Parental rights
so, the father of my child and i are not together, but we are sharing custody of the child. we have not gone through the courts or DSHS or anything. we just came to terms and agreements about visitation and child support on our own. he agreed to it at first. but now our baby is 9 weeks old, and all the sudden he wants his name on the Birth Certificate. i said no, *he was violent and verbally/mentally abusive in the past* and i dont want him to have legal ties to my daughter in case something in the future changes and i feel that he should not be allowed in her life. This sounds harsh, but he is SEVERELY bipolar and can become violent when he doesn't get his way.
should i let him take it to court for custody (if i do i know the state will not allow him visitation because of the restraining order we had prior to the parenting plan agreement.) or should i continue to talk him out of it so that he can see his baby according to our plan?
Re: Parental rights
RO will have no bearing on visitation. Way back when, I had a RO on DS's bio-dad when we went to court and visitation was still granted.
Also, if this goes through court a paternity test will likely be ordered and if shown he is the father the court will most likely order that his name be added to the BC. That is standard practice here. There is no stopping that once it is ordered.
Just because something happened in the past does mean it is going to happen again. I think a CO is the best way to go to protect everyone's interest. You cannot block his legal rights just because you do not think he should be in her life, that is for a court to decide. I would think you would want your child to have legal rights to anything of the father's in the event he dies (SS benefits come to mind).
You should absolutely go through the courts. That's the only way that everyone's rights are protected.
This. I had a friend that had a RO against her ex. He still go visitation. Didn't pay a dime in child support and continued to harass her. Tragically, no happy ending.
He is her father. You do not get to choose whether he has legal rights to her. She is just as much his child as she is yours. I understand that carrying her makes you feel more entitled, but that isn't the way it works. If he wants her name on the birth certificate, whether you agree to it or not, he has the option to petition the court for it on his own.
I absolutely think you should go through the courts. If he is abusive, work with your lawyer to determine the best course of action as far as custody goes. Having no court order means neither of you have primary custody. That means, if he wants to keep your daughter and not return her, there isn't anything you can do without going to court. Go to court now and protect everyone's interest. Don't wait for a problem to occur.
It's not that he's not responsible for it, it's just that it can't be enforced. Like you said, if she files, they will have to establish paternity first.
It most certainly can be enforced if he isn't on the bc. My DH isn't on SD's bc. A paternity test was done to establish parentage and he has paid CP for 8+ years now per the CO, but that does not automatically add the father to the bc. That is a whole separate process (we just went through it in October).
This. You might not like or trust him but if he IS the father he has a right to be in his child's life.