2nd Trimester
Anyone else's DH say this?
We had our 12 week appointment today and DH asked me if the Dr was going to examine me...I said yes...he said he would step out during that time. I asked why...he said it would make him feel uncomfortable...
I thought well how the heck are you going to be able to see me in labor then?!?! I kept my cool and stright up just told him he needs to be in there with me and get used to it.
Should I have let him step out or did I do the right thing?
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Re: Anyone else's DH say this?
This makes me think of the Office when Pam has the male lactation consultant. hahahaha
I'm sure my DH would be the same. But the way I see it is, your exam he is getting all up in there. But the baby is coming out, so no need to go in. I dont know, its been a long day. haha
personally I think you did the right thing. My DH said the same thing, and I asked him so are you going to step out when our baby is being born too? He thought I had a point and he stayed....I think its just kinda weird for them at first.....but there really is no way to ease them into it! haha. I agree with you!
I can see both sides. DH might not be comforatble yet seeing another person 'down in your area'.
Since at such an early stage your DH might also still be coming to terms with the idea of you being pg.
However I do think if you ask DH to be there he needs to suck it up and deal- its medical not like "bang my wife please.com"
However any of the appts my DH has came to with me I've gotten the "hot" mid-wife, according to him, so to him its not like seeing another man touch my junk.
My DH has gone to every appointment so far ...willingly, I might add. I've had about 4-5 ultrasounds (+2 kidney ultrasounds), 3 of which were internal. DH didn't think anything of it. Hell, he asks and talks to the doctor more than I do! However, he will turn into a pansy during the birth. He can't do blood or needles!
I would have done the same as you though ... suck it up!
DS2 8/21/12
DD 9/26/14
Baby #4 edd 2/11/19
My DH tried to leave the room the first time I was in L&D with DS, and the on-call OB said "Hey, you helped put the baby in there. Besides, I'm usually out faster than a teenage virgin, so this won't take long." I was in shock, but laughed because it was hysterical to hear a Dr. say that out loud. My DH just laughed and said "Well, since you put it like that, I guess I'd better take a seat then!"
DH now has no problem going in with me for my OB visits, and unless I kick him out he stays int he room with me the whole time. The way I see it, if we can create a life and he can watch me have a c-section, I don't think either of us should be squeamish about an OB/Gyn taking a swab or two.
Haha. I have a male doctor, and the second time we went in, DH was sitting in the chairs at the end of the table when the doc came in and was like, "Hey you're due for a pap so we'll do your yearly while you're here." The look on DH's face when he did the pap was absolutely priceless. Sheer terror. And then...while the doc is checking for lumps in my breasts, he tries to make small talk with DH and DH could only just nod and say "uh huh". I laughed at him the whole way home.
I had my first internal on Monday...and when the nurse came in and told me to strip from the waste down....this time DH got up and went and stood by the head of the bed. (Afterward he said it wasn't that bad b/c "your belly was blocking my view"),
You might suggest that next time. That way he's still IN the room, but doesn't have to actually see anything he's uncomfortable with.
If my DH was uncomfortable about it, I wouldn't have insisted on it.
DH was present during my first delivery and saw everything by his choice, but he did make some comments about what he saw that I have not forgotten. He was just being candid when he described it. I'm not upset, but could do w/o hearing it.
For my delivery next month, I told him he can leave the room because I remember the comments. He has insisted on staying with me, but he said he will stay by my head this time.
my dh was sitting toward my head so he really couldn't see anything. usually there is a stool or chair and, if he's sitting in the right space, it'll be a piece of cake. even if he's sitting at the bottom; he could just read a magazine!
in my case, i had an internal at 8 weeks but they haven't been back in since. they've just been looking at ultrasounds and measuring from the outside.
My DH was uncomfortable being in the room at our first appointment. I just told him that if he really wanted to go to the waiting room he could, but that he had to get used to it at some point if he wanted to be in the delivery room. He stayed and was uncomfortable at first but forgot about everything once he saw the ultrasound picture.
Now he doesn't even ask, he just comes in with me. There hasn't been any more internal exams since but at this point, he is fine with it.
My DH steps out or averts his eyes when anything is getting shoved up my vag. I appreciate the privacy.
I think it's different when there's a baby coming out than things just going in.
My DH likes to go to all my appts with me if he can... and with my first pregnancy, I miscarried naturally at home and he was there, in the bathroom with me the whole time. He felt like he should be there supporting me and even though it was a tough thing to do he knew I shouldn't have to go through that alone. He even wanted to see the baby in the toilet. Whatever reservations he may have had before are LONG gone. All of that happened less than 7 months after we were married, so I broke him in early. Lol. He's very involved with my pregnancy and while he doesn't get down there with the OB and look around (thankfully!) he definitely doesn't try to leave the room.
We just had our first appointment at 11 weeks. DH did not want to be in the room for the pelvic (he doesn't want to be there for the delivery either, but I think he will anyway). I told him it was fine for him to leave (I'm not terribly comfortable with having it done; I can't imagine what it must be like to have to watch it).
However, when it came time to listen for the heartbeat, the doctor couldn't find it. So he (dr) told us he would push on my uterus from the inside to try to get it into position. DH decided to stick around for that because he really wanted to hear the heartbeat, which meant he had to sit through the internal. He wasn't too thrilled, but stayed anyway. We still didn't get to hear the heartbeat, unfortunately. The dr did cut me on too big of a speculum, and DH said the blood freaked him out (something he'll have to get used to in a few months).
I asked DH later if it was pretty bad sitting through the exam, and he said it went really quick. I think it was better to let him make the choice on his own to to be there so he realizes it's not as bad as he was thinking. I'm lucky that we had a reason for him to stay, though, otherwise he would have been out in the waiting room for no reason. Now he knows it's not so bad. Hopefully your DH is okay with it now that he's been through it.
My DH was going to step out during one of my exams. He didn't but that's because the doctor said it would be quick. He did great in the delievery room.
I think it's two different things. A doctors appointment has a connotation of being a private matter. Birth is something that seems more of a couples activity.