something you can't stand? For example DH and I love the name Benjamin and my MIL told him she loves the name, and that she thinks she would call him "Jam" as her little nickname for him. I honestly can not stand the thought of her calling the kid that, and now i'm seriously considering not naming him that! LOL!
I told DH to tell her that's so stupid, (and he agrees with me) but doesn't want to hurt her feelings. and doesn't want to give her "name rules" she has to follow, which I can understand. She means well, and just wants a little "grandma" bond with the kid (her other grandson lives across the country so she never sees him) so I can appreciate that. But Jam? really? I mean can I live through that the rest of my life?
Re: What do you do if your MIL wants to call your baby...
We have told both our parents no nicknames. We are naming our son Max and that is his name. My mother was calling him Maxi and it was bugging me so I just said I really don't like that name please don't call him that. She had no problem with it. I would have no problem telling MIL the same thing and making an issue of it if she ignored me. To me MIL choosing a nickname is not a big issue, but if she does it after knowing it bugs me it's just disrespectful. I firmly believe that if your parents/ILs have boundary issues you need to establish your boundaries early on and stick to them.
You don't have to be mean to MIL, I would just say I don't want you to call him that and when you do it knowing that it bothers DH and I it comes off as really disrespectful of our choices so I would appreciate it if you stop. Change the topic and move on. Don't make a big deal out of it just be firm.
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My relatives give each other weird nicknames that only they use - I don't think it really bugs anyone. I guess the one problem would be if the name stuck with everyone, like they occasionally do.
Oh wait, one family member did have a problem with a nickname - my mom did not like my youngest brother calling her "momica lewinsky" back during the whole clinton scandal...
This would be our reply as well. My IL's have the unfortunate habit of calling their grandchildren nicknames that end in Y--Landy (Landon), Lizzie (Elizabeth), you get the point. We're already on the same page that our child will be given a name that we want everyone to use--and if it means telling grandparents (or others) that what they're calling the baby is unacceptable and not the baby's name, we're going to. We hope that telling them once or twice will be all that's needed and we can go on peacefully from there
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This.
I think it is a bigger deal in my head then it will actually be! At least that's what i'm hoping!
My name can't be turned into a NN but my sibling's names (Andrew, Rebecca, and Christopher) easily can and my parents said from day one, no nicknames. My parents of course came up with their own, unrelated to their names, but did not want them to be Chris, Andy or Drew, or Becca or Becky. It worked. Some people may have thought they were hard asses about it, but everyone still calls them Christopher, Andrew, and Rebecca except for a few of Christopher's friends who call him Chris now, but that didn't start until high school. My mom tried to make a joke about it with her family...if someone said "Chris" she'd follow up with "topher!" That of course, let my smart a$$ uncle to call him Topher for awhile until my mom gave him enough stern looks.
I think Jam is stupid too, and I'd probably just say "We're not really going to have nicknames" or like PP said "We're going to wait and see when he's born."
That's what I was thinking. There's a pretty good chance he will grow out of it and request that she stops anyway. That takes the pressure off you lol. But even as I type this Jam is kinda growing on me Who knows, maybe it will for you too!
something you can't stand? For example DH and I love the name Benjamin and my MIL told him she loves the name, and that she thinks she would call him "Jam" as her little nickname for him. I honestly can not stand the thought of her calling the kid that, and now i'm seriously considering not naming him that! LOL!
I told DH to tell her that's so stupid, (and he agrees with me) but doesn't want to hurt her feelings. and doesn't want to give her "name rules" she has to follow, which I can understand. She means well, and just wants a little "grandma" bond with the kid (her other grandson lives across the country so she never sees him) so I can appreciate that. But Jam? really? I mean can I live through that the rest of my life?
LOL...too funny. I understand your frustration though. My Dad is hell bent on me naming the baby (if its a girl) Emily Kristine...which is really cute but my husband and I already had a name which is similar picked out before we even got pregnant in honor of HIS mother...Needless to say he won't acknowledge the baby in anything other than "Emily." even though that'll never be her name....not so much a nickname but just as irritating.
Maybe "Jam" will fade after a while. That really sucks lol
I agree. Let Grandma be excited and call him something that makes her happy. How does this hurt anyone exactly? It doesn't - but it sure could cause some hard and hurt feelings if you pipe up about it.
My DD has had a gazillion different nicknames since she was born. It really isn't a big deal.
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We had a narrow escape, too. But we dealt with it in the moment, which you may have to do.
We told my mother two months before our due date that we were calling our son Isaac. No nickname. Just Isaac. A few weeks later, she finds a really cool little picture frame and says, "Oh, let me get you this for little Zacky's room!" DH and I both chorused "ISAAC," firmly. And then I enthusiastically thanked her for the frame and she was fine. No further discussion.
That was last we ever heard of "Zacky."
I'd tell her to cut it out, or have DH talk to her. My DH's favourite girl name was Seraphina, and my mom kept saying she'd call her Fifi. I'm thinking that's probably why he reconsidered and chose Violet for her.
It's your kid; tell her that you don't want to use a nickname or have selected another nickname, and politely ask her to refrain from calling him anything but what you, as his parents, have chosen.
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at least it's not ben-jammin'!
My in-laws are all about full names for their kids...they have 4 biological & 4 adopted kids. Seriously the only one who goes by a shortened version is my husband - Ben - and they usually call him Benjamin! yeah, there's no way Jam would work for my H when he was a kid, he even hated Benjie & Benny! Yikes,..hope your MIL doesn't nn him that b/c IMO Jam is weird!
You can stick to your ground & use full names - my friend did this for years w/ her son & we call tend to stick to it!
Yeah....this. Honestly is it really that big of a deal? To try and control what every single person calls your kid? I certainly wouldn't say anything until he's here and if its really that bad, if you just can't handle it, then say something. "We'd really prefer you call him Ben. Jam just doesn't seem right." Otherwise, just let it go. Grandparents play important roles in our kids lives. MIL's take a friggin' beating on this site...I think you should cut her some slack.
I agree. Let Grandma call him what she wants. It's kind of controlling to worry about that. Your son will decide what he likes when he's older. Most times, people just like to talk and come up with ideas anyway. She may not even mean it.
I also agree that it isn't that big of a deal.
She is excited and to be honest, you have quite awhile until the baby comes anyway. She may have forgotten or found a different nickname.
When the baby comes you will have far more things to worry about than what MIL calls your him.
Trying to control this and letting it bug you this much is a waste of time and energy.
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