My MIL has hit a whole new level of crazy (vent)
cookimonstar
member
I've always told my husband I think his mother is a cyber stalker and he said I was crazy. Well today a long time friend had a status about her in laws and how they always make little comments about how she is raising her kids, and I wrote almost jokingly "omg you must be talking about my mother in law" I saw almost because my MIL does the same thing and my friend and I have been having private convos out side of facebook about it.
My MIL read this!!! and I just got a huge email pretty much yelling about me about talking *** about her
My friend and MIL are not facebook friends, they dont even have any mutal friends between them, so the only way my MIL could have seen this is going on my profile and clicking through to everyone I have made comments on today.
I'm so mad, and when I answered my MIL's email back I let her know that was a convo between my friend and I and she only heard parts and I'm alittle uneasy how she was reading it, and I also told her that I do feel she makes alot of negative comments even if she doesnt mean to. Feels go to get that off my chest to her but at the same time I have a feeling shes already called crying to my husband saying i'm being mean or something
Also I wouldnt be shocked at this point if she has a name on here!!
Re: My MIL has hit a whole new level of crazy (vent)
Clearly the conversation was NOT only between you and your friend if your MIL can see it. It's the internet, and unless you change your privacy settings on FB, your MIL can read what you write to other people, even if you dont want her to.
Should your MIL be looking around in case you happen to mention her? No. But if you already suspected she's cyber stalking you, then you probably need to take some responsibility and either not post anything that could be construed as negative about her, or make sure she can't view comments from you.
I wasnt being rude by saying what I did, it was taken completely out of context. My FB is set to only friends can see what I do, not friends of friends.
I wasnt being rude by saying what I did, it was taken completely out of context. My FB is set to only friends can see what I do, not friends of friends.
Yikes..I was just thinking about it..it's probably on other family members walls too! You probably should just delete it so it doesn't cause a huge prob...
But your MIL is *your* FB friend so she can see what YOU write.
Yup if you posted it and it wasn't in a message you should have assumed she could possibly see it. That doesn't make her a crazy stalker if it popped up her newsfeed because your friend's privacy settings let anyone see her profile. Take it as a lesson learned never to post anything you don't mind everyone seeing.
And I do get that MILs can be crazy...but still making negative comments about them in public view isn't good.
I think it's rude to say something behind someone's back that you wouldn't say to their face. So I think you were rude.
For the record: a) I've certainly done it, myself, but that doesn't make it right and if I were ever caught, I'd be mortified; and b) If she were scouring the internet looking for information about you or your comments, that's not right, either.
Mine found me on a bunch of sites. It's creepy. I say anyone like that should really get a life.
It is funny how the MIL's that made crappy comments on your weight, clothing, housekeeping, how you raise your child, what you feed your husband, etc. always end up being cyber stalkers too.
I know it was probably aggrivating having those comments coming from your MIL, but on Facebook, if you are friends with someone and your privacy settings aren't perfect, then on your daily updates it will say "So and so posted something on so and so's wall" it's not private.
I have an AMAZING MIL, but my SIL does'nt think so because she is a tad bit crazy... She posted something on Facebook that was not as simple and jokingly said as you, and one of my SIL friends posted "must be your mother in law"... my MIL saw it and was SO hurt, and cried. She didn't address it but I had too, which made my SIL mad at me...
Bottom line is FB isn't private and people really need to watch what they say because if you are "joking" or saying negative things about people, it will get back to them and hurt them...
I challenged my SIL, what would you do if you saw someone writing something along the same terms on a public website about you, where people who don't know you will only make judgements against you...
I'm sorry you are having that problem, but as angry as it makes you, she may not mean harm by her comments. Confront her in a respectful way before making it public...
A bit of advice to you ladies, stop friending your MIL. I do not have mine friended, and my profile is set to private. Given that I still don't make comments about family in any negative way on FB, because I have like 100 friends and they could all see it and you never know. I have 2 family members friended on FB, two of the younger ones form DH's side I like a lot.
MIL already comments on my flickr photos all the time, and e-mails me in responce to my blog posts, or if I try to tell her something she cuts me off "yes I read about it on your blog". I don't like having a VIRTUAL relatonship with someone I see in real life. I think we should talk on the phone, or if needed in e-mail. I feel a bit stalked by her, she reads my twitter, blog and flickr stream. I wish she did not but I think at this point its one of the few ways she can keep up with her two granddaughters, we have had a tense past so we are not close. I would prefer she not cyber stalk me, but it is what it is and I put that stuff out there so have to accept it.
I think we ALL have that one person (MIL or otherwise) that we need to vent about. But, because you can never tell who's account gets hacked, who's going to cyber stalk you, or who's friends with who - I try to keep the juicy stuff to emails/facebook messages...or even better, traditional phone calls.
By the way, I get that you weren't bashing her, but even still, your comment COULD have been taken negatively, especially if your MIL is already sensitive.
Hopefully things work out for you!
When my in-laws tried to "friend" me on FB...that was pretty much when I decided I was done with FB. I learned to set better personal boundaries so I could try to avoid this stuff. So sorry about your MIL. What a nightmare!!!
I would edit your privacy settings for sure. There's a thing called lists on facebook where you can sort people and edit their privacy settings based on that group. This way, your close friends can be privy to all your posts and comments and others, such as a boss, or MIL can have higher settings that limit what picture albums, comments, posts, etc. they can see.
Just do a google search on how to make a list and go from there. It's worth the time!
Good luck!!!
Ahhh, boy.. can I sympathize with you -- big time!
Someone (not sure who..) introduced my MIL and FIL to facebook. FIL isn't as into it as MIL is, but MIL is *REALLY* in to it..
After receiving 27 comments, 2 emails and a load of "likes" on my facebook -- IN ONE DAY -- I went into my privacy settings and adjusted things. She is technically on my facebook still but I have things set so that she cannot comment or view certain things. I hated to do it and I know that she can probably tell a difference -- but I couldn't handle it and my Husband refused to address the issue with his Mother. I didn't want to cause any further family upset so I just adjusted my own privacy settings.
Unfortunately, what you think might be private might not be private -- it's really important when you have family on your FB to go through your privacy settings. You can even block one certain person from viewing things.
My settings are "FRIENDS ONLY ;; EXCEPT FOR [MIL's NAME]" for almost everything. I got tired of the ridiculous amount of comments, likes, emails, etc.
She also gets very upset if she messages or comments and we don't acknowledge it right away. Sigh.
Facebooking just shouldn't be for in laws, I sympathize. =
You can even edit specific posts. By clicking on the "lock" button before you submit your post you can edit who will be able to view it.
It's come in handy for me b/c a friend of mine that shared my due date lost her baby, but I still want to post pics of my pregnancy as it progresses w/o hurting her feelings, so I just make sure that my pregnancy status updates and pictures block her from viewing them.
If your MIL is making little comments about your parenting then politely confront her and explain that it hurts you. If that doesn't work then your only alternative is to just accept that she is insecure and/or a know-it-all and expect a few comments when you visit. And clearly stop cyber-bashing her.
But, if it goes beyond that, and her comments are unbearable then move to Plan B.....
The only way to really nip this is for your husband to draw a boundary with her. His first priority should be his family. If he refuses with a typical excuse like, "I am not getting in the middle" or, "I am not taking sides" then tell him he doesn't have to take sides, because he supposed to be on YOUR side. You are his wife. And his mother's behavior is meddling, immature and hurting his wife. She probably won't just magically stop. If he doesn't step up and step in now this will go on for the rest of your marriage.
Good luck.
(your daughter is beautiful btw!)
I completely understand your pain!! Way back in the (myspace) day, my SIL did something similiar. I had a friend from childhood and we'd always 'flirt' with each other and such. DH knew about it and was cool with it. Until my SIL told the entire family I was cheating on DH with him! a)He lives on the other side of the country, and b) I would NEVER!!! But she read something I had posted to his autographs and made assumptions.
On the other hand, I've made several comments, jokingly, on FB about family and inlaws that are all on FB. I don't feel what you said is rude at all. The only reason your MIL took it as such is because she's crazy. The only way she could have seen it is if she clicked on your profile and was combing through. The actual comment would only show on her newsfeed if she was friends with BOTH parties. Good luck to you on this. I think it's time to get your husband involved and have him talk to her. Let her know this is unacceptable.
That's my MIL. Someone had the bright idea of getting her started on Facebook and since she doesn't work till 2pm she's online ALL morning. Wether it was pictures, or updates, or someone I friended she had to comment on it all the time, every time. It became so ridiculous that I deleted her as a friend, made my profile private and changed all my privacy settings. Then she blew a gasket about that and for months kept bugging my husband about why I deleted her and did she do something to make me angry...
She also lives about 5 minutes down the street and constantly messages my husband when she needs something or to check up. It's like, now that she's online she forgot how to use a phone. It's ridiculous!
Facebook is a public forum. I hate the drama that goes with friending people, so I only friend people I know (not friend of my husband, for example). Additionally, I set my privacy settings appropriately.
My parents, ILs and other family are on Facebook. They typically go on their to see updates and pictures - mostly wanting to know whats going on with DD.
My policy is this: regardless of who is my friend, I do NOT post anything on FB that I would feel uncomfortable saying to anyone's face. I do not post about any individual except my daughter. I do not have my 'business' out on the 'street'. If others tag pictures, it's because they want to look at them in their photo book, or share those pics with their friends (many folks tag themselves in pics of DD). If I have a problem with that, I won't post the picture.
OF COURSE people will get offended if you block them or delete them! I would. And if you did block/delete me (and it has happened to me before), I immediately wonder what the heck it is "I" did or what it is you are doing that I may find so offensive...neither is good. (When it happened to me, it was DH's cousin's wife who is going through marital troubles and just went delete happy. She has since friended me back LOL)
I think many people need a complete attitude adjustment regarding social media. Many don't realize its completely inappropriate to fight with a loved one, complain about a job or person, post inappropriate pictures, or have identifying info that others can use to steal your identity. Relationships have been ruined and individuals have gotten FIRED over a Facebook or Twitter update.
Ok, off my soapbox now.
Anyone else notice this has turned into a "newbie" thread???
To OP - It sucks that she read it and now seeing her will be awkward...but I agree with many pp - FB isn't private and she most likely got a message saying that you posted on so and so's wall so she read it. Not her fault. Did you apologize for talking about her behind her back in your response email? If not I think you should.
But maybe now that she knows how you really feel about her she'll stop with the negative comments? Good could come out of it in the end.
who cares who responds to these newbies or mothers of 5 children? we are all on the same sight for a reason, if you only want to talk to those who have children already or are as far along as you find a webpage just for it! if the threads were only for people of a certain stage they would be emailed to everyone. I understand they say 1st trimester and so on but it dosn't mean that someone in the 3rd can't comment!
who cares who responds to these newbies or mothers of 5 children? we are all on the same sight for a reason, if you only want to talk to those who have children already or are as far along as you find a webpage just for it! if the threads were only for people of a certain stage they would be emailed to everyone. I understand they say 1st trimester and so on but it dosn't mean that someone in the 3rd can't comment!
That is not what she meant. Newbies, as in new to the bump, only have a few posts. Not new to the board or don't belong to this board.
head:**:desk