2nd Trimester
mben1119
member
I had no idea...
mben1119
member
How many women had their mothers come stay with them after they had a baby! My husband is going to stay home with me for a week, and my family will visit, but no one is spending the night in here but us!
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Re: I had no idea...
LOL! I have to laugh when I hear of people doing this too! Totally my opinion and personality though! I would never think to ask my mom to stay with me for any period of time after the baby is born-nor would she ask me.
My husband stayed home for a week when we had DD. He cooked/cleaned while I took care of the baby. Nothing for anyone else to do!
But I've had several friends have their moms stay with them. One stayed for 3 wks. Her husband was about to pull his hair out!!!
It's defintely not for us!
My mom is actually moving to the area and will only be about 8 miles away but I suspect that she will stay with us the first few days instead of at her house. I am actually looking forward to having my mom close by to help - kinda sad since i am 40!!!!:-)
my mom came to help me out for 3 days after we got home because DH wasn't able to take off of work yet and i had a c sect. but she came during the day and left at dinner time, i could never have someone stay overnight, not even my own mom.
i wanted that time to bond with my new baby girl and be a family of 3. i don't think this happens with your mom or your MIL all up in your business and holding your baby all day.
My MIL said she would come stay with us, I told that I didn't want anyone I was related to (other than DH and baby of course) sleeping over. She also works 6 days a week an hour from our house, so I have no idea how she thought that would be at all helpful.
However, I plan on having a baby nurse for 2 weeks, DH is going to take a few days off and my parents live 10 minutes from us, so I'm not worried about being short of help. My mother would never think to even ask to sleep here.
My mom lives 200 miles away and due to the nature of my husbands work, he will not be able to take off multiple days in a row, so I welcome her help.
I wouldnt dream of having her stay in a hotel, thats just silly...nor would I expect her to drive 200 miles home everynight.
I guess it sort of depends on your mom. My mom is the lowest maintenance woman I know - she is a little whirlwind that I know will cook, clean and help us through everything. She helped both of my sisters for the first week or so after they had their little ones and both swear they'll beg her to come back if they have anymore.
I ALSO know how important it is to her to be here (and to have us want her) so I guess for us, it was a no-brainer.
My mother is going to stay with us, probably for about a month. She is flying out from Ireland (where I am from originally) & I really need her here for this birth. She missed the birth of my first boy & I couldn't believe how much I missed her then. Now while she won't actually attend the birth (neither of our scenes) she is going to look after DS1 while we are at the hospital. She is awesome at rolling up her sleeves & doing whatever needs to be done around the house & she never acts like she needs to be treated as a guest. We tend to fight & rub each other up the wrong way by times but she's the best in the world & I wouldn't want anyone else staying in my house at that time.
That being said if she actually lived here I wouldn't have her stay but I know she would be very much involved on a day to day basis without actually moving in!
I'm so excited for my mom to come. She gets here about a week after my due date and will stay for 10 days.
She lives 7,000 miles away in Egypt though, so I think I get a pass on that
My parents live 3 hours away so they will both be staying for about a week. It's the first grandchild, plus neither DH nor I have much baby experience so we would appreciate the help. I have a great relationship with my parents, however, and I realize that's not the case for anyone. MIL will visit also but lives within driving distance so no need to stay.
If I were fortunate enough to be in the same city as my parents then they probably would not stay over at all.
I have no intention of having my mom stay with me at all, she lives only 10 away so there's no reason why she would and I really don't even want her visiting everyday. DH is going to take the first week off so I won't be alone.
We get along fine, we're just not super close and I have always liked to do things on my own and in my own way and my mom always is telling me how to do things that just irritates me to no end.
I never had anyone with my first but I will have my husband and our son (if the baby is early)
Then My mom will be here for about a week, However My mom lives In Canada and I am here in the states. She also does not drive so her staying here is because she cannot really "visit" plus we wont see each other for a few months either.
This is true for me!
My parents used to only be 1.5 hours away and if that were still the case, they'd probably come down for a weekend to visit. However, a few summers ago, they moved 15 hours away. My dad won't be able to come up, but my mom will be flying up after the baby gets here. I love my mom and welcome her opinions, advice, and extra hands
Since I don't get to see my parents as often and my mom used to nanny for my sister's kids, I think she really wants to be able to be here for this.
(I think it also helps that I don't have a MIL in the picture.)
My parents live 20 minutes away and my mom will be coming over during the day to help with cooking, laundry, watching DD#1, etc. She was so helpful when DD#1 was born. She helped me make casseroles and food to freeze in advance and would make lunch and dinner when she was here. She would always offer to bring breakfast, as well. She was generally here when DH was at work. She always says that she doesn't want to interfere with our limited family time.
MIL on the other hand, wanted to come over to hold my baby for hours at a time. She would not give DD back to me. I would have to physically remove my crying, hungry baby from her arms. Then MIL would follow me into my bedroom (open the door) and crouch by me while I nursed. She could probably sketch my nipples from memory. She would squeeze DD and say "eat, eat, eat", while DD tried to nurse. She would snatch her off me (while my nipple was still in DD's mouth) and say "she has to burp". She would repeat this on the other side because "she has had enough" and leave the room with my DD screaming. It was awful. I had to start locking the door. I had a mini meltdown and DH asked her to leave. She kept trying to come back to "help" and we always declined. She will not be spending a single night in our house this time around.
MIL had only one child, my DH, so I wanted to make sure she felt included. The only problem is that she wanted to be my DD's primary caregiver. I am not putting up with that this time around. MIL had DH in another country and she always tells us that she was not allowed to even see him naked until she was checked out of the hospital one week after his birth. Nurses would bring him to her for feedings only. So- it isn't like she had 12 children and is an expert at newborn care. She, in fact, has never cared for a newborn. I don't want her here interfering with bonding and being a nuisance. A short visit during the day is fine, but extended visits or overnight visits don't work with her personality and honestly, she just isn't helpful.
Burned by the Bear
This! My mom lives in Vegas and I live in Ventura, CA. It's about a 5 hour drive. So she will be staying with me when the baby is born and probably til the end of the year. I don't want to put my LO in daycare at 6 weeks old, so she will watch him after I return to work and then until he goes to daycare, which will only be for about 3 weeks.
BFP #1 3/13/13, MMC 4/17/13, D&C 4/19/13
BFP #2 8/7/13, Beta at 4w6d = 3,796
BFP#2 02/18/11 * Beta@15dpo=215 * @18dpo=698 * @20dpo=2337 * @25dpo=10,931 * DS Arrived October 24, 2011
BFP#3 08/12 | D&C 9/12 (no hb)
BFP#4 Due May 1, 2014 Stick baby stick!
My parents and I are very very close, but no. I feel like I'm an adult, DH is an adult, we can figure this whole baby thing out haha. Plenty of people have done it with out parents/in-laws coming and living with them.
Well sure, we could 'figure it out'. But if we can have an extra hand to make the transition easier, why not?
Everyone's situation is different. DH works full-time AND runs his own company so he is extremely busy. In a perfect world my parents would live closer but it is what it is. The idea of having extra help when I am hormonal, sleep deprived, still nervous and likely overwhelmed is pretty appealing!
I don't begrudge people who want it to be just them & DH but I think it's totally normal to want some extra help. Not everyone has a lot of experience with babies either, particularly newbowns.