Cried myself to sleep

weaverr1 · July 2010

It has been about 2 and a half weeks since Kendall passed away, and I am still trying to find meaning behind the loss. I still keep saying, "I was full term"...."I was full term"....I thought for sure since we had lost two other babies at 19 weeks, the problem was solved. With this pregnancy, I got the cerclage placed and the whole pregnancy was a breeze, but this time...my sweet baby was born, but she swallowed meconium and died 3 days later!!!!!! How cruel.

I have to sit in one room because I had to have an emergency c section and the wound was having problems healing, and my mother (who is a nurse) has to come and pack the wound everyday to get it to heal. I keep thinking "how much more can I take!!!". I have a wonderful husband who makes sure that I eat, take my meds, etc...but the only thing that he is having problems with is letting me grieve. He says that he hates to see me cry, so when he is around I try to be calm, but last night it was hard.

I told him I was sad and he stated that he cant cry anymore, he has to try to move on, he also said that he can function on a daily basis if he is sad all the time...he made a vow to himself NOT to cry anymore.....but its not that easy for me....I hate that he feels like when I cry he has to somehow "fix" it instead of just holding me or just being in silence with me....everything is sooooo hard...I miss Kendall sooooo much!!!

elisbu · July 2010

I have no words Broken Heart

stillbaking · July 2010

Hugs to you. I have no words, except I am so very sorry.

jerriesgirl · July 2010

Kendall is a beautiful name. Men are wired differently. They want to fix us, but it's not that easy. My DH was the same way. Putting a brave face on doesn't really help either. Continue to communicate with him and hopefully he will understand where you are coming from.

I am so sorry for the loss of your LOs. This is so not fair.

ColleenS629 · July 2010

I'm so sorry for your losses. Sometimes you just need to cry... it's part of the process.

tigers413 · July 2010

I am sorry for your losses, let yourself cry its natural no matter what anyone says. T's & P's to you and your little ones.

mollywilliams07 · July 2010

I had read your story in one of your earlier posts and it just breaks my heart every time. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through and I am not going to compare my loss at 26 weeks to yours. I can only imagine that you were "home free" with your baby and then all of this happened. I am so torn, I feel so terrible, life is so unfair. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish words could make all your pain go away, but we all know it isn't that simple. All I can say is I am so sorry. I hope things get easier and I hope you start healing from the c-section. ((hugs))

stillwaiting12 · July 2010

I am so very sorry. I can't imagine your emotions right now. I know my DH is like yours and puts on a strong face for me, but I continue to cry. It's not fair that you are having to write this post and I wish I could say the magic words to help you, but there are none. I think it's important for you and your DH to understand that each of you will greive differently and that is OK. It may help you both to attend a grief counselor once you are healed physically. I'm so heart broken for your family. ((HUGS))

itsmegin · July 2010

I am so sorry. What you are going through is completely unfair and awful. I can't imagine how devastated and angry you must be. You're entitled to feel bad and cry for as long as you want. Tell your DH that you want him to hold you or just be quiet with you and not try to make it better, because nothing can make it better.

liveforhim · July 2010

nothing i can say will make it better, just know that I am praying for you. We are here for you whenever you need us!

millejj1 · July 2010

I'm so sorry! I wish there was a magic button that could be pushed to make things better. We're here anytime you need to cry, scream, or just vent. Hugs!

schlud01 · July 2010

I am so so sorry! Words just cannot compare to the sorrow I feel for you and your family. Please know that we are here for you at this rough time, and will continue to be throughout your grieving process...

((hugs)) Broken Heart

butterfly843 · July 2010

I'm so sorry ((hugs))

luckymrs. · July 2010

ColleenS629:
I'm so sorry for your losses. Sometimes you just need to cry... it's part of the process.

Ditto.

My heart is broken for you and your DH. Broken Heart

Cried myself to sleep

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