural to me because I'm well aware that it's natural but in my personal situation, any sort of sensation on my breast makes me feel like I'm going to vomit. That may seem totally weird to you but I cannot stand my breasts to be touched in any way so how the heck would I do with BFing? Probably terribly.
I do have "medical" reasons that would impact the health of my child. One of them is the fact that she is already measuring almost a month behind and formula usually helps them gain the weight they need faster than BM. (my OB said this.) Among other reasons.
I am not a bad mother for FF. You should use your time and energy and annoyance to do some good, like join a cause for abused babies instead of berating us FF mothers because it's not what you chose to do.
I plan on BF if I can but really only because its a lot cheaper, I dont think theres anything wrong with formula at all, if there was it wouldnt be made for babies at all
I agree with you mostly. I don't know if I find it particularly "annoying" but I don't think we are educated enough about the ingredients in formula. Before formula existed, women who couldn't BF their own baby would ask a mother who could to do it for her. Rich women would hire "nurses" to nurse their babies. There are still organizations who facilitate the sale of breast milk. Also organizations who facilitate the donation of breast milk. But we don't hear about those as options to feed our babies.
Here's an interesting link about the ingredients in formula:
THIS is what I was talking about. People who do it for selfish reasons.
Someone earlier posted something about viewing breasts as only a sexual thing.. I was the same way until I hopped in the shower with DH once and instead of showering him with love, I showered him with boobie milk! YEP, good times. lol.
A friend of mine said she didn't want to because she heard her boobs would sag, but either way, the milk comes in, the milk (eventually) dries up, your boobs are going to be different. A selfish reason.
I was never talking about anyone who had been abused, or people on meds that won't allow it, or people who felt they weren't bonding with their children.. I'm talking about the ones who don't try just because they don't want to.
Also, if someone chooses to FF I don't look at them like they are stupid or try to judge them based on it. It just upsets me when people don't even take the time to try. I guess I should have made myself a little more clear in my OP.
I exclusively BF DS during his first few months of life and after that I BF him at home and FF in public (restaurants, ball games, etc) because pumping was time consuming and no one ever really showed me the ropes. Like, if I pumped, DS was hungry right after and I'd have nothing in my boobs to give him and if I gave him what I just pumped then he'd have nothing while we were out. SO I'm not saying that formula is the devil and I should have known that most of you would reply the way you did but I was just saying how I felt, as did you all.
Please don't hate me. And yes, I know there are much worse things parents can do to a child (not that I ever said FF was bad) and it does upset me when people smoke in front of their kids, or put them in the seat wrong, or cuss like sailors, etc.
This drives me CRAZY! Why do people care if you breastfeed or not. I choose not to with my DS and I won't be doing it this time either. I have no reason other than I don't want to. I think it's great for women who want to, but I'm kind of creeped out by it. Sorry. I would be miserable trying to breastfeed. No thank you. I love th moms that are all high and mighty about breastfeeding but then think nothing of giving their kid fastfood from age 2+. Nothing wrong with it, but why do you care what you feed your kid for the first year, but not the 17 years after that.