Babies: 6 - 9 Months
Dear ______ Thursday
Okay ladies, let it all out!
Dear DH's colleagues,
I think it's awesome you've offered to help him. But we're in a time crunch and would appreciate you following through with your word. I know it's not your top priority, but it takes 5 seconds to forward an e-mail and maybe 10 minutes to place a phone call. Please try to squeeze it in, we're counting on you very much!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dear ______ Thursday
Dear MIL,
I wish your offers for help did not come with conditions. Like, you would help watch the girls while we are moving, but only between the hours of noon-2 and I have to go out of my way to bring them to your house and pick them up when I am done. Or you would paint the walls of the new home, but only the color of your choosing and only during said available hours.
And I wish you would stop saying things like "You should ONLY LET ME paint the doors because the paint you bought is not right for the doors" then never show up to finish the job you started because you got in a painting mood while contemplating painting my home and decided you needed to paint your own and now you don't have time for my house.
And if you tell me one more time "Don't you dare hang your pictures without me because you hang them in a way that looks tacky" I am going to flip out and someone might get injured.
Lovingly,
Your Daughter In Law
Dear Boss,
There is no reason for the AC to be on full blast. It blows directly on my desk and I'm freezing. You have more money than God, so buy an AC for your office window. Also, if you are so fing hot, might I suggest you do not wear a long sleeved shirt to work. There is no reason for me to be in a sweater and shivering at my desk. I hate you . I truly hate you.
XOXO
The popsicle in the front office
Dear H,
It's crappy of you to make me feel guilty about taking Mollusk to New York to see my family for two weeks. It's the first time she will meet her grandfather and uncles. It is also the first time my whole immediate family has all been together in about 7 years. It is the first time I will see my aunt and her son (first time meeting him) in 10 years! You are acting like a spoiled brat about it. All you can think about is how this is effecting you.
You take for granted that your parents come down here twice a year and your brother lives 10 mins away. That's not the case for me. Let me enjoy this without feeling guilty. You didn't want to come for any part of the trip. So stop pouting.
F you very much
Love your wife.
Dear boobs,
I am love the nourishment and nutrition you provide my darling child. However, please stop getting clogged.
I drink tons of water for you, pump every three hours when away from him on both sides, have taken lecithin 4x a day for a month, and yet you still get clogged 2x a week. Do you hate me?
Sincerely,
Fire
Dear sister,
Please quit being such a brat. I'm tired of everything revolving around you. Why must everyone walk on pins and needels for a whine a#@ 16 yr old. Get over yourself!!
your loving big sister,
Dear ILs,
Please don't decide to all go on vacation to different destinations at the exact same time when you have a puppy you just got 2 months ago, leaving me to house and dog sit, when I don't like your dog and it smells disgusting. Yes, I know "What goes around comes around", but I don't have the audacity to ever ask for such an out-of-your-way favor. I really hate uprooting my life and having to stay at your hot, gross house so it doesn't get robbed, and I hate that H and I have to fight because of it!
You all know my son is very sensitive to his surroundings, so having to move him for a week so someone can babysit your stupid dog and house is an inconvenience to me. Couldn't you have gone on vacation after FIL came from his business trip? Was it really so necessary to go at the exact same time? Don't you people have brains? Or did you really think I was going to be happy about taking your stupid dog out 3 times a day and sitting outside in the humid heat with him while he does his business (Which he doesn't want to do because he misses all of you!)
Please stop being so dumb and inconsiderate,
Your annoyed DIL
Dear Flu,
I think it's great that you are making me lose my last 5 lbs of pregnancy weight. But you make me me like crap. And I have a baby to take care of. So please go away.
Thank you.
Dear Husbands Work,
It was great that the regional manager told DH that he got the management job he applied for at the new facility, but not so great that the HR manager is still telling DH that they are still doing interviews and that they didn't think his resume was very strong.
Please start to communicate between the managment because playing with peoples lives like that is really shiiitty.
Thank you.
Dear Mean, Pointy Tooth:
Stop bothering DD. It's not nice.
Love, me.
Dear Stupid Brother,
Please if you are going to be a total a$$ hole and cheat on your wife. Please let me raise your daughter she lost her mother and letting her stepmom be a BIOTCH to your daughter isnt fair. The next time someone lays a hand on My neice Im gonna whip some A$$..
you got my number if you want to discuss this futher.
Love Me the Smart Twin