Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Sleep when the baby does.....

I am so sick of hearing this from everyone and their moms. Whenever anyone asks me how I am doing, I always basically say "I'm good, just a little tired" And 90% of the time, their response is ultimately "you have to sleep when the baby sleeps!" Ugggggh!

They don't understand when Lily is sound asleep I have to eat, shower, feed the cats, go to the bathroom, clean and prepare bottles for next feeding etc... How the hell can I sleep every single time she does? Impossible. There is always something I need to do. Plus, it's usually the people with no kids that always say this.

Do you hear this a lot from people?

Sorry if I sound whiny I just need to let out a little steam tonight, and I feel better! Thanks for hearing me out. Big Smile

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Re: Sleep when the baby does.....

  • I hear it from everyone and I have tried ,but unfortunately it just doesn't always work out like that. I usually wait until my hubby gets home from work to squeeze in some sleep and on his days off is when I really catch up.

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  • Amen to that!  I hear the same thing all the time. 
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  • I hear it from a certain checker every time I go to the grocery store. I have to remind her the car ride put DS to sleep. I agree though, if I slept every time he was sleeping I would get nothing done. Now that he is sleeping 4 to 5 hour stretches I don't feel exhausted anymore either. I don't think I have napped since DH went back to work.
  • I do have a regular naptime in the morning after her 6am feed and before her midmorning feed but it doesn't always happen.

    Sometimes I'm busy and sometimes I just can't catch sleep.

    I agree it's the ones who say it in the a singsong voice like it's the easiest thing in the world. 

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  • Not really, but I don't think I really comment on being tired.

     

    image Lucy, 12/27/2009
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  • YES......even my DH tries to tell me this crap! lol I say "Fine then get me a maid, a dog walker, a chef, a launderer, and a chaffeur........oh yah and an accountant!"

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  • I think it's great advice and have tried to get my toddler on board.  For some reason she doesn't want to nap a bunch of times every day!
  • That is one of the most annoying things people say!
  • lol - let me guess - it also annoyed you back when you were pregnant and countless well-meaning people warned you that you should get all the sleep you can now, before the baby arrives.....
  • I HATE hearing that... DH still doesn't undestand how impossible that is, and DD is almost 12 weeks old! lol

    I was talking to DD at my dr.'s appointment the other day, and she was sooo sleepy. So I said something like, "you can take a nap when we get home. And maybe mommy will too." And the nurse was like, "yeah, that's smart to sleep when she does." And I was thinking... because my other option is to sleep when she's wide awake??

    Stupid people...

  • Yes and in the early days, I did it as much as I could!  He'd eat and fall asleep, I'd grab a yogurt and head to bed! 

    Now, I stay up a lot more but still try to take at least one nap

  • Unfortunately it's just one of those things that people will constantly repeat over and over. Wait until you have 2+ and they STILL keep telling you that. Ummmm, when they are on opposite napping schedules it don't work. LOL.

    I just smile and nod at this point. More out of habit ;)

  • DD has severe reflux. This (used to) equalled poor sleep habits. When they would tell me to sleep when the baby sleeps, I used to respond with," Can you get her to sleep for me? But since she sleeps in 20 minute intervals, I can't. Oh, and I have anxieties about sleeping, but thanks."
  • I would if it didn't take me an hour or more to fall asleep! Plus if I take a nap, it has to be for at least 4 hours, or I feel worse.
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  • imagewoolgathered:
    I would if it didn't take me an hour or more to fall asleep! Plus if I take a nap, it has to be for at least 4 hours, or I feel worse.
    I can relate to this big time.
  • UGH! Yes! I hate this!  I'm working form home during maternity, and to get the house and myself clean, when are those several naps supposed to fit in?

    Obnoxious, yes!

  • Yeah, it no fail works out that when I actually can take a nap, he doesn't sleep long enough for me to fall asleep.  Otherwise, I tend to lay on the couch and just wait for his cry - getting no real rest.

    The only way I can get at least one somewhat consistent nap is to do skin to skin time with him for a few hours after my husband leaves for work.  But I consider that part of our night's sleep.  Otherwise I'd only be getting 4 hours some nights.

    Lucas Arlo - 2/26/10, Cordelia Jane - 1/20/12 
    #3 is due 8/27/14

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  • I AGREE! I CANT JUST FALL ASLEEP ON COMMAND AND I AM NOT A DAYTIME NAPPER. VERY ANNOYING ADVICE, THOUGH WELL MEANING.
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  • imagewoolgathered:
    I would if it didn't take me an hour or more to fall asleep! Plus if I take a nap, it has to be for at least 4 hours, or I feel worse.

    Omg yes! If I actually do take a nap when the baby is sleeping and she wakes an hour into my nap...I feel 10 times worse. I definitely need at least 4 hours for me to feel refreshed.

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  • Feeding the cats might take about 2 minutes at most, going the bathroom maybe 5, shower could be 10....I think there is plenty of time to still catch a cat nap.

     

  • I hate when people say that.  It would be great to do that except for the fact that DD seems to know when I am going to try and catch a nap when she's sleeping because those are ALWAYS the times that she wakes up and wants to be held.  Otherwise if I'm trying to shower, eat, or do some cleaning she'll just sleep no problems. 
    From miscarriages, a diagnosis of a bicornuate uterus, and fibroid removal surgery...It's been quite the journey but it was all well worth it. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I heard it from everyone.

    I don't think they mean sleep every time the baby sleeps, but give yourself a break one of those times she naps and nap with her. I'm using DD's current nap to Nest, eat, and take a shower, but will probably sleep when she does this afternoon.

  • imagejenny1980:

    Not really, but I don't think I really comment on being tired.

     

     

    I just had to comment on your baby's picture - ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!! so precious! and I love your timeline that says "happily drinking beer again since..." I'm so excited to stop pumping/nursing to have a few cocktails ;) 

  • yes!! I hear that ALL OF THE TIME and you're right. It's just not that simple. I don't think saying you're "a little tired" is complaining - it's just a fact that we're all trying to get used to a little less sleep than we're used to! When my son was born, I was able to get a nap in after his morning feeding - it was no 3-4 hour nap, but it felt good! I used his long afternoon nap to clean up the kitchen, do some laundry, take dinner out, shower, etc etc! It's all just an adjustment and I've made a mental note never to make this suggestion to my friends! haha!
  • Recently I have given mothers the same advice but truthfully. I do let them know that is practically impossible to sleep when the baby sleep. So the times the baby is sleep do chores. I am on baby number four and have learned that if the baby is on a schedule you will be able to know what you can accomplish during what nap times. Keep the schedule simple so you still have energy for your bundle of joy when they wake up.

    You are right everyone that has told me that was not a parent.

    It is hard, but worth it!

    Congratulations to all new mommies!

  • What I did to make sure I got all the sleep needed with my first (and this only works with #1) is that we would be up every three hours to eat which took an hour, then she would go back to sleep for 3 hours, well I would do this up down up down until I got a total or 8-9 hours of sleep.  Many days I would not get put of bed until 11 in order to get in those 8 hours.  But giving up those early morning hours in exchange for sleep made me more productive and a nicer wife.  As hard as it is the laundry can wait, you will get more done if you are rested. 
  • Yep, that's a constant reply from most people including my girlfriend who has 2 kids. Everyone's different with different chores around the house and different lifestyles.  Rest assured your little Lily will eventually sleep long enough at night for you to get a decent rest.  That doesn't mean you won't always feel a little tired because as Mom's we've taken on a whole other career--one that never ends. LOL

    My little Jackson is 3 months and he's started to sleep about 10 hours a night.  Knowing that I can now schedule when to go to bed myself and when I need to get up the next morning.

    Love everyone's cute photos!

  • But how do you get them on a schedule???  Seriously my baby is not receptive to a schedule..........I think it is cause she is breastfed?  I hear that formula fed babies are easier to schedule? Due to knowing how much food they get and slower digestion of formula.........no idea if that is true or if I just have a fussy baby.
  • Everybody has told me this too. My son is 3 weeks old today. I definatly agree with you. It's not that easy. Eating, showering, cleaning, functioning at all kind of gets in the way of that. I might get one nap it, if he feels like sleeping at the right time of day. I'm not naping at 9 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon. it's gonna be around noon....otherwise you cant get anything else done.

    It seems like some women forget. 

  • I hear that and I'm still pregnant!!!!! Whatever, I just pretty much smile and nod whenever somebody gives me advice anyways... Everybody has an opinion for pregnant people and people with babies!
  • My older girls were both breastfed and I was able to get them on a schedule.  It took time to do so as my first didn't sleep more than a cat nap for the first 2 months...then suddenly slept through the night.  But the best way to do it is to take the cue from them.  Does your baby tend to be hungry on a consistent basis (like every 3 hours)?  Does she/he sleep after eating.  There is no sure fire way to do this but you won't be successful at all if you try to make them work around you... you have to work around them.  I would say I had each on a predictable schedule by about 5 or 6 months.
  • It's actually great advice if you can adjust.  Most moms (including myself) try to do way too much especially in the beginning.  We think that we have to do all these things...dishes, clean, etc..but if you let it go for a day it's not a big deal.  Have the supermarket shop for you, order dinner out a little more if you can afford.  We all find ways to make things work when we want them to.  Give yourself that much needed break that you deserve!  If you can't sleep...at least lay down and relax a bit.  A happy and unstressed mom equals a happy baby. 

     

    We do what we find important to us and if sleep is not a priority to you that is okay...just don't complain about it so that others give you that unsolicited advice that you don't want to hear.  It's all in how we prioritize things.

     

    *I wanted to note that I myself didn't take that advice in the beginning.  As a new mom, I was too worried about not hearing the baby and I was too anal to let some things go....but eventually I got to a point where I was burning myself out and I wasn't enjoying my baby like I'm supposed to.  So, I gave up on doing certain things and found other ways to get others things done in an easier way.  It wasn't easy for me b/c my son only took 30 min. cat naps for a long while unless I was walking him in which nothing was getting done.  Just wanted to say all that b/c I now give this advice and I have a baby (now 2) and another one on the way.  I'll definitely try to take advantage of whatever nap opportunity I may get w/ two kids as I know the odds are going to be much slimmer for a nap for me.

     

     

  • I keep hearing this too. In a perfect world we wouldn't have to cook, clean, shower, get dressed, do laundry, or anything else that takes away the precious hours we have to sleep. 

    I also love how everyone around me thinks I'm an idiot and have no basis in reality when it comes to what it will be like with a baby. My soon to be mother in law is constantly telling me exactly what life will be like. I want to strangle her! I had a little sister, have many friends with babies, and babysat non-stop for years. I wish she would stop telling me about what her perfect pregnancy, birth and raising of my fianc?e was like! Our situations are completely different, and trying to make me feel like I have no clue what is to be expected is infuriating! 

  • With my daughter, I only slept SOMETIMES when she slept. The first couple weeks I slept more of course, but then I started to only sleep some of the time when she did. I had to do laundry, wash dishes, make dinner, shower, etc., just as you said. I am now prego with my 2nd and know it will be even harder to sleep when the new one does. You can only do so many things in a day.
  • I like Jenny1980's advice - dont tell them you're tired.  If you dont give them an 'in', they have no need to offer opinions. Perfect!
  • Jackson is only breastfeed. The only thing I did was make sure he was fed everytime he woke up for the first 3 weeks; 2-3 hours.  By 1 1/2 months I started him on a nightly routine.  Several girlfriends gave me advice about giving him a bath before you put him down for bed.  So I choose the same hour every night, gave him a bath with lavendar, feed him to exhaustion and then put him to bed.  It was a challenge the first week, but eventually he got the hint. 

    Also, I don't put him in the bassinet/crib until night time.  I just have a feeling if I put him in bed everytime he takes a nap he'll get confused with day versus night.

    It's not a perfect method, but he's been sleeping long enough to help me get sleep and stay sane.

  • OMG finally someone who understands... lol. My daughter is a good sleeper don't get me wrong but she wants to be held to your chest when she sleeps. She wont sleep in her bed or in her playpin. My mom also told me to sleep when she sleeps. I discovered that by having her playpin in our room for her to sleep in with us at night and her crib in her room during the day it only took her one week to figure her days and nights out.
  • I am with you.....  I don't sleep when Robbie does I get stuff done.  So, I am a little tired as well but I don't care, I feel better knowing my stuff is done :)
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  • I agree..People mean well but that's not always possible unless you have a nanny or your mom is staying with you to help out.  Don't we wish!

    I have a blog post on this topic called- Sleep Deprivation Techniques at www.notthemommytype.com.  Let me know what you think.

  • When my DF was prego w/her DD and right after she gave birth, people at her church told her these two thing all the time. She slept as much as she could during the 3rd trimester - not easy with a household to run and 30 lbs in her front, especially during the time when the baby moved a lot (which usually was as soon as she laid down for a nap). When her DD was born, she quickly found that sleeping when the baby sleeps is hard to do. She breastfed so the bottle-making thing rarely came up, but she couldn't eat, clean, shower, do laundry, or spend special time w/hubby while the baby was awake. She was able to cut some busy time and catch more naps by changing clothes less often - instead of every time DD spit up on her shirt - and choosing her battles when it came to cleaning. Screw the dusting and vacuuming for right now and the bathroom can be cleaned LESS, but dishes have to be done. She also took the baby to bed with her sometimes so she could breastfeed and cuddle without fully waking up. She showered while hubby or a visitor cared or the baby, and special time with hubby took the back burner. They had special time by bathing the baby together or letting his parents take the baby for a while. Once a week, her mom took the baby for 24 hours, and she packed in as much sleep as she could and did laundry and cleaning then instead of when the baby was home (except dishes).

    Now that she's with me, we're already working out what I can do as far as cleaning and childcare so that she can sleep more, and what she's going to do to make sure I get enough sleep. For instance, I'll do laundry on my day off and cook and wash the dishes all at once three times a week when I get off work, and keep everything stocked so she can find it quick and easy. She will keep the baby in our room at night and I will sleep on the couch so I can sleep through the baby's crying. We're still working out the rest - including how we will fit special alone time in.

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