Baby Showers
BFP#1 1.28.10; HB 6w5d 2.18.10; No HB 3.8.10; Natural m/c 3.9.10 at 9w3d
BFP#2 - 7.22.10 DD born 3.16.11
BFP#3 - 8.11.11 DS born 3.27.12
After Baby Showers?
I'm a first time mom and I'll be having more than one shower. Right now, I'll only be having one before and it's sounding like two after. What are your thoughts of having one after? The main reason is everyone wants to see the baby. What are your thoughts on after baby showers if you had one?
My other concern is getting the stuff we really need for the baby, BEFORE the baby. If we wait to do the showers after, how did this work out or did you just go buy the things you needed. We put everything on our registry and have yet to buy anything so currently we have NOTHING for this baby.
BFP#1 1.28.10; HB 6w5d 2.18.10; No HB 3.8.10; Natural m/c 3.9.10 at 9w3d
BFP#2 - 7.22.10 DD born 3.16.11
BFP#3 - 8.11.11 DS born 3.27.12
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Re: After Baby Showers?
I had my showers before but I did host one for a friend after (baby was 3 weeks old). She bought just the necessities before the baby (carseat, a few onesies and sleepers and receiving blankets, burp cloths, bassinet). I don't think she really had much more than that. Of course the hospital sent her home with a couple of pacifyers, a blanket, hat, and a lot of newborn diapers). She also got a small diaper bag filled with lotions, diaper cream, sample formula, bottles, nipples, etc). I don't think she really needed to buy much else. She got a lot from her registry and it seemed that a lot of guests threw in a "boy" outfit as well. She was "team green".
I also hosted a couple of "after the baby" parties and they were not called showers. Mostly they got clothes, diapers, formula (for one), books, toys, and other things needed for an "older" baby. Not all the guests brought a gift.
I personally don't get the point of "after" baby showers. It does defeats the idea of helping mom prepare for baby.
I would make a registry soon. The only things you really need before the baby comes is a bassinet, car seat, stroller, diapers, and some clothes & blankets. All the other stuff can be purchased as you go. And honestly, a lot of it is frivolous. You do not need half the things that BRU claims you do. It really is a money-making scheme. Maybe you can hold off buying any of the big stuff until after your first shower.
Although, I must throw this in....it's your responsibilty to provide what your baby needs and not anyone elses. But I understand where you are coming from.
Yes, the idea of a shower is to help prepare for the baby, but many of the gifts aren't needed immediately after the birth. We are team green, so I would love to have at least one of my showers after the birth so we can get gender specific items.
Not to jump on your post Corts (well maybe a bit)...
The point of "after" baby showers is ideal for those that are team green and would like at least a few gender specific things. That is why my friend wanted it after the birth of her LO. She had already purchased some generic things. BTW...you do not "need" a stroller before the baby (unless of course you have no transportation and have to walk to the grocery store!).
Really Corts...you really "must throw this in...". Why?
What exactly are you asking? If people want to be "team green" just so they can get gender-specific items at an "after baby" shower, then they really shouldn't be complaining about not being prepared beforehand. The whole thing does not make much sense. "Oh I am specifically not going to reveal the gender of my baby so you can show up a week after it's born with a pink or blue item instead". If that is what you want to do them fine but why complain that you have no stuff beforehand? Buy your own yellow carseat and clothes for goodness sakes and call it a day.
Because it wouldn't be the baby showers board without someone saying it....
Agree....
One of my get togethers (not calling it a shower b/c I'm not expecting gifts) is after baby. My parents live in a different state and her friends want to meet the baby rather than shower me with gifts and not see the baby until it's six months old. Some people may need to combine travel plans like this for various reasons.
I understand that there are things that you don't need when you first bring the baby home. What I'm referring to is items like diapers, blankets, receiving blankets, sleeper sacks, bottles, onesies, etc. I was told by my family to not buy anything and put it all on my registry. I was just asking for advise and experience of others.
I completely disagree that just because we are team green it's up to us to make sure we have everything when our families have made it clear they would like to purchase items (this is the very first baby on both sides and first great grandbaby - so people are excited). If I decided to find out would the tables turn and it would be okay? I'm not against people wanting to wait to buy something blue or pink once the baby is born. And I'm not asking for people to buy us anything and because I'm 'team green' and I expect this and that.
Your comment of "Buy your own yellow carseat and clothes for goodness sakes and call it a day." is rude. And I'm not opposed to purchasing EVERYTHING for this baby myself if need be. That's not the point.
Just because my choice of being team green doesn't agree with you, I don't think it's fair for you to jump on me. I'm not jumping on you because of your choice to probably find out the sex.
BFP#1 1.28.10; HB 6w5d 2.18.10; No HB 3.8.10; Natural m/c 3.9.10 at 9w3d
BFP#2 - 7.22.10 DD born 3.16.11
BFP#3 - 8.11.11 DS born 3.27.12
I'm not being rude. Just make up your mind if it is or is not YOUR responsibility to provide for your own child. I bought all my own stuff when I was a 19yr old single mom. By time my shower rolled around there was nothing left to get me. I'm pretty sure the most expensive gift was under $20.00, And no one bought diapers. I didn't expect anyone to, being it was MY kid. If your family is concerned then they maybe can buy you some things before the baby is born? Or maybe ask that your showers be held earlier and offer to have a meet-the baby open house after it comes? Good luck.
Honestly I don't get having a *shower* after the baby is born. Mainly because who wants a bunch of people touching, holding, breathing on their newborn. That thought alone just skeeves me out, call me over protective or a germaphobe ;-). The other reason is that the whole point of a shower is to prepare the mom to be, after the fact just seems weird and doesn't make sense, you should be prepared before the baby arrives.
As for your worry about how to get the stuff you need. I don't get this either, you are purposely having showers after the fact and yet worried about how you will get stuff. It's just such a contradiction. I think if you plan to have a shower after the fact then you should be prepared for small gifts, clothes, blankets, etc, not the major stuff from your registry. People probably won't even look for a registry after the fact because they will assume you already have everything.
I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but rather looking at your scenario realistically. I am sure your parents will buy big things you need for the baby, but I think other people will just make the assumption that you are prepared already and that is why you are having showers after the fact. I have honestly never heard of anyone having a full blown shower after the baby is born and I have never been to or heard of a meet the baby party, other than on the bump.
We plan to buy all the big stuff for our baby ourselves. My ILs and parents will buy some things that they have offered to buy, but for the most part our registry will not include the necessities, we see those as our responsibility.
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
This got messy in a hurry! MY THOUGHTS:
Make a list of things you will really need in the baby's first month of life (babies don't really need much the first few months!). If you don't get these things at your shower you will have a few weeks to get them yourself. After your second, third, or however many showers you have anything you still need or want, just buy it! It seems really easy to me, but I know everyone thinks differently.
As far as having NOTHING for the baby, if this is still the case when baby arrives please don't be surprised that you feel unprepared when he/she gets here. Please plan on buying the carseat, bassinet (or whatever your child will sleep in), diapers, onsies, and swaddlers, (bottles and formula if you aren't BF) on your own, and if you get these things at you pre-baby shower then just cross it off your list.
That is really great BUT the fact is that lots of family and friends will buy stuff, expensive stuff. It's definitely my responsibility to buy anything I want or need, but I'm holding off on buying anything besides furniture until after our showers. I know the types of gifts my family and friends tend to buy, and they are all over $20.
To the original poster...you really only need some blankies, onesies, carseat maybe bottles before baby gets here (read any baby book, it will tell you the definite necessities). Since it's the first grandbaby I'm sure your family will buy some of these in neutral-colors before the baby gets here. When I first found out my sister was pregnant I bought her tons of stuff in white and yellow. Then you can get bigger things, like baby bathtub, exersaucer, jumper, stroller, etc. through your registry. Anything that you don't get after showers, just plan on buying yourself. Hope that helps!
Obviously everyone's situation is different as to their family and friends and what they will and won't gift at showers or whether they will or won't want to touch or hold the baby. All I know is what has been my experience. I've probably hosted up to 9 showers and a couple of "meet the baby parties". It is true that many people will go in together to purchase a large gift (stroller, PNP, highchair, breast pump, monitor, etc) but not in all cases. Also, a lot of people do not purchase from the registry although I think that is starting to "swing" the other way. I'd say in my experience most people do purchase from the registry. It has also been my experience that the majority of people will not request to hold the baby or even touch him/her. We had an "after the birth" party and the only people who asked to hold our DS was his Uncle and Aunt who lived out of state and most likely wouldn't see him again for several months.
It is important that parents purchase the necessities for their babies to have on hand when the baby comes home from the hospital. Whether showers are before or after the birth it is a good idea to start buying things early on...just so there isn't a huge expense all at once (better to stretch it over a few months). Most likely you won't get everything that is on the registry (although I've heard of that happening!).
As for the gender specific things. I was team green and my first showers were before my DD was born and were all mint green, yellows and white. I certainly understand a mom-to-be wanting some gender specific things for their LO. We were able to get those (clothes, blankets, etc) by having a party after our DS was born.
I just wanted to say that I didn't mean this to be snarky or rude, you asked what I thought and I based this on my own personal preference and experience. So hopefully it didn't come off rude because that is not my intention, but I know it's easy for things to be misconstrued on the internet.
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
:whistles: Holy sh!tstorm, Batman.
OP: You shouldn't be relying on people to provide what you need for your baby, regardless of it's genitalia. Buy the basics yourself, the baby won't use much the first month or so and if your family is oh-so-generous and wants to buy useless crap like bottle warmers and pacifier wipes, they can buy it after the fact.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Yes, I admit that I'm very fortunate. And so thankful for generous family and friends. I definitely don't expect anything at all (as in, I wouldn't be upset if I didn't get gifts from my registry, etc.), but I am holding off on buying because I know how showers in my circle tend to go. Everything is registered for, so if I have to buy a lot of stuff in the 9th month, I will just be ordering it all online and hoping it gets delivered on time! There's so much that you don't even need for a couple of months, though.
To the original poster: Try not to get overwhelmed with everything you think you need to have before the baby arrives. I've talked to a lot of my friends who have had babies recently and you need somewhere for the baby to sleep, a car seat and just a few clothes, you can wash them for a few weeks until your shower.
For those that don't understand having showers after the baby is born I would hazard that there haven't been many tragedies in your families/friends. I've sadly been to a few showers where the baby never got to come home from the hospital. It's tradition in my family to do it after the baby is born as a few of my Aunt's had showers but their babies didn't come home and than you have all these gifts to deal with and too many emotions and it can destroy a person after such a loss. Please don't jump all over this with stat's of death rates etc. I'm just sharing a point of view that seems different from what I've seen posted thus far.
I am one that is having mine after Baby Girl is born. Due to religious reasons and superstitions, my family doesn't have baby showers before the baby is born. And even though, I don't necessarily believe that; it isn't worth arguing over with my 91 year old grandma and aunts and uncles about some onesies or a stroller.
We will be purchasing the few necessities before the baby is born. But most of the items we will worry about after.