We are team green and have picked a boy name and a girl name. The boy name is my favorite boy name and DH's dad's name, but MIL hates the name because DH's dad is her ex-husband. She wants to nickname the boy something that I absolutely hate (using initials - I hate nicknames that are initials).
We feel terrible that this is hard on her, and DH wants to pick new names, but I've gotten very attached to the names. I'm also kicking myself for not sticking to my guns and keeping the names a secret. Now DH wants to find out baby's sex to see if this is even going to be an issue. What do I do?
Re: MIL hates name choice
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I agree with the pp - find out the gender. The argument may be entirely pointless.
Can you use your FIL's name as the middle name? I get that you are attached, but I get their POV too, and your DH's opinion also counts. I think the MN would be a good compromise here.
Maybe I'm missing something but I think the advice you're getting is awful! I think MIL needs to stop making this about her, and you should stay team green if that is what you're committed to.
Unless your DH's dad was horribly abusive to her (which I doubt since you want to use his name), then MIL needs to get over it and let you name your own child.
This.
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This. 100% this.
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This. It's not your fault she can't get over it!
This. It may be her ex's name but it's still your husband's father's name and he clearly has no issue with it. It's too bad that your MIL can't let go, but your son shouldn't be banned from honoring his father because their marriage didn't last.
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Agreed!
I totally agree with this too. My son shares my FIL's and DH's middle name and MIL - who has been divorced for 20 years and NOT on good terms - has no issue with us using it. I do, but that's another story!
It's your baby. Not your MIL's. If you and your DH think it over and really want to use it, too bad, MIL. That said, I think now that the cat's out of the bag and such a fuss has been made, you need to follow your DH's lead on the matter. I wouldn't go so far as to find out if you truly wanted to be team green, but if your DH thinks you should abandon the name, I think it's his call.
And yeah. Keep it a secret next time.
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anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
Completely agree!
I agree... BUT I think either way, it's your child, and therefore should be your decision. I can see why your DH wants to find out (it may be a non-issue), but if you really want to stick team green, then just name the baby what you want and tell MIL (nicely) to get over it.
This!
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If it were me and I knew my MIL hated it that would SOOOOO be the name I'd pick. (but that's because my MIL is an evil witch)
I'd say use the name regardless. It sucks it's hard on her but this is something she should have dealt with years ago (when the divorce happened). She has kid(s) with her exhusband and for that reason she needs to stop being such a baby about him. She should be civil about this matter. She may not like it...but it's your name to pick.
Honestly, I think it might be good for her. If she relates the name to her ex and that's why she hates it she needs someone new to relate the name to.
You love it, DH loves it...USE it. You're lucky to agree on a name (that's more than I can say right now...) .
Tell her this will be a great way to re-associate that name with someone she loves and wipe away the bad memories.
Agree 100%. It's your kid, and it's your DH's FATHER. Give into your MIL now and I can almost guarantee you that you're setting yourself up for a lot more crap from her in the future.