Our good friends had their LO this morning! So very happy and excited for them. Except, now my DH is pestering me to go up to the hospital and see them. Maybe it's just me, but I have only visited ONE friend/relative in the hospital after she gave birth, and it was by her request and out of necessity since she was super early and asked me to bring a few things she needed. I always felt like it wasn't my place to be at the hospital- what new mother, after giving birth to a baby, wants to host every friend and family member she knows as they parade through her hospital room? Wearing a gown that leaves you half naked, sore, in pain, tired, who knows what... Not exactly a Suzie Homemaker hostess moment. He doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with it.
Now, it's opened up a can of worms about our arrangements for delivery. I thought we were on the same page about not having friends visit the hospital. In fact, I didn't really even love the idea of having both of our (large) families to deal with right after delivery, but I accepted that they will be there waiting for their first grandchild/neice/nephew no matter what we tell them. We planned to call them when I was 8ish-cm so that they make it there in time for delivery but couldn't harrass me in the hospital for however long it takes to give birth (they are ABSOLUTELY the type of people who would knock on the door to peak in and see us every 20 minutes if they got passed the nurses station). We also decided to ask friends and other extended family to give us some time to bond and get adjusted and we'd extend an invite to come see us at home when we were ready.
Now, DH keeps saying, "We'll see, we'll see." So I just had a hormonal flip out on him. I yelled, "NO, YOU will see! I'M the one that will be sick, tired, torn, stitched up, drugged up and exhausted and half naked. I will NOT have visitors. I need to REST and RECOURPERATE and bond with the baby. END OF STORY. When YOU push a baby out of your pee-hole you can decide whether or not to accept visitors 20 seconds after the most intense thing your body will every go through!" I honestly never pulled the 'When YOU have the baby' card on him before and felt bad for doing it, but enough is enough! I'm compromising on so many things that I didn't think I would do when I was imagining being pregnant (like being team green, for example). I was in L&D last week and was a huge baby and a bad patient- I can only imagine what the actual birth will be like, and I KNOW I will not want to be visiting with people yet.
Am I wrong on this one?
Re: Visiting after giving birth? DH vent :/
You're not wrong and I initially felt the same way as you, although not quite as strongly However, I changed my mind after a conversation with my sister. She asked me, would you rather be bombarded at the hospital, when there are strict rules about when and how many folks can visit at a time (and you have nurses to do your dirty work and kick them out) or be bombarded at home when people think they can stay forever and you're forced to kick them out.
The hospital was the clear winner for me.
I wouldn't feel bad at all. Clearly, he needed a reality check.
I don't think there's a right or wrong to this question, it's just a matter of what you prefer. Some women want to be alone with their SO and new LO and spend that time bonding with few people interacting.
Some women want to share the experience with more people and welcome guests at the hospital.
I am in Boat #2 and will be thrilled to have people visit me at the hospital, provided all goes well. But if you don't want visitors, that's entirely up to you and people should respect that.
Oscar born October 2011
Miscarriage at 8 weeks (August 2013)
DD due September 1, 2014
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
I totally agree. I'll take visitors when ever I invite them, not before. I think my parents will drive down for the delivery (they're 1 hour away) and they're the only people I want to see.
My SIL had her first in May. I would have dropped anything if she'd asked us to come visit - but she did not and that's totally fine. After 40 hours of labor you bet she needed alone time!
Winner winner chicken dinner. For realz.
I support you 100% on this. I was the same way when I was pregnant with DD. The thought of post birth visitors was horrifying. But after having her, it was all I could do not to call every person in my phone book at 5 am and make them all come and watch while I shouted my love for her from the mountaintops. I wanted everyone to meet her.
That being said, I had a great birth. I probably would have stuck to my no visitors guns had I been in more pain. My advice would be to accept that you might change your mind, but don't tell DH that if there is a chance he will steamroll you into having visitors.
Edited for typos.
I just had to LOL at this. I agree with you.
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I've had two kids and I hate nothing more than hospital visitors. I would be thrilled if no one visited me there, but at least no one that isn't my family or a bff.
when I had my daughter, my inlaws had company. A guy I'd never met - and they BROUGHT HIM TO THE HOSPITAL. I was freaking mortified.
H saw them walking up to the hospital from the parking lot and he was just like "i'm sorry! i'm sorry! i'm so so so so sorry!!"
I was like - "sorry for what?...... oh "
lol!
I don't mind having visitors at home b/c my mom is usually here for a week and she just entertains people for me. When I want them to leave, I will just take the baby and say I need to go upstairs and feed him/her. "thanks for stopping by!"
This is exactly it. We BOTH have big families so I've come to terms with the fact that there will be both sets of our parents, my grandparents, 4 brothers and 2 SILs in the waiting room at MINIMUM. That's 12 freaking people I will have to see nearly immediately after birth. I have accepted it since it's everyone's first grandchild/great grandchild/neice/nephew. I don't want to begrudge them that, nor my husband the experience of shouting "It's a ___!" to everyone in the waiting room (he's super excited for that moment).
I draw the line at everyone else. At our hospital they really push rooming in, so LO will be in there with us a lot. I don't want everyone's grubby hands all over LO within the first 24hrs of his/her birth. I'm also very aprehensive about learning to BF and I don't want to be there, boobs out, as everyone parades through. I expect our families to come visit us at home pretty soon after the birth too, but we've already made it clear that the first few days are for us to get adjusted and bond and everyone is to call first to see if we're up to visitors. DH is only getting 10 days off before returning to work and this will be really special time to us. Everyone else can wait!
This. I'm happy to have my close friends and family after the first hour or so with LO. Most of them will be there by delivery....they will just have to wait till big brother and big sister have had their moments and baby has nursed.
That said, all the people at the hospital annoy the living daylights out of me during labor. I had work to do and didn't really want everyone and their brother watching me.
This is a situation where "to each their own". You need to decide what is best for you. That being said, I had a c-section with my first and we had family and friends visit us in the hospital. I didn't care that they saw me in the hospital gown, after all they came to see our new baby and to offer their support. We have been to see several friends in the hospital after they gave birth, maybe that is just our circle of friends, but for us it was no big deal.
I kicked everyone out (except maybe my mom, sisters, or DH) when I breastfed. The nurses had to check me (incision, pad - I was still on a catheter so I couldn't take care of that myself yet) every couple of hours, so that would usually end a visit.
Again, you need to decide what is best for you, but don't be close-minded to the fact that you may like having the visitors and the distraction. You will have lots of time with your LO.
Good luck!
No, you're not wrong. You're the patient, it's your choice who visits.
ETA: We also didn't have visitors at the hospital, and I couldn't be happier with how things went. DS was born at 11:43 am, and I was EXHAUSTED for the rest of the day. I pretty much spent the entire rest of the day sleeping and holding him. I would have hated to have to entertain visitors when all I wanted to do was cuddle with my baby, feed my baby, and nap.
I was so grateful that only my mom and dad came and MIL and FIL the first day and MIL and BFF only after that. I contracted a bacterial infection called c.diff. I was running the the bathroom every 10 minutes for three days!!!! It would have been awful if I had visitors in that condition! Luckily we live three hrs from our friends and family!
pros of visitors in the hospital
cons of visitors in the hospital
Daughter #1 - February 12, 2010
natural m/c March 11, 2011 at 8 1/2 weeks
Daughter #2 - January 11, 2012
Ectopic pregnancy discovered November 6, 2012 at 6 weeks
Daughter #3 - January 19, 2014
Started our exploration into the world of international adoption June 2012. We have no idea what this is going to look like but we are excited to find out!
I visit friends and family in the hospital after they have delivered their babies, but that is AFTER I get the all clear that they are wanting visitors.
SO's family is big and they are used to having aunts, uncles, cousins, distant relatives....you name it.....in the waiting room ready for the all clear to come in and see the baby. That is normal for them and they are all used to that, but I come from a small family and am not used to that at all. I start to feel claustrophobic.
I told SO that we need to go in just the two of us, deliver the baby, spend some time with the baby, see how I feel, and then slowly start calling people and inviting them to visit once we know how I am feeling and how the baby is doing. We have no idea what time we are going to have to go to the hospital, how long it is going to take, if there are going to be any complications, etc. The last thing I want, is a ton of family waiting in the waiting room to come in, only to have a horrible delivery and have to send them all home without seeing the baby. I am preparing for the worst, just in case. But if I go through everything and feel fine and am ready for people to come, I have no problem with visitors after that. I am more worried about SO's psycho sister and her visiting.....ugh.
Boy am I scared to bring this up with DH..... he has a large rather invasive family and doesn't understand why I wouldn't want everyone under the sun there... I'm more private and don't want people there when I'm learning to care for an infant and BF... I guess if I have to call security, I will.