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Is this rude?
Is it rude to ask someone that had twins if it was "natural" or as a result of a fertility treatment?
I'm friends with someone, known her for about 3 years. I invited her and her husband to our wedding bc she means a lot to me. We have exchanged e-mails back and forth for a couple of years. DH and I are actually going to a BBQ at her and her hubby's house in a few weeks. I met her originally because she used to be a teacher of mine. Shes probably about... 14 years older than me maybe.
I thought about asking this but I don't know if its rude. If it is please tell me and I won't ask, I was just curious.
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Re: Is this rude?
I was thinking this too. Drive me nuts when people ask me that question.
True! I guess you never know what kind of struggles somebody went through when trying to get pregnant.
It took 5 failed IUIs and a failed IVF, but our FET worked!
My pregnancy after Infertility Blog
Our baby girl was born on April 27, 2011!
Agreed. And at what point is it planned/unplanned? We were 'planning' for fertility treatment by going off the pill for six months and three months later found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant. Since we're not married everyone assumes it was unplanned and gives me that look then asks when are we getting married. I see it as planned, but it just happened a lot easier/faster than we ever anticipated.
Note: we had real reason to believe it would be difficult. I've been told for the last 15 years that I had a slim chance of being able to conceive, so it never occurred to me that going off the pill would result in a pregnancy without some sort of assistance. This (un)planned baby is a miracle in my book!
this
What about something like, "Wow, twins, does it run in the family?" Or, "Oh my, I bet this was a big surprise!"
If they want you to know, they'll be eager to share...but I wouldn't push the issue.
What about something like, "Wow, twins, does it run in the family?" Or, "Oh my, I bet this was a big surprise!"
If they want you to know, they'll be eager to share...but I wouldn't push the issue.
If you don't have the type of relationship where you tell each other everything, I wouldn't ask. I have friendships where this would not be a rude question. But then again, we are so close that my girlfriend would have told me in the first place if she had fertility treatments, etc (the case in one friendship). I had a difficult last year where I didn't share a lot of my life with people. I realized how much I appreciated people respecting my privacy and not asking about things that I didn't volunteer. Since then, I have tried to act the same.
In short, I agree with the others that it's rude to ask.
Thanks!!
It's very rude.
Just as it would be rude to ask someone "were you trying?" when they announce a pregnancy.
How a baby came to be is nobody's business. Just say congratulations and move on.
If you go this route, please do not use the word "natural". Spontaneous would be a much less offensive term. All babies are natural.
I am getting this all the time too, JJ. Not only are we having twins, but I am 41, so everyone is jumping to the conclusion that it was IVF.
I can tell when someone is being a bonehead, and when they sincerely don't realize that they are asking something that is so personal. A few friends have asked because they too are TTC and my getting pregnant is giving them a lot of hope. My standard answer for many has become "Sure they are natural. Have you ever heard of an artificial twin?"
Yes very rude. It's none of your business.
And for the record, baby's conceived by any type of fertility treatment are "natural."
(m/c 1.17.07, m/c 5.15.07)
DS - 03.15.08
DD2 - 12.03.09
DD3 - 3.28.11
totally rude.
plus, even if someone did fert. treatments - it doesn't mean their twins aren't "natural".
I had a friend who had to do several rounds of IVF. When she finally got pregnant, her first early u/s showed one sac. When they went back a week later, it had split and there were 2 heartbeats. Identical twins
She's a case of "natural" twins and fertility treatments.
I guess any Identical twins would have to be "naturally" occuring.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
I wouldn't even ask if twins run in their families or if it was a surprise. I'd just say congratulations.
Asking those questions implies you want to know more, which is rude. If she wants to tell you she had fertility treatments, or if she wants to specify that she didn't, she will tell you on her own.
My Ovulation Chart
Extremely rude.
If you want to say something... go with "Congratulations on the twins! What can I do to help after they're born?"
Asking if they run in the family (aka, the softball "You didn't have fertility treatments, did you?" question) is kinda rude too. If she wants you to know the details of how they were conceived - she'll tell you.
When people ask me, I really don't take it like an obvious veiled question about possible fertility treatments - I think they really want to know because people are fascinated with multiples.