2nd Trimester
How controlling will you be of LO's physical appearance?
The piercing post made me wonder. Do you think you'll be the "pull up your pants and cut your hair" type of parent or be pretty lenient on what your kid wears, pierces, or dyes?
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Re: How controlling will you be of LO's physical appearance?
I think it's sometimes worse if you forbid these types of things and they do it anyways, then you've put a block in communication and could detract from an open relationship. It's also not great to be a friend first before parent and just be like 'yah that's cool do it!'.
haha who knows though when the time comes!
violet (01.06.2011) & colt (09.27.08)
expecting surprise baby no.3 may 3rd
My parents didn't control mine, however I wasn't too wild. Yes, I got a nose and tongue piercing when I was a teen and liked to dye my hair... But it was always a reasonable colour. And my clothing wasn't too wild. So I'm just hoping my children will be the same.
We are going to be quite lenient on some things. How hypocritical would we be as parents being covered in tattoos and not let our little ones express themselves? There is a new law in our state (I'm not sure if it's everywhere) but a child under the age of 18 cannot get a tattoo regardless of parental permission so that stops him anyways, after that he will be a legal adult and we won't have much say so in his choice. So thats our view on tattoos and piercings.
Clothing-wise there will be certain restrictions. No clothing respresenting satanic anything due to our religion nor clothing that is degrading to women or any race in general. If our kid wants pink hair and a moehawk then we'll discuss it and come to an agreement. Some things I'm okay with, others not so much.
One thing I know for sure. If we ever have a daughter there is NO way she will be walking around like some 12 year olds I see wearing mini skirts, hooker heels and skimpy tops. No way, no how. I didn't dress that way and I don't see why my little girl should. I got plenty of attention dressing in cute t-shirts, skinny jeans and boots. Sexy but NOT slutty.
I think you have to pick your battles. Is it the end of the world if she wants to dye her hair pink when she's 15? No. Will she look like a fool (and probably laugh about it later)? Absolutely. But that time of life is when they can learn that people DO care about appearances in the professional world, and their choices about appearance can have a negative impact, whether they like it or not.
However, that is not to say that I'll take her to get 12 holes in hear ears, etc. She won't be allowed to have her ears pierced until middle school, and I'm hoping and praying that this tattoo craze has passed by the time she's old enough to get one w/out my consent.
Mostly this. I do expect that my husband and I will enforce a sense of modesty in our children's dress, and no tattoos. We'll let some ear piercing happen, but not anything crazy. I can't really see my hubby letting our (potential) son pierce his ears. He would be weirded out by that. Hopefully our general family values will have a certain bearing on how our kids want to dress.
yes this!!
Exactly This!! I will have 2 girls once LO is born. I won't hesitate to tell them to march their happy butts back upstairs and change! I see waaay too many 14 & 15 year olds walking around with their butts hanging out of their shorts. Absolutely not...besides DH would throw a fit even if I didn't!
I want to let her pick out her own clothes as soon as she wants to. I want her to be able to express herself and have her own personal style. Now where I draw the line is when she is much older. I will not tolerate dressing like a skank which I see way too much of! Thankfully all the schools here require uniforms anyway.
As far as dying her hair, when she's a teenager, if she wants to try something out I'll probably let her as long as it's temporary color. I feel like the more you fight something like that the more she'd want to do it. I'm a big believer in picking my battles.
There is a difference between individualism and inappropriate. I hope we find that balance and while I might not like what my child wants to wear or how they fix their hair, as long as it's not inappropriate, I'll try to be ok with it. I won't let a little girl go out dressed like a slvt and I won't let my boy be so punked out people are afraid of him. But if they just like odd things or want to wear their hair in an unflattering way, who am I to stop them?
Mrs. Bones, you're my hero today!! DH is so glad we are having a boy... everytime we see a girl out in public (who needed the "march right back upstairs" speech) he sighs and says, "I just couldn't do it."
With our Little man though, DH had some piercings, long crazy hair... so I doubt we'll be too forceful on hair and clothing (within reason). Tattoos and piercings... I don't even want to think of that until the day comes!
This is where I'm glad we're having a boy. I don't have to worry about Kamikaze dressing like a slut with her butt hanging out when she goes to the mall trolling for rude dudes. Boys wear long shorts and baggy T's. I can get down with that.
My hubby is covered in tattoos, and had gauges in his ears, and a pierced tongue when he was a teenager, I less drastically used to dye my hair w/kool-aid and had my nose pierced. I think as long as my child is not harming themselves, or look like they are trying to sell something (ie too short/tight clothes) then I will let them express themselves however they want to.
I'd rather my kid dye his/her green then want to dress and act like everyone else. To me it's more important to me that they learn to think for themselves and have a healthy self image then worry about "controlling their appearance."
My Chart My Nest Bio
We haven't really discussed clothing, but we are adamant about hair. Our son will not be allowed to have that popular hairstyle among teenage boys where the bangs are longish and they must flip their head every 2 seconds to keep hair out of their eyes. This was not big when I was in middle and high school, but I notice it a lot on MTV shows now and it drives me insane.
I'm not very controlling or picky at all. As long as it's age and event-appropriate, I'm cool.
I dressed goofy as a teen and my parents never said anything or tried to change me.
Haha, me and DH were actually joking about this the other day when going through the clothing section of BRU. I said that as soon as LO is old enough to point, they will decide what they want to wear! Thats a little bit of an exaggeration.. but we'll be pretty lenient.
I got piercings and tattoos as a teenager, no big deal. But as some PP have said, my child will work, and if their hair/piercings/tattoos/etc get in the way of a job, they will have to go.
Missed Miscarriage discovered at 9w6d
D&E 10.27.2011
I'll love you forever Baby Speck
With things that aren't permanent (hair color, style, clothing) I think we'll be pretty lenient. Though I will say that all the "skank" clothes I see now will be a big NO. Let's just hope in 12 to 16 years there's an 80's revival or something (think big shirts and stirrups, LOL).
Tattoos = not until 18 at least, and she will need to consider carefully what to get/where to get it. After all, her mom, aunts and grandma will all have them, so who are we to say she can't.
Piercings = I'd prefer that she stick to ears only (not sure at what age we'll do the first one) A lip, eyebrow or tongue would have to wait until she was 18 and I would be upset it she decided to do any of those things that stretch your skin out - I don't know what they are called. No offense to anyone who may have them, but I just think they are unnattractive.
I see myself as being fairly strict, but at the same time I'll be picking my battles. I will not allow my daughter to leave the house wearing streetwalker clothes and makeup. I won't allow anything permanent, like tattoos or piercings (the metal in their face may not be forever, but the scar is) other than earrings for girls. So long as their clothing isn't obscene or offensive, they can pretty much wear what they want. They don't need to be a walking Gap ad. I'm probably more likely to allow purple streaks in their hair come summertime than DH will be, but we'll see when the time comes.
I hate strict parents with a passion. Why stifle your childs expressive creativity? They will only rebel in the end. Is that what you really want??
However with that being said, if it comes to the time when my LO needs a job they can keep their hair a normal color, and put retainers in the place of piercings if they have any.
The only thing I will not allow. Is my child to dress like a slut, hoodrat or thug.
Hahahaha this statement is soo funny to me. I can tell all those kids whose parents allow expressive creativity...they all look the SAME...like fools!! I was raised with certain expectations and some self respect...same as my husband. Neither of us rebelled...nor did my friends raised with the same values. My parents especially cautioned against things that were permanent-as my taste and judgement will change over time. I see all these kids with tatoos and ear plugs (or whatever you call them). I wonder how many will regret them...how many of them will be decriminated against in the workforce because of them?
please remove the stick from your ass and understand that the "workforce" as you call it, is very different in Salt Lake City Utah than it is in the rest of the country. Here in the real world lawyers have tattoos, artists have multiple piercings and for the record, I really don't want my kid involved in a career that will judge him/her solely based on their appearance.
This exactly. I had my eyebrow and belly button pierced in college, so I will just see when the time comes. My son will NOT walk around with his pants so sagged that you see all of his underwear, but other than that, it is again, something that will get decided when the time comes. Hopefully we can instill in them values where they wont want to dress like that. I am shocked at what parents are letting their teenagers come to church these days. Our church is rather laid back, and the girls come in with shorts on that are so short, their tooshy is basically hanging out the back. My DD will not wear that to the mall, let alone church! And all the cleavage! They aren't even old enough to have cleavage! LOL Somebody forgot to tell these girls that "modest is hottest". I want my daughter to value herself enough to not need that type of attention from guys.
seriously...you'rer going there?? I lived in SLC for 1 year of my life first of all- we just moved I have not updated my profile. I'm from Chicago. In the real world-you get judged on appearance. Plain and simple...especially first impressions...especially if you are young.
Pretty much this, although I don't mind piercings either as long as they don't gauge them out until they are 18. No tattoos until 18. If I have a girl then no skanky clothing.
I went through high school in the grungy 90's and my mother didn't allow me to dress that way. I still don't see what the big deal is and I certainly don't want to dress that way in my 30's but when I was 15 you better believe I wanted to wear combat boots and long cutoffs and rock t-shirts with flannels. If there is some style craze that I don't like when my kids are teens I'll just deal with it, unless it is inappropriate for the event we're attending.
I have two basic principles:
2) If I am paying for it (haircut, clothes, etc.) I have final veto power. Not to say that I'm not open to expression or even a well thought out discussion. If they have a job with spending money, that will earn them more independence and flexibility.
1) In relation to piercings and tattoos: When they are 18, independent, and paying for it themselves, that is their decision. I will only sign off on the basic one hole in each ear, and probably not until 16.
A couple of thoughts behind these:
- When I was 13, there was the whole wave of girls who got to get their ears pierced, and I was SO tormented that I had to wait until 16. I swore the day I was 16 I'd get em pierced. The thing was, by the time I was 16 and the rush of a trend had passed, it wasn't as important and when I did pierce my ears just before I turned 17, it was more of my decision because I wanted to do it.
- I feel very flexible about hair because you can always cut it off, grow it out, or dye it back to a normal color. Unlike tattoos, which will be there forever, hair is a very temporary decision. So probably once they hit high school they can have fun and go pink or something. That said, I'm also 90% positive that this hair dye will be something they have to pay for themselves if they want to do it.
- As far as clothes, while they are under my roof I feel comfortable pulling the "march back upstairs" card, but if they want to save up money they earn for something a little more funky, it should be alright. At a younger age, my mom always used to pull out two outfits and we got to chose, so we were "picking out" our clothes, but within her parameters.
My theory (since I still have a few months before DS#1 is born) is that once he's able to pick out his own clothes, he gets to control what he wears, so long as it is appropriate. I'll check on him, and possible require changes (ie if outfit/hygenie is not up to par for occasion/location) but this is something everyone has to learn for themselves.
I was the self-pierced teen that got a tattoo as soon as legally able, tried for permission to dye hair early on, and dressed goth and 'grunge' for my teen years. I also got & held my first job from age 16 to age 20.
The requirement on hairdye/cuts from my parents was that if I wanted something they didn't like, I had to pay for it myself, allowance or otherwise. Same with clothes (I bought many of my own clothes in high school for this reason). Piercings and tattoos had to wait until I was legally able to get them done myself, they wouldn't sign. Self-piercings had to be hidden for that reason. Hair color/style had to be kept within school guidelines.
If what I did had no negative effects on my grades/job/police record then I was allowed to do pretty much as I pleased, especially if I didn't require them to fund it. Overall, I like how that worked out.