June 2011 Moms
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Feeling like a single parent
Since DS was born, DH hasn't done much of anything to help me with the baby, it's a constant fight to get DH to hold him. I get that he works long hours to pay the bills right now, but is it really that hard to just hold him while you lay on the couch and relax from work? I seem to be doing everything myself, all the house work and rasing DS. DH hasn't once gotten up at night to feed or change the baby, and is constant battle to get him to do anything with DS, its actually really sad. If I ask DH to watch the baby so I can shower or something, he just sticks a binky in his mouth and puts him in the swing and goes back to the computer.
Anyone dealing with the same thing or have any ideas on how to deal with this?
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Re: Feeling like a single parent
((hugs)) I'm sorry your DH hasn't been helping. DH is absolutely crazy in love with our LO but nighttime used to be a different story. DH stayed at home from work for the first 2 weeks after Liv was born. He was very helpful even at night but after that, I think he thought working gave him the pass to sleep through DD's crying at night to feed or whatever. I tried to suck it up and be the good understanding wife but between breastfeeding, burping, changing diaper, rocking her back to sleep then pumping, I was finally exhausted and I started to resent him. I finally told him he needed to help out more at night and I was mad when he said I should wake him up and ask for his help. But I was stubborn and thought if he really wanted to help, he would wake up to Liv's cry or set his alarm like I did. So he continued to sleep through the night and a few days later I get mad again and have the talk with him again. From then on, he seemed to be more sensitive to DD's cry at night and he gets up for her to help out. If he doesn't get up because he's sleeping so soundly, I would wake him to tell him what I need. This is working for us now. I still wish he would wake up on his own so that I don't have to feel guilty waking him myself but I have to remind myself that the guy was used to sleeping 10hours every night before the baby! And maybe he just doesn't have the maternal instinct that wakes me up with the slightest peep that LO makes at night.
So point being, have you tried talking with him and letting him know that you need him to help out more? Maybe he thinks that you're doing just fine without his help?
GL and I hope you sort it out with him.
ETA: In my case, I really have to just ask him for help and not wait for him to take initiative because I don't want to keep resenting him. Not a healthy way to live.