Losing friends bc of cigs??

Sully88 · June 2010

So a group of my close girlfriends smoke, which they are totally entitled to do, but because of this I find myself completely outcast from them at social gatherings (parties, dinners, etc.) My DH and I recently went to a friend's 80s theme b-day party where I spent $$$ on getting an outfit and making food, but was left inside the house practically alone while all of my friends sat outside smoking- the entire night. I know they have every right to do this, but at the end of the day I think it's sad that cigarettes are whats standing in the way of me having a good time with my friends. Not really sure what I'm saying or wanting to get from the this post, guess I just needed to vent...

yodasmistress · June 2010

Why didn't you just hang out with them outside?

UnderAtree · June 2010

In all honestly opinion, if they were real friends they would be considerate. I don't see my friends much but they wait until I leave or they will step outside for a quick smoke them come back in after 10-15 minutes.

gemrae1225 · June 2010

yodasmistress:
Why didn't you just hang out with them outside?

Ummm... DUH... second hand smoke! I understand exactly what you are saying. I would be a bit put out if it happened to me. Most of my friends, the DH's smoke and the women do not so it's equally divided. Just be honest and let them know how you feel.

Norcal_chick · June 2010

That's really crappy. I understand people enjoy smoking (I personally can't stand it) but if you went to all the trouble to throw a party and invite and feed everyone, the least they could do is take smoke breaks and not move the whole party outside. They should have considered your feelings and the fact that you are pregnant and can't sit outside w/ them while they smoke all night.

I am sorry.

~Flossie~ · June 2010

UnderAtree:
In all honestly opinion, if they were real friends they would be considerate. I don't see my friends much but they wait until I leave or they will step outside for a quick smoke them come back in after 10-15 minutes.

This. None of my friends smoke but it shouldn't take that long to take a quick cig break. There is a problem if they are hanging out outside without you during most of the party. I can understand why you are upset, I would be too.

Monkey304 · June 2010

I smoked before I got pregnant, so I would have been outside chatting with my friends.

I know *GASP* I would expose my child to second hand smoke.

OctoberBabyH · June 2010

heckysue:
Not only am I trying to avoid second-hand smoke, but it totally makes me gag to even be within 50 feet of a cigarette so I feel your pain. Luckily not many of my friends smoke.

I do think your friends are a little inconsiderate to be gone all night smoking outside but there's also not a lot you can do. It sounds like you realize that though and just needed to vent. Hope you feel better!

This.

I was a smoker. Now I cannot stand the smell - it makes me want to vom, actually. I can smell it on others' breath and on their clothes. ::gag::

Sully88 · June 2010

Beanie_mrt:
Since the party wasn't at your house, I don't think they were being rude by going outside to smoke.

If it was an event hosted by you, it would be a different story.

I think you're being overly sensitive and are probably bummed out you couldn't be out there with them (not necessarily smoking, but out enjoying the company). Also, I don't think you are losing friends because they smoke, you were still invited to the party.

There isn't much you can do. If you don't want to expose yourself to the second hand smoke, then you are relegated to the inside.

LOL at being oversensitive--of course I am, I'm pregnant!!! No, I understand what you mean, and like I said they are totally entitled to do so. I guess I just wouldn't stay outside the ENTIRE night knowing one my best friends was all alone inside. And for not being hosted by me the same thing happened the next night at my house. I had a few friends over, but was "forced" to go inside because of all the cig smoke. I know I'm not really losing my friends here, I guess just two nights in a row kind of got to me so I vented.

yodasmistress · June 2010

gemrae1225:
yodasmistress:
Why didn't you just hang out with them outside?

Ummm... DUH... second hand smoke! I understand exactly what you are saying. I would be a bit put out if it happened to me. Most of my friends, the DH's smoke and the women do not so it's equally divided. Just be honest and let them know how you feel.

Ummm... DUH... I'm not paranoid about second hand smoke if I'm OUTSIDE.

Sully88 · June 2010

UnderAtree:
In all honestly opinion, if they were real friends they would be considerate. I don't see my friends much but they wait until I leave or they will step outside for a quick smoke them come back in after 10-15 minutes.

This. I wish this were more the case, where they go step outside, have their cig, and then return to the conversation. Instead they all sit around and chain smoke together. It's cool though, I guess it's just the nature of the beast! Thanks for all the kind comments ladies, I guess that's all I needed Smile

CourtneySue · June 2010

You have every right to be bummed! They were just being rude by staying outside.

Congrats to you for not exposing yourself or your child to 2nd hand smoke!!

Monkey304 · June 2010

Sully88:

UnderAtree:
In all honestly opinion, if they were real friends they would be considerate. I don't see my friends much but they wait until I leave or they will step outside for a quick smoke them come back in after 10-15 minutes.

This. I wish this were more the case, where they go step outside, have their cig, and then return to the conversation. Instead they all sit around and chain smoke together. It's cool though, I guess it's just the nature of the beast! Thanks for all the kind comments ladies, I guess that's all I needed

What did you do before you were pregnant?

monkiem · June 2010

I'm a former smoker. I quit when I got my BFP.

The smell of smoke, however, doesn't bother me in the least.

I have no fear of being around the smoke, as long as we're all outside. I sit far enough from the smokers, that nothing is coming my way. Not the smell, not the smoke. We had friends over on Friday night who smoke. We all sat outside, and they smoked on one end of the deck, and I sat on the other end of the deck.

Sit far enough away from them where you can't even smell it, or by a fan, but close enough that you can still partake in the conversation.

I think it was a bit much to stay inside moping all night because your friends smoke and were outside, most likely also taking advantage of great weather.

bfcake69 · June 2010

As a recent non-smoker (last August I quit a 25 year habit), I completely understand your point. My friends who still smoke are considerate enough to either - not smoke in front of me, or - have a quick smoke.

Unfortunately I've become sort of a militant ex-smoker. There is NOTHING redeeming about smelling like a dirty ashtray. I am disgusted that I smelled so bad for so long.

Being pregnant hasn't helped either because the smell of any type of smoke nauseates me.

Both you and your friends had a choice in the matter. You didn't have to go to the party and they didn't have to smoke so much. But, given that the majority of smokers are inconsiderate, it didn't cross their minds that you might have an issue with the smoke.

If your friends "choose" smoking over your health/comfort.....what kind of friends are they really?

MSC03 · June 2010

I used to smoke (it's been years now) but I think you did the right thing in not exposing your baby to the smoke. You did the right thing.

What about getting together with your friends in a non-party environment? I mean, if you went out to lunch together, they wouldn't be standing outside smoking, right?

Monkey304 · June 2010

bfcake69:

As a recent non-smoker (last August I quit a 25 year habit), I completely understand your point. My friends who still smoke are considerate enough to either - not smoke in front of me, or - have a quick smoke.

Unfortunately I've become sort of a militant ex-smoker. There is NOTHING redeeming about smelling like a dirty ashtray. I am disgusted that I smelled so bad for so long.

Being pregnant hasn't helped either because the smell of any type of smoke nauseates me.

Both you and your friends had a choice in the matter. You didn't have to go to the party and they didn't have to smoke so much. But, given that the majority of smokers are inconsiderate, it didn't cross their minds that you might have an issue with the smoke.

If your friends "choose" smoking over your health/comfort.....what kind of friends are they really?

Wow! So were you an inconsiderate smoker?

Cause I know that I never was. Usually inconsiderate people, stay that way no matter if they smoked or not.

Just sayin'

Sully88 · June 2010

monkiem:
I'm a former smoker. I quit when I got my BFP.

The smell of smoke, however, doesn't bother me in the least.

I have no fear of being around the smoke, as long as we're all outside. I sit far enough from the smokers, that nothing is coming my way. Not the smell, not the smoke. We had friends over on Friday night who smoke. We all sat outside, and they smoked on one end of the deck, and I sat on the other end of the deck.

Sit far enough away from them where you can't even smell it, or by a fan, but close enough that you can still partake in the conversation.

I think it was a bit much to stay inside moping all night because your friends smoke and were outside, most likely also taking advantage of great weather.

Who said anything about moping? It was on a porch of about 10+ people sitting around a table all smoking at once. I did go out there at some points, but the smoke was just stagnant. I have hung out with people plenty of times and just move myself to the end so I'm not breathing it in, but this was like a smoke-a-thon and I couldn't be out there. At the end of the day I guess I was just a little bitter that I couldn't chat and laugh the night away with everyone. There was no moping though and we live in FL so the "great weather" ended a couple of months ago Smile

monkiem · June 2010

Monkey304:
bfcake69:

As a recent non-smoker (last August I quit a 25 year habit), I completely understand your point. My friends who still smoke are considerate enough to either - not smoke in front of me, or - have a quick smoke.

Unfortunately I've become sort of a militant ex-smoker. There is NOTHING redeeming about smelling like a dirty ashtray. I am disgusted that I smelled so bad for so long.

Being pregnant hasn't helped either because the smell of any type of smoke nauseates me.

Both you and your friends had a choice in the matter. You didn't have to go to the party and they didn't have to smoke so much. But, given that the majority of smokers are inconsiderate, it didn't cross their minds that you might have an issue with the smoke.

If your friends "choose" smoking over your health/comfort.....what kind of friends are they really?

Wow! So were you an inconsiderate smoker?

Cause I know that I never was. Usually inconsiderate people, stay that way no matter if they smoked or not.

Just sayin'

Wow, I totally agree with you Monkey. I never was an inconsiderate smoker.

Also, it takes an inconsiderate person to be an inconsiderate smoker.

bfcake69 · June 2010

Yeah, pretty much. I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you? Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high. I close my door, but I shouldn't have to. They should close their door. And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

Just sayin'.....

Monkey304 · June 2010

bfcake69:

Yeah, pretty much. I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you? Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high. I close my door, but I shouldn't have to. They should close their door. And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

Just sayin'.....

I was the smoker that asked if I was bothering someone, because like I said, I was considerate. If I was walking down the street smoking, and a child or a baby stroller was coming in my direction, I put it out.

If your neighbor smokes weed and you don't wanna shut your door, then call the cops. Don't complain.

CinemaGoddess · June 2010

bfcake69:

Yeah, pretty much. I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you? Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high. I close my door, but I shouldn't have to. They should close their door. And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

Just sayin'.....

I disagree that you were being inconsiderate, especially if you were there first. When I smoked, I found that there were more rude non-smokers than rude smokers. Most smokers would stand well away from any crowd and take great pains to prevent the smoke from drifting towards the non-smokers.

Inevitably there would be one non-smoker who would come and stand about a foot away from me, down wind, and make a spectacle out of coughing and sniffing and carrying on like they were dying. It was ridiculous and unnecessary.

I would much rather be inhaling weed smoke than cigarette smoke, honestly. Fewer carcinogens.

monkiem · June 2010

bfcake69:

Yeah, pretty much. I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you? Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high. I close my door, but I shouldn't have to. They should close their door. And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

Just sayin'.....

Oh wow. I get it.

What people do in their own homes is up to them, and them alone. So fvcking what if your neighbours smoke pot with their doors open? It will be their own damn fault if someone smells it and calls the cops on them - since, afterall, what they're smoking is illegal. Since what they're doing is illegal and you despise it so much, call the bloody police.

And what people do in the great outdoors? Totally up to them, too. They have their own personal choice to damage your own body. If you don't like it, you don't have to be around it. But if you choose not to be around it, don't complain that you were left out. Again, personal choice.

monkiem · June 2010

cinema_goddess:

I disagree that you were being inconsiderate, especially if you were there first. When I smoked, I found that there were more rude non-smokers than rude smokers. Most smokers would stand well away from any crowd and take great pains to prevent the smoke from drifting towards the non-smokers.

Inevitably there would be one non-smoker who would come and stand about a foot away from me, down wind, and make a spectacle out of coughing and sniffing and carrying on like they were dying. It was ridiculous and unnecessary.

True on all accounts. I totally agree with you.

bfcake69 · June 2010

cinema_goddess:
bfcake69:

Yeah, pretty much. I smoked outside most of the time, but I never asked those around me "Oh I'm sorry, is my smoking bothering you? Here, let me move or better yet, let me put this out...."

My next door neighbors smoke weed and keep their door open, I can almost get a contact high. I close my door, but I shouldn't have to. They should close their door. And they know I'm pregnant. Most (but not all) smokers do not realize that what they're doing does have an effect on others.

Just sayin'.....

I disagree that you were being inconsiderate, especially if you were there first. When I smoked, I found that there were more rude non-smokers than rude smokers. Most smokers would stand well away from any crowd and take great pains to prevent the smoke from drifting towards the non-smokers.

Inevitably there would be one non-smoker who would come and stand about a foot away from me, down wind, and make a spectacle out of coughing and sniffing and carrying on like they were dying. It was ridiculous and unnecessary.

I would much rather be inhaling weed smoke than cigarette smoke, honestly. Fewer carcinogens.

LOL. DH loves the smell of weed. Me? Not so much. Yes, I also agree there are more rude ex-smokers than non-smokers. I unfortunately have fallen into that category. Not so much that I stand next to smokers and cough, but enough to remove myself from any unpleasant smelling smoking situations.

smbckr2 · June 2010

Couldn't you hang out with them if they are outside? Sit on the opposite side of them that the wind is blowing. My brother and his fiance smoke and I was at a cookout with them over the weekend. I just make sure I am not in a direction that the wind would blow any smoke in my face.

denise_m · June 2010

I avoid second hand smoke at all costs. Even if they are outside.

Here are my questions, and I don't mean this snarky: What do you plan on doing when LO is born? Do you plan on having them around your baby when they are smoking every 5 minutes? Do they have kids?

Sully88 · June 2010

smbckr2:
Couldn't you hang out with them if they are outside? Sit on the opposite side of them that the wind is blowing. My brother and his fiance smoke and I was at a cookout with them over the weekend. I just make sure I am not in a direction that the wind would blow any smoke in my face.

Yeah, like I said, I usually do this. In this particular situation it was as smokey as a bar out there on the porch. And really, I wouldn't even have vented about this at all, but the same thing happened the next night at MY house after I had cooked everyone dinner. Do I want all my friends to stop an act that they are perfectly entitled to do so? No, not at all. But I find it slightly inconsiderate to go inside of my own house while everyone is having a great time outside and continues to stay out there without caring. Bottom line: no one is doing anything wrong, I'm just venting. I'm not crying to them or moping in front of them, I just felt like getting that off my chest and was wondering if anyone else was experiencing the same thing. I don't think I'm losing my friends (prob should have changed the title) and everything will be find and dandy when I'm not pregnant. Sorry if I ruffled anyone's feathers.

Sully88 · June 2010

denise_m:
I avoid second hand smoke at all costs. Even if they are outside.
Here are my questions, and I don't mean this snarky: What do you plan on doing when LO is born? Do you plan on having them around your baby when they are smoking every 5 minutes? Do they have kids?

No, you aren't being snarky. Smoking around my baby will be a huge no-no. But I also don't really plan on bringing him out to parties with adults (at least not night ones) and I really don't think they would do that if a baby was there. And only two have kids, so I know the others just don't get it yet. But soon they will and I will make sure to be there for them.

CourtneySue · June 2010

piecesofflare:

One breath of second hand smoke will temporarily stop a fetus' lungs from working. Just one. *shrug*

I can't handle smoke anywhere near me. I find it frustrating that I can't sit outside on a patio and have lunch without having to breathe in someone else's smoke. I hate having to walk down the street behind someone who's smoking. And getting stuck at street corners waiting for a light to change with someone who's smoking is brutal.

I know this is flame-worthy, but I really think that smoking is incredibly selfish. Yeah, everyone has the right to choose to damage their own lungs, but your right to inhale that sh!t ends where my right not to breathe in toxins begins.

I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences. I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either.

AMEN!!!

Yes

CinemaGoddess · June 2010

piecesofflare:

I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences. I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either.

Prior to getting PG, there was nothing as gloriously wonderful as sitting out on your deck having your first morning smoke and a cup of steaming hot coffee watching the sun come up.

Nothing.

Monkey304 · June 2010

cinema_goddess:
piecesofflare:

I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences. I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either.

Prior to getting PG, there was nothing as gloriously wonderful as sitting out on your deck having your first morning smoke and a cup of steaming hot coffee watching the sun come up.

Nothing.

So totally agree! The mornings aren't the same.

monkiem · June 2010

cinema_goddess:
piecesofflare:

I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences. I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either.

Prior to getting PG, there was nothing as gloriously wonderful as sitting out on your deck having your first morning smoke and a cup of steaming hot coffee watching the sun come up.

Nothing.

Yes! Or sitting at a patio cafe, beer (or glass of wine) in one hand, cigg in the other.

MSC03 · June 2010

piecesofflare:

One breath of second hand smoke will temporarily stop a fetus' lungs from working. Just one. *shrug*

I can't handle smoke anywhere near me. I find it frustrating that I can't sit outside on a patio and have lunch without having to breathe in someone else's smoke. I hate having to walk down the street behind someone who's smoking. And getting stuck at street corners waiting for a light to change with someone who's smoking is brutal.

I know this is flame-worthy, but I really think that smoking is incredibly selfish. Yeah, everyone has the right to choose to damage their own lungs, but your right to inhale that sh!t ends where my right not to breathe in toxins begins.

I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences. I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either.

I'm with you and I used to smoke. It was a stupid, stupid thing to do.

I'm sort of ::SMH:: that this has turned into some sort of smoker's rights discussion.

Yes, it is rude to leave the hostess of a party inside by herself while you all smoke outside when she just prepared you a meal. That is the point of this post, not if you were a considerate smoker when you smoked.

CinemaGoddess · June 2010

MrsSummitCounty:

I'm sort of ::SMH:: that this has turned into some sort of smoker's rights discussion.

Yes, it is rude to leave the hostess of a party inside by herself while you all smoke outside when she just prepared you a meal. That is the point of this post, not if you were a considerate smoker when you smoked.

OP wasn't the hostess, she was a guest.

MSC03 · June 2010

cinema_goddess:

MrsSummitCounty:

I'm sort of ::SMH:: that this has turned into some sort of smoker's rights discussion.

Yes, it is rude to leave the hostess of a party inside by herself while you all smoke outside when she just prepared you a meal. That is the point of this post, not if you were a considerate smoker when you smoked.

OP wasn't the hostess, she was a guest.

Reread her post and replies--the 2nd night she was. This was a 2-part story.

CinemaGoddess · June 2010

piecesofflare:
Monkey304:
cinema_goddess:
piecesofflare:

I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences. I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either.

Prior to getting PG, there was nothing as gloriously wonderful as sitting out on your deck having your first morning smoke and a cup of steaming hot coffee watching the sun come up.

Nothing.

So totally agree! The mornings aren't the same.

I'm a big fan of sitting out on my balcony in the morning and breathing in that gorgeous early day air. To me, there's nothing better than a brand new day as it's meant to be enjoyed.

Cigarettes just don't smell as good as wet grass.

Potato, potahto. For me, it was meant to be enjoyed with a cuppa joe and a smoke.

bfcake69 · June 2010

Brezza:
piecesofflare:

One breath of second hand smoke will temporarily stop a fetus' lungs from working. Just one. *shrug*

I can't handle smoke anywhere near me. I find it frustrating that I can't sit outside on a patio and have lunch without having to breathe in someone else's smoke. I hate having to walk down the street behind someone who's smoking. And getting stuck at street corners waiting for a light to change with someone who's smoking is brutal.

I know this is flame-worthy, but I really think that smoking is incredibly selfish. Yeah, everyone has the right to choose to damage their own lungs, but your right to inhale that sh!t ends where my right not to breathe in toxins begins.

I think it's a disgusting habit and it has zero benefit and massive consequences. I wouldn't have gone outside with the smokers either.

This. Being "outside" does nothing for me. Just because smokers aren't blowing the smoke directly into my face doesn't mean that I can't still smell it and feel it with every breath that I take in. I've always been extremely sensitive to cigarette smoke and my increased sense of smell during pregnancy isn't helping matters. But that's me (and POF, I guess!)

For the record, I do recognize that cigarettes are the 2nd most addictive substance ...

This.... I am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I've ever done and I truly believe it's a miracle that I've been able to do it so easily.

So, no I wasn't a "considerate" smoker, just as sure as I wasn't a "considerate" drunk. Kudos to those that were polite smokers. I don't even know what that would look like.

CinemaGoddess · June 2010

MrsSummitCounty:
cinema_goddess:

MrsSummitCounty:

I'm sort of ::SMH:: that this has turned into some sort of smoker's rights discussion.

Yes, it is rude to leave the hostess of a party inside by herself while you all smoke outside when she just prepared you a meal. That is the point of this post, not if you were a considerate smoker when you smoked.

OP wasn't the hostess, she was a guest.

Reread her post and replies--the 2nd night she was. This was a 2-part story.

Yeah, that was rude.

MSC03 · June 2010

piecesofflare:
Brezza:

For the record, I do recognize that cigarettes are the 2nd most addictive substance ...

Same. A very close family member has smoked for years. I desperately want him to quit, and he's tried a number of occasions, but it's just been too hard for him.

FTR, third hand smoke is as damaging as second hand smoke. I love this person, but I'm concerned about him handling my newborn. A lot of family members have been pushing him for years to quit, and it sounds like they might use Pac-man as an extra reason to finally do it.

I hope it works. We've already lost someone in our family to lung cancer.

I hope so too.

My FIL promises with each grandchild that he's going to quit smoking. Technically this will the 8th time he's made this promise so I'm not holding my breath. I am very concerned about my baby being around him because he does smoke in his office (but not in the main area of the house) and always reeks of cigarettes.

I'm trying not to think too much of it (and just stay away from him while he's smoking) and cross that bridge when I get to it, but I know it's going to be an issue at some point or another.

CinemaGoddess · June 2010

bfcake69:

So, no I wasn't a "considerate" smoker, just as sure as I wasn't a "considerate" drunk. Kudos to those that were polite smokers. I don't even know what that would look like.

If you didn't notice them, that means they were being polite.

Losing friends bc of cigs??

Re: Losing friends bc of cigs??

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