In general, nursing in public doesn't bother me. BUT one time it did bother me. I was at Costco with DH shopping, and I got a coke at the eatery at the front of the store and was waiting on him. I sat at one of the tables, and was facing another table with a husband, wife, their toddler, and an infant. Wife was facing me. Wife starts to breastfeed. No biggie. BUT, apparently the baby wasn't latching on. So mom is squeezing her boob around, rubbing the nipple on the baby's mouth. Baby would eat for a minute and stop, leaving a giant bare boob with a huge nipple pointing right at me. Then mom would proceed again with rubbing the nipple over baby's mouth to get him to latch, etc. There was more bare boob exposure than baby actually eating.
I couldn't help but stare. It reminded me of the scene in Sex and the City where Miranda is in her apartment and breastfeeding in front of Carrie. She is completely exposed with swollen breasts and huge nipples, and well, that was just sort of shocking to see in public.
I also might not have felt a little judgy about mom needing to cover up a little bit or try to nurse elsewhere if the mom had seemed frustrated by the process. She wasn't. She was eating her fries, talking to her toddler and husband, all with her exposed boob hanging out. Had it been a situation where she was really frustrated about baby having trouble latching or something I probably would have had some sympathy.
Since were were just in Costco and it was just me, it was more of a situation where I was kind of surprised, but it didn't make me uncomfortable. But I do have to admit that if I had been in a sit down restaurant, and especially if I had been with my dad or had a middle school or teenage boy with me, it would have made me uncomfortable.
[Poll]
Re: Poll about nursing in public
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Whoops - I meant to put an option like this. Can polls be amended?
This! I either bring a bottle, nurse in a mother's room in a department store or go to the car. I'm just not comfortable exposing myself in public even if I am feeding my child.
I actually didn't reveal what I voted, just explained what I would do in that situation. But if a mother doesn't mind exposing herself like that, more power to her. If I was there, I probably would have just looked away, the end.
I nursed my DD up until about a month ago, and this included at my brother's wedding reception, in the same room. When your child is hungry, you feed them, we all know that. I had a hangup like you, and never had myself all hanging out, I always used a cover when NIP.
I think the problem people have with NIP is that the boob is no longer thought of as a means to feed our children. They have been turned into such sexualized objects, and it's "taboo" to have them exposed in public. I believe it makes people uncomfortable to see a woman NIP because to most people (my opinion), boobies = sex.
If a woman feels comfortable to NIP in public without a cover, all the power to her, I think it's great that she's that comfortable. It's the rest of society with the sexual hangups.
I agree completely.
In this situation, I would have just looked away. OP, why didn't you just turn your head, sit somewhere else not facing her, etc. I think it was pretty rude for you to sit there and stare at her, actually.
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I voted that she should have used a cover up, or gone somewhere else if the baby was fighting it that bad. That's what I do, and I do it for consideration for others, not for me.
I couldn't care less if Joe Schmoe sees my boob, but I do care about being considerate and open-minded enough to know that not everyone is cool with seeing me exposed. Just because you don't think a naked boob is a big deal, doesn't mean you should force that on other people.
It's not about rights, IMO. Of course she has a right to NIP. It's about being considerate to those around you. She should have used some consideration and discretion.
Signed, mom who NIP all the time.
But the OP isn't talking about an inch of skin. She's talking about a big giant nipple staring her in the face every few seconds when the baby pulls off.
I think uncovered NIP can be very discreet and considerate. Most people don't even notice what's going on. But, the OP said the baby was fighting the breast and the mom was being anything but discreet about it. That's what I take issue with. If the baby was fighting it that hard, the considerate thing to do would've been to cover-up, stop feeding, or at least face the wall. I would never recommend a mom go to the bathroom to feed her baby. There are many things you can do to be discreet that don't involve going into the bathroom.
ETA: Just as with anything, I think there is a right way and a wrong way to NIP uncovered. I believe, if the OP's story is true, that the lady in question was being inconsiderate of those around her.
But WHY should the nursing mom have to move/coverup/whatever if SHE isn't uncomfortable? The person who is UNCOMFORTABLE in the situation should leave/move/look away. The CONSIDERATE thing to do is for the person who is uncomfortable to STOP STARING.
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I agree with anabelle. People will never get used to NIP unless situations like this happen. I don't think women should be discrete in public. I think they should let it all hang out. Why? Because big old swollen boobies and huge nipples are a part of nursing. Nursing isn't sexual, therefore bare breast including bare nipple while trying to get your baby to nurse, needs to be shown more in my opinion.
Well, the line has to be drawn somewhere. My comfort level is to not see entire bare breasts exposed for extended lengths of time. When you are in public, what is acceptable is about EVERYONE's comfort and what is most reasonable for everyone. Yes, it partially is (or should be) about the comfort of everyone else. It's just about being polite. Hell, I'M perfectly comfortable naked, but I don't show up to a family beach stark naked and think everyone else should get over it. There are plenty of other things I refrain from doing in public, and it's completely out of consideration of other's comfort. I don't expect a woman to cover up a baby's head or worry about someone getting a glimpse of a nipple. At the same time, I shouldn't have to get up and move because the level of exposure is extreme.
Clearly, we disagree about where the line should be drawn. So, where do you think it should be drawn? If a mother is breastfeeding her child nearly every hour, should it be okay for her to simply not wear a shirt or bra in public at all if she's comfortable with it and she considers this the most convenient way to breastfeed? If you think this is too extreme, then how much boob exposure is acceptable and how much is not?
The law states that a women is allowed to nurse in any place that people go to publically...restaurants included! It would be discriminatory to ask her to cover up. The way I see it, you are in the wrong if you ask a women attempting to feed her child to cover up. That's the LAW. It's there for a reason.
This might make some people roll their eyes, but not all that long ago, eating in the same restaurant with an African-American made some people uncomfortable. So...was it right to make them leave? Nope.
A women feeding her child is doing nothing wrong. If you can bottle feed your baby in public, then I can NIP. If you don't like it, you should take a look at why it makes you uncomfortable. After all, I'm just doing the best thing for my baby.
I'm not talking about not allowing a woman to nurse in public. I think a woman should be allowed to nurse in any place that a woman can give her child a bottle.
I'm also not talking about the law. I'm talking about etiquette. Just because something is legal doesn't make it polite. Yes, breastfeeding is what is best for your baby. However, letting a boob hang out when your child isn't even eating isn't necessary to breastfeed.
I am not personally very comfortable NIP because I tend to be very exposed. In this situation I would cover myself up. That said, I don't think the way I personally feel about NIP should have any bearing on whether other people do it, and how they go about doing it.
If someone is uncomfortable, they can stop looking. I guess I'd liken the legal vs. polite argument to any other right - for example, you have the right to free speech and you can say whatever in public. If you are saying something that is offensive to me, I'll leave. Yeah, I may not think you should be saying it and I wouldn't personally say it, but I'll defend your right to do it.
Let me preface this with "I have no issue with NIP."
I've got a few questions, however:
It is perfectly legal to be affectionate with another person in public. Are you comfortable with an all out makeout session in public?
What about a beach where someone undoes their top to avoid lines on their back and you're exposed to the majority of their boob?
I understand that these examples have nothing to do with a primal mean of feeding a child, but they both do entail having a right to do or not do something.
I don't have a problem with feeding in public, but I think the grey starts to happen when the child isn't actually actively feeding.
What if the woman was just sitting at the table with her toddler and husband and NOT offering her breast to the child? I mean can you just sit there for 30 minutes without a shirt on in a public place? But the baby is there, It's breast feeding...
What if no child was present? But I have a child and I breast feed...
What if she wasn't even a mother. Could she just have her shirt off? but I'm a woman and these aren't sexualized private parts, they are for food...
When is it indecent exposure in our culture and when is it feeding? I don't know what the right answer is. I feel I would personally flap my shirt back over when the baby wasn't actively feeding, doesn't take that much effort.
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I see nothing wrong with it. I don't care where it was, it makes no difference whether it was Costco, a nice restaurant, or the DMV. Boobs are not sexual in this case. She shouldn't have to cover up, or go anywhere to make someone else comfortable.
I have no problem NIP. I use a cover or I don't. If you don't like it, look away. As for the father/middle schooler comment, I nurse in front of my teenage son and my father without a second thought.
I agree with everything Anabell (ETA) and .KRM said in this thread. And in the city I live in, women are allowed to go topless - it is not indecent exposure. It's the law.
ETA - my link is to Wikipedia. However, if you are at work or something, you should know that the link contains pictures of bare breasts (not BFing).
(and just for the record, yes i will breastfeed, yes i will do it in public, and yes i will cover up)
The "it's perfectly natural" argument seems flawed to me. There's are tons of things that are natural and that doesn't mean I want to see them (for example, periods are natural but I don't want to see a woman changing her tampon/DivaCup/Pad in front of me. Yes, I could look away, but I think I have a reasonable right to go in public without having to constantly avert my eyes.)
Let me just say that I am very undecided on nursing without a cover in public. I'm not saying it's wrong in general, just that the "not a sexual organ" argument is flawed.
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I also voted for #1... Yes, she should be able to breastfeed wherever she wants, but at the same time she could have been a little polite about it regardless of where she was...it wouldn't be awful for her to throw a little blanket over herself...and yes, I understand that it is a natural thing to do, but so is sex (yes that's extreme, but still natural) and we don't do that in public...lol...or at least not most of us, especially in Costco...haha
Added:
Also, forgetting the whole public thing just for a moment... Boobs are multifunctional....yes their primary purpose is for feeding children, but they do tend to be used in sex...vaginas are also used for making and having babies, but also sexual enjoyment...therefore it is possible for a body part to have both innocent AND sexual meanings...
This being said, in public, one cannot expect ALL people to be comfortable with bare breasts, especially when most children are taught that certain parts of our body are PRIVATE (which typically includes your breasts too)...Yes, it is most important for the mother to be comfortable when she is breastfeeding and if she chooses to be in public that's hunky dory, but there should be a certain amount of ettiquette when being in a public place...if everyone cared a little bit more about other people's feelings instead of their own, the world would be a much nicer place...would it hurt to put a blanket over you, probably not, so instead of thinking f-all you other people i'm doing what's right for my baby...you can still do what is right and certainly good for your baby and be polite....
plus, there are some people out there that I certainly wouldn't want looking at my breasts...ick