Pregnant and attending Bachelorette Party wwyd?

clstoblg · May 2011

Hey ladies don't post much but had a question and no pregnant friends to relate to.

I am in a wedding in June for a childhood friend. The bachelorette party is next weekend (May 14) when I will be 19 weeks. We are having the party in a town that is about 3hours from my house. Plans are to stay in a hotel, have a party bus etc. So my question is if you were the bride would you be mad if I came to the pre-party stuff, went to dinner (which starts at 8:00) and the first bar and then went home?

I know after dinner i will be exhausted anyway and I don't want to put a damper on the night or make someone feel obligated to hang out with me while everyone is drinking and dancing the night away. I didn't have any pregnant girls at mine but did have one friend who wasn't drinking bc she was trying to get pregnant. So should I tough it out like she did? I feel like trying to get pregnant and being 19 weeks pregnant are two different things but am so torn.

WWYD?

NativeFloridian · May 2011

If the bride is mad at you for leaving early then she can go fvck herself, honestly. You're pregnant, and if you feel like turning in early, then do it.

mattandbekah · May 2011

I would think she would be fine with you coming for part of it then leaving. My sister was pregnant at mine, and the dear thing toughed it out the whole time, but she was exhausted! I am invited to a bachelorette party on May 14 as well, Im trying to find out if its the same type of thing where I could maybe go to dinner and then skip the bar scene.

nicolesspirit · May 2011

I did the exact same thing a few weeks ago at my friends bachelorette party. She understood and was happy I even made it out.

angiek1 · May 2011

Not going to lie I'd be a little irritated, but I'd tell you it's fine. I mean honestly you are 19 weeks not 39 weeks. I went to my friend's bachelorette till 3 am when i was that far along and lasted just fine. I guess there are two options if you are the type of person who won't be able to muster up the energy and you'll draw the attention to your pregnancy if you stay out all night then you should go home b/c you don't want to detract from your friend's night, but if you can stay out and hvae fun and mask your tiredness then stay out. It also depends on how good of friends you are. If you are in the bridal party then you should suck it up and party with your girlfriend. i mean ideally you only get one bachelorette and if you are one of her BFs then I'm sure she'll be bummed if you duck out early.

SailorGray · May 2011

No, I don't think she will be mad. I mean, I don't know her, but the fact that you are going to drive 3 hours for dinner, a party and a little bar time is pretty awesome. Most ladies I know would bail completely. You are a good friend.

panucci1314 · May 2011

I went to my my bf bachlorette this weekend and I am twenty eight weeks pregnant. We went to dinner and a bar. I was out till 2am, by the time I got home my feet were a little swollen and I was so exhausted but she was so happy I stayed. I didn't feel I put a damper on things, I still stood around at the bar, danced a little and had fun. Just cause your prego doesn't mean you can't have fun:) But it was a nicer bar, non smoking n had booth if I needed to sit. I think it all depends on how close you guys are.

SailorGray · May 2011

angiek1:
Not going to lie I'd be a little irritated, but I'd tell you it's fine. I mean honestly you are 19 weeks not 39 weeks. I went to my friend's bachelorette till 3 am when i was that far along and lasted just fine. I guess there are two options if you are the type of person who won't be able to muster up the energy and you'll draw the attention to your pregnancy if you stay out all night then you should go home b/c you don't want to detract from your friend's night, but if you can stay out and hvae fun and mask your tiredness then stay out. It also depends on how good of friends you are. If you are in the bridal party then you should suck it up and party with your girlfriend. i mean ideally you only get one bachelorette and if you are one of her BFs then I'm sure she'll be bummed if you duck out early.

So, if you had a GF who drove 3 hours to celebrate you with dinner, a party and some bar time and then drove 3 hours back, you would be irritated? I would be very thankful to my friend. That's a a lot!

jessica102706 · May 2011

I think she would be fine with that. Especially since you are still going and making the effort to be there for her - its not like you are skipping it all together. Even though she has not be pregnant herself, most people understand that pregnant women are tired a lot haha. We need our sleep. Also, you wont be able to drink and party like the rest of them so she probably doesnt want you sitting around bored all night either. I feel bad that I am not going to my SIL's bachelorette party but it just didnt make sense for me to go and she is being wonderful about it! It is a weekend trip to a winery where they will be doing wine tours and tastings. Well I cannot taste the wine and the tour w/ accomodations is crazy expensive. Even if I wasnt pregnant the cost was just really a lot anyway but spending that when I will not be able to participate is kinda silly so she understood. To make-up for my not being at the party, I am assisting the MOH in throwing her bridal shower and hosting it at my house. Its my way of contributing more since I will miss out on the bachelorette party.

happylady07 · May 2011

Do what you're comfortable with. I had a good friend that was about that far along that I invited to my bachelorette party and she declined completely. I wasn't upset at all, she felt like it was inappropriate for her to come along if she was just going to be dragging, and she wasn't comfortable with people giving her the side eye for being pregnant in a bar. I told her I just wanted to make sure I included her by inviting her, and the choice was hers. It was no big deal. If she throws a fit about you not staying the whole time, she's being a bridezilla.

JennV514 · May 2011

I'm going to a bachelorette party this weekend which includes- bar, limo, dinner, limo, bar. I'm only attending dinner. The Bride does not care at all. I mean, we're pregnant- who wants to bar hop pregnant? I'm sure your friend understands.

clstoblg · May 2011

jessica102706:
I think she would be fine with that. Especially since you are still going and making the effort to be there for her - its not like you are skipping it all together. Even though she has not be pregnant herself, most people understand that pregnant women are tired a lot haha. We need our sleep. Also, you wont be able to drink and party like the rest of them so she probably doesnt want you sitting around bored all night either. I feel bad that I am not going to my SIL's bachelorette party but it just didnt make sense for me to go and she is being wonderful about it! It is a weekend trip to a winery where they will be doing wine tours and tastings. Well I cannot taste the wine and the tour w/ accomodations is crazy expensive. Even if I wasnt pregnant the cost was just really a lot anyway but spending that when I will not be able to participate is kinda silly so she understood. To make-up for my not being at the party, I am assisting the MOH in throwing her bridal shower and hosting it at my house. Its my way of contributing more since I will miss out on the bachelorette party.

Yeah I already threw her a shower and 2 of the other bridesmaids didn't come to that.

clstoblg · May 2011

I definately see what people are saying from the other side too. I really wish it were closer to my house I would stay all night and sleep in my own bed. I only really know 2 of the girls. The bride and one other friend.

Also if i were a bar where we were hanging out and you could talk and have room to move I think i would feel better about it. The main bar she wants to go to is a strip club (female dancers not that it matters) which I don't know if i even feel comfortable being in while i am pregnant. Is that weird? haha

AggieGrl · May 2011

SailorGray:
angiek1:
Not going to lie I'd be a little irritated, but I'd tell you it's fine. I mean honestly you are 19 weeks not 39 weeks. I went to my friend's bachelorette till 3 am when i was that far along and lasted just fine. I guess there are two options if you are the type of person who won't be able to muster up the energy and you'll draw the attention to your pregnancy if you stay out all night then you should go home b/c you don't want to detract from your friend's night, but if you can stay out and hvae fun and mask your tiredness then stay out. It also depends on how good of friends you are. If you are in the bridal party then you should suck it up and party with your girlfriend. i mean ideally you only get one bachelorette and if you are one of her BFs then I'm sure she'll be bummed if you duck out early.
So, if you had a GF who drove 3 hours to celebrate you with dinner, a party and some bar time and then drove 3 hours back, you would be irritated? I would be very thankful to my friend. That's a a lot!

This. It's kind of bitchy to get upset about something so benign. It's a bachelorette party, not the wedding. They are going to bars and drinking. Why on earth would you expect someone who can not partake to sit around and watch everyone else? Even the conversation will be strained. Have you tried talking to a drunk person when you are sober?

I think the OP is being thoughtful with her plans. I am the MOH in my sister's wedding at the end of the month, and I'll probably skip the bachelorette party all together. My sister understands. Actually, I think she is relieved since she won't have to worry about accommodating me.

mplesset23 · May 2011

NativeFloridian:
If the bride is mad at you for leaving early then she can go fvck herself, honestly. You're pregnant, and if you feel like turning in early, then do it.

this. If I go to a bachelorette party I only do the dinner part. Being pregnant in a bar sucks. The bride should understand.

lmc5004 · May 2011

I am the Maid of Honor in a wedding in July (I will be 36 weeks) and I am hosting a shower and bachelorette party on June 11th (so I will be about 32 weeks) and we are going out of town (about 2.5 hours) for the bachelorette party. Im sure I will be tired but I want to stick it out and make it a great time for my best friend.

Ceridwen21 · May 2011

I think that's a perfectly reasonable plan.

katchowski · May 2011

As long as you are not the MOH you should not even have to make up much of an excuse. You are in the wedding, but that never obligates you to attend a bachelorette party.

Also if I was the bride I would feel awkward dragging a pregnant friend to a bar. She might not think about it now, but she might get dirty looks from other people for taking a pregnant girl to a bar just so she can have a party. I am not saying your friend would be selfish, but that is what it could look like to the other people in the bar.

Also as you said you have no pregnant friends that the bride can compare you to. She won't be able to say, "well so-and-so can party all night at 19 weeks why can't you." Your set of friends does not have a "normal" for this, and as the first preggo girl you can set the bar.

Matt Dvorak · May 2011

I recall at my bachelorette party that people left at different times in the night, and there were only 4 of us left at the end. I don't recall being upset with a single person for leaving before I was ready to go home...I'm just not the drama queen type! I think making the effort and going to the beginning would be fine!

ababymaybe · May 2011

Sounds fine to me. Seems some posters are forgetting that everyone's pregnancy is different. I haven't had many symptoms but I have had MAJOR fatigue that hasn't improved in the 2nd trimester. I have not been up past 11 since I got my BFP; most nights I fall asleep reading or watching TV by 9 or 9:30. Staying out til 2 or 3am would be impossible for me.

Not to mention, it's not that fun to be stone cold sober in a loud bar full of sloppy drunk people. I could do it for awhile, but 5 hours of that (assuming you hit the bar at 10pm)? No thanks! And I'd never expect a pregnant BM of mine to either, if it were reversed.

pinkpigeon · May 2011

she should understand, or at least i hope she would. besides avoiding putting a strain on your body you really don't wanna be around a lot of smoke (which may be at the bars/scene you all are likely to be in).

my brother's 21st birthday is this weekend. my SO and i are taking him out to dinner with his friends, buying him his first few round of drinks, then saying sayonara when they go to the club (i'll be on call all night so that he can call me when he needs a ride home). thankfully my bro understands. i hope your friend does too!

jarochon2 · May 2011

I am glad that you posted this question. I will be 8 months pregnant when my brother-in-laws wife is having her bachelorette party. Since I am in the bridal party, I will be attending, but her party will be "tame" - dinner, comedy show, home. So, I think I can hang ;o)

But, I can see your concern. I would talk with your friend and see how she feels about it. This way, you can accomodate both yourself and her wishes to the best of your ability. One day, when she is pregnant, she will understand ;o)

Bashert628 · May 2011

I was a BM for my friend during my last pregnancy and I didn't go at all. She totally understood.

atizon · May 2011

I think that she would be happy that you actually made it. She should understand most pregnant woman are tired by 10pm. We don't have the same energy as them. So atleast your going to dinner and 1 bar. have fun!!

MsTammy · May 2011

I'm in a wedding in June and will be around 21 weeks at the Bachelorette Party. I jsut plan on taking a nap during the day. Since I am in the wedding, I plan on doing everything everyone else is doing. I am just going to be the Designated Driver.

)

blu-eyedwife · May 2011

I went to a bachelorette party a couple years ago. The bride's sister (MOH) and a bridesmaid were both very pregnant (more than 19 weeks). They did the same thing and nobody thought anything bad about them. We were just thrilled they came!

eli_and_jeff · May 2011

If you're even close to as tired as I am right now, you have absolutely no reason to feel bad for going to dinner and skipping out on the drinking. In my experience, no one feels much like partying around a pregnant girl anyway. I think you're being very courteous, actually.

Trying to get pregnant and being halfway to motherhood are too totally different things. I think you should tell your friend ahead of time. I did that last weekend for a friend's b-day party. DH and I just said we'd come to dinner, but would not be joining everyone for the concert and drinking afterwards. She has three kids, so she totally understood.

CA2006 · May 2011

I went to my friend's out of town bachelorette party at 23 weeks last time. I had a really good time and was able to act as sober driver for them, which they appreciated. Was it challenging to stay out late at times? Sure. And they told me more than once that I could go back to the hotel and sleep if I wanted to. But it ended up being a really good time. I would be more worried about driving home 3 hours alone at night if you are that exhausted. It may be worth it just to stay with all of them and bail out early to go to the hotel if you need to. It will be a lot harder to do that kind of thing after having a baby. At least that way, you have the option of staying out if you feel ok and have a place to crash if you don't.

Either way, I don't think the bride will be mad.

KBaker421 · May 2011

I dont think it's that big of a deal. It's not like you are missing the wedding. I wouldn't have even expected any of my pregnant friends to go. I'd invite them to be courteous but I wouldn't expect that from anybody

sweetep15 · May 2011

Do whatever you need to do. I had a pregnant girl at mine (about 6 months or so) and she stayed all night, but it was because she wasn't tired because she is used to staying up late because her husband gets off work at like 1 am. So if you are up to it and are having fun stay and drink water or juice and dance, and if you are tired and feel like you are going to bring the mood down just tell her you had a great time and to enjoy the rest of the night because you need to go home. She should understand if you are tired and not up for partying as a pregnant lady

MrsOlson · May 2011

I was just a a bach party this weekend. I just did the dinner/games stuff and when they left to go to the bars I went home. It was about 9:30. She should understand and if she doesn't she will when she has children.

erin_aaronsbaby · May 2011

Nope...as a matter of fact, I've been in this situation twice now. I've gone to the pre-party, dinner, first club/bar (depending on what time it is), then home to get to bed, and haven't had a friend/bride mad at me yet!

jaeleigh25 · May 2011

I did the exact same thing this weekend. She had a shower and then a few hours later started the bachelorette party, and I stayed as long as possible, but then she was fine with me skipping out - she was impressed I stayed as long as I did. Have fun!

heatherelms · May 2011

I'm doing the exact same thing tomorrow. I'm going to dinner, and I may go to a bar with them. She knows I cant stay out late though, because my baby shower is the next day, so i have to be up early to help out with that. She seems to be just fine with me only attending dinner. Plus, they're going to be going to a few strip clubs, and yea, i'm defenitley not going there while pregnant!

lmbaier · May 2011

I completely understand what you are going throught. I'm also in a wedding in June and I'm 21 weeks along. It is an overnight event but I'm going up and spending the day with the girls and going out to dinner but I'm not going out to the bars and staying the night in the hotel. The bride and bridal party completely understand and said they would do the same. Don't feel obligated to stay, go for the day and go out to dinner!

emily61111 · May 2011

I had 2 friends that were pregnant and 2 friends that came that don't drink. They came to hang out at my house, get food, and went to the first 2 bars and left... I didn't think anything of it. I was just excited to have them come. I have a bach party in a month and I won't even be that far along... I have to be there the whole time because I am the matron of honor, and she told me to not stress about being there the whole time. So it all depends on the friend... also if you are driving THREE hours... I would hope that she would completely understand pregnant or not...

I hope all works out for the best! Good Luck!

thebride828 · May 2011

I did exactly what you are planning to do, and the bride didn't mind at all. I think deep down she was happy to have fun with me in the begining and happy that i let them have their fun. I just felt that If i continued it would just get more uncomfortable because they felt sorry for me because I couldnt drink. I was only seven weeks but I just didn't feel like it was for me If I couldn't be one of the girls. I also felt the attention of the bride was taken away because people wanted to know about my pregnancy. And because I wasn't real big, people would smoke around me. even the girls would forget and light one up. So I think dinner, the first bar, and then home is just enough for you and her.

jczekanski · May 2011

A friend had a full day party which started at the beach, then went to dinner, and then went to the bars. It was way too hot for me to hang out at the beach and I was always way too tired to be able to make it for the bars, so I just went to the dinner. She actually had another pregnant friend that went to the beach which made me feel kind of bad but she also left after dinner. And luckily my friend totally understood:)

For the future, I am skipping my future sister-in-law's party this weekend because I am not getting any sleep with the little one and she is also very understanding.

Pregnant and attending Bachelorette Party wwyd?

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