Does anyone else feel this way?

pms1 · December 2010

I hate to say it but sometimes I feel like a single parent. My husband has a crazy schedule and has to meet deadlines, so usually he doesn't get home until after bedtime, and during the winter he picks up a part-time job snow plowing. When he is off during the weekends he usually asks for one day to relax and unwind, so Saturday is the day that the girls and I go out, and I try to have him spend a few hours on Sunday as family time, or at least w/ the girls.

I know he is out working to support us, and get extra money for the renovations that we are doing to the house, but I really wish he was around more... it breaks my heart when my three year old cries herself to sleep b/c she " needs daddy", and when my one year old goes through the house searching for "Da" I feel like I'm the only parent sometimes, b/c even when he's home he doesn't do the disciplining he feels like he spends so little time with them he doesn't want to be the bad guy.

I was just wondering if I was the only one who ever feels this way>

JOEBunny · December 2010

You are not alone. My DH sees DD for about 5 minutes on the front end and DS for about 5 minutes on the back end. He is home on weekends about 3/4 of the time, but also has commitments with other things that take up much of that time. It would not be any better if I worked, since I worked similar hours. It would be worse.

I try to make the best of it by finding others who are in the same boat. We spend many late afternoons at the park with a SAHD who has a boy the age of my DS. It is good for my kids to see/spend time with a male and good for his son to see a female. It is a nice trade off and makes the kids and my life much nicer. I have taken the kids camping, on daytrips, and on vacation numerous times by myself.

Mrs.Hizzo · December 2010

No, because if I were a single parent, I'd be out every day doing what my husband does, while my kids were in daycare, instead of giving my kids 100% of at least one of their parents. I try to be really cognizant of that, because a lot of the time I feel exactly how you feel. It sucks when my DH doesn't see our boys for three days at a time, and I get worn very, very thin. But I try not to use the single parent analogy, because I think about what true single moms go through trying to both raise and support a family entirely on their own, and I don't think my complaints can even compare.

Temp174496125006552 · December 2010

Mrs.Hizzo:
No, because if I were a single parent, I'd be out every day doing what my husband does, while my kids were in daycare, instead of giving my kids 100% of at least one of their parents. I try to be really cognizant of that, because a lot of the time I feel exactly how you feel. It sucks when my DH doesn't see our boys for three days at a time, and I get worn very, very thin. But I try not to use the single parent analogy, because I think about what true single moms go through trying to both raise and support a family entirely on their own, and I don't think my complaints can even compare.

Thank you. I was a single parent for the first 11 years of Jordan's life and it's nothing like having a husband who is rarely around. You are responsible for everything and you wear all of the hats. At least with a husband, you know there is someone there who has your back. Not so when you're doing it on your own.

I suspect the OP didn't mean this as a slight to single parents, but having a husband who works a lot vs. being a single mom is like apples and oranges.

I am fortunate that DH esentially has a 9-5, Monday through Friday job and once he leaves the office, work stuff stays at work. I just wanted to say that I undertstand that your DH wants some down time (he is working hard afterall), but does he gets the entire day on Saturday? That I would have a problem with if he's not seeing his kids during the week. They are only going to be this small once and the time goes so fast. I think the kids should be the priority over having time to himself. But that's me.

Daisy77 · December 2010

DH plows snow as well, only it's full-time. In fact, he is sleeping right now so he can go out and plow later tonight. Again. When he's not plowing, he's hauling the snow from lots. A good snowfall like we've been having has been keeping him "gone" for 3-4 days at a time. We plow with his cousin, but we have our own equipment and employees that DH needs to repair or manage. I take care of the bookwork.

It sucks not having him around (or keeping the kids quiet so he can sleep during the day) but I keep thinking of the money because it pays good. That truly is the only way I get through the days where I am worn so thin and sick of not having another adult in the house to interact with. But it's our main income in the winter months so it is what it is. In fact, right now I just have to be a little thankful for it as they were talking a mild winter. If this is mild I don't want to see what a heavy winter would've brought, lol.

SAHM4EVA · December 2010

oh believe me you are not alone, in my neighborhood we have about 5 SAHM's on the block we all say the same thing, my DH works a normal 7-4 shift m-f but I still feel like a single mom who doesnt work basically. my daughter has a special bond w/ her daddy and that is important but sometimes I just break down, I go to a mom support group and my church and that helps I would suggest getting involved w/ other moms it really does help.

Kflie83 · December 2010

I feel the same way! Dh is a full time student and working so I can SAH. He only gets Sundays off, and is usually super tired and doing homework. I know he is working so hard, but having him never home makes ME have to work so hard to pick up the slack, but no one realizes that part of the deal. Sometimes when DS sees DH he automatically starts waving bye bye. So heart breaking.

Sweets2005 · December 2010

Wow that must be really hard. Just wanted to give you some HUGS and also say that your 2 girls are adorable!!!!!!!!!

arcticwolf · December 2010

When he is off during the weekends he usually asks for one day to relax and unwind, so Saturday is the day that the girls and I go out, and I try to have him spend a few hours on Sunday as family time, or at least w/ the girls.

Huh? Seriously? What part of parenting did he sign up for?? And what day do you get entirely to yourself? I suspect none ...

If DH asked for a day off to "relax and unwind" EVERY weekend, I would kick him in the teeth. I understand he works hard. And I am on the back end of that taking care of everything else. Parenting is not just when you FEEL like it. Especially when your kids are crying out for you. WHen they are that young, they need him.

He can have his "day off" when they are teenagers and would rather be with their friends.

lasirene · December 2010

arcticwolf:
When he is off during the weekends he usually asks for one day to relax and unwind, so Saturday is the day that the girls and I go out, and I try to have him spend a few hours on Sunday as family time, or at least w/ the girls.

Seriously? What part of parenting did he sign up for?? And what day do you get entirely to yourself? I suspect none ...

If DH asked for a day off to "relax and unwind" EVERY weekend, I would kick him in the teeth. I understand he works hard. And I am on the back end of that taking care of everything else. Parenting is not just when you FEEL like it. Especially when your kids are crying out for you. WHen they are that young, they need him.

He can have his "day off" when they are teenagers and would rather be with their friends.

This exactly! MH works 12-17 hour days and will sometimes go days without seeing LO. When he is home on the weekends we spend as much time as possible together, the three of us, and that counts as each of our down times: I've got a second set of hands and another adult in the house and he's at home with his family (where he wants to be!) and not at work. Neither of us would trade it for anything.

kiwi443 · December 2010

Mrs.Hizzo:
No, because if I were a single parent, I'd be out every day doing what my husband does, while my kids were in daycare, instead of giving my kids 100% of at least one of their parents. I try to be really cognizant of that, because a lot of the time I feel exactly how you feel. It sucks when my DH doesn't see our boys for three days at a time, and I get worn very, very thin. But I try not to use the single parent analogy, because I think about what true single moms go through trying to both raise and support a family entirely on their own, and I don't think my complaints can even compare.

I completely agree.

And Hizzo, just in case you didn't see the page on 12-24, I am loving the new sig pics of your boys. So cute!

savannahsmommy09 · December 2010

all the time hun. i work and school full time and still feel like i do evrything. ur not alone

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