Blended Families
Some relationship questions for you ladies
Just wondering what the general stats were...
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? Married?
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)?
Did you live together before getting married?
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently?
DD born 2007 & DS born 2008
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Re: Some relationship questions for you ladies
Interesting questions!
We were together four years before we got engaged. We celebrated our fifth dating anniversary less than a month after we got married.
I don't have kids, but he introduced me to his son just a couple months into dating. It was WAY too soon, but it worked out.
We lived together for four years before getting married.
In that we are the sum of our experiences and I'm happily married and have a wonderful family, I wouldn't change anything. Knowing that I could have saved myself a lot of anxiety early on by waiting a bit before meeting his son, maybe I would have put the brakes on a little bit.
We dated for 2 years, then moved in together, lived together for another 4 years, got engaged found out I was pregnant a month later. (Not planned).
He introduced me to his son after maybe 8 months.
My DH was very apprehensive about dating at the beginning. We took things very slow. I was young and he was fresh out of a bad break-up. I wish I had asked more questions at the beginning and not felt as though it wasn't my business in regards to SS and BM. The only thing I would have done differently was given him more support about BM moving. We had only been dating maybe a year so I didn't really know where my role was so I didn't say much.
We dated for 3 years before we got engaged. We got married at the 4 year mark. DH has the kids, and I didn't meet them until we'd been dating for over a year. We lived together before we got married, right after we got engaged.
I wish that I had more time for the kids & I to get to know each other and get comfortable before we moved in. I met them before then, but we really didn't do things together. I think it was tough for them to adjust to so many changes at once, but it worked out fine.
I dated DH for about 5 years before we got engaged and married. I had actually already met his daughter through BM. She was friends with my cousin...small world I live in! She was only 9 months old when we started dating, so she doesn't really remember life without me.
We did not live together before getting married. I definitely think we could have done some things differently, but I don't know if it really has to do with timeframes. I was only 17 when I began dating my DH, so I was a little naive at the beginning. DH, BM, and I have all grown up while trying to do what is best for SD, and we haven't always gotten it right.
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? We dated before he and BM got pregnant, then they got married/divorced and we both found eachother again. He proposed 5 months into that phase of our relationship.
Married? We got married on the one year anniversary of us being engaged.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)? I was introduced to his son after a month of us seeing eachother. A bit quicker than some, but we both pretty much knew we were in it for the long haul.
Did you live together before getting married? No. Kinda...Well, I ended up being homeless 2 months before we were able to close on our house. lol. Ok, my lease was up on my apartment, he was living with his mom (and had been 8 months prior) to pay off some debt that he had accrued with his ex-wife and our house loan was going VERY slow. So, I stayed at BM's parents house for about 3 weeks, (yes I know weird, it's a long story) then I stayed with FI at his moms house for a few weeks until our house closed. We got married a couple of weeks after we moved into our house. We did it for our own religious reasons and just went down to the courthouse. Didn't tell anyone, as we were still planning our big wedding the next spring. A couple months later, we found out we were expecting. Oops. well, at least we were married. lol. Our big wedding has been put on hold until our 5 year anniversary.
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently? I do feel comfortable with our particular situation, only because we had known eachother and had dated prior to 'this time'. I think if I were an outsider and not known our situation I would think we moved a bit fast, but being in our situation, knowing exactly what he and I have been through, I think the timing was perfect. A lot of prayer and faith went into our relationship and I'm comfortable with saying that I know God lit our path on the way.
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I knew DH a little more than 2 years before getting engaged but we were not together the whole time (friends for a while, broke up for a bit while he tried to see if there was anyway he and BM could be together for the sake of SS, after about 8 months of them not being able to speak on the phone, we started hanging out again and eventually got back together.) We got married 4 months after we got engaged.
We didn't live together before getting married. That worked for us.
I met DH when he was out with SS so technically I met SS at the same time. But I didn't get to know SS until after DH and I had been dating for almost a year.
The whole breakup, get back together thing was really rough and there were mistakes made on DH and my parts, I believe. But in the long run, I think it is good that DH is able to say to himself that he gave his first family a real chance before moving on. I just wish that he'd gotten there before I met him. (I thought he had.)
Stepparenting is a roller coaster but I'm pretty happy with most of the decisions we made in the early days.
Let's just say we were very unconventional.... I'm going to get flamed for all of this....
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? Married?
We got engaged/married on our 6 monthiversary. He got a promotion/transfer and the only way they would move me was if we had a marraige license, so we got one without really intending on getting married so quickly. About 2 weeks after that we knew we were going to be together for the long haul (we both knew it before then, just took awhile to admit it out loud) and we were engaged. We got married the next day at the courthouse (in May 2009). Our families don't know about that one. Our "big" wedding was a few months later (August 2009) and that is the one everyone else thinks is the real one. It was so nice already being married before the wedding - so much less stress. And it's nice to have a secret just between the two of us.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)?
I didn't have any, but I met his daughter after 2 weeks. Way quick, but that's how it happened. SD told DH's parents we were together before he did - she was frawing a picture of her family and Nana asked "who are those people?" She said "Mommy, [SF name], Daddy and Katie" like it was no big deal. I met BM about 2 months after we started dating. It was important for me to meet her because I was dating her child's father and would be in her life. I knew if it was my child I would want to at least meet the "girlfriend" and know she wasn't a total creeper.
I don't agree with moving as fast as we did with bringing SD into it, but luckily it ended up working out.
Did you live together before getting married?
Yes. Again, we moved WAAAAYYY fast. I stayed over at his house almost every night. He lived way closer to both of our offices and it was more convenient to stay there than at my apt. I kept my apt. until a few months after we eloped just for appearances (my family is super-conservative and living together is a big no-no).
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently?
I think the speed of everything worked for us. I dothink there would've been a lot more conflict in our relationship if we waited and took things slowly. Getting married so fast has made both of us accept each others' faults and work together for resolution. DH makes me a better person - He helps me be the best me I can be. He is so encouraging and is there for me in everything (I've never had that before). We had been dating less than a month when I found out I had beginning stages of cervical cancer. He took off work and went to every appointment, was there for the surgery, and every follow up appointment. When I was hating my job and felt like I couldn't escape from it, he helped calm me down and looked for jobs with me.
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? Married?
We were "just friends" for2 months before we started dating, we were dating about 2 years before we got engaged and were engaged for a little more than 2 years when we got married last summer.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)?
DH has the kids and they were 2 1/2, 18 months and 3 months old at the time. He introduced me to them about 2 weeks after we were "just friends". It was just a this is my friend Amy thing.
Did you live together before getting married?
Yes, we moved in together 1 year after meeting each other (8 months after officially dating)
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently?
I think our time line worked for us. The kids got to know me as daddy's friend before we were much more. They were so little at the time so no one knew anything really anyways. I think the fact that they were so young when we got together and when BM and her FDH got together that the youngest knows no different than having 2 moms and 2 dads and the older 2 have pretty much always had 4 parents.
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How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? Married?
My H and I met in March 2006 and we got engaged in February 07. We got married in August 07. It was a quick relationship but we connected very quickly.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)? N/A.
Did you live together before getting married?
Yes, we moved in together in January 07.
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently?
It all happened very quickly and I was young so I might have waited a bit longer to get married in retrospect but I love my life. We've been together for 5 years and we have a beautiful family.
We were together for 9 months before he proposed, and we got married on our 1 year dating anniversary.
I don't remember exactly, the timeline of introducing the kids. Maybe 1 month.
We did live together before we were married. I moved in after 7 months of dating. It was faster than I had thought. The circumstances were my lease for my apartment was up, so really that is what pushed it.
To be 100% honest, I wish I would of waited longer to move in and get married. We had a lot of problems this first year of being married and I think a lot of it was becuase we didn't really know each other well enough. Even with living together, we didn't spend every night together, due to our work schedules, so it look a little longer to really get to know each other.
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How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged?
we dated for 13 months before we got engaged. We are getting married in June so it will be just over 2yrs together.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)?
We had actually met each others kids a few months before we started dating. We met through mutual friends and became friends. I have 2 daughters and He has one so as the girls of the group they always ended up playing with each other. I think we told them we were dating around the 1 month mark of us dating.
Did you live together before getting married?
Yes...My girls and I started staying at his place around the 3 month mark and we officially moved in at 5 months.
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently?
I am very comfortable with the time frames. My FI and I both were married once before. We spent a lot of time in the beginning telling each other straight up how we felt on everything. No red flags went up. Plus it was nice to have someone who got what is was like to be in a relationship when you have kids.
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged?
We got engaged a month before our two year anniversary. Our plan was to get married next summer, but we are talking about this winter now also. We will either be married at our 3 year anniversary or 3 & 1/2 years.How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)?
I met his boys way too soon. Less than a month of us meeting each other. I was "just a friend"....but it got serious pretty fast.Did you live together before getting married?
I was staying at his place 6 nights a week from almost the beginning. At almost a year he moved into my house.Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently?
We went fast at the beginning, but I am so happy where we are right now and the boys have adjusted very well.we were together almost 2 years before getting engaged, we were married 9 months after the engagment, had DD #1 9 months after that
it was about 3 months after we started dating that I introduced him to Nathan
no we didn't live together
yep, I think it worked out perfectly for us.
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? Together 6 years before getting engaged, but we met in high school Married? 7 years before we got married.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)? My only child is with H. I met SS a long time ago. H was in high school when he was born, so I met him pretty soon, SS was an infant. H was never bf/gf with SS's mom
Did you live together before getting married? Yup...18 months.
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently? Yup...was cool with me.
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? Married?
We started seeing each other May of 08. It was a long distance relationship. Got engaged Dec. of '09 and married Aug of '10.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)?
I met his kids about a month or so into the relationship but was known as a "friend" for about 6 months before we let them know we were dating.
Did you live together before getting married?
Yes we did. After Dec. of '08 he lost his job and moved in with me in Feb. '09 after not being able to find one where he was located at.
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently?
I'm comfotable with the ways things where handled for the most. I don't think we would have done anything differently.
We were together 8mos. We got married 3 weeks after deciding to. I had no kids. I'd "met" SS once when he was still married to EW, and then spent 4 days with him and H about 3mo into relationship (lives in another state). I became a part of his life when we got married (he was here, and spent next 2mo with us)...
We "lived" together. He had two roomies and I came one day and never left (lol) but wasnt on lease.
Only thing I wish is that his divorce had been final when we started dating. Even though it was an overly drawn out process, no one wants to be the chick dating the legally married guy... lol
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? Married?
We were engaged at the 6 month mark and married at the 10 month mark. I want to STRESS, the early engagement was due to the military, we would have had a longer engagement.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)?
We knew we were it from the begining. But I made sure that I did not meet his daughter until we were 5 months in. Being that she was 17 yo and about to go off to college, this was not a problem. I met SS the next month.
I do wish I had spent more time with DH and SS before marriage. I watched how he was iwth SD and was pleased with his parenting style. But he was SO stuck in the divorced daddy guilts with SS, it almost ruined our marriage.
Did you live together before getting married?
No we did not. DH was living on base, three hours away from me at the time.
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently?
I also want to stress that DH and I were over 35 years of age, had lived on our own for a number of years, had had good, bad, and indifferent relationships (these are actually important if you study yourself in them) and had a few long term relationships before we met.
WE WERE who we were going to be, WE WERE FULFILLED as singles (ie not looking to be married) and WE WERE SELF AWARE.
Maturity is not a number, but "lifetime worht of experiences". So the speed in our relationship worked with US...but I would not suggest it for all.
I will marry my FH on May 21st of this year.
FH and I were best friends in middle school for several years and then I moved .. reunitd again at age 19 -- lost touch and then last year reunited on "of all places" Facebook. I was in VA and he was in WV -- Long Distance for about 4 months.
Met his DD the 2nd weekend I came to visit - but wasn't introduced as a girlfriend - just a friend.
We started officially dating March 26, 2010 - and I moved to WV May 15. I lived nearby and visited often for several months. August I moved in and September 26th - our 6 month anniversary
I wouldn't change anything! I've known FH pretty my entire life - I know his family, he knows mine and there has never been a doubt in my mind about anything
How long were you with your current DH before getting engaged? Married? We were together 8 months before getting engaged.
How long before you introduced him to your kids (if you had kids)? I met SD 6 months into our relationship, the day after she was born. BM broke up with DH soon after getting KU.
Did you live together before getting married? Yes, we started living together very early in our relationship because DH had a car accident that totaled his car and we worked together 5 minutes away from my house, so vehicle sharing was easier.
Do you feel comfortable with the timeframes/ways you handled all that or is there something you would have done differently? I'm sure it sounds fast, and doesn't look great on paper, but when it is right you just know. I don't regret anything.TTC since 08/2010
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DH was/ is a friend of my dad. DS and I lived with my dad when I was a single mom. DH was over a lot which is how DS and I met him so I never had to intoduce DS to him. I met SS and SD before DH and I really stated dating because we had a playdate.
DH and I really started dating in April 08, got engaged in June , DS and I moved in in July, married in Aug , and had our "big" wedding in Oct .
As you can see from my timeline we did live together before getting married. We already had our Oct wedding planned but we didn't really like living together without being married and didn't want to set that kind of example for our kids so we had a small ceremony at our church in Aug.
Looking back I realize how very fast everything happend and I wouldn't recomend things moving that fast to anyone but it's worked out well for us.
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