Is this a faux pas or am I just too Southern? (NBR)
Let me preface this by saying that this isn't a vent and I'm not upset about this at all--I'm just trying to figure out whether my social etiquette barometer has been thrown off by being raised by generations of etiquette-nazi Southern women!
So DH has a friend we've both known for years and years (we all went to high school together) who still holds a weird little grudge against me ever since our wedding (two years ago). In a nutshell, DH and I had mutually decided to just have a best man/maid of honor and not a big wedding party, since we wanted a very small, simple ceremony. The friend decided this was all my evil plan to prevent DH from having him as a groomsman, and still makes comments about it under his breath every time he sees me. Whatever, not really my problem.
Anyway, this friend is having a birthday party this week. His friends and their wives, his family members, etc. are going, and the friend's wife will be there. He called DH a few days ago and invited him--just him, not me. DH very pointedly said, "I can drop in for one drink, but I'm not going to leave my pregnant wife at home alone all night." Friend either didn't get the hint or ignored it. So the invitation to his party stands for just DH.
I'm not going to throw a fit or tell DH he can't go or anything like that, just wondering if this is legitimately rude (to invite someone but not their spouse when other spouses are invited) or if it's fairly normal and my instincts are just being overly influenced by my Great-Gramma's manners lessons 
. WDYT?
Re: Is this a faux pas or am I just too Southern? (NBR)
I think it's rude.
But I was raised by small town, east coast ettiquette-nazis.
You invite all or none.
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Um, thats rude, I don't care where you're from.
I'd be peeved. Just talk to DH about it. Maybe he just won't go at all to stand on principle that you should have been invited. OR... you both go and really piss off the friend.
It is extremely rude to exlude a spouse. A husband and wife are one. I would never only invite one half of a couple regardless of whether I liked the spouse or not. It is poor etiquette on the part of your husband's friend.
To be quite honest I would be upset if my husband chose to attend without me. I would consider it him playing into the grudge and allowing it to continue. Your husband should put his foot down and say enough is enough. Obviously his friend needs to be reminded that the two of you are married.
This.
What an A$$. DH needs to put him in his place or cut him as a friend.
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RUDE RUDE RUDE and IMMATURE!!
coming from another southern gal
This.
Especially considering he can't let it go that he wasn't in your wedding.
What a douchebag.
Definitiely poor etiquette. You invite both spouses or neither unless it is a gender specific party (ex. baby shower for ladies only)
big brothers 12.2009 and 02.2012
This.
And I'm definitely not up on Southern etiquette.
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This guy is a loser. It makes me wonder how good his own marriage is if he can't grasp the concept of you and your DH being a package deal...
Ditto. Rude!!
This!
Im SOUTHERN and that is RUDE!!
Like pp said, if it was an all guys things or something, okay but you said other spouses were invited.
My conclusion: JERK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's very rude. Married couples are a unit. My husband has a very good friend. They've known each other since high school. The friend is married to a woman I cannot stand. We have a long standing grudge with one another that's been going on for years. I, honestly, don't know where this problem started between us, but after years of trying to be nice and civil I gave up and wrote her off as a lost cause.
That being said, whenever my DH and I have an event she is always included because our husbands are such great friends. In fact, even though it almost physically hurt to do so, she is invited to my baby shower. My hope is that she just won't come, but the invite was sent. That's just good manners. She was also invited to my bridal shower and my wedding (an even she pouted through and almost made a scene during).
What your husband's friend did is wrong and extremely rude and I do believe that your husband should say something. Nothing mean or nasty but just enough to know that you and him are a package deal and that leaving you out on purpose is not going to fly.
OMG! DH's friend needs to grow up. Was he going to pay for the extra tuxs and bridesmaid dresses and food? It's ridiculous to have a grudge over that. I don't think his marriage will last since he doesn't understand the concept of "together as one."
I don't think I could tell my DH not to go, but I really don't think he should. He should really talk to him and tell him that if he can't fully accept you, then they can't be friends. It sounds like the friendship is slipping anyway. To me it is disrespectful to not acknowledge you as his wife.
So is your DH in this guy's wedding party?
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