I absolutely LOVE my LO, but..
I'm feeling so overwhelmed lately being a SAHM and being by myself all day long while DH is out working. I'm an exclusive breast feeder and haven't started pumping yet (DH wants to hold off on a bottle). At night while feeding LO I just stare at DH sleeping away and get irritated. Even though I know he really can't do anything to help while I'm feeding LO. For the past 2 days LO has been very colicky and not been eating a lot and only sleeping in 2 hour segments at night. I just want a break.... just a small one And not to mention my family lives more than an hour away and has made to attempt to visit us, we always go to them, which is now a pain with having to get not only LO ready but myself.
Anyone else feeling the weight of new motherhood? Or feeling that DH isn't sacrificing nearly as much as you are?
Re: I just need a break...
The beginning is definitely hard and it's normal to feel overwhelmed. Do you try to nap during the day while LO is sleeping?
Remember that if DH took a bottle feeding you'd have to get up to pump anyway, especially this early while your supply is still establishing itself. Talk to DH and let him know that you're feeling overwhelmed. See what chores he can take over to help. When I'm feeling overwhelmed I have no problem asking DH to step it up, he'd never do it on his own accord.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
I personally don't think your dh should have a say in when you start using a bottle. They recommend starting it at 3-4 weeks but my ped said I could start at two weeks if I needed to. At first my dh would give the bottle but I've given him a bottle as well. I developed what I thought was a yeast infection on my nipples (although I don't see signs of thrush in my son's mouth) and I bottle fed him for a day to give my nipples time to heal. Granted I did have to pump right after which is a pain but it allows you so much more freedom - you can feed outside if you want.
This is my 2nd child so I'm not feeling completely overwhelmed like I did with my first but I have my days. Tell your dh what you need/want and see how he responds. Sometimes I find that my husband needs me to tell him what to do.
Although this is true, at least you don't have the responsibility of finishing the feeding and then making sure the baby is back to sleep. I remember this being very overwhelming for me with my first. Even if she has to get up to pump, being able to go back to bed and know that someone else is handling the baby is a huge relief.
I did break down shortly after coming home with LO and DH isn't much of a communicator to say the least. He is a work-a-holic, if he's not out working he is at home working on the computer. I feel bad handing LO over to him, especially when I am not working right now.
Its time to bring a bottle into the picture- your DH will have to deal. I BF but have 2-3 bottles pumped for night feedings that my DH does. Yes, I still have to get up and pump but he takes care of LO and puts her back down and I get some rest. This is a team effort!
I'm sorry to hear that your DH doesn't communicate easily. I'm not a SAHM but am on maternity leave through the summer (I teach) and I also felt bad handing her over or having him do a night feeding. But quite honestly, I needed him to do it so I could keep my sanity. I had to put aside the guilty feeling of not working while DH is. I told myself that I cannot provide the best care for DD if I am not rested and well. I hope you can figure out some sort of arrangement to give yourself some "you time."
so so so so so SO this!! we started the bottle at 2 weeks and i was really glad to have that second feeding of the night not be my responsibility. getting up to pump for 15 or 20 minutes is easy because it's over quickly and then you go to bed again. it beats nursing for an hour and dealing with a potentially fussy baby afterward. especially in the beginning when you feel so overwhelmed by not knowing how to put the baby back to sleep, it's so important to get that mental break.
i'm sure your husband is a wonderful guy and all, but your description of him makes him sound like a total slacker. why does he get to determine when you start to pump?? seriously? when he has a baby sucking on his nipples for 8-12 hours a day, he can make that call.
if you're not willing to start bottle feeding yet, at the VERY least make your husband be on nighttime diaper duty and also responsible for putting the baby back to bed and/or holding him when the feeding is finished. you don't need nipples or a bottle to do that.
my best piece of advice is this: NOBODY is well served when the mom is pissed off, overtired and resentful. do yourself and your baby a favor by advocating for yourself and asking much more of your husband. it's time for daddy-o to step up. it's hardest now... it will get better and better each week!
I know exactly how you feel. I am not a SAHM, but am on maternity leave. DH doesn't get up to feed or change LO's diapers. Sometimes, he even tells me to "quiet the baby down" when he cries. Um, how exactly do you do that?
I felt bad at first because DH has been coming home from work only to continue working on remodeling our bathroom. But, I no longer feel guilty, because being a mom is 24/7 and I feel that DH should do his part as well, regardless if he has to work or not. I look at it this way, when I return to work, will DH start to help or does he get to have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep? It's only fair for him to help so that I can keep my sanity. That said, I would definitely ask your DH for help. Just talk to him about how you feel.
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
The advice on nighttime parenting is good. I've had some trouble pumping so I mostly BF at night but even so, being able to pass off the baby to DH to swaddle and put down is awesome. Also DH takes him for 1/2 hour in the AM in the baby carrier while walking the dog, and will watch him in the evening while I cook. These are very small things, but you're in survival mode right now so every little bit helps,
Also, it's counterintuitive, but starting at about 5 weeks, leaving the house to run small errands, visiting friends, or having folks over is actually energizing for me. Just something to consider...hang in there!
BIO
I think if I hadn't broken down the day we left the hospital my husband wouldn't have known exactly the kind of weight I felt about motherhood. Luckily he only has a summer session class going on right now but parenting is overwhelming no matter what!
And time out! Taking care of his child is just as much work as the work he does. He has a new role as a father and he needs to step up to the plate every once in a while. So don't feel bad about handing over your baby every once in a while. You deserve it. He deserves it, he needs to bond too!