TTC After a Loss

newbie here, sharing my story about my 2 angel babies.

I would like to introduce myself as a newbie here.  People call me T. :), and I wanted to share my story.   

it started back in 2006 when I got married. Hubby and I tried for 4 years to get pregnant. We never even thought to look into a specialist for help until 4 years later.  Our first round of IUI protocol did not produce a lot of follicles.  The second round of IUI we used more meds, dosage wise, and received a wholeee bunch.  AFter the second IUI I was pregnant with 5 babies!! the docs were even surprised at such a response.  I guess that doesn't happen all too often with quins.

3 of our lil ones weren't doing so well and I miscarried 3 fetus after having some genetic tests performed.  TMI, (sorry) two ended up being expelled from my body.  So there I was left with 2 lil babies, a boy and girl thriving for about 22 weeks.  Somewhere around that time my peri did an u/s and saw that my fluid was almost gone on my lil girl.  The doctors that saw me on that particular day (I saw a ton of docs re this), were horrible in the way they reacted to it and how they explained they pretty much couldn't do anything , to go home and see what happens.  There is a grey area between doctors when it comes to when a baby is "viable". 24 weeks is the legal time.  Some doctors won't even try to help the babies if you go into labor before 24 weeks.  The doctor that I liked and was most comfortable with was on my side, said he would do anything he could to try and save my babies. he was on MY side.

so the day the nasty doc gave me the horrible news and told me to go home, I ended up taking myself to the emergency L&D that evening where they immediately admitted.  Some docs after a couple days wanted to kick me out b/c they couldnt do anything, but my real doc fought for me to stay in the hospital just in case.

To back track even a few weeks before all this happened, maybe even a month, I was spotting, bleeding, etc and it wouldn't stop. it happened to be old blood from the babies that passed.  so I had huge clots coming out all the time.  I saw quite a few doctors and they all told me not to worry the babies looked fine at that time.  I had ultrasounds every week and my babies were kicking away and heartbeats were great!

so back to around the 22 weeks. or a little before when I went to the emergency room, I was admitted and was in the hospital for exactly 7 days when in the middle of the night I passed an enormous clot and they told me I was having contractions.  off to L&D I went.  About 12 hours after the most excruiating contractions ever, front and back puking during it all, I gave birth to my daughter and son, both weighing less than a pound.  23 w 4 days.  They were wisked away immediately into the hands of the NICU docs.  My daughter wasn't breathing when she came out. it took them 10 mins to revive her.  We were counseled before I went into labor about what could happen, what illnesses they could have and complications etc.  They were both beautiful.

So I was in the hospital for another 3 days going back and forth to the NICU,Watching my children fight for their life.  My son Tony Jr fought his heart out for 16 days, and my daughter Angelina Rose for 26 days.  Theiry lungs were the worst, and just wouldn't develop, and they had many other illnesses that come with being a micro preemie.

so that is pretty much my story.  it's been 9 months since they turned into angels. Since I have had 1 IUI with no meds, and I have had 2 rounds of IVF since march.   It pains me to read some of the posts and read about what other woman have to go through.  It's not fair.  It shouldn't be this hard to start a family.  I feel for all woman that have to go through this. My heart goes out to everyone!

unfortunately, this is the way the world turns these days, and do what we have to do to achieve our dreams.  I will do whatever it takes to become a mom again.  My babies were so amazing.  They were perfectly formed and just tiny little people.  I am blessed that I got to meet them.   I miss them every day, and not a day goes by where I dont think about them.  I cannot believe this type of thing happens every day and the pain that we all go through.  

So that is the basis of my story.  I know there are things I forgot, but you get the gist.  

I hope everyone has  found ways to live life and hold true the memory of their babies in some form or another.  Bless your hearts little angel babies.  

 

thanks for listening, I would like to hear about others' experiences, losses and triumphs.  I hope there is some good news out there somewhere. 

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Re: newbie here, sharing my story about my 2 angel babies.

  • wow!  i am so sorry for everything you have been through/ are going through.  i am glad you were able to have your babies with you for the days they fought.  what brave babies you have!

    my stories are found in my blog--i had two 21w losses.  

    again, i am so sorry, but thank you for sharing your story!! 

    image Robbie's Blog
    DD #1 born 10/21/03

    DD #2 born 2/8/06

    DS no hb 11/17/10 at 21w1d, d&e 11/24,demise due to fetal hydrops, from congestive heart failure, probably caused by structural malformation

    Our Rango....BFP 2/6/11...hb on 2/23...perfectly healthy, but no hb on 6/9/11 d & e 6/15/2011
    Rango's Blog
  • I'm so very sorry for your losses. Your story is just heartbreaking. I hope you find the comfort and support you need here. Welcome to the board.
    photo e9455f4d-9751-469e-a19f-460104cd2e5c.jpg photo jan15.jpg
    BFP #1 5/20/10 Natural MC at 5w4d 5/28/10
    BFP #2 11/3/10; BO at u/s 10w6d 12/16/10; Natural MC 1/7/11; D&C 4/21/11
    BFP #3 10/27/11 Please stick, LO!! 2/6/12 It's a Girl! Alexis Grace born 6/29/12
    BFP#4 4/27/14 Stick, stick, stick!! 8/11/14 It's a Boy! Evan Wesley born 1/8/15
    "Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow, that is patience."  Let it Be (blog)My BFP Charts
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  • wow...I am also very sorry too for everything you have been going through as well. I am not great with words, just horrified that ppl  have to go through these nightmares.    i can't even explain how I feel about what others went through.   I just cry and cry every time I read someones story about thier angel babies.

    and you have gone through it two times.  you must be a strong woman to keep on living like you have.   As you wrote in your blog, I often think of who is upstairs keeping an eye on my angels and loving them as much as we do.  

    Maybe I will take a cue from you and start a blog for my angels. I often find myself wondering how big they would, what their first  words would be, what they would look like after a few months and much much more.  I hold the memories that we made very close and think about them every day..

     

    thank you for sharing. 

     

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  • I am so very sorry for the loss of your babies and for all you have been through.  I am sorry you have to be here, but I hope you find support and that your stay is short and you can move onto PgAL!

    I know in your post you asked for our stories, so here is mine. 

    My DH and I decided in the fall of last year that we felt ready to start a family.  We decided we would start trying at the turn of the new year.  I got my BFP on January, our first month of trying and we were absolutely cracking up laughing and hugging.  

    As we began to foolishly announce our pregnancy early, I became increasingly uncomfortable telling people so early.  I remember saying "it is still early" when I would tell people.  I felt like something was wrong.

    I started spotting the weekend after Valentine's Day.  We went to see Kathy Griffin and when I went to the bathroom there was a single red spot.  Long story short, the doctor confirmed the baby never grew past 5.5 weeks and there was no heartbeat at 9 weeks.  I miscarried naturally about a week later.

    We waited the prescribed cycle and nothing happened in May.

    I thought I was out for June when I thought I had CD1, but no more bleeding happened.  I called the doctor and they ran betas.  I had a beta of 25 and then two days later it was 71.  The nurse congratulated me.  Two days after that it dropped to 25.  I had lost something I didn't know I really had.

    We are TTC, but I just found out I have low progesterone.  I was hopeful for this month, but it sounds like things probably didn't work out for us.  I am expecting CD1 on Saturday.  Onto August. 

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  • im sorry for your losses and everything you have been through. 

    thank you for sharing your story with us, i hope in telling it that you are able to get some peace.

     

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  • I am so sorry for all of your losses.  Your stroy is heartbreaking.

    Welcome to the board.  I hope you can find comfort and support here.

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  • I am again sooo sorry that you lost Tony Jr and Angelina....

    Here is my story

    I got my suprise BFP on 10-10-10!! 4 weeks before our wedding..I had a beautiful wedding and honeymoon ( except the no drinking part Stick out tongue)

    I went through my entire pregnancy as the perfect pregnant woman... I passed every test with flying colors, I was happy, active and soo prepared and ready to be a mother.

    I had my regular apt on 39w4d, I fought with DH to come, he had only missed a few but didnt want to take a tuesday off, I finally got him to come by saying that it could be our last one! We went it, peed in the cup, got weighed, and blood pressure, everything perfect, as normal. The doctor came into the room and I asked her to guesstimate Addisons size. She told we 7 1/2 lbs tops ( that will be "funny" later)

    She checked the fundal growth and then grabbed the doppler, she ran it across my stomach but  said it wasnt working and went to grab another one! It wasnt working either so she told me to go to the ultrasound room, I looked at her and said I was getting a little scared, she didnt say anything!

    We start looking on the u/s and she gets a very serious look on her face. She tells me to go next door to the hospital and she will meet us there, I didnt even get dressed. I just wrapped up in the sheet!

    At this point I really started to get scared and started crying DH just held my hand as he drove across the parking lot. My doctor walked in right before us and immediately put us in a L&D room.... She did another u/s on a better machine, at this point I knew that Addison was gone and started screaming ( I can still hear myself sometimes when I have nightmares). My doctor shook her head and started to cry too, then he left the room.

    DH called my mom and sister and his parents to tell them what happened and they needed to come down. My doctor then induced me as we decided that vaginal birth would be the "easiest" to recover from.

    I was in labor for 6h when I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl!! on 6-7-11 Addison Jayne was born sleeping at 7:17pm  21 inches long and 8lbs 15 oz ( 7 1/2 my @ss).

    She died when I started having minor contraction Sunday night. Her umbilical cord was too short so as the contractions pushed her down it put to much stress on the cord and caused it to stop working.

    Sorry I didnt realize how long that got. : here a cookie if you made it through: But thats my story and it F-ing sucks!!!

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  • So many sad stories on the board tonight.  OP, I'm so sorry for what you've been through, but it seems like you have an amazingly positive spirit.  Welcome to the board, and I hope you find everything you need here.
    Me (28): fine, DH (28): MFI
    Married 6/21/09
    Off BCP and TTC 4/17/11
    BFP #1 (ended in CP) 7/15/11
    Varicocelectomy surgery 9/4/12 - T improved to normal, but still low count

    Current Status: Pursuing Jan '15 IVF w/ ICSI
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


    image    imageimage
  • I'm so sorry for you losses. I'm sorry you had to deal with some a-hole dr.s. Welcome. This board is wonderful.
    Photobucket
    DD#1 9-4-04 *** DD#2 10-15-07
    BFP#3 10-25-10 *EDD 7/1/11 * missed m/c @ 13w3d
    BFP#4 7-30-11 *EDD 4/8/12 ~ DD#3 born 4/4/12
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  • Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies. Thank you for sharing your story.

    My story: DH and I had been married for a little over two years when we decided we were ready. DH is a pilot in the Marine Corps and we spent a good year and half apart due to trainings and the last deployment so after last summer and fall of our finally well deserved "newlywed" time we decided we wanted to start a family. I went off the pill in January and sometime around the beginning of April we found out we were expecting. We were so excited. I was worried because it hadn't taken that long. Anyway after fighting with TRICARE to see my doc instead of the hospital on base I got an appt for my first u/s at 9wks. Because of the short noticed DH couldn't come with me. So I expected to take a cute little u/s photo with me to show him. Well that never happened. I was measuring 4 wks behind with a faint heart beat. There was a sliver of hope. We prayed and prayed and prayed for miracle that never came. A few days later I was rushed to the ER where I lost our angel to a natural m/c at ten weeks. So here we are hoping to get pregnant before/ if a rumored deployment happens.

    hugs

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  • I am so sorry for your loss. Your story made me cry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hate that we are all here due to loss, but I have met some really great people here. I hope that you can find comfort here. Fingers crossed for you during your journey of ttc again. I look forward to getting to know you!
    First BFP April 2011, EDD 01/11/11, MMC June 20, 2011 D&C June 20, 2011 Second BFP September 23, 20011 CP diagnosed September 26, 2011 PAL/PGAL welcome
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I am so so sorry for your losses. I hope you are able to find comfort and support here.
    BFP#1 7/09 DS born 3/30/10 BFP#2 5/11 M/C 6/11 BFP#3 9/11 M/C 10/11 BFP #4 5/20/12 Pregnancy Ticker
  • I"m so sorry for all your precious losses and all you all went through.

    Welcome to the board, I've had 4 early losses. All before or around 9 weeks. Working on my Insulin Resistance this time around, praying, and expecting a miracle.

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  • I am so sorry for your losses. Abbreviated version of my story: BFP on Father's Day, first u/s at 6w4days showed twins with heartbeats. Scheduled follow up u/s for two weeks out to check for membrane between the two. My labs in between appointments showed I failed my blood sugar test. Follow up u/s showed no heartbeat on either baby. I had a d&c yesterday. Have an appt scheduled with my primary care dr next week to discuss my blood sugar and determine if I have an issue there before we try again.This was my first pregnancy.

     

     

  • WOWWWW!!! so much pain that you all have gone through. My heart goes out to you all.  

    Thank you all for responding.  It is going to take me a bit of time to get thru all the histories to get to know you girls.  

    It is quite sad that people have to meet under these horrific circumstances, but there is some comfort knowing that you are not the only one that goes through tragedies of all kind, and knowing THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND!!

    it really helps to speak with people who know what you are going through. Friends and family really are great and loving and supportive, but if you havent gone through it, it is hard to related and it's hard knowing what to day.  People still don't know what to say to me after 9 months!

     

    I'm not feeling so great at the moment so heading to bed. I will be back though!! MUAHH!!!

    p.s. I would love to hear more about the insulin resistance and what the docs told you.  Years ago they told me I had it, but no cysts or anything and no PCOS... THANKS!!

    night all! 

    image image
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