Intro/vent

anbenson · August 2011

Hi everyone! I typically lurk over on the TTC board, but I got my BFP this past week. Yah! A little about me: I'm 28 and I live in Florida with my awesome DH. Steve (the DH) is active duty Air Force and we should only be in Florida for another year or so. I plan on doing a home birth with a midwife and the whole nine yards.

Now my vent...I've been talking to my mom the past couple of days and she is the least supportive person in the world. She is pretty unsupportive of a lot of my decisions, but now it's full force since "a child is involved." Apparently, a CNM isn't good enough, I really need to see a doctor, I absolutely need a sonogram to "see if there are any problems and to get a picture," my pre natal vitamins are "crazy hippy stuff," and cloth diapers are ridiculous. There is so much more, but no one needs to hear it all. :-)

Yeah. Sorry about that. I just really needed to get that off my chest, since I have no friends here and while my DH is hugely supportive...it's nice to know that I'm not alone in this. It really makes me question my decisions when my own mom things nothing is good enough. Deep down I know that I'm making the best decisions for my family, but it would be nice to have a little support. If you don't like the things that I choose to do, just keep it to yourself. And I'm done.

LdyAurora · August 2011

Tell your mother you are an adult and making your own descions. Tell her she had her children the way she wanted but this is your child and you have every right to make your own decsions. I know it is hard and difficult to deal with parents. Be respectful but stern so she knows your understand her knowledge but you also have a working brain. GL and I hope everything goes well with your pregency and birth.

anna7602 · August 2011

Pregnancy & childbirth can bring up a lot of uncomfortable control issues between mothers and daughters, sorry to say. I'm still working through all of these myself, 3 years after giving birth to DD.

Ultimately, you just have to stay strong and not let your mother question yourself. And you have to be prepared to distance yourself from her a little if she continues to be hurtful and refuses to accept you as an adult capable of making her own decisions. I hope it doesn't come to that for you, but realize that you can only control your reactions. Unfortunately, my mother could not be present for DD's birth because of how adamantly opposed she was to my birth plan and to this day, she still doesn't understand why she was left out of such a momentous occasion. It makes me really sad.

CurbsideProphet · August 2011

I'm sorry your mother is not supportive of your choices.

There are resources out there that you could try to share, but not sure if it would help or if she would be willing to read it.

anbenson · August 2011

Thanks for the comforting words, everyone! :-) I hope that she eventually comes around or at least just leaves the topic alone. I doubt it though. That's how moms are. LOL!

autumn56789 · August 2011

I know how you feel, sort of. I've had enough kids that most people who know me don't really question how I do things. My mom and sister wanted to know if I'm putting this one on formula since I was kind of thinking about going back to work (though I may not have to) I've breastfed all my kids even when I had to work so I just don't get my family sometimes.

asweeney07 · August 2011

It's such a hard situation when people don't "get" you or what you're after. I'm finding, as a new doctor, I get asked a lot, "Wow, why aren't you going to an OB?" Someone even asked my sister why I'm going to a midwife. She just told them, "My sister has the burden of knowledge." I've been through the whole rigamarole of explaining myself, so my words to you are: just be firm. Be confident. Own your decision and don't let anyone push you off of it, not even your mother. Children and birthing especially, as another poster mentioned, do bring up issues which may be discomforting, especially issues of control. Just be firm and assert your authority (1) over your body, (2) over your pregnancy/health and (3) over your birthing experience. It'll only get worse after the baby comes, when the issue of cloth diapers, etc become even bigger!

cottonlily84 · August 2011

Well dear I've discovered when you're pregnant everyone thinks they know better than you. It's as if since you are going to be caring for this child they all have to care for you. No one supported my desire for an out of hospital birth and they aren't really there about the natural birthing thing either. They all still think they know what's best for me and baby. I just listen politely for the most part but it does get annoying sometimes. Just do what you feel is best - tell her how you feel or ignore her. But I doubt it will just go away on its own. GL

McAllie5 · August 2011

I just wanted to add: cloth diapering is soooo worth it!

Just have your mom run a little math comparison:

Cost of diapers for one child from birth to potty training v. cost of cloth diapers.

Pretty much any way you swing it, that left hand side will be bigger. By far. Let alone if you have more kids and reuse the diapers!

auroralucas · August 2011

Good Advice & Cool name! Wink

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