Does it really take that long??

MrsKraszewski · December 2010

So DH and I have embraced the idea that we are going to leave all forms of birth control in the dust, and say hello to the possibility of a little ones. While I go back and forth (I get excited and then wonder if I'll ever be able to handle it,) I look at the long journey put in front of us.

And of course DH can't understand, and we have agreed to keep it between ourselves unless I get a BFP... and we hit the safe 10-12 week mark.

But it kills me that it could take SO LONG to get a BFP!!!

My question is... how long have you been trying to get pregnant... and how do you deal with the emotions of getting excited and nervous and sometimes the huge disappointment of realizing you didn't get pregnant that cycle??

sapphire1983 · December 2010

We've been trying since July. The Bump has been a great outlet for me and given me some great information.

amandaloren · December 2010

I am about to start my 5th cycle ttc and yes it is disappointing when you get af each month. But it can take a healthy couple a year to get pregnant. So hope for the best but know that if it doesn't happen right away that does not mean there is anything wrong with you.

rach2103 · December 2010

We have been trying for 4 months now, and it's driving me insane!! I'm the most impatient person I know, so I am just sure that this is God's way of teaching me patience! The first few BFNs were really hard...I think everyone expects to get pregnant right away, or at least I did! I heard of all my friends who got pregnant on the first or second month, and thought for sure we would be the same way. My husband has been a wonderful source of comfort for me. We are there for each other and keep things as fun as we can along the way!

I wish you the BEST of luck in your journey, and I really hope you're one of the lucky few who get a BFP right away!!!

dana1318a · December 2010

We started trying in August and had a BFP in September, so it can happen very very quickly. That being said, it can also take much longer and still be considered normal. Every woman is different. There is no way of knowing or predicting how long your TTC journey will be. Hopefully yours will be a short one. Good luck

MeghanS6 · December 2010

It really can take a year! My husband and I started trying January of 2010 and just got our BFP last week. I was starting to think something was wrong and was really stressing over it. But, it truly can take a healthy couple up to a year. We are proof of that.

You just have to remember that and to talk it out with DH when you are feeling overwhelmed and disappointed. Looking back over the past year, I wish I would have relaxed a little more and enjoyed spending the time with my DH instead of obsessing over whether or not this was going to be the month. I was also always honest with DH about my disappointment and it was good to have someone to share that with.

Good luck!!!

MandyBrownNoser · December 2010

Been over 4 years.

I drink. A lot.

brookelynpaisley · December 2010

I went off BCPs in April, officially started TTC in May. This is cycle 6. The first few cycles were huge roller coasters of excitement and disappointment. I get a little more pessimistic each cycle, I suppose. Generally, I deal with it with a glass or three of wine and a little retail therapy.

mchupie · December 2010

It took us 8 months.

It can happen on your first cycle, or it could take 6 months, a year, or much longer. There's no way of knowing when you first start trying. GL!

Ceridwen21 · December 2010

We've been trying since August. So far dealing with the emotions of it has been generally ok. I'm a realist, not an optimist, so even though of course I wished to get my BFP right away, I knew that the chances of that were slim. I also know that DH and I aren't having nearly enough sex to make our chances better than just ok, so my hopes are never that high.

Right now I'm just grateful that I seem to be ovulating, which makes me luckier than many on this board. I'm just trying to keep it all in perspective. In the grand scheme of things, TTC for 5 months isn't that great of a challenge in life. I have a friend who's my age and fighting stage 4 cancer. Now THAT sucks. No pity parties for me just yet.

ermaderma · December 2010

It has been 10 months and we are on cycle #7 for us. I also have PCOS and have had a couple of long, anovulatory cycles. It has been 4.5 months/4 cycles since my cycles regulated and I started ovulating consistently so far.

jennyhazz · December 2010

Going on two years, but due to travel schedules for both us, a good chunk of those months couldn't be counted. I wish I could say it's easy and relaxing - at times it can be - but it's an emotional investment to decide to start trying. For those that are blessed to get pregnant right away, it's obviously not as trying, but the biggest piece of advice I can give you is to go into it with an open mind and the expectation that it could take longer than you want it to. Don't get disappointed after two or three months, you'll just set yourself up for a long haul. Have faith and know that there are many on this board whose stays have been short and they have been blessed with quick TTC journeys, but there are also those of us who have been here for much longer and can help you along the way to cheer you on, but also give you some perspective and insight when it does get tough.

Good luck to you!

HoneyBee111409 · December 2010

We've been trying for 15 cycles. So yes, for us it IS taking that long ... or longer.

There isn't a pat answer on how to deal with the disappointment every cycle. Everyone processes emotions differently and learns how to deal at a different rate. I'm still learning, and honestly this is the hardest thing I've had to deal with. It is horrible to watch all your friends become parents and wonder if you will ever know what it is like to make your husband a father, so see a child you've created together, to experience pregnancy... the list goes on. And so does life. You make the best of your situation, hold onto hope, and enjoy life with your husband the best way you know how. And you realize that it's okay to be sad and disappointed, and there will be hard days.

branmuffin2112 · December 2010

HoneyBee111409:

We've been trying for 15 cycles. So yes, for us it IS taking that long ... or longer.

There isn't a pat answer on how to deal with the disappointment every cycle. Everyone processes emotions differently and learns how to deal at a different rate. I'm still learning, and honestly this is the hardest thing I've had to deal with. It is horrible to watch all your friends become parents and wonder if you will ever know what it is like to make your husband a father, so see a child you've created together, to experience pregnancy... the list goes on. And so does life. You make the best of your situation, hold onto hope, and enjoy life with your husband the best way you know how. And you realize that it's okay to be sad and disappointed, and there will be hard days.

::big fat hug xoxoxo:: still hoping for our September babies Wink

RoxanneA · December 2010

With our first I conceived the first month of trying but so far the TTC #2 I'm on the tail end of cycle 4 month 5.

Bubs101 · December 2010

It's our ninth cycle trying, we started back in May. TTC is definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions, and some cycles are easier than others, but we press on!

DBride2006 · December 2010

RoxanneA:
With our first I conceived the first month of trying but so far the TTC #2 I'm on the tail end of cycle 4 month 5.

This exactly. With our son, we I got pregnant the first month trying and the first test I took was positive. This we're starting cycle 4, but have to skip this month. ?

JSRICH · December 2010

We've been off birth control since December 23, 2009 and actively trying since march.some times your in it for the long haul, sometimes your not. Good luck either way.

Carolinagirl413 · December 2010

It took 11 cycles to get pg with DS. TTC #2 is taking as long, if not longer, as this is cycle 11, and based on my temps, I am pretty sure AF is arriving any time now.

As far as dealing with the disappointment, as pp have said, some months it is easier than others. It helps that DH is so supportive; he always tries to find something encouraging to say when I am at my lowest. I am also a big fan of red wine. GL!

LoveToTeach25 · December 2010

We started TTC at the end of October, the same time I stopped taking BCP. My sister, mom and cousin have all said we are the "Fertile Myrtle" family and everyone gets pregnant as soon as they want to so imagine my disappointment that it's the end of December with no BFP. (They don't know we're TTC). However, I only have had one long 70 day cycle that just ended today with AF, so clearly my body has not adjusted yet to being off of oral contraception. This, my doctor said, can typically take 3 months or so. But sometimes bodies bounce right back after, so everyone is different. I'm hoping for an ovulatory cycle this time so I can at least have my 20% chance! I'd suggest getting to know your body, spend time with DH obviously, and try not to stress over the process and enjoy it! After your BFP you'll only have 9 months left with DH alone so savor the TTC journey! (Now I need to take my own advice.)

PDXGal7868 · December 2010

:points to siggy:

FWIW, I got PG with DS the first month of trying.

I am at the point where I am very disappointed when I get my period, but I am also learning to give it up to God and be at peace with His timing. It is a great lesson in patience, because you can do everything right but it doesn't guarantee a pregnancy, or a take-home baby.

Are you going to chart?

doozer1345 · December 2010

I'm 3 years and counting for a BFP... It gets tiring. Everyone deals with it different. My best advice is to make sure you don't always make it a chore. After a year u should probably go to a doctor to make sure nothing is wrong. But, most likely you'll be fine. GL

BearWombat · December 2010

I'm on cycle #5. OPK and temps say I ovulate, so that's great news. Yet, every cycle I get AF, I get really depressed. I don't have any advice for moving past it except to keep in mind that time heals. After AF is gone, you just kind of forget about it and get excited about the next cycle.

foxxy1 · December 2010

PDXGal7868:

:points to siggy:

FWIW, I got PG with DS the first month of trying.

I am at the point where I am very disappointed when I get my period, but I am also learning to give it up to God and be at peace with His timing. It is a great lesson in patience, because you can do everything right but it doesn't guarantee a pregnancy, or a take-home baby.

Are you going to chart?

This, the bolded.

I'm on my Cycle 2. Just started this morning. For the past few days I could've sworn I was pregnant and was almost hoping I was one of those lucky women to get pregnant immediately after getting off BC. It didn't happen that way. Disappointed? Yes. But I also know it's God's will and He'll give me a baby when He knows it's my time.

My only advice is to keep distracted (easier said than done, I know) about it. I know everyone says, 'relax!' but sometimes you need to do just that. When my DH and I were BD'ing in sole purpose to make a baby, it wasn't fun and quite mechanical. Once we started to BD just because, we had a blast. Hopefully that mood will continue into the next year.

Hoax · December 2010

DBride2006:
RoxanneA:
With our first I conceived the first month of trying but so far the TTC #2 I'm on the tail end of cycle 4 month 5.
This exactly. With our son, we I got pregnant the first month trying and the first test I took was positive. This we're starting cycle 4, but have to skip this month.

This. It's different for everyone. The more you know about timing of your ovulation each cycle, the better you can time the sex and the rest is upto nature...

Good luck.

baloneydisc · December 2010

We've been TTC since April 2009, so 20-months, but I have PCOS & do not ovulate on my own. I have been pregnant twice (recently), but both times have ended in m/c. The m/c have obviously been much more difficult than the BFNs each month, but you just sort of learn to deal with it.

pinksweetpea2 · December 2010

It took 5 cycles and 6 months with our first- 4 of those cycles I was charting. We just started cycle # 4 this time around and have been charting since cycle # 2.

Even though I know logically it can take a while and have been though this before, I still couldn't help but hope it wouldn't take that long this time around. I have to admit that getting AF this last cycle was pretty frustrating because I was experiencing a lot of phantom symptoms.

For me, charting helps. Stress delays my O very easily and when I don't know what is going on (not charting), my cycles can get pretty long. For some reason knowing what is going on with my body helps keep my cycles regular.

TTC IS a good lesson is patience which is what you will need in spades when you are pregnant (especially if you have a baby that goes way past your EDD like mine did) and then when you are a parent. The amount of patience that is required to simply get out of the house in the morning with a toddler without loosing your cool is staggering some days.

At least that is what I keep telling myself.

GL

psubride1012 · December 2010

We started in July. I was a basketcase the first few months. Cycle 4 (5 months because I have long cycles) is when I finally accepted that I had no control over the situation and relaxed more about it and we got our bfp. I miscarried two weeks later. Now I have to wait a full cycle to start again. As I am sure you can see, everyone is different. The only thing that is constant is that most of it is beyond your control, so the sooner you accept that, the easier this journey will be. You will have to come to this realization on your own. Obviously being educated (read tcoyf and chart) helps, but is not a sure thing to getting ku. Good luck!

barine · December 2010

It could take long. And it could be short also. We tried for 3 1/2 years with my daughter. And ttc#2 for 4 cycles. . During such long period, I have learnt to avoid the hype of using herbs which could damage my system, trust in God more -by giving him all my cares with tears in my eyes, be patient while crying, done some retail therapy, fights with hubby and being healthy.

All I can do is press on!

Hopefully you get a bfp soon!

LadyBugLove7 · December 2010

I'm in the midst of cycle 11.

And it's been so long that as long as I don't POAS until after AF is supposed to show, it's not that bad anymore.

Katie829 · December 2010

I am on the middle of cycle 4. I think coming here is very valuable to get through things. People here know what you and I are going through.

Jing22 · December 2010

We've been TTC for 9 cycles. We started technically in April of this past year, but I did not ovulate until May. I'm having a really hard time dealing since others in my family have no issues getting pregnant. It's frustrating. I cry a lot.

tigerhearted · December 2010

We're heading into our 8th cycle of trying.

Honestly I'm not sure how I've dealt with it. For a while I threw myself into other activities, but that got kinda old after a while.

I just keep on keepin' on. It's not that bad, honestly. Life has thrown far worse disappointments and experiences at me and I've gotten through all of them. Take it one day at a time. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Crispity · December 2010

This is our 17th cycle, and it's been really frustrating. I'd say charting helped me at first, but only to a point. After a while, I'd chart only enough so that I could confirm "O", then stop, because it drove me crazy analyzing all the minute temp changes during the 2ww (FFs "pregnancy points" didn't help any either!).

FWIW, a normal, healthy couple has an approximately 20% chance of getting pregnant in any given cycle with perfect timing. Therefore, if I'm remembering my statistics correctly, here is the likelihood that a healthy couple will be pregnant after "X" months with perfect timing [(1- 0.8^x)*100, where 0.8 is the probability each month of NOT getting pregnant and X equals number of months trying]:

1 month: 20%

2 months: 36%

3 months: 49%

4 months: 59%

5 months: 68%

6 months: 74%

7 months: 79%

8 months: 83%

9 months: 87%

10 months: 89%

11 months: 91%

12 months: 93%

Please note that this does NOT mean that you have, for example, a 74% chance of conceiving in your 6th cycle. In any given cycle, the chances of conceiving are still just 20% whether it's your first cycle or your eighth. These numbers simply mean that 74% of healthy couples will have conceived after 6 months of trying, but 26% of healthy couples (a huge number!) will take longer. After 12 months of no success, it's quite likely that there is a problem, which is why it is generally recommended to seek medical advice at the 1 year mark if under 35.

laurasuzanne2006 · December 2010

we are also on our first cycle, just of nuvaring. AF is supposed to come this week. I would suggest not testing early, even the test that can detect 5 days early says inside the package that it only has a 50 some percent accuracy at that point, increases closer you get. It's just disappointing to take a test that is more than likely to be negative. Do things to keep you excited, read pregnancy books. I bought cloth diapers yesterday. Just remind yourself that if it doesnt happen now it will at some point

ShannonSky · December 2010

TTC no 1, we went off BC in Feb 2008, first met the RE in Nov 2008, then got pregnant on our first cycle with her in Jan 2009. This time we've been off BC since Sept 2009, met with the RE in June, and are still TTC. We're on cycle 4 and have had a cancelled cycle and a c/p in there.

ChickenLittle2010 · December 2010

With DS I was off BC for 2 weeks.

I'm about to start cycle #4 tomorrow. The disappointment seems to lessen, at least for me. first cycle I was REALLY down. second cycle I was okay, but still really down, today I am just like "get here you dumb b!tch(AF) so my new cycle can start"

adrenalinejnke27 · December 2010

I went off BC the beginning of July and we're starting cycle #5 of trying. I hear you completely about the frustration of waiting. Before we started trying DH was convinced that we would get pregnant so easily. Its crazy how hard we worked to NOT be pregnant for 6 years, and now that we're ready its just not happening. My way of coping? Each cycle I get a little more "in" to this. Started temping, got a BBT, joined the Bump, etc. This cycle I'm adding in Pom juice and green tea. If I get a BFN this cycle, I'm going to add in OPK next cycle.

boymamaco · December 2010

We're on cycle 8 (with temping, opks, etc.), plus several more months of just winging it, over the course of the last 15 months. We are older but I still didn't think it would take this long.

ETA: the first few months were the hardest for me emotionally. There is a lot to learn and anxiety can be pretty high. I think now each month is different, and I'm definitely not as myopic on it.

LadyXaverian · December 2010

It took me 10 cycles. I have 3 BFPBs, and I think the shortest journey of all of us TTC was either 7 or 8 cycles with the longest being somewhere between 13 and 15?

As for dealing with the emotions, there were some cycles that were worse than others, but I just kept reminding myself that I had no reason to believe anything was wrong, and that if we hit the 1 year mark without a BFP, we would deal with it then. That's not to say that that I was never disappointed or worried.. I think to a degree that is just human nature.. but try to keep it in perspective and know that it's completely normal for it to take 6-12 cycles. You see SO many cycle 10-13 BFPs on this board.

It's late, I'm rambling, but that's my .02.

megd06 · December 2010

We tried for 7 cycles before we got our BFP last week...it got easier (for me) to accept the bfn's after a few cycles. I just kept reminding myself that it can take a healthy couple a year to conceive, so I wasn't "abnormal". The Bump is also great for having an outlet to women who understand. GL!

Does it really take that long??

Re: Does it really take that long??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards