Babies: 0 - 3 Months
We are having a really hard time with parenthood
I know it's a huge adjustment, but DH and I are having a hard time. Is this normal? DD is almost 2 weeks old, she has been really fussy and we are just really scared that it's always going to be really difficult. I know I might get flamed for this, but I'm really upset so I needed to post. Is anyone else struggling and really stressed and sometimes get aggravated w LO? I feel like a horrible parent and person.
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Re: We are having a really hard time with parenthood
At 2 weeks, your hormones are still nutty. That'll take another week or so to calm down. From there, give it a couple of weeks to start to feel "normal". We really got comfortable around 4.5, 5 weeks. If you continue to feel like this, you might discuss possible PPD with your doctor, and get a referral to a family therapist. Be a support system for each other and don't worry about anything but providing for the needs of your little bundle for the time being; cleaning, chores, cooking, these things can wait.
Also, pick one thing to do every day that makes you feel human, and do it without fail every day. Whether it's to sit down and have a cup of tea, read for 15 minutes, or just take a shower and put on pants...do it. It will help tremendously to have some "constant" during this time of constant transition.
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I second this. The first 2 weeks were HARD! Not to mention, I was still feeling like crap during that time from a CS. I felt like it was going to be that way forever. Around that 2-3 week mark I started to feel better physically and I also feel like I started enjoying DS more because I hit my groove as a mother and we kind of started to get a routine down. (That routine being I just try to keep up with DS's demands, but hey, it started feeling like it was falling into place!) 2-3 weeks might not be it for you, but I'm sure that things will get easier and eventually you will hit a point where you adjust to life as parents and it becomes your new normal!
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This. When I had my son I felt like such a bad parent. I couldn't understand why anyone would ever have a baby on purpose. It took about 3 months for me to get into the swing of things.
If anyone flames you for this, I will personally kick them in the shins for you.
I'm popping over from 12-24 months with unsolicited advice.
The first 3 months of DS's life sucked. Seriously. I did not enjoy them, I did not like being a mother, I wanted to send him back (I'm half joking...but not really). I honestly asked myself "what have we done" every single day. I was not prepared for how difficult the newborn stage would be.
DS was a very difficult baby and there were days when I thought he'd never stop crying (and therefore I'd never stop crying.) It was very hard to give and give and give and not feel like I was getting ANYTHING back in return.
But it DOES get better. I know it feels like it won't, and I know that everyone says that and it makes you feel crappy because it doesn't change how things are now. But it DOES get better. Your baby WILL eventually smile and laugh and be a happy baby. She will not be miserable forever (even though it seems that way).
I never had DS on a schedule, but I definitely had him on a "pattern". We used the EASY method described by the Baby Whisperer. It really helped me feel more sane and in control because I felt like I kind of knew what to expect next.
I wish you the best of luck.
like everyone else has already said, it DOES get better! the first few weeks were really hard for me. i felt so overwhelmed and had many thoughts of "what have we done??" it's a huge change. all of a sudden this little person comes into your life and turns your whole world upside down. i think i almost had to "mourn" the loss of my old life, so it's ok to be sad sometimes.
but you will slowly get to know your little one and things will get a little bit easier everyday. one day you'll just look at them and be so overwhelmed with love it will just blow your mind! just take it day by day for now and accept any help offered by your friends and family. good luck, you'll be ok
It does get better and you are absolutely NOT a bad mom for feeling like its hard! It was hard for us too. I too, felt like everyone candy coated it a bit. My sister swears that if everyone knew the truth the population would die. Yes, she is a seasoned mom with 3 kids. I didn't think that was funny in the beginning - now I can laugh at it.
Just remember your whole entire life has just changed - no sleep, a new person you are solely responsible for their well being and crazy hormones you have never experienced before. It will get better just sleep when the baby is sleeping and try to relax a little. I know its harder done than said, but once I started sleeping more it got WAY better.
GL! Don't be afraid to post for help. We have to be each others support system. If not, we'd all go crazy from time to time!
Melissa
I think it's really important NOT to feel guilty about negative feelings. Hormones and sleep deprivation are powerful mood changers. I was told it's okay to WANT to stick my screaming baby in the closet, but of course it's not all right to actually do it. Parenting an infant isn't easy for anyone, especially the first time because until you're there, you have no idea what to expect. Everyone goes through the same thing. But when you're working on a couple hours of sleep, gloomy thoughts like 'this is how it's going to be forever' dominmate. Good news -- it will change. Everything will change. And believe it or not, you may even look back on these tough days with some nostalgia.
Good luck to us all.
as best as you can, relax. i felt that way for the first 3 months and my baby was a good baby...i thought i would never like motherhood and i was so upset having wanted a baby for so long. but every day i told myself, this will pass before you know it. and its true. the hard stuff, the bad stuff, the crying and not knowing what to do...it will be behind you before you know it. it doesn't feel that way now but it really is true.
and just remember the same thing goes for all the sweet and happy times too...when your baby is snuggling peacefully with you, smiling in their sleep. when they make the sweet little noises that they do at this age. it really passes by so fast.
the best thing you can do is tell yourself it is normal and stay as calm as you can. your baby can sense that too and it does help a little.
Hugs to you!
It's totally normal to go through what you're going through, especially with a firstborn! My firstborn was colicky and it was living hell. I agree with a previous poster that it's important to acknowledge negative feelings towards your child and *not* feel guilty about them! That's something people really don't talk about, and I think they should! After all every parent gets upset with/irritated by their infant at some point or another!
I'll also restate what's been said: your hormones are still wacky-- mine were for a good month afterwards-- which makes everything 10 times more difficult. After that, be sure to check in with your doctor and yourself to see if you might have developed postpartum depression. I did but I didn't realize it till my son was 6 months old! It's nothing to be ashamed of -- don't let it go that long!
I've also found that babies tend to take about 4 - 6 weeks to start really acclimating to the world. It's a hard process for them too! So try to be patient and give your daughter a little time to settle into life.
In the meantime, take a break from your baby. Have your hubby or a friend watch her and go take a walk outside all by yourself or take a nap. You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of her!
I'm sending prayers that you and your little one will both start adjusting to and loving your new life soon!
I know that I am responding to an older post, but maybe I can help others who are really struggling with new parenthood. My husband and I attended a child care class before giving birth and WHAT a difference we experienced as new parents. Long story short, please either get the book or DVD called The Happiest Baby on the Block. It shows you how to instantly (seriously) calm your baby's crying and fussing, allowing you to put him/her down to sleep and lets you get some sleep also. IT REALLY WORKS!!! Another book to pick up is On Becoming Baby Wise. It's a great tool for getting your baby on a great sleep schedule! A couple of psychologist friends we know told us about that one. Good luck everyone!
It took me about 8 weeks to start feeling better, and that was probably because at 7 weeks I started Zoloft. I was so depressed. I cried constantly, didn't feel attached to my baby, felt isolated from everyone, and had no interest in doing anything but sleeping. Add to the mix the fact that I was having trouble with breastfeeding (it was difficult to get her latched on), AND she was just a fussy baby in general. So it was a very hard 8 weeks for me. But then the zoloft helped me put things in perspective, realize that life wasn't terrible, and that this very hard phase was indeed temporary. We finally got the hang of breastfeeding, and by 3 months she wasn't crying for hours anymore. And one of the biggest things that helped me was going back to work. Sounds horrible probably, but I needed adult time, away from the baby. And that time apart was good for me. Now she's 16 weeks, I've been done with zoloft for 4 weeks, and I am so happy. She's still probably a slightly more difficult baby than others because she's very sensitive, and doesn't like most people, or new places! But I've learned how she is, and how to deal with it. Sometimes I feel like I don't know what I'm doing still, but I know that's okay. Because with the enormous amount of love I have for her, even if I make a mistake she's going to be fine. .
So bottom line, if after a few more weeks you're still feeling the way you are, OR if you start feeling worse and worse and start distancing yourself from others and the baby, call your doctor. I should have done it sooner than 7 weeks. Because it's a very easy thing to fix. Hopefully you won't need it, but don't be ashamed if you do. Good luck and congrats on the new baby!
And I will hold them down if they try to run away!
Seriously, I thought my life was over the first couple of months. I wanted to fight anyone that told me it would get better...but they were right. So, get some rest when you can, don't forget to eat, and make sure you're still taking those prenatal vitamins (if you were on them) because they give you a boost...not a big one, but a boost!
Here's point blank honesty. When DS was little (until about 6 weeks), I was exhausted, and emotional and felt the same way as you. Honestly, I felt as though the baby living in my house was not the same baby that had been growing in my body. I felt as though we had a little stranger living with us. About 6 weeks, we had gotten to know him, sleep was a little better, and he was less fussy. Plus it was about then when he began to smile at us.
I remember telling my mother at 3weeks that I felt like a bad mommy because I was wishing the time away. She told me, "Honey, you wouldn't be a mommy if you didn't right now. It'll pass, and get easier."
Hold onto that idea...good luck and hugs. I know how hard it is.
Also, take a shower every day or at least every other day. It was the only time where I couldn't hear him crying, so it was the only time I could truly unwind. It'll be 10 minutes of peace, plus you'll feel a bit better when you're clean.
I am a new mother as well, my son is just 2 months old on the 20th. When I first had him I had a really hard time adjusting to the fact that I actually had a baby. I really didn't believe it. I cried when he was circumsized because he was crying. And I cryed pretty much everytime he cryed for the first couple weeks. My son is very gasey and constipated. He screams everytime he has to go poo or fart. It is really hard to deal with. I get frustrated constantly. When he was about 3 weeks old I got so frustrated with him because he woke me up in the middle of the night with a blood curdling scream and wouldnt let me sleep. That night I had the biggest urge to shake him and I really thought it would make him quit crying, and yes I went to shake him but I realized that it wasnt going to make anything better, and I layed him down as far away from me as I could and let his dad take him for a moment. I started crying so hard because I had almost hurt my baby and I felt so horrible for thinking what I thought and I felt like the worst person in the world. I had to take a few deep breaths before I could calm myself down. What I am trying to say is that it is very normal to feel emotional or angry. The fact is when your angry, and I have learned that this helps, you need to set your baby down somewhere they wont get hurt like a crib and leave the room for a few minutes. Even if you need to step outside and take a breath, it is ok to let a baby cry for a couple minutes. and if you do this it also helps you and saves the baby from any harm. I never thought in a million years before I had my child that I would ever feel like hurting a baby but it happens when you least expect it, and no it doesnt happen to everyone but before it does take a minute for yourself it is ok. My doctor was very supportive to me, she actually told me to do this when I feel angry or upset, she also told me it is normal to be a emotional wreck after you have a baby for a few weeks. Talk to people your family, friends anyone it helps too. You will adapt to being a parent. Like I said my baby is 2 months old now and things have calmed down, I am used to his schedule and his crys dont effect me as bad anymore. Being a parent is fun, I love seeing my baby smile and hearing him laugh he is the most precious thing I will ever have. Give yourself time and room to grow, remember you are learning just as much as your baby is and you will continue to learn as they grow, it doesnt matter how many kids you have, so I am told, you will always learn something new, and that no two children are the same.
I BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL BE A GOOD PARENT. believe in yourself and be open to new things and ideas and things will be ok.