The arguments over getting pregnant again have steadily become more and more angry. At first he was simply teasing about not wearing condoms ever again and no more birth control as we waiting anxiously for the Docs approval to become intimate again... but as soon as we started having sex he really does refuse to wear condoms and is not happy about the fact that I'm on the mini pill. He calls me selfish and gets very upset and dramatic whenever we talk about it...
Don't get me wrong, I WANT another child, but I want to be able to give DD the attention that she deserves. Not to mention the fact that I need time to emotionally and physically prepare myself for another pregnancy. DD was not planned and has taken us both by storm. During the pregnancy, obviously my life was the only one to really change until I delivered. Since then, I've been staying home with baby and breastfeeding, and I therefore take the vast majority of the responsibility for her.
Any advice or opinions on this would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Re: DD is only 8 weeks old and DH wants to get pregnant again - I'm not ready!
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When my DH said he didn't want to wear a condom, I told him there would be no sex then. I'm baffled at your DH's behavior. Bottom line, BOTH parents have to be ready for a baby, not just one. And especially not just the one who didn't have to have his body wrecked by pregnancy and delivery.
If you've told him exactly how you feel and he still won't budge, I don't know. Maybe counseling is in your future.
Also, there are studies that suggest that your body needs way more than 8 weeks before you get PG again or you could have serious complications. My mom had 4 of us, and the 4th pregnancy was full of complications. She and my brother almost died. But my other brother was only 5 months old when she got pregnant again, so they think that could have been why.
I had this problem with DH, so i told him the conversation would be off limits until christmas and if he loved me he would respect that date. So far he has been pretty good about it.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
I'd sit down and talk to your H about this. Set out at a time when you're both calm (perhaps either mom could watch LO for a few hours so you don't get interrupted?) and explain that you're not ready for another pregnancy/baby yet.
Perhaps set a guideline as to when you'll try again (once done BFing, LO is 1 y/o, etc). If he refuses to wear condoms, I'd refuse to have sex, TBH.
8 weeks is waaaaay too soon to be thinking about another baby. Mistakes happen, of course, but at my 6-week check-up, the doctor told me that they do not recommend getting pregnant again for at least a YEAR. One of my good friends got pregnant again when her baby was 4 months old, and the doctor told her it would be difficult, and it was. She was in and out of the hospital constantly. Her body just was not ready for another baby yet.
It seems odd that your husband is getting angry about this, especially if this child was unplanned. Even though you're home with the baby and bfing, he must be somewhat aware of the work involved, right? If not, you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him.
This!!!
There is medical reasoning behind this! It's not healthy for you... Your DH should respect that. Give your LO some time to enjoy his parents as an only child! I would strangle my DH if he even spoke a word of trying for another right now... He knows better!
I really feel for you.
If all else fails, you can also make your case from a financial standpoint. Double the diaper costs? Double the DAYCARE costs??? For my family, I know that we are waiting to build up some more savings prior to a second kid. My husband said it best -- we want to wait until our daughter is potty trained before we have another kid.
Men generally respond much better to hard facts than to emotional arguments. Maybe find some statistics you can quote about the medical reasons to wait a bit longer...
Good luck!
I got pregnant with Dominic when Natalie was 3 months old - believe me, it was not on purpose! Although my pregnancy went very well and we don't regret it one bit ----- I don't recommend it:)
Besides the added stress of caring for a baby while pregnant, your body still needs more time to "bounce" back. Just ignore his comments or maybe counter with the "just let me enjoy the baby that I have" argument. Quite honestly, I think he is being incredibly selfish pressuring you right now ---- you've just had a baby!!!
I think you should respond to his claim about selfishnes. Getting pregnant this quick will hurt you, the current baby and the future baby (ie everyone but him). Both you children will be healthier if your body is only supporting one of them at a time so if he wants his children as healthy as possible he shouldn't consider trying to get pregnant until this child is weened.
If he won't listen to you ask him to talk to you OB.