Using family names....jealousy issues?
mrsmcdonald
member
We are planning on using MIL's first name as baby's middle name. MIL is an amazing woman who has been through a lot and has treated me better than my own mother. We are waiting to share the name until the baby is born. I'm positive that my mother is going to have a very difficult time with this and be jealous that we're using MIL's name and not hers. Sadly, my mom and I are not close. She is pretty mentally unstable, thinks that the world revolves around her and that everyone else owes her something. I can only imagine what her response will be based on previous baby-related discussions I've had with her. Luckily, she lives over 800 miles away, so I'll only have to deal with her on the phone for the most part.
If you're using a family name and have shared it with others, have you had any negative responses? If you're waiting, do you anticipate any difficulty from family members who might feel slighted?
Re: Using family names....jealousy issues?
I'm sorry about things with you and your mom and I hope that she doesn't freak out on you!
We are using my dad's name for our DS's middle name. At first DH was being a boob about it and wanted his dad's and I had to remind him, HE GETS YOUR LAST NAME!
I think my mom will be a little hurt if we don't use a name from her side if we have a girl in the future but she will be nice about it.
we are using my husband's family name as the middle name - my sister actually suggested the first name that we are using so we kind of got out of the jealous thing!
if you would like advice - I wouldn't tell your mom flat out that she's not the best mom [being careful with her feelings] - I'm sure you have this already in mind - but maybe you could say something like it means a lot to your husband and that's why you used her name or something similar to that??!
If we would have had a boy his MN would have been Thomas, after my grandfather, he had just died three months after we got BFP so I dont think anybody would have had much to say about that one. But either way its your child if they don't like it too darn bad for them I say!
We would have that issue. That's part of why we're not using a family name.
I don't care if anyone tells me we should do it. We're not. I don't have time for dealing with hissy fits right now. My mom is already freaking out because we have decided to baptize our kids in DH's church. He's lutheran. I was baptized methodist and raised btoh methodist and Catholic (one parent of each). DH was more active and cares more, so we're doing that.
We don't need any more drama.
my grandmother passed away 4 weeks ago. I was thinking of honoring her by using some version of her name as a middle name.
MIL asked if we were thinking of naming after my grandmother since she passed away, and added in - 'just so you know, both my parents are dead too'. so while we have not decided or told anyone, already MIL is competing for lack of a better word.
Proud mama to a boys- 6/17/09 - a girl 2/23/11- and a boy 8/20/12
We didn't like any of DH's family names to pass down, nor did we feel obligated, because like PP said, the babies get his last name passed down. I am an only child with no one to pass down my family name to AND my family is much closer to us emotionally and more supportive of our relationship and our marriage. So we didn't feel any guilt in passing down names from my side (Our DS's middle name is my maiden name and first name is a name we loved which happens to be a family name from a few generations back. We did not choose the first name as a family name, but it is a coincidence we found when reading through my granddad's latest publication of our family geneology from that side. And whenever/if we have a daughter, her first name is after my Grandmother and middle name is a name I love, which also happens to be after my paternal great-grandmother.)
It is YOUR child, and like another PPer said -- just explain that it meant a lot to your DH AND you liked the name, so it just stayed in the pool until it got picked!
I am worried about this as well. My first son's middle name is a portion of my maiden name, Patrick. This is obviously to honor my side of the family (Dad's side). Well, my mom got remarried when I was 6 and my step-dad has always been the one around and who helped raise me for the most part. We want to name DS #2 Luc Philip, Luc being the name my mom and step-dad were going to name my sister until she ended up being a girl and Philip is my step-dad's first name. We aren't sharing until he's born about the mn because I don't want to make my father feel bad.
I'm so sorry about your mom.
Normally, I don't think it's much of an issue. People understand that you have many important family members and only one baby. But if you're mom is a bit unstable already, I suppose you should be prepare for drama.
If you don't say explicitly that you're naming the baby after MIL, will she put it together? (If she's not very close with your MIL, maybe she wouldn't realize?) But like pp say, I'd just tell her that your MIL is really important to your DH and leave it at that. Or, you could say "oh, we just liked the name."
We faced a similar dilemma. As weird as this sounds, DH's sisters have my mom's first and middle name. So my mom's name is Susan Diane, and DH's sisters are Susan and Diane. I have always wanted to use one of my mom's names if I had a girl - but DH and decided not too because to DH's side of the family it would seem like we picked one sister over the other.
We're using my MIL's maiden name as our LO's first name, if it turns out to be a boy. Also, all males in DH's family (his grandfather, father, him, and nephew) all have James as the middle name, so we were going to do that, too -- Even though I'm not totally in love with the whole non-original thing, it does go well with the first name.
Is my mom going to flip that the baby's name, if he turns out to be a he, is going to totally have DH's family names? HELLS YES.
Meh. Whatever.
This is precisely why we haven't shared any of our names with ANYONE. I don't need their bullshit^criticism, and if they don't know the name til after it's given -- oops, too late!!
You have got to be kidding me!