2nd Trimester
Rachel5782
member
Any women in interfaith marriages/relationships out there?
Rachel5782
member
My DH is Jewish and I am Christian, although neither of us very religious. For those in interfaith relationships, what are you planning to do once your child is born? Baptism? Bris? As of now, we're not planning on doing either. If we pick one, it will make the other side of the family angry.. so we just figured to tick off everyone off and not do one of the other. If my DH or I felt strongly either way, I'd say we'd pick one... but we both think it's hypocritical to force one religion onto the child if we don't fully participate in the faith ourselves. What are you doing?
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Re: Any women in interfaith marriages/relationships out there?
If we went Christian route, we'd have a baptism in the methodist church I grew up in... You can have a baptism at a non-denominational church, but that still "officially" labels the child as Christian...
We plan on having plenty of open discussions with our child as he/she grows up and exposing him/her to both religions.. and if he/she wants to pick one of the other, we will be totally supportive.
DH and I are not religious either, but we have agreed that we want to bring up our children with some sort of faith. We're choosing one of the Protestant religions and are currently trying out services in our area to see which church we like and which fits our current belief and moral systems best.
What my family or his family thinks of it hasn't impacted our decision. It's not their kid.
I am Jewish and DH is Catholic. We are doing the same as you... the only thing we are trying to figure out (and we will discuss more once we know whether it will be a boy or girl) is the bris piece. We both agree that circumcising the boy (if thats that case) is what we want... but I don't really want him strapped to a board and it done without me there... and he agrees. But the whole religious part is tough. Some moyals (sp?) will do a "medical bris" in their office without the religious part... but I think my parents would be devastated if we went that route and didn't invite them. So that's still up for discussion...
In the future we will teach our children about what we find is important about our own religions (being a good person, family, love, traditions). When they are old enough and wish to, they can decide to follow one or the other or continue to do both... or one that they find fits them better. We really just want to raise loving, good, family people.
My MARRIED Bio
I agree with this... I don't believe a just God would ever send someone to he11 for not being baptized... I just feel bad because my Dad is really heartbroken over the whole thing. However, I can't make such an important decision based on his feelings on the issue. It's our child and it's a decision to be made by myself and my husband. Hopefully he'll get over it with some time.
I'm Jewish and DH is Catholic. We didn't baptize DS or have a bris. We both agree with the bolded statement.
Nate and his family are Catholic. My adoptive parents are Muslim and Hindu and my bio parents are Catholic. I don't believe/follow organized religion. My MIL (and Nate) really wanted the twins to be baptized so I agreed. I had no preference and if it made them happy, I was glad to oblige. So, our kids are going to be baptized and they'll be introduced to all the religions/cultures of our families as our families are pretty religious but we won't force them to be one religion.
I'm the same boat, only reversed. I'm Jewish and DH is Catholic. Neither of us really practices, so we're just not going to worry about religion. I think it would be different if either of us were open to converting to the other's religion, but since we're not, we're just not going to worry about it. To us, it's more important for our children to grow up into good people than to worry about associating themselves with a particular religion.
Besides, I really don't like the reform rabbi in our area, so I'm not really sure I'd feel comfortable having a Bris with him officiating. And DH doesn't even have a Catholic church in the area that attends at all.
This.
My mom and dad were raised Catholic and Orthodox Jewish, respectively, but both ended up rejecting everything. In fact, to say that my dad is Atheist is an understatement, "Anti-theist" might be more appropriate! When my brother was born he made a huge deal out of how he refused to have him circumcised and what this represented to him. DH's parents, on the other hand, are Methodist, and MIL is especially religious. If our child receives any spiritual education whatsoever it will be non-denominational, which I think will slightly piss off both my dad and MIL, but oh well. We'll just stress to our families that the child will be educated in all their cultural traditions and family history and I think they'll ultimately be ok with that. Even my dad can appreciate telling his granddaughter funny stories about getting in big trouble with his own (4'10"-tall) mother for sneaking non-kosher sandwiches into the house.
Ugh. I dread this. My parents are Jewish and Armenian and I was raised with good principles and some religious teachings from each. My H is Catholic. I consider myself Jewish. However, since I have never been exposed to formal religion on a regular basis, it's not in me to attend services, I don't seem to connect. I know...it's horrible.
My H and I have found a wonderful Unitarian Church, and so far we can't drag ourselves in. I'd like to instill better faith in the LO, but so far, we can't even commit to it ourselves
I am Baptist and DH is Christian Science (not to be confused with Scientology). I am familiar with the rift in the family of having two different denominations. My Dad was Baptist and my Mom was Methodist. The only time I ever remember my folks fighting was over which religion my brothers and I would be. DH and I don't attend a church. We haven't found one we like and given our schedules right now, it's not been feasible.
Since we don't plan to raise our DC in one particular religion, we did nothing.
I am agnostic, my DH is Jewish. We always stressed that it was important to raise LO with both of our cultures (not necessarily religious, but I am Chinese and would like to celebrate certain traditions). So, our LO will be converted once he's born--we probably will have an informal bris (if there is such a thing) since DH was big on raising our LO under the Jewish faith. I never converted though my MIL surely tried. I just felt if I wasn't going to give something my 100%, then it wouldn't be right. Though, I have been told I'm more Jewish than most Jews...lol.
We're a very multi-cultural family (our wedding was Jewish, Chinese and military) so we think it's important to include as much as we can. I'm thankful that my parents and in-laws get a long. And when we get together, my family tries to keep everything kosher though sometimes things slip (my mom knows of the shellfish and pork, but often forgets the milk/meat rule).
Me: 31, DH: 34, Married 5/29/05
BFP #1: 6/22/10, EDD 3/6/11, DS born 2/25/11 @ 38w5d
BFP #2: 7/27/13, EDD 4/9/14, CP 8/3/13
BFP #3: 8/31/13, EDD 5/10/13, DD born med-free 5/9/14 @ 39w6d
My husband was raised Hindu and I am Catholic. We plan on having our son baptized and will send him to a catholic school.
We also think it is very important that he be taught about his Indian culture and thus be taught about Hinduism and celebrate that faith as well.
When he is an adult he can choose what faith to continue on with.
We are doing the same as you. I am Jewish and my DH (I assume this means Dear Husband?) is Catholic. We will not be having a Baptism nor a bris (if boy, we are too soon to know the sex). We will bring up our baby with both religions and let them choose when they are older. I have already forewarned my mother of this, who is having a hard time, but she will have to deal. Her issue is that in the Jewish religion the child is what the mother is because you are positive who the mother is, not who the father is. I have told her this is the one thing I disagree with completely. It makes me feel like the mother can is an adulterer.
"You can have a baptism at a non-denominational church, but that still "officially" labels the child as Christian..."
I'm not trying to be a snoot or anything, but this is not entirely accurate. The only thing that really labels someone as a Christian is faith in the teachings of Jesus Christ. Baptism is a sacrament practiced by Christians, not a means of salvation - kind of like how the act of circumcision doesn't automatically make someone Jewish. The method and significance of baptism varies widely from one Christian denomination to the next. I know it's nitpicky for a forum such as this, but just thought I'd point it out. I'm not trying to start some massive theological debate or anything.
My advice would be to consult with your husband and any friends/family members you respect, but ultimately make the decision YOURSELVES. Religious beliefs are intensely personal, and your child is YOUR responsibility, not anyone else's. Even if you and your husband did devoutly adhere to a particular religion, your child would still have to come to a point in his/her life when he/she embraces that faith independent of you or your husband. You're the one that has to live with the decisions you make, so let them be yours and not someone else's.
Yes, it's important to get/take advice and consult those wiser than we, but here in America we are also blessed with the freedom to make parenting (and religious) decisions ourselves. You and your husband should do what you feel most comfortable with and just develop a polite way to respond to anyone who criticizes it. And yes, I understand the irony of giving the advice to basically ignore advice.
I can't speak for any other religion out there, but I feel the need to point out that if you are Jewish (even if your DH is not), Judaism considers him Jewish regardless of what you practice in your home. So choosing to circumcise him (even in a religious ceremony) is actually not hypocritical at all (it's not forcing any religion on him since he would be considered Jewish anyway), and it can save him a lot of trouble later in life (he will probably not be very happy with you if he has to get a circumcision later!).
I am Christian and my boyfriend is a non-believer, though not totally against the idea of faith.. however I find it is important that we bring our daughter up to know the Lord. Not by force, but by example and teaching. She of course can choose her own route, but I am a firm believer (not saying that Christianity is perfect, but I believe as long as you have faith in God and try to live in accordance with his will, then He will always be there to guide us in our paths) and I know I wouldn't be alive if He didn't have some purpose for me (been in quite a few near-death situations).
Anyway my boyfriend was brought up strictly Roman Catholic, so he is jaded on the idea of religion as he did have it stuffed down his throat from a young age. I certainly don't believe that to be the right approach. He was baptized before he was too young to know the significance of such an event.. I'd rather my daughter choose to be baptized on her own accord. But at the same time, instilling the desire or encouraging your little ones to come into a relationship with the Lord is a wonderful idea if you're up for it (it's all about the approach).. if for no better cause than to instill good morals and a compassionate heart for others. Just my thoughts. Good luck with everything!
But at the same time, instilling the desire or encouraging your little ones to come into a relationship with the Lord is a wonderful idea if you're up for it (it's all about the approach).. if for no better cause than to instill good morals and a compassionate heart for others.
It is possible to raise compassionate, moral children without religion and without instilling fear of an omnipotent being in them. Agree with you on everything else, though.
That's one theory. Another is that it really ends up being the mother who has the final say in the home and raising of her children--traditional Judaism holds that women have a greater influence on husbands than the other way around. Anyway, whether you like the reasons behind it or not, your child is Jewish if you are. Choosing to or not to circumcise doesn't change your son's religious status whatsoever, but it can lead to a lot of confusion and resent if you don't and he tries to return to his roots later on.
I really don't get what the whole big deal against circumcision is...might as well do it so he has a fair choice without having to have painful surgery as an adult. It seems to me that not circumcising is more along the lines of trying to choose his religion (or lack of it) for him than vice versa.
I'm going to put this out there. My husband and all of my uncles got circumcised as adults. In my husbands case it was because his girlfriend at the time wouldn't have sex with him if he didn't. One of my uncles had it done while in the military. Something about diminishing the possibility of STD's (the foreskin supposedly holds in bacteria and germs).
One of my nephews (20 years ago) was circumcised using an experimental procedure (laser) and had his little penis burned. My sister didn't agree to it but she never filed grievances against the hospital either.
My personal beliefe is to circumcise regardless of religion just to spare my child having to go through the trauma as an adult. And as far as religion is concerned you'd be surprised by how much of a relationship children have with God.
My 3year old DD prays many nights and will wake me or my DH up to say Amen. She has a full understanding of touching and agreeing. She insists that I read the God book to her almost every night. I take comfort in the fact that even if I don't have the relationship with God that I want, my DD does.
My father is a Lutheran pastor, but I am not religious at all. My husband is Jewish, also not religious, but cares a lot about passing on the Jewish culture and identity to our daughter. First advice, which other posters say, is to just figure out what you want for your family and do it.
What we did with our wedding and our daughter's birth is to modify the Jewish rituals to be more inclusive (not bringing in any Jesus references but acknowledging the fact that we are an interfaith family and our family has more than one custom to draw from). We invite all family members to be a part of the event and participate. I find that has worked well for a few reasons. 1. Since we proactively plan something, family members tend to stop asking about what we will be doing and making suggestions. 2. DH gets what he wants in terms of the Jewish identity. 3. The grandparents get a modified version of what they want...at least there is SOME ceremony that they get to attend and take pictures of the baby in pretty dress clothes. 4. Just because we do not practice a religion does not mean we do not have beliefs/morals and understand the importance of ceremony. I hate the idea that if we don't pick one of two options, we are excluded entirely from doing anything. So we just make up a third option.
I would be happy to share a copy of the modified baby-naming ceremony we did, if that is a route you decide to go. Good luck!!
I am catholic and my husband is jewish, and both of us practice, but neither of us are completely happy with our respective religious institutions. We did the same thing- a modified wedding ceremony held outdoors with both a rabbi and a priest (we were really lucky to find people who were willing to be so flexible) and we received many compliments on our ceremony. What kind of modifications did you do for the baby-naming ceremony? we're expecting our first in August and we both know we want to include both of our traditions in raising LO but probably not raise them one or the other.