08/18/2012 - BFP (Hoping this is our rainbow!) 06/24/2012 - Loss confirmed at 12 weeks 12/14/2010 - Loss baby girl at 20 weeks due to Turner Syndrome 01/2009 - Chemical Pregnancy
It seems that Ive been handling my grief by spending money... tons of it. I just checked my bank statement and here is the last 3 weeks:
$70 at LUSH for bath bombs and stuff. They last for like 5 minutes!
$140 at ULTA- The bulk of this is on Butter London nail polish which is $14 a pop. (I even have a $100 shopping spree there for having over 7500 points and I didnt use it, I just wanted to spent money I guess)
$125 at Zappos- For another pair of nude heels and then $98 at Macys for another pair of nude heels 2 days later.
$125 at Sephora- For all new make up brushes. The ones that I have a fine.
$80 at Gap Body for all new underwear.
$70 at Target- I dont even really remember what I bought.....
These are just the big ticket items. I have lots of others all under 70, like 50 at Walgreens? I dont know!
This is getting out of control.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
It seems that Ive been handling my grief by spending money... tons of it. I just checked my bank statement and here is the last 3 weeks:
$70 at LUSH for bath bombs and stuff. They last for like 5 minutes!
$140 at ULTA- The bulk of this is on Butter London nail polish which is $14 a pop. (I even have a $100 shopping spree there for having over 7500 points and I didnt use it, I just wanted to spent money I guess)
$125 at Zappos- For another pair of nude heels and then $98 at Macys for another pair of nude heels 2 days later.
$125 at Sephora- For all new make up brushes. The ones that I have a fine.
$80 at Gap Body for all new underwear.
$70 at Target- I dont even really remember what I bought.....
These are just the big ticket items. I have lots of others all under 70, like 50 at Walgreens? I dont know!
This is getting out of control.
I unfortunately partake in the same emotional spending and rationalize that hey, now I don't need to spend this money on baby stuff might as well get something for myself. Oh and Target shopping does not count as frivilous spending. Mine sells groceries and I never walk out of there under a hundred bucks!
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
I find that everyday I am slipping into a deeper and deeper depression and suicide takes up my thoughts more and more.
Oh babyhubbardinme... im sorry. Have you thought about talking to someone about this? Im sorry your going through this, but I think if your thinking these things its time to seek additional help and not try to handle this on your own
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
I find that everyday I am slipping into a deeper and deeper depression and suicide takes up my thoughts more and more.
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. If you ever need to chat, PM me. Do you have any pets/are you an "animal" person? I found that my dog and cat really help with depression symptoms.
babyhubbardinme, I'm so sorry that depression has got such a hold on you. Please don't hesitate to get some extra help, there can be brighter days ahead. (((hugs)))
I remember being one of those girls that kept one extra HPT, just in case I had a freak-out and didn't feel pregnant anymore. Well, of course when I didn't feel pregnant anymore at 8 1/2 weeks, I peed on it to put my mind at ease. That extra dark line somehow made me feel like maybe I was just crazy and needed to relax about "not feeling pregnant." Of course, now I know my baby was already gone at that point, and I could STILL pee on a stick now and have it be positive.
Ignorance was bliss. But I promise I won't ruin this for other Bumpies when I'm back on a month board again someday.
OH! And I almost punched a family friend in the chops yesterday. He roughed me up a bit as a greeting - a normal thing for that guy, kind of a jackass anyway. I wanted to scream at him "Don't touch me! Don't shove me around, don't you know what I'm going through!?!?"
Instead I looked at him with my best bitchface and said "Please don't do that. Ever. Again."
I find that everyday I am slipping into a deeper and deeper depression and suicide takes up my thoughts more and more.
oh, please don't hesitate to PM me ANYTIME. i've been there, many times and it hurts me when i see someone else feeling that way when i know how it feels. venting helps, believe me, i feel like sometimes i put more vents up on this board then i do support people. and i agree, maybe get a dog or something. my dog is the only IRL "person" who doesn't understand my feelings, but loves me unconditionally - no matter what mood i'm in. when i'm crying, she's right there with me knowing that i'm feeling down. she's just to cute to not smile at. depression like that is nothing to play around with, i've been there before, and it's not worth the path that it leads to. if you need help, get some help. if you need us, we are here. if you need a pet, get a pet. do whatever you need to start climbing up out of that deep hole.
please know that i, and i'm sure everyone else here, are here for you - to vent, to need support, to *** about people, whatever you need! please keep that in mind.
? BFP #1 EDD 10/18/2011. Twin Blighted Ovums 3/10/11. D&C on 3/11/11 ? ?BFP #2 5/19/2011 ? 9/1/2011 - it's a BOY!!! ? Jace Matthew born 1/23/12 ?
?BFP 6/21/2012 - EDD 3/5/2013 - natural MC 7/22/2012 at 7w ? ?BFP 10/24/2012 - EDD 6/26/2013, grow little one grow!?
I've been taking afternoon naps since the m/c. I really don't think I need more sleep since I get 8-9 hrs at night. But perhaps it's helping my body recover, or I'm just hiding. But the naps also remind me of the fatigue I felt at the beginning of the pregnancy...
I've been carrying around the hospital bracelet that I got when I went in for my D&C and have been secretly thinking of it as my pocket baby. Sounds weird, probably morbid, but it's the only thing I have from the bub. I actually forgot it at home today, maybe that's a good thing in the end, moving on, but that makes me kind of sad too.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
I've been carrying around the hospital bracelet that I got when I went in for my D&C and have been secretly thinking of it as my pocket baby. Sounds weird, probably morbid, but it's the only thing I have from the bub. I actually forgot it at home today, maybe that's a good thing in the end, moving on, but that makes me kind of sad too.
I know how you feel, kinda. We got to hold our daughter when she was stillborn, but for the first week after we got her remains back I didn't go anywhere or do anything without her being less than 5 feet from me. I now have a necklace that the hospital gave us in a memory box that is an outline of a heart, and the inner part of it is seperate and that is with my daughter, so she always has a part of me, and I always have a part of her....God help me (and BF) the day the chain breaks, or the worst- the heart breaks. ***HUGS**
*HUGS* That's a beautiful keepsake.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Missed MC 11/17/10 Our little miracle born 1/27/12 Natural MC 7/19/12 Missed MC 1/22/13 Our family is complete DD 12/27/13 Abnormal ANA, PAI-1 4G/4G homozygous
I find that everyday I am slipping into a deeper and deeper depression and suicide takes up my thoughts more and more.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I recently started counseling and Abilify for the same thing. If you ever need to talk just PM me. I work nights so I'm up at all hours.
Missed MC 11/17/10 Our little miracle born 1/27/12 Natural MC 7/19/12 Missed MC 1/22/13 Our family is complete DD 12/27/13 Abnormal ANA, PAI-1 4G/4G homozygous
With each day that passes I feel stronger, and also scared. Everyone around me acts like it never happened, and then wonders why I get emotional at babies on silly commercials or TV shows. The fact that my body is still going through the m/c is a constant reminder of failure.
We had planned on telling everyone on Mother's Day which is near my birthday... I know both of those days will be hard. And I'm apprehensive to be around others on those emotional days. I think those days I'll just lay in bed with the covers on my head :P
TTC since November 2010
BFP: March 22, 2011
M/C: April 8, 2011 @ 7 weeks
BFP: June 29, 2011!!!
Crossing my fingers for a sticky baby
LO Born early March 2012 We are so blessed
Re: ***Morning Confession***
It seems that Ive been handling my grief by spending money... tons of it. I just checked my bank statement and here is the last 3 weeks:
$70 at LUSH for bath bombs and stuff. They last for like 5 minutes!
$140 at ULTA- The bulk of this is on Butter London nail polish which is $14 a pop. (I even have a $100 shopping spree there for having over 7500 points and I didnt use it, I just wanted to spent money I guess)
$125 at Zappos- For another pair of nude heels and then $98 at Macys for another pair of nude heels 2 days later.
$125 at Sephora- For all new make up brushes. The ones that I have a fine.
$80 at Gap Body for all new underwear.
$70 at Target- I dont even really remember what I bought.....
These are just the big ticket items. I have lots of others all under 70, like 50 at Walgreens? I dont know!
This is getting out of control.
I unfortunately partake in the same emotional spending and rationalize that hey, now I don't need to spend this money on baby stuff might as well get something for myself. Oh and Target shopping does not count as frivilous spending. Mine sells groceries and I never walk out of there under a hundred bucks!
Oh babyhubbardinme... im sorry. Have you thought about talking to someone about this? Im sorry your going through this, but I think if your thinking these things its time to seek additional help and not try to handle this on your own
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. If you ever need to chat, PM me. Do you have any pets/are you an "animal" person? I found that my dog and cat really help with depression symptoms.
BFP 2.19.11 - Missed miscarriage, April 2011
I remember being one of those girls that kept one extra HPT, just in case I had a freak-out and didn't feel pregnant anymore. Well, of course when I didn't feel pregnant anymore at 8 1/2 weeks, I peed on it to put my mind at ease. That extra dark line somehow made me feel like maybe I was just crazy and needed to relax about "not feeling pregnant." Of course, now I know my baby was already gone at that point, and I could STILL pee on a stick now and have it be positive.
Ignorance was bliss. But I promise I won't ruin this for other Bumpies when I'm back on a month board again someday.
OH! And I almost punched a family friend in the chops yesterday. He roughed me up a bit as a greeting - a normal thing for that guy, kind of a jackass anyway. I wanted to scream at him "Don't touch me! Don't shove me around, don't you know what I'm going through!?!?"
Instead I looked at him with my best bitchface and said "Please don't do that. Ever. Again."
BFP 2.19.11 - Missed miscarriage, April 2011
oh, please don't hesitate to PM me ANYTIME. i've been there, many times and it hurts me when i see someone else feeling that way when i know how it feels. venting helps, believe me, i feel like sometimes i put more vents up on this board then i do support people. and i agree, maybe get a dog or something. my dog is the only IRL "person" who doesn't understand my feelings, but loves me unconditionally - no matter what mood i'm in. when i'm crying, she's right there with me knowing that i'm feeling down. she's just to cute to not smile at. depression like that is nothing to play around with, i've been there before, and it's not worth the path that it leads to. if you need help, get some help. if you need us, we are here. if you need a pet, get a pet. do whatever you need to start climbing up out of that deep hole.
please know that i, and i'm sure everyone else here, are here for you - to vent, to need support, to *** about people, whatever you need! please keep that in mind.
? BFP #1 EDD 10/18/2011. Twin Blighted Ovums 3/10/11. D&C on 3/11/11 ?
?BFP #2 5/19/2011 ? 9/1/2011 - it's a BOY!!! ? Jace Matthew born 1/23/12 ?
?BFP 6/21/2012 - EDD 3/5/2013 - natural MC 7/22/2012 at 7w ?
?BFP 10/24/2012 - EDD 6/26/2013, grow little one grow!?
I spent alot of money upgrading our suite for when we go on vacation next month...
After my 2 D&C's last week I was sent home with some really good narcotic pain killers, I took them last night just because I didn't want to think.
*HUGS* That's a beautiful keepsake.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Missed MC 11/17/10 Our little miracle born 1/27/12 Natural MC 7/19/12 Missed MC 1/22/13 Our family is complete DD 12/27/13
Abnormal ANA, PAI-1 4G/4G homozygous
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I recently started counseling and Abilify for the same thing. If you ever need to talk just PM me. I work nights so I'm up at all hours.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Missed MC 11/17/10 Our little miracle born 1/27/12 Natural MC 7/19/12 Missed MC 1/22/13 Our family is complete DD 12/27/13
Abnormal ANA, PAI-1 4G/4G homozygous
With each day that passes I feel stronger, and also scared. Everyone around me acts like it never happened, and then wonders why I get emotional at babies on silly commercials or TV shows. The fact that my body is still going through the m/c is a constant reminder of failure.
We had planned on telling everyone on Mother's Day which is near my birthday... I know both of those days will be hard. And I'm apprehensive to be around others on those emotional days. I think those days I'll just lay in bed with the covers on my head :P
BFP: March 22, 2011 M/C: April 8, 2011 @ 7 weeks
BFP: June 29, 2011!!! Crossing my fingers for a sticky baby
LO Born early March 2012 We are so blessed