What do you do if your MIL wants to call your baby...

sunflwr2 · March 2011

something you can't stand? For example DH and I love the name Benjamin and my MIL told him she loves the name, and that she thinks she would call him "Jam" as her little nickname for him. I honestly can not stand the thought of her calling the kid that, and now i'm seriously considering not naming him that! LOL!
I told DH to tell her that's so stupid, (and he agrees with me) but doesn't want to hurt her feelings. and doesn't want to give her "name rules" she has to follow, which I can understand. She means well, and just wants a little "grandma" bond with the kid (her other grandson lives across the country so she never sees him) so I can appreciate that. But Jam? really? I mean can I live through that the rest of my life?

Laceface7 · March 2011

Maybe casually ask her how she came up with Jam from Benjamin (even though you already know: Benjamin). And after she tells you, just kind of casually say "Oh lol thats kinda silly. I was thinking more along the lines of Benny, or Benjie, you know to incorporate the Ben part of his name." If you approach it playfully and out of curiosity she may not get her feelings hurt. Just a thought....

Lady Leigh · March 2011

I would say no I dont want you calling him that.

elvirarivera08 · March 2011

i like your approach!

rosegut · March 2011

I would ask her if she would mind meeting him 1st before deciding on a nn. Maybe tell her that Jam may not fit him, and let's wait and see. It could also be a good time to tell her that you don't love that nn, but you are willing to meet him too to see if its a good fit.

melaniedel · March 2011

Yes, maybe approach it in a joking manner, and mention that you guys already have a nickname and let's not confuse him!

Don't worry though-it's so silly it will never stick. Your little guy wouldn't stand for it. haha Also, don't change the name because she will probably come up with another. My cute grandma wanted me to name the baby Olivia if it was a girl-and call her Olly. I was like Mommom, ugh no. lol but it is diff relationship than IL's (at least for me). GL!!

Yellow_Daisy · March 2011

We have told both our parents no nicknames. We are naming our son Max and that is his name. My mother was calling him Maxi and it was bugging me so I just said I really don't like that name please don't call him that. She had no problem with it. I would have no problem telling MIL the same thing and making an issue of it if she ignored me. To me MIL choosing a nickname is not a big issue, but if she does it after knowing it bugs me it's just disrespectful. I firmly believe that if your parents/ILs have boundary issues you need to establish your boundaries early on and stick to them.

You don't have to be mean to MIL, I would just say I don't want you to call him that and when you do it knowing that it bothers DH and I it comes off as really disrespectful of our choices so I would appreciate it if you stop. Change the topic and move on. Don't make a big deal out of it just be firm.

bug81 · March 2011

I set rules for everyone to follow when naming my son Charles. I told them he is Charles not Chuck or Charlie. If they got mad they got over it and he now tells anyone that calls him something else that he is Charles (he is now 4.5 years old).

RebeccaMay · March 2011

FWIW, my nephew's initials are J.A.M. and we call him Jam or Jammer all the time. He is ten now and his nickname has actually grown with him pretty well. It may not be as big a deal as you think.

Saltina11 · March 2011

Wait long enough and your son will be like "Grandma!! Stop calling me that! My name is Benjamin!!!" Lol.

Matt Dvorak · March 2011

My relatives give each other weird nicknames that only they use - I don't think it really bugs anyone. I guess the one problem would be if the name stuck with everyone, like they occasionally do.

Oh wait, one family member did have a problem with a nickname - my mom did not like my youngest brother calling her "momica lewinsky" back during the whole clinton scandal...

marriedtoeric · March 2011

Takaya:
I would say no I dont want you calling him that.

This would be our reply as well. My IL's have the unfortunate habit of calling their grandchildren nicknames that end in Y--Landy (Landon), Lizzie (Elizabeth), you get the point. We're already on the same page that our child will be given a name that we want everyone to use--and if it means telling grandparents (or others) that what they're calling the baby is unacceptable and not the baby's name, we're going to. We hope that telling them once or twice will be all that's needed and we can go on peacefully from there

CocoBrynne · March 2011

OMG I am in the EXACT situation! My FIL thinks he will be calling a baby Kiwi bc for a brief moment I considered the name Keely and he will not drop it, even tho I have repeatedly told him I hate it

emily0829 · March 2011

rosegut:
I would ask her if she would mind meeting him 1st before deciding on a nn. Maybe tell her that Jam may not fit him, and let's wait and see. It could also be a good time to tell her that you don't love that nn, but you are willing to meet him too to see if its a good fit.

This.

[Deleted User] · March 2011

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sunflwr2 · March 2011

RebeccaMay:
FWIW, not be as big a deal as you think.

I think it is a bigger deal in my head then it will actually be! At least that's what i'm hoping!

skiezik · March 2011

I think you should let your MIL have that nickname. Yes it is your baby but grandparents can play a pretty big role. I think the bond would be special.

Tikat · March 2011

The kid will likely warrant his own nick-name in time...I call my daughter piglet or pork chop- don't ask me why but it stuck...they threatened to call her Haydi (instead of Hayden) and nobody has called her that yet...

AKBrideinMD · March 2011

My name can't be turned into a NN but my sibling's names (Andrew, Rebecca, and Christopher) easily can and my parents said from day one, no nicknames. My parents of course came up with their own, unrelated to their names, but did not want them to be Chris, Andy or Drew, or Becca or Becky. It worked. Some people may have thought they were hard asses about it, but everyone still calls them Christopher, Andrew, and Rebecca except for a few of Christopher's friends who call him Chris now, but that didn't start until high school. My mom tried to make a joke about it with her family...if someone said "Chris" she'd follow up with "topher!" That of course, let my smart a$$ uncle to call him Topher for awhile until my mom gave him enough stern looks.

I think Jam is stupid too, and I'd probably just say "We're not really going to have nicknames" or like PP said "We're going to wait and see when he's born."

QuincysBerry · March 2011

Saltina11:
Wait long enough and your son will be like "Grandma!! Stop calling me that! My name is Benjamin!!!" Lol.

That's what I was thinking. There's a pretty good chance he will grow out of it and request that she stops anyway. That takes the pressure off you lol. But even as I type this Jam is kinda growing on me Who knows, maybe it will for you too!

llcoolay · March 2011

I am probably in the minority here but I think you are making it into a bigger deal than it really is. I mean does it really matter what Grandma is going to call him? You and your husband will call him what you want and so will everyone else. If you make it a big deal than she might make sure to call him that but if you dont bring it up anymore she might forget about it. Perhaps when she sees that no one else is calling him "Jam" she might stop?

Kuraks10 · March 2011

something you can't stand? For example DH and I love the name Benjamin and my MIL told him she loves the name, and that she thinks she would call him "Jam" as her little nickname for him. I honestly can not stand the thought of her calling the kid that, and now i'm seriously considering not naming him that! LOL!
I told DH to tell her that's so stupid, (and he agrees with me) but doesn't want to hurt her feelings. and doesn't want to give her "name rules" she has to follow, which I can understand. She means well, and just wants a little "grandma" bond with the kid (her other grandson lives across the country so she never sees him) so I can appreciate that. But Jam? really? I mean can I live through that the rest of my life?

LOL...too funny. I understand your frustration though. My Dad is hell bent on me naming the baby (if its a girl) Emily Kristine...which is really cute but my husband and I already had a name which is similar picked out before we even got pregnant in honor of HIS mother...Needless to say he won't acknowledge the baby in anything other than "Emily." even though that'll never be her name....not so much a nickname but just as irritating.
Maybe "Jam" will fade after a while. That really sucks lol

Janimal · March 2011

llcoolay:
I am probably in the minority here but I think you are making it into a bigger deal than it really is. I mean does it really matter what Grandma is going to call him? You and your husband will call him what you want and so will everyone else. If you make it a big deal than she might make sure to call him that but if you dont bring it up anymore she might forget about it. Perhaps when she sees that no one else is calling him "Jam" she might stop?

I agree. Let Grandma be excited and call him something that makes her happy. How does this hurt anyone exactly? It doesn't - but it sure could cause some hard and hurt feelings if you pipe up about it.

My DD has had a gazillion different nicknames since she was born. It really isn't a big deal.

SeaMama · March 2011

I might be in the minority here, but you aren't going to be able to control every nick name that arises during your child's life. What about when he gets to school? What if everyone calls him Benny and you hate that? Decide on his name, call him by his name, and let the rest go. She might try to call him something like that and it won't stick and she'll drop it after a month. In the end, who cares? It's not like she's going to rename him and all of a sudden everyone's calling him that.

pettycrocker · March 2011

Wtf is wrong with Ben? or Benny???? Really? Jam??? ugh

LaceD10 · March 2011

My niece's name is Madison and my sister was very clear from the start that her name is Madison and not Madi. We all respect her wishes and fight the urge to call her Madi (which I think is adorable).

mrsofficerjohndavis · March 2011

My MIL absolutely INSISTS on calling our LO by both first and middle names since she does that with DH.. It drives me crazy. So right there with you on the naming issue. GL.

Woodwife · March 2011

We had a narrow escape, too. But we dealt with it in the moment, which you may have to do.

We told my mother two months before our due date that we were calling our son Isaac. No nickname. Just Isaac. A few weeks later, she finds a really cool little picture frame and says, "Oh, let me get you this for little Zacky's room!" DH and I both chorused "ISAAC," firmly. And then I enthusiastically thanked her for the frame and she was fine. No further discussion.

That was last we ever heard of "Zacky."

kacelle · March 2011

I'd tell her to cut it out, or have DH talk to her. My DH's favourite girl name was Seraphina, and my mom kept saying she'd call her Fifi. I'm thinking that's probably why he reconsidered and chose Violet for her.

It's your kid; tell her that you don't want to use a nickname or have selected another nickname, and politely ask her to refrain from calling him anything but what you, as his parents, have chosen.

heysupnatalie · March 2011

at least it's not ben-jammin'!

Heather&Ben · March 2011

My in-laws are all about full names for their kids...they have 4 biological & 4 adopted kids. Seriously the only one who goes by a shortened version is my husband - Ben - and they usually call him Benjamin! yeah, there's no way Jam would work for my H when he was a kid, he even hated Benjie & Benny! Yikes,..hope your MIL doesn't nn him that b/c IMO Jam is weird!

You can stick to your ground & use full names - my friend did this for years w/ her son & we call tend to stick to it!

augustjam16 · March 2011

SeaMama:
I might be in the minority here, but you aren't going to be able to control every nick name that arises during your child's life. What about when he gets to school? What if everyone calls him Benny and you hate that? Decide on his name, call him by his name, and let the rest go. She might try to call him something like that and it won't stick and she'll drop it after a month. In the end, who cares? It's not like she's going to rename him and all of a sudden everyone's calling him that.

Yeah....this. Honestly is it really that big of a deal? To try and control what every single person calls your kid? I certainly wouldn't say anything until he's here and if its really that bad, if you just can't handle it, then say something. "We'd really prefer you call him Ben. Jam just doesn't seem right." Otherwise, just let it go. Grandparents play important roles in our kids lives. MIL's take a friggin' beating on this site...I think you should cut her some slack.

CCinLove · March 2011

I'm going to go with the growing minority and say this isn't a big deal. It seems a little controlling to think that no one can EVER call the child anything without your permission. My son collected a dozen random nicknames after he was born, and they change all the time. Unless she's introducing your son as Jam to everyone else, I'd let it go. I call my son Bubba at home all the time, but I never refer to him that way to other people. I think that's how most of these silly nicknames work.

SFbride31 · March 2011

SeaMama:
I might be in the minority here, but you aren't going to be able to control every nick name that arises during your child's life. What about when he gets to school? What if everyone calls him Benny and you hate that? Decide on his name, call him by his name, and let the rest go. She might try to call him something like that and it won't stick and she'll drop it after a month. In the end, who cares? It's not like she's going to rename him and all of a sudden everyone's calling him that.

I agree. Let Grandma call him what she wants. It's kind of controlling to worry about that. Your son will decide what he likes when he's older. Most times, people just like to talk and come up with ideas anyway. She may not even mean it.

n3mommie · March 2011

yikes! did she fall on her head recently?? concussion maybe?? jk! I agree that's a little wackadoo. I would TELL dh that it's his mom, he's done more things in his teen years that offended her, she can handle it. she can't change it if she doesn't know. but if i were in your shoes, and dh talked to his mom and she continued- i would completely change the name. no way will my kid walk around as a "jam" lmao

MNgirl326 · March 2011

I also agree that it isn't that big of a deal.

She is excited and to be honest, you have quite awhile until the baby comes anyway. She may have forgotten or found a different nickname.

When the baby comes you will have far more things to worry about than what MIL calls your him.

Trying to control this and letting it bug you this much is a waste of time and energy.

What do you do if your MIL wants to call your baby...

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