So just turning 36 weeks has already been hell. If I already don't feel miserable, swollen, extremely tired....now the mother of my SO wanted to have a sit down talk. She came to our house last night to express some concerns she was having. Yes, me and my SO have our arguments/disagreements...but what relationship doesn't. Also, it's not like we argue a lot at all...most of the time we are generally happy and loving towards eachother. She first mentions how it breaks her heart to see my SO's face sadden when he gets a text from me when he is hanging out (drinking) with his family without me. I didn't know I text anything that bad...just a simple 'whatever'. Yes I don't agree with him staying out till 2am with his family drinking when I'm at home about to pop...but I didn't curse at him or make a big issue over it. Anyway, she said she hates to see him unhappy. (surprise to me that he was unhappy!) Then she says that we should not get married for the wrong reasons. We aren't even engaged! We talk about getting married and what not...but not because we have a child on the way. Wow. In the meantime, the only thing my SO had to say was that he understood why I was upset with the drinking. Really?
Well, I didn't say anything to her. I felt with my hormones out of whack...it was probably not a good time. So when she left, I asked him if he was unhappy. He gets very angry and defensive. He says he is happy and wouldn't be here if he wasn't. He said I should have said something to her if I had a problem. I feel she is not my 'MIL' and didn't want to start something that could ruin a relationship.
She did say how she loves me and cares about me. I'm am so confused now. Feels like someone just stabbed me in the heart! I thought everything was great. We were happy. Now I just don't know what to think or how to feel. I wish she could have done this when I wasn't so hormonal. Not sure where to go from here.
Re: MIL talk was not what I expected...(vent)
I'm sorry you dealt with this. I've been married for a little over 3 years and I still don't speak to my MIL unless it is life threatening, super important, or we see them in person. If she wants to talk to someone, she can talk to her son. If she pulled some BS like this, I would never talk to her again.
Your SO does need to be home at 2 am because you could go in labor. You need to say something directly to him and I would say something about how his mother overstepped her bounds.
I'll take "Your Boyfriend's Mom Needs To Butt Out" for $500, please.
You're not dating her, you're dating her son. If you two have things to discuss, then you two need to discuss them, and don't include anything his mom says in those discussions because her diarrhea of the mouth shouldn't have any bearing.
Also, he needs to man the fvck up and take care of his own mom instead of getting angry and defensive when you ask him legitimate questions, and telling you to handle her. It's his job to field complaints from his home team. And you shouldn't have to feel upset about asking him where you stand relationship-wise, either. This is stupid drama. You two need to sit down and discuss what is and isn't appropriate in your relationship, including his mom's nosiness. Don't mince words or beat around the bush, either, because you both need to be clear on these things. And if Mommy Dearest doesn't like it, she needs to can it, and he needs to make sure of that.
// I love you too. //
Totally in agreeance with PP. She needs to butt out and mind her own business, son or not. Plus you know how they are, totally biased and always taking their own kid's side regardless of who's really at fault. GL with her! Sounds like it's gonna be good times.
I'm wondering how old you two are. Are you both just out of high school? Even then I think that it is questionable (at best) to get involved in a childs' relationship (assuming it is not physically or emotionally abusive). However, if you are older, I think it would be very wise to set some boundaries and quickly.
Best wishes!
Thanks you guys! Ntrick- We are in our early 30's. We've been together almost 3 years and just feel like now I know why anything to do with marriage has never happened. It just really sucks now because I actually thought of his family as my own. I think I'm just going to sit her down for a talk about MY concerns!