Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
goldenleaves
member
If you are one and done, come in please :)
goldenleaves
member
How did you know the decision to become a one child family was right for you? DH and I fully expected to want another baby soon, but we just feel so complete with Ryan. But we both really struggle with the idea of him having no siblings and no "partner" to take care of us if we should get sick or anything.
I know we have a lot of time to decide, we're really young (we'll be 25 and 28 in March) and have lots of baby-making years ahead of us and obviously aren't making a rash decision either way. How did you know?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: If you are one and done, come in please :)
I was mostly an only child (my dad has two adult children) and I don't think I'm screwed up or had a terrible childhood.
I think only children tend to be a little more demanding of the spotlight, but they are also independent and they mature faster, imo!
We aren't necessarily one and done, but I've come to realize that I'm really okay with it if we are. I think that since I'm an only child, and didn't really feel deprived, it makes the idea of one and done not a huge deal in my mind.
My husband really wants another one, but we're not in a place to even consider TTC, and I'm 31 (which isn't old, but not exactly a spring chicken in babymaking years). If we never get to a place where we are secure enough for #2, I would be okay with it, but I don't know how okay with it my husband would be.
Because of severe PPD. I attempted suicide last year, and that's a pretty good motive to be one and done.
Although, I do really want my daughter to have a sister growing up, like I did. It's a very hard decision.
*waves hand* me me!
Ok, several factors went into our one and done conclusion:
1. We live in the DC suburbs which is not cheap. We are comfy, but not wealthy. A second kid would put more strain there, as some of our friends are figuring out now.
2. I was high-risk and considering how high-risk, my pregnancy went pretty well. However, I had to do daily anti-colagulant shots (Lovenox and Heparin) and after the fourth month, my thighs looked like they had marbles in them. Hurt. Like. Hell. This also eliminates the idea of back-to-back children and since I am older, the risk is even higher.
3. DH and I really did not benefit from having siblings. SIL is the closest to us, but my sis and BIL have been nothing but drama for years. Not that Snuggle will be a cakewalk himself, but the whole "I want ____ to have the same great realtionship that I had with my siblings" doesn't apply here.
The end story here is that we knew a while ago that Snuggle was going to be our only. I'd say if you are not sure, then the factory is still open. You will know to stop when you know.
We knew when we got together we were only having one.
There are no guarantees in people. I would never have another child just "in case" E wanted a sibling. I have two siblings I don't even speak to and most likely never will. Also, there is no guarantee one of your children would take care of you, let alone two or more, that they'd agree, do it together, etc.
I have a million reasons not to have any more kids. I don't have any good reasons TO have more. I'm good with the one I have.
We're solidly in the one and done camp. Simply because a) we're not that close to either of our siblings and don't feel the need to provide DS with a "friend" or "playmate" and b) we'd love to be able to give DS every opportunity instead of limited opportunities to both. And for mainly selfish reasons like right now we don't ever think about balancing the checkbook, etc, but if we had a second we'd probably have to start watching where we spend our money.
That said, I'm starting to waver slightly. This deep, dark part of me is wondering what we'd do if (God forbid) something happened to DS or he turned in to a major screw up. I feel like having another one just to hedge my bets, so to speak. And I know that's a horrible reason to have another, but I would be devestated if we only had one, gave him everything, and something went awry and I was past my childbearing years.
Ethan Michael - 12/21/09
Norah Jewel - 2/26/14
That IS a horrible reason. That's a lot of pressure to put on a second child. What if that one is the fvck up? Then what- you're sorry you had it? You resent it? There are no "hedging your bets"- they're people, not show ponies.
We're one and done. I would have been perfectly happy not having kids. Never thought about it until DH and I were together. Now that we have Doozer, our lives are complete and I can't remember life without him. But, I don't want to go through the newborn phase again.
It's selfish on my part. but, DH was an only child and he had everything because of it. If he had a sibling, he wouldn't have been able to be a classical musician in NY - there wouldn't have been enough money to share. I'm not close to my brother, so I don't feel the need to have a friend. As long as DH gets off his duff and calls his DR we want to get him a vasc.
I'm late answering this, but I never wanted children. Growing up, I was the gurl thinking about wearing suits and being a boss as an adult. Getting married and having children were not in my life plan. Things changed and I agreed to have one child. H has an older son, so that would make 2 children. When I thought about having a child, I always wanted a boy. H convinced me a gurl would be so great and he wouldn't want anymore kids. Well...LO is a boy and now H wants another one in the future. I'm on the fence about it. 95% of me says we are one and done. I'm not close to any of my siblings. My older brother and I have not spoken in 5 years, my younger brother is 15, I'm 28...the only thing we have in common is our dad. My sister is the only one I speak to, but we aren't close.
I think LO will be fine as an only child. While I have 3 siblings, my brother is 44, I'm 28...I was in the house alone. My sister and brother are my dad's children, so again, I was the only one in the house.
The other thing is, if we had another child, I would love s/he regardless, but LO is healthy, no complications. I worried so much during my pregnancy and I don't really want to go through that again.
We have SO many reasons for being one and done, yet we still sometimes feel like we may want one more, so we could have more family surrounding us as we age.
1) We are financially comfortable now. Another would put a severe strain on us. We would also just plain and simple need a bigger home, the one we have now is perfect for three, but would be very cramped with four. And we also want to enjoy our finances that we are building when we're older, instead of paying for multiple college tuitions/weddings/etc.
2) DD still does not sleep well. 18 months of horrible sleep gets to a person. DH and I can't physically and mentally do this again.
3) We didn't adjust well to having a baby. I hate to admit that but it is what it is. We both had PPD I think, though neither of us were treated. We clearly aren't "baby" people and we just don't want to go through all of that again. Also, we just don't know how we would fit in another baby. We are already spread so thin between work and family obligations.
4) Again, this sounds horrible but I didn't "enjoy" all the changes my body went through during pregnancy. I went back to my pre-preg shape pretty quickly and I don't want to lose it again. Plain and simple.
5) DD has a TON of cousins and family. She won't ever be lacking in playmates or support if something were to happen to DH and I.
6) We feel very complete with the three of us. We have a blast together and don't want to split our affection with another.
7) I don't want to breastfeed again for this long. We are still at it at 18 months but I am SO ready to be done. The guilt would overwhelm me for not BFing the second when I took so long with DD.
Geez! I think we have our decision huh?
But like I said, we always feel like we would want more family surrounding us as we get older, but it's just too hard NOW. DD has to start sleeping better for us to even consider a second.
We are one and done because we are content with that, as a family. I always thought I wanted 4 kids, but that was before I had any. Now that Miles is here, our family just feels complete.
I feel no need to have another child to give him a playmate or a friend. That's ridiculous. I will have another child when and only if we decide that we truly want another child. Basing a child's birth on another child's possible wants/needs means that the second child will forever be defined by the first. Not fair, in the least. It's the primary reason that my sister and I don't get along - she was supposed to be the playmate. She resents me and our parents for it.
We're pretty sure that we're 1 and done. Here's why:
- DH has a son from his 1st marriage so in my opinion, DD already has a sibling.
- DH is older, and wants to be done having kids by the time he's 40 (he's 38 now).
- We couldn't afford daycare for 2 and I can't handle being a SAHM.
- My reasoning for having another one is purely selfish and not rooted in fact: I had a great pregnancy and an amazing birth and would love to go through that again. I also was a huge FAIL at BF'ing and would like to try again.