Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Need help with discipline
My 1 year old is starting to show some of "toddler"ness and I'm not sure how to approach disciplining her. I know she's too young for time-out but what type of discipline does she understand? When she has something she shouldn't and screams when I take it away, how do I handle that? I know it's something you figure out as you go along but has anyone read a book that at least helped with how to go about doing it?
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Re: Need help with discipline
all i can do is tell you what works for us...and that is distraction! when she gets upset because a toy isn't doing what she wants or because she can't play with something she wants, we start a new activity or go play with something else. she forgets very quickly that she was so upset.
also, if she's doing something she's not supposed to be doing, like picking her nose, we ignore the behavior. if we point it out, she thinks she's hilarious and continues because she just wants a reaction. if we don't give her a reaction, she gets bored and quickly stops picking her nose. at this age...it works.
In that situation- the way to "prepare" for it.... talk to your kid. Always tell them what you're doing,e tc. DS understands SO MUCH and now I can say to him "let mama have that for a minute. You can have it right back, but I need it for a minute" and he'll hand it over.
Or even "Can you give that to the nice lady so she can ring it up?". DS will hand it over to that too.
A book I've read, though, that was great was "Parenting w/ Love and Logic". the basic concept is choice. Kids love choices, it makes them feel in control. If you give them 2 choices, either of which YOU can live with, it can combat many problems and avoid many battles.
My first true lesson in this happened a few weeks ago. Nap and bed time was starting to be a problem. As soon as I'd pick DS up, he'd get upset, fight me, etc. Finally, one day I was like "DS, it's time for night-night. I can carry you upstairs or you can walk up on your own. Which would you like to do?". He literally turned around, marched over to the stairs, and started to crawl up.
I was honestly STUNNED. First, the choice worked! I got him upstairs w/o a fight. Second, that fact that he actually understood all of that! But I was like "O.k., lets go!" and up I went w/ him.
Sure, sometimes (when he'sr eally tired), he tries to go and play w/ toys instead of going up the steps. But now we "walk up like a big boy" where I hold his hands and he walks up like adults do. As long as I do that, he's happy.
But it really comes back to choice and kids feeling in control.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I also do choices with DD and it works really well. I almost always ask her and she's very willing to participate.
Also, I try to give her advanced notice of what we're doing (ex. she's playing with toys but it's time to leave, I will let her know it's almost time to go somewhere.)
My daughter is also very aware of visual cues such as when she sees me get my keys & bag, she knows we're going somewhere and she will go to the door to wait for me.
Choices work great - when you can do it - especially at dinner (for us) - "Do you want X or Y?" If I can't give S a choice, I usually tell him he doesn't have a choice and believe it or not that gets through! I also communicate all the time what we're doing and why if possible: "You need to put your shoes on so we can go outside" or "You need to go to bed so you can get some rest and be able to play tomorrow."
In that situation what has worked for me is to say, "can you please hand that bag of frozen veggies to mommy? I need to put them on the belt so we can pay for them." He thinks it's a game - handing things to me. I always say, "thank you very much...you're such a good boy". He doesn't have a fit then.
Worth a shot! And I don't always do it with items he can't/shouldn't have...I do it with his toys too. I say, "can mommy see that block/book/whatever please?" He'll hand it over and I'll make a big deal about how neat it is and give it back. That way he doesn't think I'm always going to take away something and not give it back...and that I'm not always taking away "no-no" items either.
Just a little bit that I learned from my short time in my first major of college-early childhood education...is to not give kids a yes or no option...if you say "can yoU" then they can say NO and pretty much, you gave them that choice so now what do you do? I was taught to use "I need you, or you need to"....not that the AP is wrong because who am I and it obviously works for her, but...just a little 2 cents to add haha.