3rd Trimester
Bachelor Parties??
Do any other pregnant moms out there think that it's not right for my husband to go to a bachelor party that includes going to a strip club when I am 7 1/2 months pregnant sitting at home?? It's for his brother. Any thoughts or comments would be helpful.
*EDIT* I have never liked the idea of him going to strip clubs. I didn't want him to go to one for his and he told me 4 years after we'd been married that he had and it really upset me. He promised he wouldn't go again but now the issue's back up since his brother's getting married. So, I'm upset from both prior history and yes due to the fact that I'm hormonal! 
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Re: Bachelor Parties??
What would the difference be if you rae 7.5 months pregnant and not pregnant?
With that being said DH went to the strip club for his bachelor party in October. I trust my DH and would care if he went to one for a BP while I was pregnant or not.
I'm not ever totally comfortable with DH going to a strip club, but I wouldn't forbid it. At 7.5 months, its unlikely that you'll go into labor while he's there, so I don't understand why you would say no. I say let him go and have fun!
If the issue is the strip club AND it would be an issue even if you weren't pregnant, then you should talk to him about it.
If you were not pregnant and you would have no problem with him going to the strip club then you are probably just being hormonal and irrational and you should bite your tongue or you are just going to start a fight because you are feeling insecure due to hormones.
I'm not the most excited wife when it comes to "outings" like this, but I don't forbid DH to go. It only ever comes up when it is someone's bachelor party anyway. He went to my brother's when I was about 4 1/2 months.
Find something to do to occupy yourself while he's gone. I'm sure you'll be fine!
I trust DH completely, so whether or not I was pregnant wouldn't matter to me. Although I would say, the closer to EDD I got, the more I would dislike the idea of him going out and getting loaded, but I woudl just have a conversation wtih him about how much he was going to drink, just in case I went into labor.
I will admit that I HATE strip clubs and even then, because I trust DH, I would never try to tell him DH that he could not go to his brother's bachelor party. That seems selfish and immature to me - but that is just taking into consideration my relationship.
Ditto.
OMG, your DD is adorable! May I ask where you got her outfit in the pic?
My DH is not going to a b-party when I am 36 weeks pregnant, for the simple fact that it is about 4 hours away. If it was earlier, he would be going.
Have a girls night when he is out, or get a mani pedi, it will likely feel bad. Remember, you are the one he will be coming home to the next day.
I wouldn't care if it's not a weekly ritual, especially if it's his brother's bachelor party.
I don't think it should matter whether or not you are pregnant. That being said, it would bug me too. I think strip clubs are beyond gross!! I might care slightly less if it were for DH's brother, but even then, I know DH's brother's wife would never have let it fly, so I wouldn't have to say a word!
This.
I guess I'm in the monority, but it would def. bother me. It's not a matter of trusting DH (I do 110%), but to me strip clubs are disrespectful if you are a married man.
And yes, I find it MORE offensive that you are pregnant. You're sitting at home possibly feeling heavy and possibly unattractive (not to put feelings in your head or mouth, and NOT that you are either of these things, but that seems to be how many of us feel this far along, at least I do) In any case, working hard carrying his child, and he's off staring at women who's job it is to stay fit and attractive and be overly sexual.
I get that it's for a bach party, and not just cause he feels like going. I think that's the only redeeming factor here. And I would have a hard time "forbidding" my DH to do anything - that is also disrespectful. But if you are having strong feelings, I would def talk to him about it, and you are not the only one it bothers.
To me it would depend on if it was an issue that you discussed prior to being pregnant. If you were okay with it pre-pregnancy then it's kind of hard to backtrack at this point.
But---I'm all for honest, open, calm communication. Discuss how you feel with your husband, your insecurities (if you have them) or your general view on strip clubs. Discuss how it would make you feel. Try to get to the root of the problem then create a solution or compromise.
People have different views on strip clubs, just as they do on porn. If your views have changed while you were pregnant you should think them through then let him know.
DD2 (b. 9/04/2013)
BFP 2/25/12, m/c @ 6w 3d || BFP 8/1/12, m.m/c @ 9w5d
DH going to strip clubs for bachelor parties = not a big deal
DH going to strip clubs frequently/just because = inapropriate
BFP #2 1/22/2012 ~ DS2 & DD ~ BIRTHday 9/13/2012 ~ unplanned C-section @ 38w1d
well said.
Thats exactly how I feel. My DH was a best man in a wedding in April, went to the bach party and wouldn't admit to me that they had a stripper- so in my eyes, he was trying to lie about it. He finally told me at 2 am that there was one, and I was furious. So on the positive side, at least he's telling you what they're doing.
I'm sorry, but I hate the "I don't trust his friends" line. Who cares what they do? As long as you can trust your H, it shouldn't matter.
And how are they any more disrespectful if you're married? They're craptastic places to begin with, but it is what it is and one hopes they're not there to pick up girls, but it's not your business if it's not your H.
As my H said, going to a strip club for a bachelor party is like taking the 21st birthday boy/girl to the bar. You feed them shots or buy lap dances to watch them suffer and make fun of them. If they enjoyed it too much, then there's concern (either for alcoholism or that they shouldn't be getting married).
This. As long as it is a special thing and not every Friday, then I have no problem with it. However in our town, I look better than the strippers. So that probably helps. LOL.
What she said.
It's his brother's bachelor party - it's not like he goes every week! I'd vote for the 'just drop it and let him go...and don't make him feel guilty about it' approach.
If you around/past your due date and concerned about your DH being wasted/far away, then that would be a fair concern.
This sounds exactly like a conversation DH and I had years ago for his BF's bach. party. And i have to say - I see his side of it too. I know you do too, by the fact that you go back and forth. I think if you really believe him that he feels the way he says he does, then you gotta give him the ok, and just try to ride it out. I do think the guys and his brother would give him a really hard time (jerks!) and being that it is his BROTHER , not just some casual friend, he's between a rock and a hard place. It just sucks, but it'll be over soon! But still, make your thoughts and feelings crystal CLEAR.
If he was going just for fun/the hell of it I would be upset, but under the circumstances it's his brother bachelor party I wouldn't care if he goes. DH took his brother to one a few months ago for his 18th birthday and I didn't mind (I was only 8 weeks pregnant though).
Ask some of your girlfriends over and rent a bunch of movies with hot male actors and sit and drool over them lol.
If you are not a married man, you have a right to ogle and get horny over any women who doesn't have a problem with it. They're more disrespectful if you're married because you've pledged to be faithful (faithful doesn't just mean sex) to one person. To go out and get horny over another woman is wrong. To see a pretty woman in the street and think she's pretty is fine. To watch a half-naked woman shove her A** and ti*s in your face IS DISRESPECTFUL to your wife.
And to get horny over it and come home to me, as one other poster put it, YUCK!
This is just my opinion but....
I will never understand why men who are celebrating getting married to the women they love feel the need to go to the strip joint to look at naked women, get lap dances etc. I find it gross and disrespectful. I have pretty strong feelings on the subject so I will just say that and end it there.
Strip clubs aren't the only places to worry about. My husband went on one of those party buses for a bachelor party. It held a couple different parties, one being a separate bachelorette party. The groom's older brother/best man ended up hooking up with one of the women from the other party. He is married and had a daughter at home, his wife was 8.5 months pregnant at the time. It depends on the guy though. This one would be the description of 'Douche' in the dictionary.
I'm no longer pregnant but we have a young daughter and my husband is going to Vegas on Aug.6th for a bachelor party that I KNOW it will involve Spearmint Rhino. I have no problem with their plans because I trust my husband. If he were to stray then we'll have some issues to deal with and he'll forever have to live with knowing he screwed around on his daughter's mother. His dad (my FIL) cheated on DH's mom and it's something that has affected him big-time. I can't see him re-creating the pain that he has endured from his childhood.
this is really well stated. to the OP, at least he's telling you about it and not just doing it and hiding it from you, which he could do since it's his brother. he should get some credit for that. he knows it's bothering you and he is obviously trying to be considerate of your feelings. that should count for something.
I'm in the middle. While I don't like strip clubs, and I feel that they are inappropriate when you are married (pregnant or not pregnant), I would never ask my husband to miss his brother's bachelor party.
Bachelor Party strip club trips = okay
Strip club for no reason = not cool
Last year DH went to a strip club for his best friend's BP (on my birthday, nonetheless) after he promised me he wouldn't (his doing, not mine). However, we talked openly and honestly the next day and I understood that he felt like a major arse leaving the party (plus they were a few hours away) and would have had to sit outside alone because all the others wanted to go, even though he tried to come up w/other htings for them to do.
I say talk with your DH about your feelings, don't forbid him to go and try to be understanding. Maybe he will want to take you to a nice dinner or a spa day for being so sweet and understanding.
For me, this has to be a two way street. How would your husband feel if you and the girls hit up the male strip club while he is out doing his thing? Would he be okay with it? If he isn't okay with it, then it isn't okay for him to be doing it either. Especially since the guys get to see WAAAY more than what we do.
The other question is do you trust him? If you trust him, let him go. Explain to him that you aren't exactly thrilled, but it is his brother and you aren't going to forbid him from going. This is a special occasion for his brother and you wouldn't want your husband to look back and regret not going.
Sometimes it's the whole anticipation leading up to the event that gets us worked up. I know I don't like it when my husband has gone in the past (luckily he hasn't had the opportunity to go since we've been married) but after the night is done, I know he is coming home to me. I get over it, I tease him a little, and continue on with life. It's hard when you sit and dwell on it though.
I would be more pissed that I'm pregnant and sitting home alone rather than the fact that he was going to a strip club. That being said, I was ROYALLY pissed when DH went to a bachelor party where they had strippers come over to the house. That did NOT sit well with me.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless