3rd Trimester
Why are people so negative when you're having a good pregnancy?!
UGH! So annoyed with people becoming so negative when I talk about my pregnancy and being happy while pregnant! I have a friend who had a hard pregnancy, she had all the horrible morning sickness, gestational diabetes, and was a VERY high-risk pregnancy. Anytime I post/say anything about how well my pregnancy is going she comes back with something negative. It gets really annoying! I mean it sucks she had such a bad experience with her pregnancy, I wish all women could have good pregnancies and I'm sure my next wont be all peaches and cream, but let me be happy with the fact that this one is going great!
I personally feel that when you're healthy prior to getting pregnant it helps you have a better pregnancy.... this has also been stated in numerous books I've read in regards to natural healing and natural birthing.
Just wish she would be happy for me rather than negative about anything good I say about pregnancy..... GRRRR!
I personally feel that when you're healthy prior to getting pregnant it helps you have a better pregnancy.... this has also been stated in numerous books I've read in regards to natural healing and natural birthing.
Just wish she would be happy for me rather than negative about anything good I say about pregnancy..... GRRRR!
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Re: Why are people so negative when you're having a good pregnancy?!
Are you assuming it was her fault that she had a tough pregnancy. That's not cool either!
My first pregnancy was great with hardly any symptoms and I looked and felt terrific. This time it has been incredibly difficult with tons of symptoms and I am high risk. I would be offended if someone assumed my issues are because I was somehow unhealthy before pregnancy. That's obnoxious.
Anyway, when you talk about your pregnancy, you open the door for someone to also share about theirs. It so happens hers sucks. Be a friend and be willing to listen to her as much as you want her to listen to you.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
I had a good long rant about this yesterday. My solution, just stay positive. Don't let other people get you down. I think a lot of people just like to complain. I've had a really enjoyable, easy pregnancy, and even I like to complain a bit (mainly because I think most of my 'complaint worthy' issues are hilarious). I laugh almost every morning because I'm in so much pain I can't get out of bed without help. The code word around here is 'turtle', for when I'm stuck and can't get up on my own, lol!! Yeah, it's painful, usually more painful than anything I've ever experienced, but it's also really funny to me. I guess it just depends on your outlook.
Most women expect that their pregnancy will suck because everyone told them it would (didn't suggest it might, no, straight up told them). If you expect it to suck, it will. (This bars women who are having legitimate issues. I'm mainly referencing the people who b!tch just because it's expected of them). People don't want to hear how happy you are. Ever. Because someone always had it worse. You having a good time just makes their bad time seem even more 'sob' worthy when they tell it. Negativity just breeds more negativity, more 'well mine was even worse because...', and it becomes a vicious cycle of out doing the others with your horrible-ness. Sick.
So just keep your chin up, enjoy your pregnancy in spite of the complainers, and tell everyone in the world how amazing it was. If we all speak up about the good, then maybe the rest of the world will too...
I once made a comment about how the baby was kicking me in the ribs and jumping on my bladder and my husband's cousin who had a loss during birth fired back at me like I was purposely rubbing it in her face. She said something like, "I'm sorry you're having such a tough pregnancy, mine was perfect and look where it got me" She went on and on about how she's sick of pregnant women complaining about their pregnancies when there's others out there who would die to hold their babies they lost. Then all her stupid friends ganged up on me...over a simple comment that wasn't even directed towards her. I honestly wasn't thinking of her situation, dumb of me I admit but FFS it was simply a comment that my baby was being active and causing me to run to the restroom all day.
I totally agree. I can't imagine having an easier pregnancy than the one I've been having, but I know that's not the norm, so I kind of keep it quiet. I have friends that have had one complication after another during their pregnancy. I know most people are sick, tired, hormonal, and uncomfortable during pregnancy. And I know the last thing they want to hear about is how easy and perfect things are for me. When they ask how I'm feeling, I usually just say "fine" or something along those lines.
That wasn't what I was getting at, hers wasn't planned and she didn't know she was pregnant for quit some time after, so I think some of the issues she had were brought on by going out, drinking, and smoking... just based on medical history and literature. I wasn't saying everything can be prevented by being healthy before your pregnancy.
I know every pregnancy is different, for every woman and even within that same person the next pregnancy can be very different. I have been very supportive in hearing of her complications when they occurred. She is just a negative person in general about EVERYTHING, life, money, job, any time someone brings up something happy it's like she purposely tries to bring them down. It just gets annoying when every word out of someones mouth is negative and they do nothing to change the situation they're in.....
I totally get the people like to *** just because they can. I wasn't saying that all issues of high-0risk pregnancies are brought on by the mother either, there are a lot of things that are out of our control, but I also know that we bring a lot of things on ourselves with negativity.... I try to stay positive, maybe it's annoying to some, but I feel/believe when you put out positive vibes you get that back in your life. I had some pains and issues when I first got pregnant. My pelvic bones were tilted and rubbing against my sciatic nerve, I couldn't even sit down let alone stand up without pain shooting up and down my spine. Luckily I was able to get physical therapy to fix the issue. I guess I come across the wrong way with some of the ladies on here as placing blame on my friend for her issues, or any pregnant woman with pregnancy issues..... Thanks for the support and understanding.
You must have a different following on your facebook.... mine is my family who can't be around along with friends, whom most DO want to know how the pregnancy is going. I guess it's different with each individual, just like pregnancy. I'm not just posting stuff to post things.... There's 5 of us who are pregnant and due around the same time so we each post how things are going in there lol. I understand "feedback" just don't understand when the only thing out of someones mouth is negative... I guess I look at the glass as being half full not empty in most cases, always have even when things weren't always peachy... and believe me they always haven't been...
I agree with this 100%!! I have been in and out of the hospital with kidney issues of my own, but thank God my baby is healthy. I have had some of our friends DH's brag about how great their spouses dealt with pregnancy and why can't I? Um hello, what part of I have been in the hospital and on bedrest makes this fun??
And to assume that someone was unhealthy and may have caused their own pg to be craptastic isn't a fair statement!
Hey, I am am super glad that you feel awesome, but please don't knock the gals who are having a rough time......
Married October 16th, 2010
TTC #1 since October 2010
1st BFP 1-12-11
MC'd 1-22-11
2nd BFP 2-15-11
Our Wee One....**KENNEDY JO** born 10/3/11@ 36weeks via Csection
My BFP Chart
Labor Buddy to **MRS.ATCH** Welcome Quinn 11-5-11**
It sounds like you don't think very much of this girl, so why are you friends with her?
Not true! I'm a marathon runner who is tall, skinny and in fabulous shape. I suffered horrible morning sickness my entire pregnancy. Well, lucky me....all that puking. I only gained the minimum and lost it within 2 weeks.
Have some compassion for you friend.
How am I not being compassionate? please explain.... WHEN she was pregnant I was very compassionate, I'd expect the same since I'm pregnant now. Her son who is very healthy is almost 2, I would think someone who gave birth almost 2 years ago would be able to be happy for her friend who is having a great pregnancy... Just because I don't want to only hear negativity that's not being compassionate?!
Most women who are healthy prior to conceiving and have planned pregnancies (key word there is most) do have easier pregnancies... not all.... but most women, I was told this by my practitioner along with read it, so guess they're wrong in that aspect. I wasn't meaning all women, nor did I say this to my friend upon her numerous negative outburst on everything positive that is said about pregnancy in general not just my pregnancy....
My point of view is just that, I personally think people tend to ONLY focus on the negative things in life. When the only thing that comes out of someones mouth is how bad they have or had it, and their life is SOOOO horrible it just gets annoying, and that's all they're going to attract in their life. Especially when they want you to feel bad for feeling good, when you're having things go well in your life. When you only look at the negative that's what you bring into your life..... You can only handle a super negative person for so long before it gets old, and annoying....
But everyone has opinions and that's just mine. (There's a silver lining even to the darkest cloud)
The thing is, she is not pregnant now... even my best friend who is having a SUPER hard 2nd pregnancy (twins, and one might not make it) stays on the positive side of things and is very supportive of all of us who ARE currently pregnant, we support each other, and help out when/where needed. I guess I should have made it clear that the friend who is being negative is not currently pregnant... I would understand if she was and was complaining, then I wouldn't say anything to her, even when she asked I'd probably lie to make her feel better. But the fact is she isn't, but still dwells on the fact her pregnancy sucked (in her words). I personally would be happy that I was able to give birth to a healthy baby even though I had a rough time, rather than focus on something that has passed and I obviously can't do anything about it, it's the past and that's how it was, be happy for what you have now, a beautiful healthy child that should bring you joy.....
I wouldn't expect to be a sunshine of roses, and I'm sorry that you had lost so many babies in your attempts. I'm going off of what I was told, so I guess I'm wrong in that aspect. Not being a sunshine of roses is completely different than being negative about things going well in others lives..... When she was pregnant I was very supportive, believe me I know not all pregnancies go well. When I was 5 I would take my Mom buckets to puke in because she was so sick with my little brother and couldn't get out of bed her entire pregnancy.
This is my first successful pregnancy, so I DO know what it's like to lose a child... but unlike you I wasn't healthy, and also didn't know I was pregnant until I was having a miscarriage at 4 months pregnant. Do I dwell on that loss? Or how crappy I felt during that time after? No, because I know there is/was nothing I could do to change that point and time of my life, it is what it is. I never said anything rude back to her when she decided to say snide things in regards to my happy post, I simply said "I'm sorry your pregnancy didn't go as well as mine is going currently, but at least you have a healthy baby now and you also feel/look great!" Did say anything about her health, just said what my doctor told when I was trying to conceive, and was successful.... told me since I'm so healthy prior that 1. it will be easy for you to get pregnant, especially since you have been planning for almost a year now and getting your body in shape, along with taking your prenatals. When I came in every check up, she would say it's because I was so healthy prior that I wasn't getting sick because my body had/has plenty of B vitamins, which is also what a few books say, when you're low on b12 and b6 it can cause morning sickness, along with being dehydrated.... I never said "Oh your horrible health caused you to have a crappy pregnancy" maybe she took it that way because I shared what I was told and read. Apparently I'm in the wrong for sharing information..... my bad, still don't think it calls for rude, snide, negative comments like "Well aren't you just lucky", "just you wait til labor, then see how nice things go" "don't think you'll be so lucky next time", "wait until you try to lose the weight afterwards", "not all pregnancies are the same missy, just wait until your next bet you'll be hating life" (really nice to wish upon a friend).... to that I simply said well maybe it's because I'm having a girl and I was my Mom's easier pregnancy... who knows, but I do consider myself lucky/blessed to be having a good pregnancy with minimal issues, wish every woman could have a good pregnancy, then they could enjoy it more and focus on the joy/miracle they're creating......
Because she is my friend. Just because I say she smoked and drank doesn't mean I don't think she's a bad person (just saying that may have been the reason she got so sick, because he body was telling her there's something not right, since she didn't know she was pregnant.). She is just negative, which gets old. I will always be her friend because I'm a TRUE friend, regardless of how annoying it may get when she complains about everything I still love her. I wanted to vent about the fact that she because negative with people who are positive or happy. There seems to be a few of those bitty's on here too. It's just a personality clash, she negative and I'm positive, I think that's what brought us together in the first place. Some times it just gets to be too much when that's all that comes out of someone... it's like the super skinny girl saying she's fat because she needs attention lol.
I searched specifically for 'negative comments' just to see if anybody else has been faced with unwanted horror stories and reassurances that "it will only get worse." I am completely in the same boat with you here! I've had the normal aches and pains of pregnancy, and a few scares, but I'm so freaking happy to be pregnant and to be having a baby that it seems like my positivity is a magnet for naysayers and ill-wishers. After a history of stress-related anxiety, and a desire to have a natural birth, I especially crave support from my nearest and dearest to maintain a positive outlook for my last trimester and labor.Unfortunately, it's hard to come by.
My own mother has been particularly difficult. When I bring up my desire to cloth diaper, have a natural birth, or even when I'm discussing body changes and how happy I am to know that my body is transforming to support baby, she's quick to jump in with how hard it is to stick with CD'ing, how much pain I'll face until I'll beg for an epi, and how huge and uncomfortable I'll be before long. It's extremely frustrating.
I don't feel like you're rubbing your experience in anybody's face; I think it's natural and healthy to share your excitement about your pregnancy with friends and family. Stay positive, and GL with the remainder of your journey!