2nd Trimester
I just don't see it like that....
I have a girl, and this one is a boy. Every time people hear that, they say "Oh, how perfect." And it's always women that say that.
I guess this comment is almost offensive to me. Any child is perfect, and there is no perfect scenario. Why is having a girl and a boy more perfect than having two girls, or two boys?
I don't understand people's focus on gender. I really really don't. All I've ever wanted is healthy babies, because I work at a Children's Hospital, and I see the devastating effects of what a not-healthy baby does to families, and all the challenges the child has to face.
So I will take my "perfect" combination, but any combination would do!
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Re: I just don't see it like that....
I guess in retrospect having a boy and girl just seems porportionate, you know? But, I'm with you. We get what we get in gender for a reason... every family is perfect in its own respect. I'm sure that your peeps are just trying to send positive thoughts/vibes your way and mean nothing by it... try not to let it bother you!
Im sure people say that because when a couple has one boy or one girl already, they generally are kind of 'hoping' for the one that they dont already have. At least thats what i have seen.
My MIL after finding out that this one was a boy said it was a "millionaire's family" Huh? I had to restrain myself with her because it was such a freakin stupid comment!!! Of course this was right after we found out and I was still getting over my funk about it not being another girl so hearing her say that just irritated me. Who cares if it's a matched set? I don't get it either.
ETA: I am now over my initial shock / disappointment (whatever) about it being a boy and am thrilled so no flaming me for that please, I think it's ok to have a preference!
My girlfriend has two boys and everyone apologized to her when she found out her third is a boy as well...
a family is a family, all boys, all girls, only child, lots of children. gender isnt just a sexual organ anyways (tomboys, feminine boys,trapped in body feeling, gay/lesbian)
Love and accept your children no matter their parts!
My friend just had her third girl and people keep asking her if they are going to try for a boy. She said nope, we are okay if we have another girl. She said they are not having babies to have a certain gender.
I agree completely. It took us over 3 years to get pregnant, we are happy with whatever baby we have. If we are blessed to have another, I am okay with having the same gender. I do not have to have one of each, it is a bless just to have a baby.
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TTC for over 3 years. After several infertility treatments, we received our first BFP!!
It's all about perspective...
I got reamed on another board because I said that we're having a sibling for DD and that we were starting to transition her from being an only child to having a little brother/sister to also be around and she's resisting the change and I was semi-venting (things like setting a habit of picking up toys because they'll be choking hazards for the LO now instead of waiting until they're here)... We realize that there are SO many positive lessons having a sibling brings to a child (BOTH of them!) that it's important to also remember that this LO is meant to be here too. Apparently their perspective was that it's a negative to think about the LO as a sibling and having to care about another person in their life... We'd have been happy to stay with just one, but with another it's not just a son/daughter we're bringing into the world but a sibling brother/sister as well...
This is one of the major reasons why we don't find out the sex of the baby before he or she is born. It doesn't matter as long as they are healthy!
Or if you want one specific gender, why not adopt?!!! I thought I would be upset when I found out we are having a boy (I have three brothers and always wanted a sister)- but I was so happy to know that I was having a healthy boy, I did not have one shred of disappointment... Now I can't imagine it any other way!
After thinking and thinking about it, and having everyone say to me "now that you have a boy, you're DONE!" I have figured it out.
My new reply when someone has one of each is "how nice! You get to parrent a boy and a gir/both genders/sexes and that will be fun! The best of both worlds"
Finding out doesn't have anything to do with having a preference for the sex of the baby- so not a double standard at all. Some people like the surprise at the end, some like it in the middle of the pregnancy. To each their own.
I have one of each and when I was pg with DS everyone gave me the line about how I should be so happy because I was having one of each. I actually was hoping for a 2nd girl. I never had a sister and wanted that for DD. I love my DS and can't imagine life without my goofy little daredevil. But initially, I was disappointed and it took me a bit to get over that. Sometimes, while your ultimate goal and desire is a healthy baby, you can get it in your head that you think your family would be better another way. It doesn't mean that you don't get over it and love your child.
The worst is when people find out you're going to have one of each and they say "oh, so you're done now?" Wow, ok.
My new biggest pet peeve! I have two boys and am pregnant again. This will be our last, for numerous and varied reasons. People can NOT stop saying "Oh, maybe you'll finally get your girl!", or "I'm praying for a girl for you!" "Trying again for that girl, huh?" WTH?!!
I am completely in love with my boys. The minute I had my first and they said "It's a boy!" I had a one-second thought of "Huh." ... because I never really considered having a boy -- I was one of two girls, my cousins were all girls, my mom and dad both had only sisters ... -- but it was never disappointment. Then we had a second boy, which was awesome (almost a relief), because we had lots of baby boy clothes, etc.
If you figure out a way to make these comments stop, I'd love to know.
I would like to have the experience of parenting both a boy and a girl. No, one sex is not better than another, but they are different. (Yes, all children are different and having a baby of a particular sex does not guarantee certain interests, personalities, etc... but raising a boy vs. raising a girl has plenty of differences.)
I was hoping we would have a girl this time, but Baby #2 is another boy. Does this mean I'm not thrilled that our baby is healthy? Of course not. Does this mean I love my son less than I would a daughter? Nope. But for me, having one of each would have been "perfect" because it would have provided me with the experience I wanted-- and I think a lot of people feel that way.
Now that I'll have two awesome boys, people are already asking when we'll try for a girl... People automatically assume that we're not done, simply because it's common to want at least one of each. (DH and I have talked about adoption if we decide that our family dynamic is not complete without a girl.)
Thats not the way adoption works. The majority of places dont allow you to pick the sex of the baby, typically people that are adopting just want A baby.
I felt the same way, to be honest. I love my daughter to pieces and would love to have another girl (and of course everyone was saying they hoped it would be a boy). But of course I am happy to have a boy too.
One of my friends who has a boy just found out she's having another, and she gets these kind of comments too, but one of her friends told her, "You specialize!" and I think that's a good way to think about having all one sex. I diversify, I guess.
What? Weird. I don't know how I would even respond to this. Giving DD the experience of being a sibling is one reason it was really important to me to have more than one child.
I let the thread die its natural death instead of DDing it... I agree - and that's why we even had attempted at a 2nd (though we had LONG since given up when I found out I was preggers).. We dont' know what he/she is yet, but we really aren't concerned about that part at all (other than to know which sales to hit when it comes to clothing!).. It's all about the perspective though - to DD it's simply a sibling...to us it's a sibling for DD and a son/daughter...
How is this comment even remotely offensive? It's just small talk that you are most likely taking too literally. And, btw, you *have* made gender important. You found out the sex. You've named your kid a gender specific name. You have a pink baby in your ticker. You are clearly happy to be having a girl (and that emotion is great!; I am too and thrilled!). So why take offense when other people express happiness?
ETA: OMG. This is why I shouldn't Nest from my phone at 6 am from bed...I totally read your post ALL wrong. Apologies. I still think you are taking the comments too literally and that no one means to be offensive. Ignore everything I said above about "being happy about having a girl" and having a "girl ticker." Gah. Blushy face.