Baby Names
queenbone
member
Am I overthinking this?
queenbone
member
in Baby Names
We are naming our baby Francis because it is a family name on DH's side and I really like St. Francis.
I recently was given the obituary for my bio grandfather. I don't know much about him because he was an alcoholic and my grandma divorced him before my dad was born because she didn't want her child to be raised watching her get beat. My dad saw him 7 times his whole life, one of those times he left my dad in the car while he went into a bar to drink. He died when i was 4 so I never knew him.
Anyway it turns out his MN was Frank. But I am now worried, I'd hate to think that anyone would ever think that I named my son after this man. We really like the name Francis, and while we don't plan on calling him Frankie or Frank, we know that at some point in the future he might go by one of those names which is fine.
Aaargh! Never again will I let DH talk me into finding out the sex. Naming is so much easier when you only have a few days in the hospital to decide instead of 4 1/2 months of fretting and obsessing over names.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Am I overthinking this?
Totally overthinking.
If it was Grandpa's first name I could see it. However, only you and about 4 other people remember his mname and no one will ever make that connection, especially if you don't call him Frank.
As I've said before, I don't believe there is such a thing as overthinking the name your child will be stuck with forever. You need to consider all the pros and cons in order to make an informed decision that will suit your child.
I do think it's a shame that you've loved this name this whole time, and now, here we are 5 weeks out, and the name is somewhat tainted for you by a careless jerk.
I don't really see this as a problem though, and I would still use it.
Since you will be saying the full name Francis, most probably won't even make the connection. By the time he himself decides to (possibly) go by Frank or Frankie (won't happen for at least 5 years), everyone will have formed their opinions about where the name came from, so I still don't think anyone will think of it. Besides, I'm sure no one would actually think that you would want to honor him, of all people you have available to choose from.
But in case it does happen, I have a failsafe for you:
Fortunately for you, there are probably only a few people that remember your grandfather's middle name. I'd say definitely your grandmother, probably your mom, eventhough she's not related (moms are good at remembering these sorts of things)... do you have sisters? Most men I know wouldn't make the connection, but your dad is so close to the situation, that he probably would. That's, at most, 5ish people.
So I would make sure that when announcing the name to these select few, that you give a bit more information about why you chose the name, e.g. "Francis, after DH's grandfather" or "I love St. Francis" (or whatever it is that one says about saints... "respect his teachings"?).
This way anyone who had doubts is quickly reminded of the true reason you chose this great name!
PS: Remind me again.. what's Francis' middle name going to be? Michael? Theodore? Wait, is that DS1? I'm getting them all mixed up!
Yes, you are overthinking it. I think it will be fine.
You make a good point, there are very few people that will remember his MN name. My father, my grandmother, and one of his half brothers have passed. I had to ask one of my other uncles, who is into genealogy, what the F in the obituary stood for. My mom wasn't sure.
I guess I am worried because so many people in my family are into genealogy that future genealogists might be confused. But then they might not know how much of a DB the grandfather was.
No MN decision yet, but Michael is still on the list. And DS #1 is Theodore. You have an amazing memory!
a) you're over thinking it
b) not finding out the sex does not = not obsessing about every single thing relating to a name for months on end, it just means you do it for TWO names (or more)
c) the name is common enough that people won't make the connection
I totally don't think anyone would relate it to a middle name unless you said so. Go for it!
Our family blog
~When researching, I usually follow the paternal line first (mostly because it's easier with no changed names), and I would suspect that this is true for most geneologists. If this is true, that would mean that the future researchers would find your DH's family member first, and would probably instantly assume that the name came from him.
When they do get around to researching your line, they will not be swayed, since the name doesn't match exactly.
~Researchers will most likely know your Catholic background, and will therefore probably automatically make the second connection to St. Francis.
~Bonus: Even if they do, by chance, assume that your grandfather was part of the inspiration, if they are very far in the future at all, they probably/hopefully won't know the sad history of your grandfather's asshatery, so it won't matter as much.
~If you are still worried, may I suggest a technique that I've only half-jokingly thought about using myself? Give the child a second middle name, only to be used on the birth certificate, that tells future geneologists the correct information. For example: Francis Michael Francis-is-after-his-paternal-grandfather Lastname.
When we announced Hank, my mom's mom immediately told us, "I like Owen." Owen was our #2 name at the time. I told her that it really didn't matter that she liked Owen because we were naming our son Hank.
Apparently, her drunk and abusive father Henry, but went by Hank, was too close of an association for her. For me, I've never met him, SHE HAD NEVER EVEN MENTIONED HIS NAME TO ME, so I brushed it off. I love the name.
As my GGpa is a skeleton in the closet that NOBODY even discusses, there is no way that anyone who is still alive confuses my son as his namesake. And, like Eaglefoot said, in the future, it's likely that the asshatery will be completely lost in history.
And, not that you'd necessarily want to, but we can totally make a hybrid family tree and you could just say he's named after my uncle Francis - he's practically a saint himself. LOVE the man!!
This. You found a name that has great meaning to you and your family. Go with Francis.