2nd Trimester
MrsEllis10
member
MIL in the delivery room
MrsEllis10
member
I have decided that I do not want my MIL in the DR. How are you all handling telling the MIL. Do you have a sit down talk and explain or should you just wait til the day of and do the shock and awe? Please help ladies. I want to make sure I do this right. I don't dislike the woman or have any issues with her I just want to make sure I don't hurt feelings.
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Re: MIL in the delivery room
We told the in laws that only DH and I would be in the delivery room, and reinforced it a few times during the pregnancy. Despite that, MIL still threw a hissy fit when we reminded her she wasn't going to be in the delivery room when I was in labor. She got over it once she got to hold her grandchild.
Definitely bring it up sooner rather than later. Based on my experience, you can't remind them too often.
I told mine... No Freakin Way!
DH and I have agreed that when I go into labor we will go to the hospital ourselves, and telephone both sets of parents after the baby is born. That way it is just between us.
i would tell her in advance. spell out exactly what you want to happen (ie: can she be in there during contractions, just not during pushing?, etc.). you definitely don't want to deal with this conversation on delivery day!
also, make sure dh backs you up.
this wasn't an issue for my dh and i with our firsts...neither MIL wanted to be in there and we wanted to be alone. i think it's a little weird to have an audience in the delivery room...just mho. my fun job this time is informing my mom she will not be staying at our home right after i deliver...btdt with disastrous results!
good luck!
Big brother Luke
Little brother Zachary
No, I am not sure if she expects it. I am just wondering how to handle it if she does. My mom will be in the room with us as well.
"What did my fingers do before they held you? What did my heart do with it's love?"
I think it is one thing to have ppl in there while you are pushing, but quite another to have ppl in the room in the hours leading up to pushing. You might surprise yourself when you are just in the room laboring, you will be covered up and for the most part comfortable.
I was very clear that it was only DH and me in the delivery room while i was pushing. No one else. I would be clear before hand. Talk to your DH, while it is both of yalls child, it is YOUR body doing the work.
Little M 6/16/2013
Angel baby 5/17/2014
I was just wondering why everyone is so against having their MIL in DR with them?
I'm a private person and I dont want privates exposed (to her). I didn't even allow my mother in there. However, this time around I might consider having my mom in the delivery room but not my MIL.
I had my family and H's family in the room while I was in labor, excluding cervical checks and epidural.
Once the pushing started everybody left except DH.
My SIL tried to get in on the action but I must have had a deer-in-the-headlights look, because my awesome nurse quickly told her it was hospital policy that nobody else could come back except the husband. (not true, but I soooo appreciated her for that).
I honestly wouldn't bring it up ahead of time unless you think she's going to make a big scene at the time. When you are in early labor you can try to ask your nurse to help you out by saying "Who are the 2 visitors you are going to have with you in labor?" then you can say "my H and my mom".
My original plan was to just have my mom and DH in the DR. My MIL has always been jealous of my mom (because my parents live in town). I thought that having MIL in the DR, might make things better. We asked her to stay in the room at the last minute. I should have known things would go south when she said "of course" in this weird tone...like "why wouldn't I be allowed to be in here?".
To say that having my MIL in the DR was a disaster would be an understatement. She pushed my mom...like gave her a shove... out of the way. MIL was on my right side and DH was on my left. I kept shaking MIL's hand off mine and reaching for my mom. MIL would just grab my hand again and yell "push" in my face. I wanted to throat punch her so bad.
Towards the end, the doctor asked for my hand, so that I could feel DD's head when she was crowning. MIL tried to touch DD's head and the doctor told her to get her hands away from there. My OB could tell that I was really annoyed. He asked DH and MIL to let go of my legs so that I could hold them myself. MIL also tried to hold DD before I got a chance to. The OB told her that that was a great way to lose a limb and that mom gets the baby first. The inlaws won't even know I'm in labor this time around. FWIW- none of my friends' MILs expected to be in the room with them.
well my MIL, as well as my own mom, knew how insecure i am/was. so there was no questioning "hery can i be in there."
i personally don't understand why so many people think it's their "right" or "duty" to be able to be in a room where you are sprawled for the entire room to see. if you're comfortable, fabulous. if you want a party, awesome for you. but don't ASSUME it's ok.
We just tell people that it will only be DH and I. I think that saves a lot of heartache when people aren't hearing "We don't want you in there." Verbage goes a long way.
Great advice! Thank you!
My MIL hoped to be in there because it's normal in their family for the delivery room to have half a dozen people standing around, most of them with cameras. And DH is an only child. But she took it well when I explained that it would not be an option. I'm from a much more private (uptight, even) culture.
My own mother will not be in there either (and doesn't find the idea any more appealing than I do) so that helps head off any fairness arguments.
I do strongly agree that having your own mother there is totally different than your MIL, especially depending on how well you already know each other. I get along fine with my MIL but due to geography I've only met her half a dozen times in the five years that DH and I have been together.
Oh man! My problem of deciding how to tell MIL is so small compared to this. I feel for you!
Well I am only having my husband, so no one else is going to expect to be in there, because I have made this clear. But... you're having your mom, so it will get a little complicated. I saw another post like this a while ago and I really liked one response, someone said that your MIL's child is having a baby too, just like your mom, and so for her to be there to celebrate her son becoming a father, it might be nice to let her in.
Personally, I don't want anyone else in there, so luckily I don't have to deal with picking and choosing. :-)
Because mine's crazy. FI's mom and grandmom, though I love them both, drive me nuts. And I'm going to be pissy. I don't need them all up in my business. I've made it clear that I will be hauling myself off the bed and showering before ANYONE, other than FI, is allowed in the room to see me and baby. I think we're just going to tell them to stay home until we call and tell them they can come. MIL and GMIL may have a fit, but they can just deal.
I agree with that in the cases where the mother is invited into the delivery room just to celebrate.
But if she is there to provide emotional support, especially depending on DH's qualifications, that really is apples and oranges. Regardless of how nice a person a MIL may be, that doesn't mean there's the same bond and history there. This is not usually someone who has already nursed you through umpteen illnesses. (Then again, if your own mother was no good at that, then she's not useful in the delivery room either.) People sometimes forget that the woman giving birth still counts as a human being with her own needs rather than it now being all about the baby.
Same scenario for the first week or so right after the birth when you're all torn up and leaking embarrassing things. Whether it's your own mother or your MIL helping with that are two very different things for most women.
Because there are some things about me other people don't need to see. My mom is also not invited for the same reason, even though she keeps trying to change my mind. I am a very private person and don't want my mother or MIL seeing me exposed like that. My mom I could probably give in on because well she's my mom, but MIL not a chance in hell is that happening.
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
I would have loved to have my mom and sister there but no one made it (even though my parents live an hour away) because DD shot out in 2 hours and she was three weeks early.
This baby, I am really torn. I would love my mom and sister but my sister will have a two month old, so I am pretty sure she will not be there. I hope my mom will. My mil is really close with me but I do not want SIL there... she is 17 and very teenagery.
Maybe you and your husband can bring it up in conversation some time soon.
Our DD decided to come a month early & we hadn't discussed anything with ILs yet. My mother was in the room & then my MIL came to visit & never left. I remember at one point, when I was getting super close I felt a little uncomfortable with her being there, but then I was so involved in everything else, I never gave it another thought. She did stay toward the back, so she wasn't right in the mix of things. This time around we have decided it will just be DH & I, so I think I will have him tell her.